PUA Forum :: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend

Hi, i'll try to keep this relatively brief...

i am a massive AFC and have struggled a great deal with women generally.

I have a good friend whom i have known a few years now. We have always been mates and i didn't have an 'ulterior' motive. But about 8 months ago i started to become attracted to her etc. Went about it the wrong way and spilled my guts to her (she was in a relationship), and it went unsurprisingly badly. We are still friends and i sucked it up and just tried to get over it whilst keeping my friend. This backfired and i put her on a pedestal and developed HUGE oneitis! Just carried on though in my hopeless pit of rapidly dwindling self-esteem and over analysis. We have never been as tight but are still pretty close.

Anyway, i have finally realized that enough is enough and i need to stop being a pussy and get on with life, so she needs to go. But i do have an issue with this in regards to how I should do it? I think, and after having read other stuff that just ignoring her and forgetting about her is effective, but after being friends it seems awfully cruel?

So, I either just ignore her, or, perhaps see her briefly, put it all out there, then leave! This wouldn't be to try and win her over I can assure, and after this I wouldn't see her again? Or is this more pathetic reasoning?

What would anyone recommend? Or any other advice? I know it is a non-starter and I've done enough self-inflicted damage to ever have a chance.

Looking forward at trying to self-improve and upping my game, started already, small steps, but need to get this shit together before any real progress can be made!

cheers Geordie

Author:	Geordie [ Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:39 pm ]
Post subject:	New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
Hi, i'll try to keep this relatively brief... i am a massive AFC and have struggled a great deal with women generally. I have a good friend whom i have known a few years now. We have always been mates and i didn't have an 'ulterior' motive. But about 8 months ago i started to become attracted to her etc. Went about it the wrong way and spilled my guts to her (she was in a relationship), and it went unsurprisingly badly. We are still friends and i sucked it up and just tried to get over it whilst keeping my friend. This backfired and i put her on a pedestal and developed HUGE oneitis! Just carried on though in my hopeless pit of rapidly dwindling self-esteem and over analysis. We have never been as tight but are still pretty close. Anyway, i have finally realized that enough is enough and i need to stop being a pussy and get on with life, so she needs to go. But i do have an issue with this in regards to how I should do it? I think, and after having read other stuff that just ignoring her and forgetting about her is effective, but after being friends it seems awfully cruel? So, I either just ignore her, or, perhaps see her briefly, put it all out there, then leave! This wouldn't be to try and win her over I can assure, and after this I wouldn't see her again? Or is this more pathetic reasoning? What would anyone recommend? Or any other advice? I know it is a non-starter and I've done enough self-inflicted damage to ever have a chance. Looking forward at trying to self-improve and upping my game, started already, small steps, but need to get this shit together before any real progress can be made! cheers Geordie

Author:	Jay (Majik) [ Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
Quote: Hi, i'll try to keep this relatively brief... i am a massive AFC and have struggled a great deal with women generally. I have a good friend whom i have known a few years now. We have always been mates and i didn't have an 'ulterior' motive. But about 8 months ago i started to become attracted to her etc. Went about it the wrong way and spilled my guts to her (she was in a relationship), and it went unsurprisingly badly. We are still friends and i sucked it up and just tried to get over it whilst keeping my friend. This backfired and i put her on a pedestal and developed HUGE oneitis! Just carried on though in my hopeless pit of rapidly dwindling self-esteem and over analysis. We have never been as tight but are still pretty close. Anyway, i have finally realized that enough is enough and i need to stop being a pussy and get on with life, so she needs to go. But i do have an issue with this in regards to how I should do it? I think, and after having read other stuff that just ignoring her and forgetting about her is effective, but after being friends it seems awfully cruel? So, I either just ignore her, or, perhaps see her briefly, put it all out there, then leave! This wouldn't be to try and win her over I can assure, and after this I wouldn't see her again? Or is this more pathetic reasoning? What would anyone recommend? Or any other advice? I know it is a non-starter and I've done enough self-inflicted damage to ever have a chance. Looking forward at trying to self-improve and upping my game, started already, small steps, but need to get this shit together before any real progress can be made! cheers Geordie One think pick up will teach you is to DEMAND more value out of yourself and other people. You don't have to be a dick and ignore her necessarily... But she needs to realize you are moving onto bigger and better things in your life. I had a bad oneitis... I've known her for 11 years. We hooked up once and I did the same thing... Spilled my fucking guts out to her. Now, since I get the quality girls I'm able to get.... I realize that had she ended up with me, I would have been settling for less than I deserve and wound up being someones bitch. Now, she WISHES she could atleast see me... But I don't have time for her anymore because she brings no value to my life. Don't feel bad because you are letting go of someone. People are designed to form relationships with others that help them get through the next phase of their life. Understand that there is nothing wrong with ending a relationship with a person... When you serve no value to each other any more... then what really is the purpose?

Author:	Radar01 [ Wed Mar 13, 2013 5:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
Timeless,classic advice but it still holds true. Get more girls, get good at attracting women in general, acquire experience and only good things will come.

Author:	R.C [ Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
The advice you got so far is pretty much all you need. Take it to heart. Moving on doesn't mean cutting contact with her and banishing her from your life. It means freeing yourself from her influence. Instead of sitting there , wasting your time trying to get someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings , you could be out meeting the most amazing person you can imagine. Granted,it's not like you're gonna be walking down the street and the girl of your dreams will land into your arms , but every step you take is still a hell of a lot bigger accomplishment than chasing something that's not gonna happen. Obsessing over her is just stalling your own progress in life. This doesn't mean you shouldn't see her anymore , just that you need to learn to prioritize the proper way.

Author:	Crypto [ Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
I agree RC. Additional benefit is that the girl who once has you wrapped up in her spell now sees you moving away and becoming more interesting. NOONE wants a slug who sits around waiting for them! If a girl gives me 100% of her time, she will get rejected faster than she can imagine. I want a girl who has her own life away from me, just like a girl wants a guy who has his own life as well. Peace...

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Author:	Geordie [ Wed Mar 13, 2013 8:07 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
Thanks lads, some great advice! In particular Majikal, good way of putting it. You're right, will just keep my distance and try to maintain my frame if she does text/see me, without cutting her out completely. Lost a ton of weight recently and feeling good, now to get to work, gonna start reading and getting to grips with it all. Off out on Saturday with a girl work mate who I would say is the equivalent of a female PUA, so might try and make some efforts to at least talk to a few females and get some practice. Cheers, Geordie

Author:	Jay (Majik) [ Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New to game - need to end oneitis with friend - advice?
Quote: Thanks lads, some great advice! In particular Majikal, good way of putting it. You're right, will just keep my distance and try to maintain my frame if she does text/see me, without cutting her out completely. Lost a ton of weight recently and feeling good, now to get to work, gonna start reading and getting to grips with it all. Off out on Saturday with a girl work mate who I would say is the equivalent of a female PUA, so might try and make some efforts to at least talk to a few females and get some practice. Cheers, Geordie If you are going to "read up" on things... The way I would suggest learning it (this is the way I learned it) MASTER one step at a time. Realize that a girl won't have sex with you unless you approach her. And the things that happen between the moment you meet to the moment your genitals do have to be done a certain way. Master the approach and opening, building attraction and comfort first, first THEN work on seducing her A girl who is truly attracted to you will be attracted to YOU, not the pick-up artist inside your head. Your game WILL get worse before it gets better because you won't seem natural. Don't give up man. You'll get it. How much weight did you lose btw? Good shit brotha! Be comfortable in your own skin!

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