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Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE !
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Author:  DM [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:22 am ]
Post subject:  Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE !
Kind of long post sorry, but I have a story I need input with. The background is basically this. I saw a beautiful girl sitting by herself at my college campus, and made up my mind to talk to her. I went in direct, which she liked, and we talked about her, her hobbies, and her life. She's studying to become an animal lawyer, works at a telus, and has a passion for equestrian... I'll also mention shes smoking hot. I said I wouldn't be able to leave without her number, and she gave me her business card, highlighted all her information, and thats kind of where the crescendo begins. Here are our texts with my commentary and interpretations. P.s. I made the mistake that I didn't set anything up for a day 2, so I was really hoping to get her out for coffee FAST based on the initial attraction I had.

Wednesday, Few hours after we met...
HER: Hey dalmatian ;)
ME: Hey :)
texted her a few hours later, simplicity is where its at :)
HER: Ooo i thought you weren't going to text me back
I liked her response for two reasons, one shes into me more than i am into her, two, i felt how lonely she is
ME: haha I was on lockdown. Ill be seeing you soon. Night montreal :)
Was really contemplating whether or not to respond to her text, and if so, whether or not I should add the 'ill be seeing you soon' part. Turns out i hit the double whammy.
HER: Night
Personally HATE one word responses from girls slightly more than i hate terrorism. Only slightly though. Moving on.

Next Day (Thursday)
ME: So i met this really cute equestrian yesterday.. Kinda want to flirt with her, what should I say?
One of my favorite lines :)
HER: Well your lucky she thinks ur kinda cute
back in business? maybe?
ME: Just cute? have you seen my ass? p.s. lets grab coffee tomorrow around 2.43
I knew it was a hail mary as soon as i pressed "J" but I figured her last response was good id give it a shot
HER: I work full time :p
fml, i feel the entire vibe we (didnt already) have was gone entirely with this. What now? do I pursue playfully? should i be forceful, or pull the plug?
ME: Haha then tell your interns to pencil me in
Pursue playfully :)
HER: Haha
HER: Why dont u start by adding me on fb or something
I knew this was the issue the whole time, the whole comfort thing. Also maybe she forgot how cute i am :) Personally I wanted to get her on facebook b/c I have a lot of things going on in my life, im social, travel alot, and have many interesting treats on my profile... Most importantly I have an array of committed girls who actively post on my wall (although one could argue this is counterproductive)
ME: a) dont tell me what to do just cos you're hot b) whats your last name c) im awesome
I was torn between this text and "Oh is that how this goes? Sorry Im only on ch.3 of dating for dummies :$", OR i was thinking of sending her a link to my fb in response to her last txt. NOTE: I obv knew her last name and had her card but i didnt to completely jump through all her hoops
HER: You have my card :P
How much further can this downward spiral go....?
ME: stop playing these games, whats your last name?
I couldnt think of anything better or more exciting to say, and then (after I pressed send of course) i thought a little harder and thought of about 400 things. At this point i was really getting frustrated with how little effort she was putting in, and how much power I had actually managed to lose. I think it was here that I a actually deleted her number from my phone, and was ready to pull the plug. The thing is, normally i have pretty solid and witty texting and can get them into whatever we're talking about, but with this one i was hoping to get her out ASAP, so i compromised. Nothin doin pal.
HER: (sends her last name)
ME: Youve been added. Im going to bed. Gnite kiddo.
HER: Nighty night
My cup runeth over right? better than her last good nite txt right? right guys? anyone?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I draw the line here and plead for help before I lose this one. I have a feeling that if I continue without guidance, Im going to sound like an indian mobster trying to smooth over an arranged marriage. Im not finicky about this girl, but i find that this tends to be major sticking point with others as well. Im generally a lot more confident when it comes to face to face interactions so I feel when i get her out its smooth sailing. But i need help getting her out, so please if you can take a look at this and give me guidance with this girl, it would mean a lot.


Cheers,

-DM
Author:  CallMeAlfie [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Okay DM, this is just my take on all this.
You “blew her off” once on Wednesday. She texted you first, so she was already interested in the interaction happening. It’s fine since she is hot and the one word response you got from her was because she was thinking (probably): “I texted him first (and I haven’t seen her but if she is hot enough, she shouldn’t need to) and he quickly ended the conversation”
But that’s alright. Moving on.
On Thursday, great text opening line. I’d say it went perfect until we got to “Why dont u start by adding me on fb or something”.
I can assure you she didn’t forget how “cute” you are…she had told you the day before that you were cute.
It sounded to me like more of a “you aren’t going to take me out that easily” thing. You were acting cocky and funny, and she had to shit test you. She tried to get hold of the situation by telling you what do to. That doesn’t mean necessarily that that is what she wants you to do. She wanted you to fall in the hoop, and you did. Not a big deal though.
If I were you when she said “Why dont u start by adding me on fb or something” I’d probably say: “That sounds good. My name is DM. Add me there but you know what, I’m an old school kind of guy. I prefer texting”

By doing that you dodge the shit test and now you are trying to make her fall into your hoop. There is a very subtle thing about pretending to misunderstand what she said (because obviously she wanted YOU to add her, and not the opposite).

Well, I don’t personally know if you prefer talking on fb or actually texting (I prefer texting). But if I could advise you on this, strike up a conversation with her…it doesn’t need to be brilliant, or witty…It sounds like she’s already into you enough. If you can throw in some jokes it’d be perfect…I’d say you just need to talk/flirt for a bit longer (not necessarily comfort stage talk, it can also be flirtatious)…and not be so blunt about asking her out. At this point I’d say you don’t need to overthink any of this.
Pointers for next time:
You transitioned from great indirect flirting to asking her out outright. If I could have continued the conversation myself indirectly, I would’ve thrown in:
Next Day (Thursday)
ME: So i met this really cute equestrian yesterday.. Kinda want to flirt with her, what should I say?
One of my favorite lines
HER: Well your lucky she thinks ur kinda cute
Me: She does? Cool, why don’t we get together, grab a cup of coffee and you can tell me what else she thinks of me.
Tell me if you agree with me or not.

_________________
Whenever you meet a beautiful woman, just remember somewhere there's a man who's sick of shagging her.
Author:  wingintyme [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
There's a few places in there you were a little too risky on someone who apparently already was in to you.

ME: Just cute? have you seen my ass? p.s. lets grab coffee tomorrow around 2.43.

I don't like this line for several reasons. What does "have you seen my ass?" mean? are you talking about the body part, or are you referring to your more than cute self as an ass, or something else? I wouldn't try to harp too much on the physical appearance aspect b/c it gets dull fast. I wouldn't make references to body parts that are supposed to remain covered either this early in the game.

ME: a) dont tell me what to do just cos you're hot b) whats your last name c) im awesome

This is also not a good line. Is "cos" the common spelling everyone uses for because in your region? Women tend to like good grammar at first. It's always ok to spell something out b/c it seems proper.

You are referencing her being "hot" again. This is not a good idea b/c she may not want to be thought of as hot. You are already wearing that out and likely boring her with it. You obviously think she's hot or you never would have approached her so stop stating the obvious. the "i'm awesome" part could be misunderstood by her as over the top arrogant.
Author:  GKS [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
In my opinion, you did fine on wednesday. You show her you're preselected and have a busy which is good. Don't be too available for them, unless it's your GF. The invite was also good.

ME: a) dont tell me what to do just cos you're hot b) whats your last name c) im awesome

This is what went wrong. The line was terribly executed. You could say the same thing but in playful manner.
1. Instead you showed her how easy she can get a raise out of you. This shows your insecurity and care too much about what she or people think about you.
2. She merely wanted more comfort, which you could totally given it to her. She did nothing wrong so far, so why punish her with such defensive attitude? And also you told her to not tell you what to do then do what she told you to do and ask for her last name to add her on FB. It's quite contradicting.
3. A simple "My apologies. My FB is only for close friends and families. I need to make sure you don't bite first ;)" would have gone so much better.

ME: stop playing these games, whats your last name?

You avoided her question and called her out. She simply retaliated. Then you got pissed. From an outsider point of view, you were like a little kid in the sandbox who starts throwing sand at others and when they threw it back at you, you started crying and thew a big fit. This shows you're impatient and can't handle her.

But rest assured. She's still somewhat interested. How to ask her out? Post a funny status on FB about your plan for the night and send her a text tell her to come. Don't ask.
Author:  DM [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
Damn, yeah 100% agree :) In retrospect, it all could have been sooo much smoother, I think I took things a bit too personally and b/c she was so hot, she could have said 'Hi' instead of 'hey' and my mind would have been on full alert, but hey hindsight is always 20/20 right? I see where I went wrong and I feel I can salvage something before its too late, over the next week. I'll send her a txt tomorrow asking about her weekend, and then pacify the situation for the next few days, gauging everything and maybe setting something up on the weekend.

Im not leaving anything to chance anymore, so any ideas on what would be a good msg to re-engage her, and how to proceed with this would be most appreciated! :)

Thx again, you guys are phenomenal
Author:  Chris2k10 [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
All I can say is...needy as fuck expecting multiple word texts.
Author:  DM [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
ahahaha I thought i was being cute & funny with my commentary.. Guess i was just being cute :P
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
Well I think everyone here has analyzed everything pretty well. Except for one thing...

ME: haha I was on lockdown. Ill be seeing you soon. Night montreal

The hell is that supposed to mean? I think all three sentences are confusing from the girl's perspective. You had the opportunity to build more rapport with her. And instead, you send her to bed. Ideally, you want to be the first to end a text conversation, but at least have a decent text conversation with her beforehand.
Author:  DM [ Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Where did i go wrong? My texts & commentary! NEED ADVICE
While i generally agree, things could have gone much smoother, that last part was honest - it was late and i needed to get my zzz's :)

thx for your input :)
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