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ok, that's it, I cant approach
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=154396		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  bartm [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:18 am ]
Post subject:  ok, that's it, I cant approach
that's it, I cant approach. before, I thought it was my accent that i am ashamed of. you see, i am not a native speaker of English and i have an accent when i talk. But! here is the interesting part: Last week, I went to this gathering, everybody was people from my country. Gorgeous girls, lots of them. I still could not talk to them, even in my native language.

When I want to talk to a girl, I have these fears: what if she rejects me right off the bat? What if she slaps me and embarrasses me? What if she ignores me, act like i dont exist? What if she thinks I am weird?

the level of my fear depends on the day. on a good day, I can say something situational, like "is the post office open?" or "were you here when the accident happened?" but i cant say anything mildly sexual like "you are so pretty"

I am sick of this. Please, I dont want to hear "tell yourself who cares what they think?" telling myself this does not work.

I have decided to do something weird in public and get embarrassed, maybe that will help. do you guys have anything weird that i could do? I think facing my worst fears is the answer.

either i will do something weird, or await other suggestions from you guys.
Author:  puaninja [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Wear a dress and strap a dildo to your front head.
Author:  Gurren [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Go in to with the intention to be blown out.

Helps allot , i got mad at myself and at that point fuck it i went in knowing i would suck because of my emotions. But i was cool with it . I just opened to girls with the intentions to creep them out like fuck
Author:  bartm [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 7:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
hi guys
thanks for all your responses. I wanted to come back here and assure you all that I do read all the responses.
Author:  Versalis [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Do you know how to read body language?
I have almost never had a bad response from telling a girl she's hot(in whatever way). And the worst reaction is usually her rapid disinterest. Never been slapped. Never had a drink thrown on me. I don't know anyone who has.

Anyway, doing a single weird thing isn't going to help. Have you tried to practice randomly approaching fat/ugly girls or guys? You may be suffering from social anxiety, not fear of rejection.
Author:  7000 [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 10:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Just a quick thing, but use your accent to your advantage. I am English, and am an absolute sucker for a Dutch accent - I dated a Dutch girl during uni as she was having a year studying abroad in England and since then the accent on its own is enough for me sometimes! So use it to your advantage. At the very least, it's a talking point. Make her guess where you're from or something like that and tease her when she gets it wrong.

As for the approaching issue, ultimately I think a lot of what you read on here is rather pointless. I think you will find that the only way of really getting over approach anxiety is by approaching.

Seriously, the only way of getting over most social anxieties is to be more social. It's going to be hard. You'll feel stupid. But just talk more. Force it. You don't need to do anything embarrassing as such. Just chat to anyone and everyone.

One of the best ways to do this early on is to focus on saying more than the generic stuff. So, if you're at a till paying for something, ask a generic question: "by the way, do you know where the nearest cash point is in the mall?"

Then when you get an answer, instead of just saying "oh cool, thanks", add something to it - "oh gee, that's right down the other end isn't it? I'll need a sit down half way there", or something like that you know. At first it doesn't need to be particularly funny or witty, just get used to making a conversation.
Author:  officialpoypoy [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
I overcame fear by doing awkward things.

I put ketchup on my hair at school in front of girls and everyones looking.

im not shitting you i did it :)
if you want to overcome your fear try doing what I did.

try not to even focus about pickup at all and just do 1 month worth of embarrasing moments.

I GARANTEE you that after that embarrasing month of your entire life, pickup is easy.
Author:  bartm [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Quote:
I overcame fear by doing awkward things.

I put ketchup on my hair at school in front of girls and everyones looking.

im not shitting you i did it :)
if you want to overcome your fear try doing what I did.

try not to even focus about pickup at all and just do 1 month worth of embarrasing moments.

I GARANTEE you that after that embarrasing month of your entire life, pickup is easy.
Do you have any ideas about what embarrassing things i could do?
Author:  dark one [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
So you have an accent???? doesn't matter, I don't even use openers I walk in and say what ever is on my mind, the best sets I have are the ones when I mess up most of the time, the other night I walked in, tripped, almost fell on my face...I then opened with "you like that dance move girl", I probably looked like a fucking idot but I got the girls attention lol

openers are the easy part you can say just about anything....opening sucks, but it must be done. My advice open a couple sets right away when u get to the bar with no intention of getting a number....just do it to loosen up and then the rest of the night will go much smoother.
Author:  Malcolm Thomas [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Quote:
that's it, I cant approach. before, I thought it was my accent that i am ashamed of. you see, i am not a native speaker of English and i have an accent when i talk. But! here is the interesting part: Last week, I went to this gathering, everybody was people from my country. Gorgeous girls, lots of them. I still could not talk to them, even in my native language.

When I want to talk to a girl, I have these fears: what if she rejects me right off the bat? What if she slaps me and embarrasses me? What if she ignores me, act like i dont exist? What if she thinks I am weird?

the level of my fear depends on the day. on a good day, I can say something situational, like "is the post office open?" or "were you here when the accident happened?" but i cant say anything mildly sexual like "you are so pretty"

I am sick of this. Please, I dont want to hear "tell yourself who cares what they think?" telling myself this does not work.

I have decided to do something weird in public and get embarrassed, maybe that will help. do you guys have anything weird that i could do? I think facing my worst fears is the answer.

either i will do something weird, or await other suggestions from you guys.
Everything you are experiencing is completely normal when guys first begin learning how to approach and talk to girls. My advice is to forget about your fear and overcome it. If she rejects you approach someone else. In all my years of pickup I have never been slapped for approaching a woman. If she thinks you're weird forget about her. It's all about outcome independence and your mindset.
Author:  Malcolm Thomas [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Quote:
Go in to with the intention to be blown out.

Helps allot , i got mad at myself and at that point fuck it i went in knowing i would suck because of my emotions. But i was cool with it . I just opened to girls with the intentions to creep them out like fuck
This is very terrible and dangerous advice which could land you a restraining order if followed. If you expect to fail then you will fail. It's all about having the correct mindset. So what is the correct mindset you may ask? ASSUME ATTRACTION.
Author:  puaninja [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 12:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
Assuming attraction will help you get the chicks, but it won't help this guy's approach and rejection anxiety. If he doesn't go too overboard with it, he can do offbeat approaches with little to no expectations just to get his feet wet. Once he starts learning that girls are only rejecting his lack of game, and not him directly, he can begin to learn what it is about his game they don't like. Then he can make corrections and start improving and going in with higher expectations.
Author:  mcmightytheoaktree [ Wed Jan 09, 2013 2:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: ok, that's it, I cant approach
A former therapist of mine offered a suggestion as to how to overcome my fear of rejection/social anxiety and I liked it a lot. Since often times we don't know what exactly we are afraid of when we're saying "rejection". its somewhere between being snubbed and the girl screaming for the police.

He suggested I get "rejected" by one girl per day. This means you can approach as many girls as you feel comfortable with and you can ease yourself into rejection. I'm still a noob and its only a suggestion that was given to me. but hope it helps
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