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Trying to gain her interest back.......
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Author:  Stig34 [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 8:24 am ]
Post subject:  Trying to gain her interest back.......
I'm a first time poster and definitely in need of assistance. My confidence starts high but I end up ruining it sometimes by being to open and available and other times doing a 180 and being too cold. So here's the story....

I started talking to this girl and she was very interested almost stalkerish with texting me. To be honest as far as looks go I know I'm above her, but still I was interested as we had some chemistry. Though I will admit the chemistry was mostly through texting as from day one that's how she preferred contact. She went on and on about how she was telling her friends about how I'm perfect and was texting me literally all day and night.

We went out on a first date 2 weeks ago and we made out for quite a bit and I was the one who ended the date mentioning we both had things to do the next day. She texted me that night to let me know she got home safe and thanked me for the great time. Since the date though her interest has waned. I definitely had made myself to available for her and it was taking it's toll.

She mentioned about us slowing down, so I said okay let's give each other space. To which she got very upset(she told me she was) and promptly ended the conversation saying she has to go because of work. I waited for her to contact me and when she did explained exactly what I meant and she calmed down.(I said we just don't need to be texting all the time).

Still I made myself to available with the texting. She always texted first but I always responded and fairly quickly. Her interest kept waning and she gave excuses such as the fact that she is losing her apartment and is stressed as she only has days left to find another. Still I felt it was more than that.

So I backed off what I hope is coming off slowly. First I stopped being so flirty in the texts then I started making her wait for an hour or so for a response. I started going out more with my friends and told her I couldn't text during those times as I didn't want to be rude to anyone. She seemed to get upset but then seemed to be okay with it. Then for the past 2 days I refused to answer any of her texts till I got home from work.

The first day she texted repeatedly and then broke down and called me several times which I ignored and left a message saying hey stranger just wanted to see how your doing? She then texted me what did I do? I texted when I got home "nothing, just got home now" there was no response so I texted again saying "I'm going to sleep if you want you can contact me and hopefully I'll hear it"

She responds the next day "My phone died early last night....just got your texts" I didn't respond. Then 30 minutes later she texts "I was really worried about u yesterday" Then 2 hours later "I'm sure if ur working ur prob swamped! Just text me when u can" I respond 4 hours later saying I was busy at work and couldn't respond to her yesterday or today" She texts back immediately"I know... I was really freaking out tho" In my opinion she was searching for an apology since she hadn't said she was sorry for missing my text just gave a reason I felt we where equal so I ignored that text. A little while later she texts me "I have work tomorrow at 4 am :/" I wait 2 hours and say "That sucks" and then "I just got home now..."
She then texts "Wow...i'm actually going to sleep! Your gonna be busy like this for a while huh? I text back "Not sure, but yeah get some sleep" So she texts me "I'll text u tomorrow and completely understand if u take a while to get back to me :) have a good night ok!! I chose not to answer.

My question is this I don't know what I'm doing? lol! Seriously I want to gain her interest by making her work for my attention, but I'm worried that I might instead come off as mad at her. Now I don't want her to think I'm mad because then she still has the power. I want her to know my interest is waning though. So if anyone could help me out with how to proceed, please do as I'm at a loss.
Author:  Thessius [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 8:56 am ]
Post subject: 
Okay, to me it sounded as though the first date went great on your part. What I've learned is that a lot of girls have it embeded in their mind that there will be this many days till she kisses you and this many days till you guys have sex. So to me, it sounds as though you took her by surprise and she let go of herself that night and was ..taken by surprise. Also, that comment about her saying take things slow, I would have responded with "I didn't know we were moving fast but sure...lol." What it's doing is it's tampering with her outlook on it. It throws the ball onto her court again, making her second guess what she said. Don't bother explaining yourself full, and stop playing that texting game. Honestly, it doesn't work too much unless it's legit: if you're seriously busy, then don't text. If you don't feel like responding -don't. If you feel like you have too much time, become apart of something. In the end, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You're young, so talk to other girls, and tell her that you are. I've been recently doing this and it's increasing girls interest in me.
Author:  LD [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:16 am ]
Post subject: 
i would say: bail out.
girls who have nothing better to do then text the entire time...for me that is a big nono. Their life isnt really fulfilling i would say.

But suppose you dont care about that, how to proceed? first, you are afraid 'of giving her the power', but mate, look at how you respond and how managing those texts is working on you. She already has power over you. Then contradictory, you say that your interest is waning, but on the other hand you dont want her to think you are mad at her.

Look, you need to figure out what it is you want. You felt like her attention was waning, so you wanted to do something about it. But why? is it because you really want her or is it because you are no longer feeling the warmth of attention on your ego (no offense intended btw)? think about it long and hard. If you found out what it is you want, call her and tell her. If you want to continue with her, i advice you also tell her to stop making you as her hobby and get a real hobby. Tell her to fill her life with something she wants to do, otherwise your relationship will be smothering.

good luck!
Author:  Stig34 [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:41 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Okay, to me it sounded as though the first date went great on your part. What I've learned is that a lot of girls have it embeded in their mind that there will be this many days till she kisses you and this many days till you guys have sex. So to me, it sounds as though you took her by surprise and she let go of herself that night and was ..taken by surprise. Also, that comment about her saying take things slow, I would have responded with "I didn't know we were moving fast but sure...lol." What it's doing is it's tampering with her outlook on it. It throws the ball onto her court again, making her second guess what she said. Don't bother explaining yourself full, and stop playing that texting game. Honestly, it doesn't work too much unless it's legit: if you're seriously busy, then don't text. If you don't feel like responding -don't. If you feel like you have too much time, become apart of something. In the end, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You're young, so talk to other girls, and tell her that you are. I've been recently doing this and it's increasing girls interest in me.
Thanx for the advice bro. I definitely think your right about not putting my eggs all in one basket which is definitely what I was doing. I was approached by a couple of girls this weekend and shot them down foolishly. Next weekend I'll try to rectify that and be more open.
Quote:
i would say: bail out.
girls who have nothing better to do then text the entire time...for me that is a big nono. Their life isnt really fulfilling i would say.

But suppose you dont care about that, how to proceed? first, you are afraid 'of giving her the power', but mate, look at how you respond and how managing those texts is working on you. She already has power over you. Then contradictory, you say that your interest is waning, but on the other hand you dont want her to think you are mad at her.

Look, you need to figure out what it is you want. You felt like her attention was waning, so you wanted to do something about it. But why? is it because you really want her or is it because you are no longer feeling the warmth of attention on your ego (no offense intended btw)? think about it long and hard. If you found out what it is you want, call her and tell her. If you want to continue with her, i advice you also tell her to stop making you as her hobby and get a real hobby. Tell her to fill her life with something she wants to do, otherwise your relationship will be smothering.

good luck!
Thanks bro, and as far as offending me there's no worries. I know some people have that pride problem where they ask questions and aren't open to hearing answers they don't like. I'm not like that, I'm asking for help so I should be open to criticism as I should be aware that I'm asking for help as I obviously need it.

As for what I want I'm unsure. I definitely did enjoy the ego stroking by the perpetual attention, but I also liked the original chemistry between us. The problem is I feel it's fizzling out and I'm unsure what to do about it.

I'm also aware that the texting thing is power over me, that's what I meant by saying I made myself too available. My question though is what can I do to try and garner her interest back so I can make a decision as to my feelings for her.

I also agree with what your saying as far as being her hobby. Guess I'll have to find a tactful way to bring that up to her.

Any other advice you could offer as far as getting back her interest would be greatly appreciated. Again thank you both for the help.
Author:  LD [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

Thanks bro, and as far as offending me there's no worries. I know some people have that pride problem where they ask questions and aren't open to hearing answers they don't like. I'm not like that, I'm asking for help so I should be open to criticism as I should be aware that I'm asking for help as I obviously need it.

As for what I want I'm unsure. I definitely did enjoy the ego stroking by the perpetual attention, but I also liked the original chemistry between us. The problem is I feel it's fizzling out and I'm unsure what to do about it.

I'm also aware that the texting thing is power over me, that's what I meant by saying I made myself too available. My question though is what can I do to try and garner her interest back so I can make a decision as to my feelings for her.

I also agree with what your saying as far as being her hobby. Guess I'll have to find a tactful way to bring that up to her.

Any other advice you could offer as far as getting back her interest would be greatly appreciated. Again thank you both for the help.
Hey mate.
ok, so you realize the power etc, that is good. Look, as you dont know what you want, i would simply invest a bit more time in her. Meet up. I dont know if you know each other good already, but i can guess by only texting, you dont. So i would put an interest in her, break through the surface. Who is this girl? What are her passions in life? her dreams? This might be a bit of a turndown as she doesnt really seem to have a life, but you never know, right? Still, does she meet whatever requirements and things you look for in a woman? Perhaps while talking, the chemistry will come back. If not, it is better you be plain honest towards her, for two reasons: if you arent and you leave her alone, she will not leave you alone. As she doesnt understand why, she will keep on bugging you. Secondly, honesty is sign of respect.

so in short: invest in her and the interest on both sides might grow again.

cheers and good luck!
Author:  Magius [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Do not put all your effort into one girl, you are young start talking and chatting up other girls. She should know she maybe not be the only one. She is just one of manny girls. Start investing in her again, maybe give the opportunity of hangout or something like that. But what i would say is to find out what you want to do with the girl. Is it a fuck buddy, or where you more interested in the girl.

It seems like she still got the power over you, less and less in the end. So either pull all out, because if you do not pull out its only going to be some texts here and there nothing special.
Author:  Stig34 [ Thu Nov 01, 2012 7:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hey mate.
ok, so you realize the power etc, that is good. Look, as you dont know what you want, i would simply invest a bit more time in her. Meet up. I dont know if you know each other good already, but i can guess by only texting, you dont. So i would put an interest in her, break through the surface. Who is this girl? What are her passions in life? her dreams? This might be a bit of a turndown as she doesnt really seem to have a life, but you never know, right? Still, does she meet whatever requirements and things you look for in a woman? Perhaps while talking, the chemistry will come back. If not, it is better you be plain honest towards her, for two reasons: if you arent and you leave her alone, she will not leave you alone. As she doesnt understand why, she will keep on bugging you. Secondly, honesty is sign of respect.

so in short: invest in her and the interest on both sides might grow again.

cheers and good luck!
Thanks again for the advice bro, I really appreciate it. I chose to break it off today telling her the truth while trying to be tactful. I told her that she's at a point in her life where she's got a lot going on and I deserve better than to wait for her to get situated. I told her she's a sweet girl and perhaps in the future when she is situated she can try giving me a call again. She seemed very angry and I haven't heard from her since earlier today when I told her. I truly hope she improves her situation and I hear from her further down the road, but if not I understand and have already made my peace with that possibility.

As luck would have it another 2 girls who I had rejected earlier for this girl hadn't given up on me. When I say luck I do mean extremely lucky as both had contacted me after my conversation with the first girl. One via FB and the other by phone. So I have 2 dates in my immediate future one this evening and one Saturday. Hopefully I've gained perspective and will be more sure of myself and what I want.

Quote:
Do not put all your effort into one girl, you are young start talking and chatting up other girls. She should know she maybe not be the only one. She is just one of manny girls. Start investing in her again, maybe give the opportunity of hangout or something like that. But what i would say is to find out what you want to do with the girl. Is it a fuck buddy, or where you more interested in the girl.

It seems like she still got the power over you, less and less in the end. So either pull all out, because if you do not pull out its only going to be some texts here and there nothing special.
Thanx for the advice bro. I chose to break it off as after evaluating everything I thought it was best for us to go our separate ways for now. Also as luck would have it fate brought me 2 other girls for me to get to know and perhaps more. Thanx again to everyone that tried to help. Hopefully I'll have better luck this time around.
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