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How to handle rejection better?
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Author:  The Mellow [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:31 pm ]
Post subject:  How to handle rejection better?
I got a sour rejection last night at a club after walking up to a girl, asking her name, and telling her she was attractive. She pretended some guy (who had a girl sitting on his lap) was her boyfriend. So I said "oh he's your pimp?"

She responded by saying something like you're a cowboy and some other weird offensive shit, so I just walked off cause I knew it wasn't going to work and there was a TON of negative energy in the air. For some reason it didn't feel good though, for 20 minutes I dwelled on it and couldn't find a way to move off it no matter how hard I tried.

Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with rejection or kill negative thoughts from past experience quickly?

I suppose I don't have the field experience to deal with it easily yet, but if my confidence was higher I suppose that wouldn't matter.
Author:  Rough Operator [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
Just throw yourself into approach after approach and you will get desensitized to it. If I had a bad rejection it still might affect me, but its extremely rare, usually they're polite about it. Why let the opinion of a total stranger be so important to you?

Think that just by going out and bombing every set and getting rejected a ton, you're still leagues ahead of the chumps standing round at the bar laughing at you. How many people do they approach?
Author:  daffy duck [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
Quote:
I got a sour rejection last night at a club after walking up to a girl, asking her name, and telling her she was attractive. She pretended some guy (who had a girl sitting on his lap) was her boyfriend. So I said "oh he's your pimp?"

She responded by saying something like you're a cowboy and some other weird offensive shit, so I just walked off cause I knew it wasn't going to work and there was a TON of negative energy in the air. For some reason it didn't feel good though, for 20 minutes I dwelled on it and couldn't find a way to move off it no matter how hard I tried.

Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with rejection or kill negative thoughts from past experience quickly?

I suppose I don't have the field experience to deal with it easily yet, but if my confidence was higher I suppose that wouldn't matter.
also it's how you internalise a rejection. i too used to be demoralised by rejection but now i see them as 'shit tests' people (not just women) throw at you to test your inner resolve.

it's all just a test to see if you will crumble. you crumbled last night but it matters not...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTWjtnKv4vE
Author:  Panamaflash [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
Just get over it as quickly as you can. I just look at it all as a process. I'm very new to this, so I'm currently just working on my approaches and getting over my fear of them. Last night I went out with a few friends, two of which were a couple, and I must have done around 20 approaches over 2 separate bars. The first few were terrible, as in crash & burn (mainly due to the angle I went from, terrible, but was just testing the waters) but it got progressively better, until I finally got a kiss-close in one of the last few at the second bar. Of 20, I'd say 15 were rejections, and 5 were immediate, meaning I could tell they weren't up for it, but none were the kind that pisses you off and leaves you in a bad mood.
Author:  enesta [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
Don't attach to outcomes, think about the process, challenge and lessons you learn. Whatever happens serves a purpose.
Author:  Panamaflash [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
Quote:
Don't attach to outcomes, think about the process, challenge and lessons you learn. Whatever happens serves a purpose.
Exactly. I'll be honest and say I grab more of a kick out of the chase itself and the challenge than whatever may come after. It's a lot of fun when you go out into town with a purpose.
Author:  carib [ Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
Get super sarcastic, think of Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love when the guy from the office is wearing New Balance sneakers and he tells him, OMG are you the billionaire designer of Mac products. Say something like, "OMG are you like a super model, is it ok for me to be standing around you, will I tarnish your reputation, I'll take my ugly ass somewhere else, my apologies princess." And walk away.
Author:  lukeyx [ Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
don't react to the reply like it effected you or could of offended her. I mean i can't see your reply being so offensive but maybe the tone of voice you said it didn't help.

possible replies;
'No worries, I've got a boyfriend too'
'Yeah he can join us on our date too if he likes'
Author:  Tr@veler [ Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
There is a thing you need to know about rejection. It is NECESSARY.

It is part of the screening process. The fact that she rejects you tells you a lot about her and the probability of you two hooking up and having sex. You approach and approach and approach, and throughout all of these approaches some will like you and some won't. If you are getting rejected over and over and over, and then get a good bite, guess what, you would've never gotten the good bite unless you got rejected before. Unless you went through all the girls to check which one would bite.

If you're in a room with 100 girls, and you KNOW FOR A FACT that 34 like you and want to fuck you, 33 like you but don't want to fuck you, and 33 just hate you no matter what, how the fuck are you supposed to know which ones are the 33 that want to fuck you without actually going up to every single one and trying it on with each one? You HAVE TO. There is literally no other way. And you might go on a rejection streak, getting you closer and closer to the lay streak. Or you might jump from a rejection to a good reaction back to a rejection. Who knows? It's a PART OF IT. It's literally a part of it, like there is no other way to know for sure which ones will like you or not.
Author:  KnightDK [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 1:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
everyone gets rejected once in awhile even the best ones in field. Try to analyze and recognize your mistakes.
It is a learning process. Don't worry about some rejections, it just gives motivation to become better.
Author:  puaninja [ Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to handle rejection better?
One thing that helps is to take the hint, recognize the iod's, and try to diffuse the negativity before going your separate ways. Some guys will try to save face and stay in the set after they've already been blown out, or worse, antagonize the girl with stupid comments that have no possible benefit. I don't think that insinuating that the girl was a hooker was helping your cause. All that does is trigger their response to put you in your place and say something hurtful which will sting and stay with you all night and maybe into the next day.

It's hard to be the bigger person sometimes. You took the initiative to try and socialize, you put yourself out there and exposed yourself, and yet the girl doesn't even give you a chance. But that's just part of the game. Just smile and say, "Don't be offended, I meant that as a compliment. You have a good night sweetheart."

That shows a lot of confidence that you can get blown out and handle yourself with dignity and maintain your sense of respect for yourself and others. It will also make the girl second guess herself since you'll come off as a decent guy, when she's probably only ever been with douchebags who treat her like shit.
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