PUA Forum :: Ex-girlfriend / No Contact rule?

Quote:

As you already stated you want her back. So let's clarify and simplify. You probably can get her back pretty easily just by inviting her over to watch Dexter and work your way back into her heart (and her pants). But you are concerned that she might not fully embrace you, and you still feel compelled to punish her for having broken up with you and slept with other guys. This is why you don't really know how to act, eventhough what you desire is fairly straightfoward.

Thanks. I don't feel compelled to punish her. The reason she broke up with me was because she was no longer attracted to me (because I became AFC). She's told me that she wishes she was attracted, and cried because she wasn't. I want to build attraction with her.

She has told me she wants to come over and watch Dexter with me, and has made an active effort to hang out with me, but my friend tells me I need to never respond to her text messages or calls. My concern is that this is bad advice, and that I am making things worse. I feel bad actively ignoring her text messages. She cried when I told her it didn't matter to me if she dropped the bowling team, even though I enjoy seeing her. My friend thinks this is a good thing. She still wants to be friends with me, and doesn't want me out of her life. On the other hand, I want to be in a relationship with her, but this other guy is in the picture now. She's also told me if the other guy wasn't in the picture, she'd be back together with me.

The central theme here is: I feel like the more I make her cry because I'm ignoring her, the more she'll go to the other guy because she feels comfortable with him. Is this reasoning right or wrong, or am I looking at the problem the wrong way?

Also, her birthday is next weekend. She told me that she wanted to invite the guy she was dating, but that she would invite me over him if I was uncomfortable with it. I decided not to go altogether. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that. I would have liked to go, but only if it meant getting to bang her. I also don't want to see her texting her new friend all night.

Quote:

Don't worry about banging the other women, that's every pua's answer for everything.

But it works so well!

It's funny, when I ignored her and hit on every other girl at a brew festival, the next day she was calling me begging to come to my place. I said no because I was busy. This is the kind of attraction I want to build, but I fail to see how I'm supposed to do that if I'm not supposed to contact her or hang out with her. I ruined this attraction by going over her place a few days later and telling her how much I missed her, and that I was still in love with her, etc...

I actually think that I do need to bang other girls, to get my game back and build up my self-esteem, but that it can happen in parallel with getting my ex back.

Author:	PUA-InTraining [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Ex-girlfriend / No Contact rule?
Can someone please explain the no contact rule to me? I realize this probably belongs in the Relationships forum, but I can't post there until I've made 20 posts... maybe a moderator could move it? Summary: -I broke up with my gf of three years because I started getting bored and she stopped respecting me. I didn't contact her for two weeks (she called me a lot/left notes on my car asking to call her/etc). -We hung out for a while after that, and things were better for a bit (but we still weren't "in a relationship") -She lost attraction to me, I became AFC and now I'm stuck on her. She banged a few guys she met at the bar to get over me and is now dating some old guy (10 years older than her). She's told me that she still loves me, but she isn't in love with me, but that she wishes she was. She's also mentioned that she thinks the thing with this guy she's dating isn't going to go anywhere, and she's kind of just waiting for it to end (because she's in a different place in her life than he is). We are in a bowling league together, so we still see each other once a week. My friend keeps telling me to never text her back. Ever. If she asks to carpool to bowling, his answer is never text her back. He also says that I can't hang out with her, because she needs to miss me. I feel weird never texting her back, and she gets upset when I don't. When this happens, I mostly act as if I am indifferent to the situation. Is never texting her back the right thing to do? Am I doing the right thing? Second question - She wants to come over and watch Dexter with me (We used to watch it all the time together). Do I let her do this? I think she wants to be friends, but not in a relationship, and I'm not sure if this is a good idea if I want to get her back.

Author:	puaninja [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:
There's only two reasons to ever communicate with your ex. If you want her back, or if you just want to fuck. Period. That's it. Don't worry about doing the "right thing" or what she says she wants. Either you want her back or you want to bang one out on her or you don't communicate or answer her texts. That's it.

Author:	Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:52 pm ]
Post subject:
Listen to Ninja and your friend. The Ex is someone you most likely now Loathe, but at some point loved, or maybe just enjoyed having around, for sex. An ex is someone who was or used to be. It's simply a case of wanting what you can't have. Why waist your time on that, when she is lying around with some old wrinkly cock in her mouth? She will just continue to milk you for all your worth, and cock-block your mind for anything else. I would recommend that you don't even fuck buddy her, until you are completely over her, and have fucked at least 5 other women.

Author:	puaninja [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:57 pm ]
Post subject:
Ex's are ex's for a reason, otherwise they wouldn't be ex's.

Author:	PUA-InTraining [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks for the advice guys. I actually don't loathe her. Quote: There's only two reasons to ever communicate with your ex. If you want her back, or if you just want to fuck. I do want her back, which is part of the problem. Maybe I fuck 5 other women first to decide if it's really what I want, then text her?

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Author:	puaninja [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 5:55 pm ]
Post subject:
Don't worry about banging the other women, that's every pua's answer for everything. You need more specific advice. As you already stated you want her back. So let's clarify and simplify. You probably can get her back pretty easily just by inviting her over to watch Dexter and work your way back into her heart (and her pants). But you are concerned that she might not fully embrace you, and you still feel compelled to punish her for having broken up with you and slept with other guys. This is why you don't really know how to act, eventhough what you desire is fairly straightfoward. I can't tell you how to rectify your feelings for what happened previously, but if you know what you want then I would pursue that in a very direct way. You can play the little games and play it up like you are hurt or like you don't like her, but at certain point you are just wasting your time and working against yourself.

Author:	PUA-InTraining [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: As you already stated you want her back. So let's clarify and simplify. You probably can get her back pretty easily just by inviting her over to watch Dexter and work your way back into her heart (and her pants). But you are concerned that she might not fully embrace you, and you still feel compelled to punish her for having broken up with you and slept with other guys. This is why you don't really know how to act, eventhough what you desire is fairly straightfoward. Thanks. I don't feel compelled to punish her. The reason she broke up with me was because she was no longer attracted to me (because I became AFC). She's told me that she wishes she was attracted, and cried because she wasn't. I want to build attraction with her. She has told me she wants to come over and watch Dexter with me, and has made an active effort to hang out with me, but my friend tells me I need to never respond to her text messages or calls. My concern is that this is bad advice, and that I am making things worse. I feel bad actively ignoring her text messages. She cried when I told her it didn't matter to me if she dropped the bowling team, even though I enjoy seeing her. My friend thinks this is a good thing. She still wants to be friends with me, and doesn't want me out of her life. On the other hand, I want to be in a relationship with her, but this other guy is in the picture now. She's also told me if the other guy wasn't in the picture, she'd be back together with me. The central theme here is: I feel like the more I make her cry because I'm ignoring her, the more she'll go to the other guy because she feels comfortable with him. Is this reasoning right or wrong, or am I looking at the problem the wrong way? Also, her birthday is next weekend. She told me that she wanted to invite the guy she was dating, but that she would invite me over him if I was uncomfortable with it. I decided not to go altogether. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to that. I would have liked to go, but only if it meant getting to bang her. I also don't want to see her texting her new friend all night. Quote: Quote: Don't worry about banging the other women, that's every pua's answer for everything. But it works so well! It's funny, when I ignored her and hit on every other girl at a brew festival, the next day she was calling me begging to come to my place. I said no because I was busy. This is the kind of attraction I want to build, but I fail to see how I'm supposed to do that if I'm not supposed to contact her or hang out with her. I ruined this attraction by going over her place a few days later and telling her how much I missed her, and that I was still in love with her, etc... I actually think that I do need to bang other girls, to get my game back and build up my self-esteem, but that it can happen in parallel with getting my ex back.

Author:	Xeydo [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:
Serious question - why do you need this girl anyway?

Author:	puaninja [ Wed Oct 24, 2012 7:58 pm ]
Post subject:
You know what you're doing wrong, so stop it. You know what you need to do, so do it. You need to get your dick in her or another girl as soon as possible. That will get your mind back in working order.

Author:	PUA-InTraining [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 12:51 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Serious question - why do you need this girl anyway? It's a good question to ask. I care about her. She's always been caring, supportive of me, honest, and a great lay. We’ve been through a lot together (traveled the country, partied LOTS, had sex in all sorts of crazy places). I think that I fucked up earlier by not addressing our relationship problems through a better method (instead of ignoring her for two weeks) - or that I failed to recognize that I cared so much about her. Heywood Jablowme brought up a really good point about: “A large portion why you can’t move on is probably because you keep seeing her as “the one” for you. You just can’t see yourself with anyone else but her.”, and its probably accurate. I think part of the problem I’m now having with other women is that i’m basing my self-worth off her image of me, which I need to stop immediately, and admit to myself that I’m a good looking dude that should have no problems with women. This issue keeps rearing its head though when I ignore her, because I feel like shit doing it. Then when I see her at bowling, I get this feeling inside like “Yes, I’ve been ignoring you because I’m an asshole and I don’t actually know what I’m doing.” When I ignored her and her phone calls at brewfest, it was fun, because it was of the “I’m too busy to be bothered by you mentality”, and she responded by seeking my attention. Now its like she’s seeking my attention but getting hurt all the time, and I’m not sure that’s healthy. My friend keeps telling me this is a good thing, but it feels really wrong doing it. This kinda gets back to the question I had earlier, which I still kind of have - is it ok to return her text messages after a day so I’m not completely ignoring her (and occasionally just not respond)? And by completely ignoring her (and her getting upset), is that driving her away from me? I read somewhere once that, "playing hard to get is a dance", and just cutting her off completely seems like not a dance. Quote: Quote: I ruined this attraction by going over her place a few days later and telling her how much I missed her, and that I was still in love with her, etc.... PS NO more of this CRAP! UUgggg! Yep. Killed any momentum I had going for me. It'll never happen again! Quote: You know what you're doing wrong, so stop it. You know what you need to do, so do it. You need to get your dick in her or another girl as soon as possible. That will get your mind back in working order. I'm working on it, and that's why I'm at this forum. I really appreciate all this great advice!

Author:	Dr. Jones [ Thu Oct 25, 2012 3:42 am ]
Post subject:
I got my ex back once. She was the girl I cared the most about in the world and I turned AFC. That, coupled with distance, put a nail in the coffin of our relationship. I went through a real sad period in my life. Until I didn't. I started working out and said yes to every fun experience I could. She caught wind of this. She heard I got a new and nicer apartment and asked if she could see it. Oh, I showed it to her, all right. I regained my manhood and reeled her back in. I wanted to do that so badly, to have her back and regain what I lost. And you know what? It wasn't worth it when I got it. All the effort you're putting into this ex, you could be putting into yourself and that, in time, will help you reel in a better girl. I'm telling you now: the idea of getting her back is better than actually getting her back.

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