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| Why can't I do it? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=161154 |
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| Author: | puaextraordinaire [ Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Why can't I do it? |
I've done one real approach in my life, but that was last year. I was waiting for the elevator in my college and noticed this cute girl waiting as well. It felt so awkward not speaking as I was thinking of what to say, but nothing came up. My fear is letting the conversation die down. I also have this fear o being caught checking girls out. I don't want to come off as a creeper. I look at girls but looking at a girl I don't know face to face is difficult I keep telling myself to smile at them, but I seemingly always forget to. |
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| Author: | Monophthalmos [ Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I do it? |
In my early twens I also used to have this fear of a discussion petering out awkwardly when approaching even though I was an extrovert in any other situation. One thing thing that helped me was the "training program" where you had to start out easy. So if you really are shy, you could begin by asking a lot of women (20) a day what time it was. Next level might be "Talk to 10 women casually about something you noticed about them" (jewelry, colours she's wearing, a book she's reading ...), Seemingly stupid things like these helped me to stop caring and pondering about the consequences of a botched approach. There is none as long as you don't get creepy. It also helps if you are able to be attractive at a first glance (mainly by a good inner game and good outer fashion *g*) because if a girl is attracted to you she probably will help you in keeping the conversation alive. There's to my mind only the hard way of practicing social skills that you lack. So: Do dummy approaches, hone your perception to find good starting points for a conversation and you will get less anxious by the week. It took me about two weeks of constant approaches to lose my inhibitions. I have been profiting the following 12 years. So better get your act together, you will mourn every wasted week that you didn't try to tackle your shyness. |
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| Author: | puaextraordinaire [ Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I do it? |
Thanks for the response I was thinking about doing this. Complimenting random girls, to see how they respond in order to condition myself. I've seen the effects of stuff like this. My fraternity has made me come out with dress shirt in tie with roses, to give to random girls all the while reciting something very cheesy. It was nerve racking but I quickly got used to it, until the next day that is. |
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| Author: | dvjackson [ Sat Apr 27, 2013 1:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I do it? |
It can help to come up with some stock topics to bring up in lulls in conversation. It feels kind of beta but it works. Funny stories, questions(interesting/unique ones, not "what kind of music do you like?"), stuff like that. Also when looking at a girl something to keep in mind is to keep your eyebrows a little bit raised, it's easier to do than smiling and it conveys a similar anti-creeper vibe. |
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| Author: | kasabi [ Sat Apr 27, 2013 1:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I do it? |
Take a class in oral presentation, drama, creative writing, etc . . . I haven't seen enough of your writing to judge accurately but I think you have a "lack of knowledge" problem, not a "lack of balls" problem. Do a search on this forum for openers, conversations, routines, etc. . . You are afraid of the conversation because you do not know the conversation. What's your major? If I asked you to demonstrate the skill sets required to study your major, would you get nervous? If I tossed you up on stage of the Boston symphony and asked you to play a violin solo in front of a packed crowd, would you get nervous? |
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| Author: | puaextraordinaire [ Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I do it? |
Quote: Take a class in oral presentation, drama, creative writing, etc . . .
I have taken speech, and have done some volunteer work that involved me performing in shows. I feel anxious before a speech, and I forget things during it, because I want to be done with it as soon as possible. But a performance can be enjoyable for yourself and the audience so the anxiety is not as bad, or at least can be a good source of extra energy. My major is applied math, I wouldn't have any qualms discussing it. As long as I know what I'm doing I can do it. I haven't seen enough of your writing to judge accurately but I think you have a "lack of knowledge" problem, not a "lack of balls" problem. Do a search on this forum for openers, conversations, routines, etc. . . You are afraid of the conversation because you do not know the conversation. What's your major? If I asked you to demonstrate the skill sets required to study your major, would you get nervous? If I tossed you up on stage of the Boston symphony and asked you to play a violin solo in front of a packed crowd, would you get nervous? I like to think I'm a social person, in groups I'm more of a listener though. I want to learn cold approach because of the freedom to choose who you want to meet. Rather than having to rely on your social circle. |
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| Author: | kasabi [ Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Why can't I do it? |
Quote:
I have taken speech, and have done some volunteer work that involved me performing in shows. I feel anxious before a speech, and I forget things during it, because I want to be done with it as soon as possible. But a performance can be enjoyable for yourself and the audience so the anxiety is not as bad, or at least can be a good source of extra energy.
I think I have an idea of the differences between a speech and a performance . . . but what are your ideas? A speech can be enjoyable for the audience too. What do you think differentiates the 'speech' from a 'performance'? Why do you think you enjoy one but anxious over another?From what I read, you are a pua. . . and if you don't know it now, you soon will. |
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