PUA Forum :: Is there still a chance?

When a girl is close to you in private and not close in public, she wants to be discreet. What do you do in such a case? Do you ask her "Why are you so distant? I want us to be close in public, too." Or do you just go along with being discreet. Make it a principle that you are discreet. Some girls have a very high ASD even when they truly like you. You LEAD. YOU say "I like being discreet" or "I don't like it when people babble about their personal life, their sex life. Others can do it if they want, but I don't." Then she knows she can trust you.

You scared her away with your neediness. She had NO problem with you before probably. But as soon as you said "Why are you so distant?" you're needy. If you had 5 other girls you could call up, all of whom you liked, would you really be so focused on this one? Would it really upset you that much if she was distant in public? If she liked to be discreet? Probably not. She would be the discreet one out of your bunch of girls. That's cool. Whatever. Go with it. And if YOU say you like to be discreet first, then you hold the frame even more strongly.

Don't text her anything. If you are going out, just invite her out. "Hey we are going to X, you should join." If she comes, great. If not, then move on. Onto the next one. Move forward. You are putting a lot of value on her. She should be putting a lot of value on you, too, then. Don't put so much value on her or any other girls anymore for that matter.

Thanks a lot for the reply! I really appreciate it.
But may I ask a few questions that really bother me?

Why would she text me again after 2-3 weeks and then just not reply? Does it mean anything?
And you think just texting a random funny thing tomorrow won't work at sparking something up? And then from there go into pull and push( I know I know leave her alone, but just can't get it out my head that I screw up something that could have been amazing, like I'm mad at myself).

I'm sorry for the annoying questions,my personality is that it's hard for me to give up when I know there is a chance; and especially when I know where I messed up. Blessing yet a curse.

Quote:

Author:	Dante55555 [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:14 am ]
Post subject:	Is there still a chance?
Hey guys, I need you help ! So a background about my situation (I'll do it in cliffs to make it easier); -Met this girl in my school (We have two classes together), my 10/10. -We hit things great, she initiated a lot, we always hung out between classes and we hooked up a bunch of times. -Problem was she was always acting a little distant when we were in school but then when we were alone we acted like a couple(Which is something I wanted, but she said it was too soon for her). -I kept asking her here and there "What's wrong", "Why are you so distant" and that kinda pissed her off and just gave a bad vibe. -3 weeks ago, out of no where she decided to text me " sorry I can't do this". We talked over the phone and she said that she was just not "Feeling right" about this. (Again, got me really confused because a few days before that we were acting like a couple again, texting a lot and just being awesome lol). -Haven't spoke in 3 weeks (Yet seeing her almost every day in class, ouch). -Sunday she texted me something quit random about a kid from our class. I respond after like 8 hours, but haven't heard from her since. My question is, what to do now? I really want this girl and I can really see it working out. I know where I messed up (Towards the end I was dropping my guard down and become a little too available and needyish), and I know what I need to do to fix it. Do I wait for her to initiate again? (Play the No Contact game)or do I wait one more day and if she isn't initiating I should try and contact her? Is she still even interested or am I just fooling myself? I feel like a chicken running around with no head. appreciate the help guys.

Author:	Tr@veler [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 2:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is there still a chance?
When a girl is close to you in private and not close in public, she wants to be discreet. What do you do in such a case? Do you ask her "Why are you so distant? I want us to be close in public, too." Or do you just go along with being discreet. Make it a principle that you are discreet. Some girls have a very high ASD even when they truly like you. You LEAD. YOU say "I like being discreet" or "I don't like it when people babble about their personal life, their sex life. Others can do it if they want, but I don't." Then she knows she can trust you. You scared her away with your neediness. She had NO problem with you before probably. But as soon as you said "Why are you so distant?" you're needy. If you had 5 other girls you could call up, all of whom you liked, would you really be so focused on this one? Would it really upset you that much if she was distant in public? If she liked to be discreet? Probably not. She would be the discreet one out of your bunch of girls. That's cool. Whatever. Go with it. And if YOU say you like to be discreet first, then you hold the frame even more strongly. Don't text her anything. If you are going out, just invite her out. "Hey we are going to X, you should join." If she comes, great. If not, then move on. Onto the next one. Move forward. You are putting a lot of value on her. She should be putting a lot of value on you, too, then. Don't put so much value on her or any other girls anymore for that matter.

Author:	Dante55555 [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is there still a chance?
Quote: When a girl is close to you in private and not close in public, she wants to be discreet. What do you do in such a case? Do you ask her "Why are you so distant? I want us to be close in public, too." Or do you just go along with being discreet. Make it a principle that you are discreet. Some girls have a very high ASD even when they truly like you. You LEAD. YOU say "I like being discreet" or "I don't like it when people babble about their personal life, their sex life. Others can do it if they want, but I don't." Then she knows she can trust you. You scared her away with your neediness. She had NO problem with you before probably. But as soon as you said "Why are you so distant?" you're needy. If you had 5 other girls you could call up, all of whom you liked, would you really be so focused on this one? Would it really upset you that much if she was distant in public? If she liked to be discreet? Probably not. She would be the discreet one out of your bunch of girls. That's cool. Whatever. Go with it. And if YOU say you like to be discreet first, then you hold the frame even more strongly. Don't text her anything. If you are going out, just invite her out. "Hey we are going to X, you should join." If she comes, great. If not, then move on. Onto the next one. Move forward. You are putting a lot of value on her. She should be putting a lot of value on you, too, then. Don't put so much value on her or any other girls anymore for that matter. Thanks a lot for the reply! I really appreciate it. But may I ask a few questions that really bother me? Why would she text me again after 2-3 weeks and then just not reply? Does it mean anything? And you think just texting a random funny thing tomorrow won't work at sparking something up? And then from there go into pull and push( I know I know leave her alone, but just can't get it out my head that I screw up something that could have been amazing, like I'm mad at myself). I'm sorry for the annoying questions,my personality is that it's hard for me to give up when I know there is a chance; and especially when I know where I messed up. Blessing yet a curse.

Author:	Stig34 [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is there still a chance?
Quote: Thanks a lot for the reply! I really appreciate it. But may I ask a few questions that really bother me? Why would she text me again after 2-3 weeks and then just not reply? Does it mean anything? And you think just texting a random funny thing tomorrow won't work at sparking something up? And then from there go into pull and push( I know I know leave her alone, but just can't get it out my head that I screw up something that could have been amazing, like I'm mad at myself). I'm sorry for the annoying questions,my personality is that it's hard for me to give up when I know there is a chance; and especially when I know where I messed up. Blessing yet a curse. She may have missed the attention that she was getting from you at that moment. Since you didn't go into detail about what she texted it's hard to say for sure. The fact that she didn't respond probably means what you texted back wasn't amusing or interesting to her so she decided to let it be again. Or someone else she wanted showed her attention, you might have just been a distraction. You should definitely distract yourself away from her, which isn't the same as giving up on her. It's just a way to stop yourself from becoming genuinely needy and clingy. It's a common truth that when people over think things you tend to mess things up. The same goes for women, spend too much time and energy on them and you'll find yourself stumbling over yourself. Give it some time and then text her, in the mean time focus on something or other women this week and weekend. Flirt get your self esteem up and you'll be surprised how fast she'll fade from your priorities. It'll help you to act more natural and confident around her.

Author:	Tr@veler [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is there still a chance?
Quote: Quote: When a girl is close to you in private and not close in public, she wants to be discreet. What do you do in such a case? Do you ask her "Why are you so distant? I want us to be close in public, too." Or do you just go along with being discreet. Make it a principle that you are discreet. Some girls have a very high ASD even when they truly like you. You LEAD. YOU say "I like being discreet" or "I don't like it when people babble about their personal life, their sex life. Others can do it if they want, but I don't." Then she knows she can trust you. You scared her away with your neediness. She had NO problem with you before probably. But as soon as you said "Why are you so distant?" you're needy. If you had 5 other girls you could call up, all of whom you liked, would you really be so focused on this one? Would it really upset you that much if she was distant in public? If she liked to be discreet? Probably not. She would be the discreet one out of your bunch of girls. That's cool. Whatever. Go with it. And if YOU say you like to be discreet first, then you hold the frame even more strongly. Don't text her anything. If you are going out, just invite her out. "Hey we are going to X, you should join." If she comes, great. If not, then move on. Onto the next one. Move forward. You are putting a lot of value on her. She should be putting a lot of value on you, too, then. Don't put so much value on her or any other girls anymore for that matter. Thanks a lot for the reply! I really appreciate it. But may I ask a few questions that really bother me? Why would she text me again after 2-3 weeks and then just not reply? Does it mean anything? And you think just texting a random funny thing tomorrow won't work at sparking something up? And then from there go into pull and push( I know I know leave her alone, but just can't get it out my head that I screw up something that could have been amazing, like I'm mad at myself). I'm sorry for the annoying questions,my personality is that it's hard for me to give up when I know there is a chance; and especially when I know where I messed up. Blessing yet a curse. Try it. Text her something random. See if she replies and if she does how she replies and go from there. But you have to look at the bigger picture here. You are obsessing over this one girl. You have to change your mentality, your mindset. The reason you are in this situation is BECAUSE of this mindset. So why not work on the cause rather than trying to clean up the effect? Sure clean it up, and set it straight whether or not she's still interested, but move on in your mindset. Know WHY you didn't get her and know HOW to change your mindset that will benefit not only you in the future, but also the girls that you are with. And the whole why does she text me after 2-3 weeks and then not replying, it doesn't matter what the reason is. You are trying to figure her head out, which is quite literally impossible unless you have some way of entering her mind. Focus on what YOU want, not what SHE wants. Your wants come first, then hers. This will automatically set the frame straight as to whose world is in whose. Work on how you view girls.

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Author:	Andre2807 [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 6:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Is there still a chance?
Okay so she turned into a long fuse. Here's some advice I took directly from a book I read: Pinging and Keeping on Her Radar A great strategy to implement with a Long Fuse is to stay on her radar by ‘pinging’. These texts are sent on a random basis but there is usually at least a couple of days between each text message. While it is ok to ask questions, we suggest that you make at least half of them statements. When and if she replies, you do not go for the date. You simply mirror her level of investment, maybe asking for slightly more. Also, remember to end the interaction first if possible to help create tempo. This can be hard with Long Fuses, but when and if you get the chance, take it. Good texts that you can use to ping with include: “I just met your twin” “Did you know that the blue whales tongue weighs more than an elephant? Gotta love national geographic.” “Hey I just wanted to touch base in case you get rich” “Remember guys tomorrow is ‘Hug a retard’ day. . . So don’t freak out like you did last year, NO ONE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU!” “Brownies or fudge cake?” “Pepperoni or Hawaiian?” “Plane is about to take off… are you suppose to put your hands in the air like on a roller coaster?” “You never write, you never call, rent is due, and the kids are worried sick. What should I tell them?” The aim is to avoid becoming the ‘creepy guy’ that she kind of knows that always texts her. What you want to be instead is the cool guy who randomly makes her laugh and have fun. You are basically hanging around reminding her you are alive until the conditions in her life permit her to be a Medium Fuse or a Short Fuse again.

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