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Frame control with my FWB (text)
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Author:  smashthecrash [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 7:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Frame control with my FWB (text)
So without getting into past topics, I'm engaged in a good power struggle with my current FWB, who also happens to be an ex girlfriend. However, I'm trying to control the frame because as of now, she is mainly in control of when we fuck (IMO not often enough). Here's an example of last night's text conversation.

Me: (7pm) Dtf tonight?
Her: Don't ever use that acronym with me again. And idk.
Me: K. You've got til 9 to decide.
Her: Do we have to have sex? Lol last night was fun (gave her a massage, no sex)
Me: It was, but im horny, and not blowing off my plans for less.
Her: You have plans?
Her: (T+1m) Actually... Hmm. Ok. But I have to be back in my room by 10 and you gotta seduce me lol I'm not horny. So candles, etc. K?
Me: 1030
Her: 1015
Her: (T+4m) K?
Me: I'm in class SPAM
Her: Oh. So 9 ish to 1015. I didn't realize you were in class. Pick me up at my room plz?
Me: K
(40 minutes pass - 8:02)(FRAME SHIFT - she cancels)
Her: Actually.... I'm sorry but I gotta cancel the plans we just made. :(
Me: Y
Me: (8:09) Ugh... I so need to find a new fb
Her: (8:15) I think you mean a new fwb
Me: (8:33) No I don't. Only happens when YOU are horny. Fb
Me: (925) A friend would offer to make up/reschedule when they flake. Just sayin.
Her: (943) I am aware. That will prolly happen
Her: (958) I can give you an excuse, though. It's a good one
(...blah blah back and forth... I talk her back into it)
Her (1053) Ah. Well I'm just sitting at D&W's now. If you're willing to pick me up/drop me off, I will give you an hour or so, like we had planned.
Me (1055) I'm not hanging out with D that long (had made plans with him earlier), do the hour after?
Her: Nah, I'm hoping to be in bed. I'm not gonna set an alarm tomorrow n I have class at 10

Nothing happened after this. I could really use some advice on frame control because recently I find the more attractive the target is, the more they behave like this. I think I was doing great until she cancelled. I feel like I lost the frame when I reacted to her, and handled it incorrectly. What could I have done better?

Today we had lunch where D works, but didn't make any plans. Afterwards I sent:

Me: So... sunbathing on the hill after my class gets out at 5? ;)
Her: (after her class got out) Uh idk

How should I respond to this one? I'm leaning towards just freezing out completely until she makes good on a session. Sick of these "idk" responses. For the record, her and I haven't fucked since Saturday morning. I usually make an indirect approach, like the "last night" mentioned in the text was a prior plan we made for me to practice ripping panties off (any advice on this either? I failed miserably) but it never led to sex. Not for lack of trying, either. That's why last night I made my proposal very direct, and in that part I think I did well... until she regained the frame.
Author:  HeavyRota8tion [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 7:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
This focus on frame building is retarded.
Author:  puaninja [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 8:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Number one, you kind of sound like an ass a little bit OP, and number two, after you f-close, the emphasis on frame control is less important. What you are dealing with now is just relationship dynamics.
Author:  Radar01 [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 8:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
dunno if its your texting style or something, but you come across as aggressive and rude.

If one of my friends texted shit like that to invite me somewhere even if it would be pretty good, I reckon it would piss me off.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 8:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
So...call back up
Author:  smashthecrash [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 11:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Number one, you kind of sound like an ass a little bit OP, and number two, after you f-close, the emphasis on frame control is less important. What you are dealing with now is just relationship dynamics.
After looking at it later, I did feel like an asshole. I don't think I usually text like this... what specifically could I have said or done differently?
Author:  ItsAlwaysOn [ Tue Oct 30, 2012 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
first of all, as others have already said, stop with all the focus on 'frame control'. its just a waste of brain cells. just stop.

second, girls dont like to be used for sex. especially since shes an exgf. now it certainly may be just a fuckbuddy/fwb type relationship. but dont treat it as if you just wanna fuck her and get rid of her. "dtf?" might be the thing thats pissing her off. you should probably ask her if she wants to watch a movie at your place tonight or something similar. you and her both know what it means but it sounds a heck of a lot less crude.

another thing im seeing is that youre letting her push you around. i mean look at her very first text message to you:

Her: Don't ever use that acronym with me again. And idk.

shes totally in control here. shes setting all the rules, flaking on you, even telling you what you can and cant say. just stop putting up with this shit. immediately. like yesterday. it cant be worth all this nonsense just to get laid. find another girl you actually like or have fun doing something else with some friends instead of wasting time with this nonsense.
Author:  Little Panda [ Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
You're scheduling your sex plans with the woman like you're scheduling a business meeting.

Don't ever 'plan' sex with a woman.

Women are controlled by emotion. By planning sex ahead, you're putting pressure on her to be 'needing' to be in the mood for sex when the 'time comes for sex' (as you have so nicely scribbled into your schedule). This will not work and will usually lead to a crash and burn. Instead, plan for fun events and dates with the girl, and then seduce her 'in the moment'.

This way, both of you will get sex on each others' terms rather than it being one-sided for whenever she feels like it.
Author:  lukeyx [ Tue Oct 30, 2012 10:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
During the conversation you basically tried to force her to want your dick and have sex with you. That's stupid. You've got to make her want to have sex with you, not just expect her to be horny for you at all times and allow you to be an arsehole.

What i like to do is randomly give the HB visions of having sex through text, I'd text her some shit to turn her on. I'd then tell her to come round at xx:xx time once I get a text back to show some sort of indication that shes wants it.

Saying that, you said you had a massage and shit and never had sex last time, that is basically heading for a relationship. You should make sure you fuck her every time she's round and when you have the chance to as you will more than likely not like the outcome in the long term. A massage is acceptable as long as you don't this shit to often, but make sure you have sex with her too.

read this too http://chiefpua.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/ ... r-fwb.html it should help you out
Author:  smashthecrash [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You're scheduling your sex plans with the woman like you're scheduling a business meeting.

Don't ever 'plan' sex with a woman.

Women are controlled by emotion. By planning sex ahead, you're putting pressure on her to be 'needing' to be in the mood for sex when the 'time comes for sex' (as you have so nicely scribbled into your schedule). This will not work and will usually lead to a crash and burn. Instead, plan for fun events and dates with the girl, and then seduce her 'in the moment'.

This way, both of you will get sex on each others' terms rather than it being one-sided for whenever she feels like it.
So, so, so true. In fact, the events that have transpired since that day of texting emphasize this point so much. In fact, the following friday:

Her: (1208am) Yo
Me: (1217) Sup
Her: blah blah
Me: blah blah
....
Her: Oh. yea it's ok
Her: (5m later) I had been toying with the idea of using your tub
Me: Making moonshine?
Her: Lol no... Candlelit bath
Me: I did make that offer, didn't I?
Her: Yea you did.
Me: Well, my company just left.
Her: Oh dear. That was quick.
Me: Ah... they left of their own accord?
Her: I see. Can we have fun n relax without having 'fun'
Her: ?
Me: Yeah, of course.
Her: K. I'll get stuff together n come down

What followed was her taking a bath, then asking for a massage before bed. I put low, if any pressure on her to do more, but sex "just happened" off and on all night until about noon the next day. So yes, I have learned my lesson about "planning sex", I mainly wanted to test it to see how well it worked. Not well, obviously.
Quote:
another thing im seeing is that youre letting her push you around.
Yeah, I'm becoming increasingly aware of this. I've done a little better recently, but as you can see the whole point of this topic is keeping the idea of her chasing me, not the other way around. As far as what lukeyx was saying about "heading for a relationship" that's also a possibility. She IS my ex-girlfriend, but I was also the dumpee. Since this topic was made, she has spent two nights over at my house (her idea both times) and I fucked her on both occasions. It's actually quite rare that a "massage" happens without sex.

Thanks for all the advice. If you feel inclined to know more, I've got a couple other recent topics about this girl in particular. I do actually like her and have fun with her, and I can tell she is becoming more and more attached lately. This puts me into a much better "being chased" mindset. I also maintain a (semi) active social life outside of her as well.
Author:  Little Panda [ Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:24 am ]
Post subject: 
^Hats off to you. Congratulations.
Author:  smashthecrash [ Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
So I'd appreciate some insight on this text conversation today. I've decided to make this my main thread about this girl.

Her: guess what just got here. (some sexy underwear I got for her)
Me: You should model them for my lunch break ;)
Her: No. Besides, (my roommate) just got here. But ill see Ryan Sunday lol
Me: You owe me dishes and underwear, by the way. (prior arrangement - I practice ripping her underwear off if I buy her new ones)
Her: I am aware

I think it's pretty obvious that she's trying to make me jealous, so my instinct now is to not react and change the topic. But this is sort of a recurring problem with her.

As far as this Ryan guy, it's an old friend of hers that she recently started talking to again. She told me how they had a good time before sharing a hotel room once before, just playing video games and getting fucked up and nothing sexual happening. They've always been platonic, but she told me last week that he was getting a hotel in a nearby town Sunday (his work keeps him traveling) and "something may or may not happen". My response? "I don't care what happens, as long as you're honest. You know how I'm going to NYC next weekend to see my friend?" "Yeah, your army buddy." "Yeah, the one I was fucking overseas. Something may or may not happen."

So I think I handle this well by not reacting or pretending I don't care? It pisses me off when she says shit like this - her fawning over other guys lowers her value to me. Which is why you guys (and some of my IRL friends) say "drop this bitch, she's not worth your time". Getting a bit tired of the jealousy ploy, and previous attempts at being direct haven't really had much effect. Obviously, I really enjoy the sex and don't have anything better going on at the moment (not for lack of trying) else I would just drop her like a bad habit.
Author:  Little Panda [ Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
^If she's your ex and you don't have any feelings for her - just ignore those topics and keep fucking her for as long as you want.

I usually support girls with their own jealousy plots, it completely mindfucks them.
Author:  smashthecrash [ Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah I agree with the supporting thing, can you be more specific?

I just want to discourage her from fucking other guys... obvious reasons like STDs/pregnancy (she's not very insistent on condom use) and likely my own ego too. Nobody really likes to share, do they? Aside from just ignoring those topics, I've thought about saying something like "I bet that sex was amazing! You should videotape it and show it to me so I can take notes!" all with a big shit eating grin on my face. Or maybe deliver it deadpan and really mindfuck her. Kinda throw some straw man in there as well, especially since I know I'm damned good at sex myself if her orgasms are any indicator.

But since I DO have some feelings for her (that I'm trying to suppress) I want to say shit like "Using your vagina to make friends again huh? How's that working out for ya?" or sarcastically "Good to see your charming personality is winning out over your ability to spread your legs". A few weeks ago we were talking about having "real friends" and of her three, two were guys she's fucked and the third is her female friend we had a threesome with.
Author:  Chris2k10 [ Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sigh....
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