PUA Forum :: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that

1 month after... I had no contact at all with her!

Just after that, I travelled for 10 days and the day I arrived, that tagged me in a FB pic. I ignored.

I even went to a big party (2000+ people) last Saturday. She was there. I didn't look for her, didn't see. Only knew from friends that she was there.

Today, she SPAM me asking about the trip, blabla. And then told me that she and another friend of her are going to do the surf lessons and were kind of looking for indications. This friend of her, I already picked her (I told no one, don't know if she knows). But, this friend of hers KINO ME a lot trying to pick me! She saw that twice I think...

Told me that the conditions are only for Satuday in a city nearby. Tomorrow, maybe there is going to be conditions here, and told that I will be at the beach all day waiting.

She is a medic and that tomorrow she has to do a surgery. Friday and Saturday she has to fly to a conference. She offers herself to go on Sunday, but acks that there is no forecast, a lot of traffic, etc.

Then, her friend starts talking to me o FB that my target was talking to me about the subject. My target already knows, just a few couple of hours to master the thing. But, her friend knows nothing. Talking to her friend, I offered to give a initial lesson as I wait. My target doesn't need that initial lessons.

But, just after my target started SPAM more again, telling that she CANCELLED the surgery to go tomorrow to the beach with her friend (jealousy?).

I just told where and what time I will be there.

For the record, I am no professional surf teacher or something. Just a hobby.

If you can notice the difference, I am no needy, she was the one looking for me, etc.

Any tips for tomorrow?

I think she will do that all over again, ljbf, etc. I thought about some possibilities, but I would like more suggestions.

Thanks!!!

Author:	newbierio [ Thu Apr 25, 2013 1:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that
A little bit long thread, but I think it is worth the detailed report. #1 Meet this girl by lots of friends (30+) 2 months ago. Got phone number of all the friends, including hers. Called a little bit and a we met at another barbecue with the same lots of friends. Still calling every 3 or 4 days with kind of a promise to give surf lessons. Until now, no hitting, only small chat with lots of friends. #2 Her birthday was like 2 weeks after we first met (called at her bd). She made a party with other people at a big closed place. Around here, people are not used to give birthday gifts. But I gave an enclosed special gift with a cool picture and a card telling something romantic like "we should take a picture like that". A day later she texted me that she liked the surprise very much. #3 The weather didn't help for the surf lessons, so I asked her to have lunch. I choose a cool place at the beach front and she made the way there. We talked a lot to build rapport. Very light kino, ok. Then, as the night came, I asked her to walk with me on the beach. As I escalated the kino, she gave a bad body language response. So I backed up a little bit, trying to escalate again with no success. I didn't asked why she was like that. Anyway, as I dropped her at her car, she told me to go some other beach another week, as the weather would be better. I understood that as "I want to know you better". #4 Some weeks later, all these friends (30+) went to her place at a city nearby. As there were a lot of people at her place, too difficult to isolate her, although when possible she always came to me with a curious question about me. At a night party, I froze, not intentionally. After that, she gave lots of IOD's. A day later, at another party I tried to fix this mess by giving some compliments when needed. But there were millions of people again, but I would find the right time to isolate shortly. Just before I would start talking she told me "You are being very complimented by everyone, bla bla", and she gave me compliments also". I gave mine small compliment to her and then came home, as I knew from the beginning that the game wouldn't on that weekend. #5 Called her some and she told me she would go on a social project on Saturday morning. I kind invited myself to isolate again (2 hour drive until the social project place). We talked a lot in my car (us 2 alone). When we arrived there, she was kind always looking for me. I gave the attention necessary. But, as the morning passed by, I noticed her body language changing a lot: from a little bit of indifference in the morning to kisses in the air like a girl in love as I dropped her at her place. I knew that no game in the social project too, but it was set up for later. Let's roll on. #6 At night, I would go to a birthday someplace (she knew), but as the friends were getting together and I couldn't get in the birthday, she (with 20+ common friends) decided to go someplace else (nightclub kind) and I followed everybody. I thought everything was set up for this place at night! BUT, she completely FLAKED. She was body positioned completely behind her friends and when finally I got in front of her (with some friends beside), she would look everywhere but me. With such a REAL BAD body language, I left the place and came home pissed and understanding nothing (maybe it would be the presence of friends, cousins, etc). #7 Next day, talking to some female friends, they suggested to text at that same day calling her to dinner, so I would know for real what she wanted quickly. Agreed, texted her, but "don't know, maybe dinner with cousin". I understood was wanting nothing and gave up at all. I did not contacted her at all for 2 weeks. No text, no call. Not even meeting with the common friends. But, there was another barbecue with the same common friends. I decided to completely flake her. Only to change if she gave some IOI. #8 When she arrived at the barbecue I was talking to another girl that was giving me lots of IOI's. She saw it. After she talked to everybody, the first place she went was beside me and the other girl still giving me IOI's and I intended that I didn't notice her. She gave away and went somewhere else in the party. As the thing went on I noticed her giving small IOI's as like being sorry. As I noticed that, I gave a hug with some kino. Great response. Got away, just after that (trying to push/pull). Later, did again and then asked "Is everything fine?"/"What happended that saturday that you were avoiding me?". She avoided the answer. As she left the party, she gave a hug that would be less than a friendly hug, more than a lovers hug. Great body language response. With that good response, some days later called her to have dinner again. This time, she answered promptly "let's go". But our schedule didn't match and we went to have dinner only yesterday. Just after I called her to have dinner, her best friend (that I already knew) added me on facebook (much coincidence: should have told something to her friend). Her appointment before the dinner yesterday got really late, and I thought that maybe she tried to cancel the thing. But we went. #9 I choose one of the best romantic places in town, not fancy and formal, but more of a cool place (and very expensive, although ok for me). I managed to get a corner seated with pillows(romantic thing). But I decided not to kino during dinner. Keep a distance and get close only at the car. She didn't give much IOI. In fact she was more quiet and shy (maybe intimidated), but I was talking comfortably, more of a friend style. Only thing I noticed was turning body completely to me and pulling hair once or twice (later, she clipped her hair). As we walked to the car, hugged her because of the cold (17o. Celsius). Escalated kino with success, zero rejection, but no kiss. She said like "did not want to mess things, you are a friend". I continued kino, zero rejection. In fact, only rejection was turning placing my head close to her in order to kiss, but even tough lightly. I said "let's talk". As I tried to understand the whole thing I continued escalating kino (I thought would be the only thing left to do): hugs, touching her face, etc. Zero rejection. She was cold (17o. Celsius), we entered her car, and we got to the point where we were at a distance looking at each other eye to eye, I touching her face and she rubbing my back lightly. But I knew it wouldn't get anywhere... What she told me was: - She only noticed that I was into her on the beach (#3). She should have noticed by the card (#2). - She told me that "you are great, bla bla, but I feel nothing". - Told me "you know I rejected the first dinner", I answered "Yes, I noticed, but you came to this one!!!" - Told me "I thought this would be a more friendly dinner". - Told her "I know you have fear of something. Noticed that after #6". Replied: " ahh.. fear of nothing" (probably avoiding the subject). "Only fear of you not understanding that we are friends". I think she may really have fear of me going away (losing friendship). Well. I went home (in my car), texted her "great company and great dinner. Kisses", not to sound like an idiot that looked like pissed. She replied fine. The only thing I can do now is to not to contact for a long time. In fact, I will be in vacations for the next 20 days to an exotic location. Thought of sending a postcard or calling her from there, but won't do it. After that long report. I would like to know what I did wrong? I know I did some little mistakes, but I know I did somethings right. Would you point what I did right? The point is that I did something very wrong somewhere and don't know what!!! Much thanks!! Newbie

Author:	andermax [ Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
I would personally have gone all out for a kiss at part #3. You have had far too many interactions with her that any interest she would have had is gone because you didn't assert yourself early on. I believe that to be your mistake. It looks like you are cemented in friend zone and you are going to stay there. This is not a bad thing. I don't know how old you are, but getting involved with someone that has so many mutual friends is a terrible idea and will not end well and you need to look to the future and forget about anyone except you and the girl of interest being involved. Please also indicate if you have paid for all of these meals as I also suspect that she will continue to see you again as long as she gets a free ride off you. If this is the case you will not get laid and you will become a serious chump.

Author:	newbierio [ Thu Apr 25, 2013 4:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
Thanks for the answer. It would be strange for me to force a kiss in number #3. I wouldn't get it and I wouldn't be able to do it, I just can't with anybody. I would feel bad. But, I should have asked what was going on and not leave unanswered. With the answer, maybe game a little more: LMR Thanks for the advice about common friends, but I have lot's of differents groups of friends. It could be a problem, but easy to deal. Have already thought about it... For the meal thing. I actually paid for them, only when we were alone, but she paid for other stuff in other situations. That would be the last problem. Thanks.

Author:	Hunter_Foxe [ Thu Apr 25, 2013 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
The biggest mistake you made was trying to please her / impress her BEFORE having sex with her (i.e. before she earned your affection). You gave her gifts, gave her compliments, planned the best restaurant etc. She never had to work for your attention. You were too easy. You were not a challenge. Women like to feel like they win you over and have to behave and treat you good in order to earn your affection.

Author:	newbierio [ Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
Totally agree! In fact, all the time I was thinking I was the one doing everything, and somehow I knew it was wrong.... But did it anyway... But, in all this situation, I couldn't imagine what I should do in order to make her look for me. The only thing I imagined was, in fact, doing nothing at all and wait... And I did that between #7 and #8, and got some little IOI/Compliance in #8 But, besides waiting, would you have any suggestion? Thanks, Newbierio

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Author:	Themagicalone [ Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
Quote: The biggest mistake you made was trying to please her / impress her BEFORE having sex with her (i.e. before she earned your affection). You gave her gifts, gave her compliments, planned the best restaurant etc. She never had to work for your attention. You were too easy. You were not a challenge. Women like to feel like they win you over and have to behave and treat you good in order to earn your affection. THIS and man you have to go no contact and game other girls. Make this chick see she's not your only option. If you ever talk to her again and she gives you some crap about being friends tell her directly that can't work out as you only see her this way. The bottom line is to forget about this girl game many other girls and if this chick comes back to you establish the fact that she needs to work for your attention.

Author:	newbierio [ Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
Been thing during the weekend about what was me main focal point that I am being wrong.. Even she being a oneitis, the fact is that I am as needy as hell!! All the girls I've been out recently (not a few) were more needier than I am. And any other girl in the past that eventually it worked out, it was because I was in a non-needy phase. Doing psychiatric sessions for 3 years now, I know for sure what are the reasons, that are irrelevant here. What is relevant is: neediness is the BIGGEST turn-off for a girl. Even Brad Pitt would get nobody if he was needy. What is more relevant, how to overcome neediness? Been reading all weekend in the PUA literature (books, not google), and it is difficult to find, but I did: in order to overcome you neediness you must become charming to everyone (Robert Greene), not only the girl you want. Do find what people want, and please them! Using the example from Neil Strauss, even if a guy comes with a new Ferrari shinning new, with plastics on the seat, do please him with "Cool car! I really envy you". Do that three time a day, and you will get the attention you need, you will forget you neediness. The rest come after, you will have more girls to game, and they will chase you. Thanks everybody.

Author:	Mak [ Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:42 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
holy shit, your wrote a whole book there son.

Author:	newbierio [ Wed May 29, 2013 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
1 month after... I had no contact at all with her! Just after that, I travelled for 10 days and the day I arrived, that tagged me in a FB pic. I ignored. I even went to a big party (2000+ people) last Saturday. She was there. I didn't look for her, didn't see. Only knew from friends that she was there. Today, she SPAM me asking about the trip, blabla. And then told me that she and another friend of her are going to do the surf lessons and were kind of looking for indications. This friend of her, I already picked her (I told no one, don't know if she knows). But, this friend of hers KINO ME a lot trying to pick me! She saw that twice I think... Told me that the conditions are only for Satuday in a city nearby. Tomorrow, maybe there is going to be conditions here, and told that I will be at the beach all day waiting. She is a medic and that tomorrow she has to do a surgery. Friday and Saturday she has to fly to a conference. She offers herself to go on Sunday, but acks that there is no forecast, a lot of traffic, etc. Then, her friend starts talking to me o FB that my target was talking to me about the subject. My target already knows, just a few couple of hours to master the thing. But, her friend knows nothing. Talking to her friend, I offered to give a initial lesson as I wait. My target doesn't need that initial lessons. But, just after my target started SPAM more again, telling that she CANCELLED the surgery to go tomorrow to the beach with her friend (jealousy?). I just told where and what time I will be there. For the record, I am no professional surf teacher or something. Just a hobby. If you can notice the difference, I am no needy, she was the one looking for me, etc. Any tips for tomorrow? I think she will do that all over again, ljbf, etc. I thought about some possibilities, but I would like more suggestions. Thanks!!!

Author:	Themagicalone [ Thu May 30, 2013 12:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong
Quote: 1 month after... I had no contact at all with her! Just after that, I travelled for 10 days and the day I arrived, that tagged me in a FB pic. I ignored. I even went to a big party (2000+ people) last Saturday. She was there. I didn't look for her, didn't see. Only knew from friends that she was there. Today, she SPAM me asking about the trip, blabla. And then told me that she and another friend of her are going to do the surf lessons and were kind of looking for indications. This friend of her, I already picked her (I told no one, don't know if she knows). But, this friend of hers KINO ME a lot trying to pick me! She saw that twice I think... Told me that the conditions are only for Satuday in a city nearby. Tomorrow, maybe there is going to be conditions here, and told that I will be at the beach all day waiting. She is a medic and that tomorrow she has to do a surgery. Friday and Saturday she has to fly to a conference. She offers herself to go on Sunday, but acks that there is no forecast, a lot of traffic, etc. Then, her friend starts talking to me o FB that my target was talking to me about the subject. My target already knows, just a few couple of hours to master the thing. But, her friend knows nothing. Talking to her friend, I offered to give a initial lesson as I wait. My target doesn't need that initial lessons. But, just after my target started SPAM more again, telling that she CANCELLED the surgery to go tomorrow to the beach with her friend (jealousy?). I just told where and what time I will be there. For the record, I am no professional surf teacher or something. Just a hobby. If you can notice the difference, I am no needy, she was the one looking for me, etc. Any tips for tomorrow? I think she will do that all over again, ljbf, etc. I thought about some possibilities, but I would like more suggestions. Thanks!!! I'd probably game the friend she's with, wouldn't show her that much attention. This will drive her insane and she'll be trying to justify you hardcore by the end of the time. This will ensure that she'll want to meet up with you again and show her that you've moved on and your in higher value.

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