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Very Awkward First Date
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Author:  Viking12345 [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Very Awkward First Date
Not sure if this is posted in the correct forum but I recently went on a really awkward date. Met an 8.5 online built a lot of attraction flirted and talked a lot. She seemed genuinely excited about meeting and I was surprised when we first met as she is much better looking than the pics on her dating profile had me believe (initially thought she was a 7 at best). Anyway the date was really lame, we had planned on dinner or drinks and then going back to her place (I travelled over an hour to visit her) and she was very open to the idea of sex however I was unable to arrive in time for dinner (we didn't have any specific plans other than first meeting each other) so we ended up hanging out at her place watching movies.

About an hour after I arrived she told me she wasn’t really in the 'mood' as her ex boyfriend of five years had earlier called her that day asking to meet the following day. Apparently he was grieving over the death of a family member. She was really apologetic and told me she would feel awkward given she was meeting her ex the next day. I insisted it was fine. At this point we hadn’t done much except for talking although the same comfort we had built through messages wasn’t there. I hadn’t tried any kino and after what she had told me it killed any kind of romantic thoughts so we simply sat beside each other awkwardly watching movies with random conversation in between. As she got tired I even offered to sleep on the couch as I felt awkward being close to her, neither of us made any moves there was no holding hands, no cuddles, kisses…no contact at all. I left early the next morning she thanked me for visiting but I honestly could not say I had any fun and simply told her no worries and to have a good day. We haven’t messaged each other since. A bit rude on her behalf given I went out of my way to visit her. The entire time I kind of felt she was a bit out of my league and maybe I wasn’t attractive enough or below her standards. I feel as though I turned a certain f-close into the most akward date I've ever been on.

So what do you guys think is the best way to handle the situation from here. No contact? Wait for her to message me (if ever). I felt we had built a lot of attraction before meeting but I’m not sure if the date being so awkward was partly due to her being disappointed in me. Should I ask her this? I hope it wasn’t and I would really like to see her again despite how awkward it was…(preferably at a time she doesn’t plan on seeing her ex afterwards). Any advice please?
Author:  krular [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Some girlfriends of mine have told me two main reason an online attraction falls apart when meeting in person is either the guy ends of being a jerk, or the guy doesnt come off as confident in person as he did in online messaging.

Doesnt sound like you were a jerk, but maybe you didnt come off as confident in person as you did in online messaging. Even if the boyfriend story was true but she was still into you, then she would have at least cuddled with you, just to let you know she had interest.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 7:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Like so many times.

You ran into LMR and ASD.

As the OP says
Quote:
maybe you didnt come off as confident in person as you did in online
She gave you a big fat clue
Quote:
About an hour after I arrived she told me she wasn't really in the 'mood'
She is really saying "Hey chump put me in the mood! Or bounce!"
Quote:
her ex boyfriend of five years had earlier called her that day asking to meet the following day. Apparently he was grieving over the death of a family member.
Only barley plausible excuse! She knew this long before you got there.
Quote:
neither of us made any moves there was no holding hands, no cuddles, kisses…no contact at all.
She's not going to do it for you!
Quote:
As she got tired I even offered to sleep on the couch as I felt awkward being close to her,
Gee Wiz aren't you NICE!

You can wait a while and try to rebuild attraction, but I doubt it!
Author:  Viking12345 [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 11:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Quote:
Some girlfriends of mine have told me two main reason an online attraction falls apart when meeting in person is either the guy ends of being a jerk, or the guy doesnt come off as confident in person as he did in online messaging.
Maybe this was the reason I didn’t feel as though I was lacking confidence, I’ve been on many first dates like this one and have managed to f-close but her ‘excuse’ (I see it as an excuse, I get the feeling this wasn't the real reason she wasn't interested and I’ll be friend zoned) kind of made me question myself and think maybe she doesn’t find me attractive enough or something. The whole time I didn’t really notice any IOI. I also think I could have lost confidence after seeing how she is actually a lot more attractive than I thought. It was easier being confident and letting her do most of the chasing before we met and I thought she was nothing more than a 7.
Quote:
You ran into LMR and ASD
I don’t think it was ASD as we had already spoke openly about it which is why I guess she felt obligated to tell me she wasn’t in the mood.
Quote:
She is really saying "Hey chump put me in the mood! Or bounce!"
How can you actually put someone in the mood in a situation like this that wouldn’t result in further awkwardness? As soon as she mentioned it I lost interest and didn’t try any kino from then which probably would have made both of us feel uncomfortable.
Quote:
Gee Wiz aren't you NICE!
What are you trying to say here?
Quote:
You can wait a while and try to rebuild attraction, but I doubt it!
Any reason why you doubt it? How would you rebuild attraction? The fact that she hasn’t messaged me since is a massive IOD. Should I acknowledge how awkward the date was and suggest we try again next time doing something other than simply hanging out and watching movies? I reckon had we actually gone somewhere or done something first it wouldn’t have been so awkward.
Author:  Viking12345 [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 4:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Need advice guys, not sure freezing her out straight away is the best idea. What should I do?
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 4:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
If you built attraction online, then my rule of thumb is that you have less than 2 minutes to transfer that attraction in person after first laying your eyes on her. Every minute that passes afterwards brings you closer to death. You also have less than 2 hours to be kissing her. But you can probably survive on 3. It's up to you to decide how to transfer that attraction.

From experience, she's probably done with you. Not much you can do or say will bring you back in good hands. Next.
Author:  Viking12345 [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 5:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Do you think it's worth messaging her maybe joking about the awkwardness and seeing if she'd be interested in trying again? It's a weird situation, I've never tried freezing anyone out right after I've met them.
It would be nice to know what she thinks, is it too AFC to question whether she is interested?
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 5:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Quote:
It would be nice to know what she thinks, is it too AFC to question whether she is interested?
Very much so.

But joking about the awkwardness is always a good idea. "Boy that date was more awkward than that time I walked into an all-black bar and everyone was staring at me." Or something like that. Shows you are aware of a bad situation and can make light of it. Whatever you do/say, don't bring up your feelings. Just try to rebuild the attraction that once was.
Author:  Viking12345 [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 5:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
I thought so.

Turning it into a joke/making light of it is a good idea I think.
I'm not sure if this would work but I think I may just apologise or joke about being awkward and then tease her. I was going to mention how I was suprised she looked a lot hotter than in her pics and then remind her of a line in my dating 'if you don't look like your pics you're buying me drinks until you do!' ;) and then say something like "We should hang out again (if you're interested), I might even be less slack and buy you a drink next time"
I was also a bit unprepared as well (forgot to take any protection) I was thinking about joking about that and saying her excuse saved me from having to come up of one of my own, and nothing would have happened anyway. What do you think?
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 7:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
If you built attraction talking like that previously, then yes go ahead. But don't try anything new, and try to avoid talking about your feelings unless she gives in first.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Take ownership here! Ask yourself why was it awkward? She probably felt awkward as much as you! BUT you did not make any attempt to lead out of it! Do you understand what I'm saying?
Author:  johnnyberba [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 2:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Awkwardness takes place when you feel this! so the other person is a mirror to how you feel.. i.e. the girl etc. getting attraction on a date is a combination of many factors? chemistry, your level of game experience, confidence!! general vibe on the night!!!

I would say just don't make it a big deal and learn from your mistakes and next time you will do things better. YOU CAN TURN awkward situations into playful ones by laughing it off.. of just calling it out... :)
Author:  Viking12345 [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 4:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
Thanks for the advice guys, really appreciate it. As you can tell my game is still very lacking. I’ve just been winging it really and trying to pick it up as I go. I think the mistake I made here was being complacent. I thought it would be a certain/easy f-close so I waited for her to make the first move which was obviously never going to happen, either because she wasn’t in the mood or simply wasn’t attracted. I totally understand what you mean about the awkwardness, I guess we had built a bit of chemistry before meeting but letting the awkwardness continue rather than leading out of it probably ruined it. I think the trouble is I have a bit of trouble thinking on my feet, I could have easily done something like you said and turn the situation around by jokingly saying something like ‘well this is awkward’ followed by something like ‘come here’ and gesturing for a cuddle. Her messages definitely indicated she was keen and until the date she seemed to be the one doing the chasing.

Anyway I messaged her and apologised/explained how I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I also joked about how I was unprepared anyway.
Here’s what she wrote:
Heyyyyy :) just chilling. Oh yeah that was shit about my ex...Sorry :(
Haha aww your cute, nuh that’s fine. Sorry if it was really boring for you :S
Haha I’m always prepared so it’s fine. :P (this seemed like an IOI)
Was good to meet you.
My reply:
“Don’t apologise you goose, totally understand.”
Then I bought up the line on my profile teasing her about buying me drinks and said “we should hang out again if you’re interested, I might even be less slack next time and take you on a date before getting in your bed!” Told her it was nice meeting her and ‘it was cute just talking and stuff instead of rushing into anything’ (this sounds a bit AFC even though I was trying not to sound too keen)

She replied very quickly to my initial message which I took as an IOI but never replied to my second message. Any thoughts as to why? I guess the best thing to do now is freeze her out?
Author:  Viking12345 [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 5:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
*Update

Just got her message then, my phone hadn't been working properly.
Got a positive response to my suggestion that we hang out again. (yay!)
Now, should I organise another date quickly or DHV and not respond too frequently and bring it up later or even wait for her to dictate when?
In response to me saying she looked a lot hotter than expected she also said thank you and claimed she isn't a very photogenic person, any advice on what I could say in response to that? I usually take a cocky funny approach, but I don't want to offend her. Is it too AFC to make a joke at my own expense and mention her being out of my league? Would probably be DHV?

I get the feeling the date would have gone a whole lot better if the whole situation with her ex didn't occur. I was probably lacking confidence in myself and saw it as an excuse. I probably need to work on my inner game a lot more. Don't want to get ahead of myself but if another date happens I'll be sure not to let it descend into awkwardness. Thanks for all the advice guys, has been a massive help!!!
Author:  Paskal [ Tue Jan 29, 2013 6:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Very Awkward First Date
This is sad to hear but first dates are always a little weird. So give it another try .
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