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Help with a commitment phobe
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Author:  Bearded_Gent [ Sun Feb 10, 2013 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Help with a commitment phobe

Hey PUA,

So I got myself into a bit of a sticky situation. Let me give you a bit of backstory here. I met someone a few months ago in my class in college. We share all the same classes. We hit it off really well. Problem is she has never been in a relationship before. She's grown this fear of intimacy and will use any excuse to avoid it. We get along really well. We share everything in common and our personalities are beyond a perfect match.

Anyways. She's been crazy about me for around 3 months. She cant even go a day without talking to me. She'll talk to me for hours on end(which amazes me because I'd usually be bored by now). I know shes's crazy about me because a) she's told me many times, b) she complained to me that she's jealous the other chicks in our class constantly want my attention and that she wants me to give her more of my time.

So we've talked for months but every time I make plans with her she gets ill or something comes up. But then a few days later she'll say she needs to see me. Fast forward to two days ago I asked her where we stood. I was a little sick of being lead on for so long.(this isn't the first time Ive asked her this). The first time I asked her she told me shes to scared for a relationship but doesn't want to lose me. This was a month ago. This time however she took a defeatist attitude and told me she wanted me to give up on her. This is right after she tells me shes glad Im the only guy who hasn't. I was drinking when this conversation happened and I basically got frustrated and told her that were done. That leading me on hurts like a bitch and that she wont get over this fear until she tries. She tried to reason with me that she'll be done school in two years and doesn't want to be tied down(more excuses for her fear even though we have talked about it before). It left with me basically telling her were done and her not responding. I know shes really beat up by it though, even if she wont admit it to anyone.

Basically guys, I dont want to let this one get away. Ive never met a person before that Ive had so much in common with. Currently we aren't talking because I said that but Im not sure what to do. Should I just move on or should I try to repair this and if repair it, how in gods name do I get a girl who's flat out in love with me to break out of her shell. Let alone how do I repair this. We havent spoken in a week if that matters.

Thank you guys so much in advance for your help :)

edit***

Not sure if this matters either but she's very introverted and has trouble talking to men. Im one of the first men she's ever opened up to. She's told me Im one of the few people she trusts.

Author:  MrBreeze [ Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help with a commitment phobe

I was in a similar situation a decade of so ago... this is what I did. Keep in mind this was well before an PUA knowledge. I threw everything at her.... romantic get away, a thoughtful gift, told her why we should be together. Worked for one night! THe next day she was all distant again. I calmly told her I was done and I couldnt remain friends with her any longer because I clearly wanted something more than she had to offer.... I cut her off completely. The next friday she showed up at my place all drunk complaining how she couldnt live with out me...blah blah blah. We started a wild romance that lasted for three years in college.

Dont be afraid to let her go... be a man. Women respond to this. If youre not getting what you need be out there getting it somewhere else. Sounds like shes getting what she wants and not giving you what youre looking for. Maybe she comes around maybe she doesnt... but play hard to get from here on out.

Author:  Bearded_Gent [ Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help with a commitment phobe

Awesome dude, that sounds like some good advice. Thanks a bunch. Now I do have to see this girl every damn day. 6 hours a day. Should I just ignore her?

Author:  MrBreeze [ Sun Feb 10, 2013 10:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help with a commitment phobe

hhhhmmmm, that makes it hard to cut her off completely but you can still cut her off. some thoughts:

Dont ignore her like youre an a-hole.... youre a gentleman thats heart cant take the up and down she causes.
openly flirt with girls that do give you attention...let her see it.
Stop engaging her if shes not ready to respect you as a man and give you the attention you deserve.

Author:  Bearded_Gent [ Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Help with a commitment phobe

Thank you sir, your a gentleman and a schoolar! :)

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