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girl is not sure if she wants to get serious
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Author:  Valdemar1 [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 4:04 pm ]
Post subject:  girl is not sure if she wants to get serious
Okay, im trying to write this as short as possible!
i've met this girl who really confused me at first, but then we kissed at a party, and two days later we talk a walk (first time being alone together) both of us sober and we kissed again. We talked about what was going on between us, and how the future should be like for us. and a couple of issues came up.
I really want to have something serious with her and i think she knows that, she told me about that she thought we talked very well together, and we would be a good match, however she just got out of a relationship (1 month ago, the relationship had lasted 2-3 years) and although she dosent want to se her ex again, and is really happy that she broke up, but she kinda feels like it is weird that they are no longer together (we talked about, that it is probably normal when they have seen each other in almost 3 years) She also dosent want (or didn't want) to have something going with anyone from her school, but i think i can make her let that one slide.
I think that the main point is that she wants to wait with moving things on, until she is 100% over her ex, she told me that she didn't know how long time it would take, but she dosent want to have sex until this happens, even though she REALLY feel like having sex!

I can tell that she likes me, we had this moment laying in my bed, were she really tugged in, i could feel how that she would not like to be any other place in the hole world!

She also told me that if she feels like thing are moving ahead to fast she can loose all of her feelings, but even though my friends really asked some idioticall question, that made it seem like me and her was about to get married, it didn't freak her out, and she told me that she was really surprised that it didn't make her loose her feelings towards me! which i think confirms my idea that we have something speciel!

So how do you think i should act on all this?

My own plan is to just hang out with her, and kiss with her and all that, just see where things is going, and wait for her to be ready!

any answer is really appreciated
Author:  Crypto [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is a bit of a shit test! What she is basically saying is, "I don't want to get serious with you!"

This means you are ok to be with/around but she does not want to close her options if another choice comes along. You need to flip this on her and start spending time away from her. Go out and game other girls and let her figure her shit out alone, you can't help her decide what she wants all you can do is be the best guy you can be. Just remember you are doing it for YOURSELF!


Peace...
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
This is a bit of a shit test! What she is basically saying is, "I don't want to get serious with you!"

This means you are ok to be with/around but she does not want to close her options if another choice comes along. You need to flip this on her and start spending time away from her. Go out and game other girls and let her figure her shit out alone, you can't help her decide what she wants all you can do is be the best guy you can be. Just remember you are doing it for YOURSELF!


Peace...
I do agree with the last part about i should do it for my self, but i am sure that this is not a shit test.
i know that she didn't want to get involved after the breakeup and that she hoped to be single for a while, but neither does she want to loose me. The way i see this is that i amazed her, and made her doubt her decision about being single
Author:  Pbblade [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Think again, think deeply without your emotions being in the way.

She's a mental mess at the moment, and you are not helping her. A girl functions for 99% with emotions, it's pretty obvious she feels comfy around you, you're satisfying her emotions and you do make her feel better.. Does it make you attractive? Definatly not. You are not developing any sexual interest by talking with her about her boyfriend, you are just being a filter for that black hole she suffered.

Is hope lost? Nope, re-do your whole situation.

I honestly think this is a very hard situation, I'm gonna throw this in randomly, i'm not basing all my facts on theory, i'm telling you this from personal experience, with ALOT of thoughts.

I'll give you a situation that is quite similar but completely twisted around by a different approach.

A very hot girl texted me bout a guy that screwed her over (they made out, he never texted her back). Instead of going Ooohhh, poor baby mode, i went like well, that sucks, nobody deserves it and bam, blocking off any more thoughts bout the guy and I added in more humour. I never heard of that guy again, i'm invited to a party, i'm calling her at the worst times possible having the best conversations possible about the most stupid things. Just a guy she met? I did the same with her ex-boyfriend she lived with for years.

Point is, do not become ''The friendly guy to talk with''. It's all nice and good, but keep it short.. very short, and try avoiding it at any cost, if she does continue talking about him, I'd definatly reconsider your options, cause then you HAVE been friendzoned. We all know it's a dark and fugly place to be in.
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Tue Oct 16, 2012 10:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
you are in the process of becoming friendzoned. Better cut the therapist bs and move on with your life. Your time is valuable and if she needs time to get over her ex then let her. You focus on you and keep improving. Meet more women, get better with them. Don't completely cut contact with this girl if you like her that much, but don't make her your focus if she isn't going to make you hers. Eventually, nature will take its course and you won't be asking questions like these. :)


The only time you should support a girl(in my opinion) is when it directly affects her life. Such as a flat tire or she just lost her job. In this case, let her get over her ex, this is external fluff you don't need to deal with.
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
We all know it's a dark and fugly place to be in.
haha so true! :D

However i think that i may have formulated it in a wrong way, at first i was really worried about being friendzoned, but not any more.

i also think i may misunderstood what she told me about waiting with the sex.

She has only slept with 2 guys (not sure if i have already mentioned this) and she have certain rules about not sleeping with a guy she dosen't feel 100% secure on, she is in shock that we after only one month have such a good connection, and we kiss intense every time we meet. Last night she was going out with friends and wanted to know were i was going so they could join me. i ended up spending the night at her house, i did not "sleep" with her, but we got as close as you can possibly get without actually having sex. And the thing is that she also invest a lot in me!

the problem from the way i see it, is that me and her dating goes against every rules she has:
-waiting until she have known a person for a while
-being single after a huge breakeup
-not dating a person from the same school

i think she is in love with me as well!

but although i don't actually agree with you on your answers, i still want to thank you a lot for helping me with this situation and taking your time to write an advise :)
Author:  Mr. Assertive [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 3:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
just remember women are horny and they want sex. I don't want you putting them on this "pedestal" that she is a saint sent from heaven. Respect her boundaries, but always try. Eventually once you display that you are the right man and she trusts you, you can override her logic and sleep with her. Make her horny for you. It is a matter of time. Game other women, you shouldn't put all this effort into this one girl.

Have a life, hang out with other girls, become mysterious. Hint that you are preselected by other women and you will see the process speed up much faster. Even if you don't have a lot of women, act like you do! Your gonna see that little waiting game she is throwing at you diminish.
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 4:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
just remember women are horny and they want sex. I don't want you putting them on this "pedestal" that she is a saint sent from heaven. Respect her boundaries, but always try. Eventually once you display that you are the right man and she trusts you, you can override her logic and sleep with her. Make her horny for you. It is a matter of time. Game other women, you shouldn't put all this effort into this one girl.

Have a life, hang out with other girls, become mysterious. Hint that you are preselected by other women and you will see the process speed up much faster. Even if you don't have a lot of women, act like you do! Your gonna see that little waiting game she is throwing at you diminish.
i know that this may come across as me being confused by the fact that i am in love, however when i try to see it from a point of logic this is still my opinion.

The way i see it, if i continue having a great connection like i do at this moment with her, then it is only a matter of time before succes. Last night i could possibly have fucked her if i gave a little more effort, but i think it was great that i showed self control and didn't take my own underpants off when my underpants was the only thing between me and her. we kissed for the first time last friday, and yesterday she was about to sleep with pants and shirts on, however she ended up completely naked, so when that being the case, i think that it is going the right direction, i can tell that she really likes me, which is also what her friends say, and i dont want to fuck it up, by trying something that i don't feel like doing, because i am sure that girls at some point can feel when you are being 100% you and when you are not, the fact that i am REAL is what i believe to be the reason why i almost ended up sleeping with her already :)
Author:  NorthBoy [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
...if she ended up sleeping naked, I don't know the reasons for that, but don't you think that this is a sign that she was ready for sex? Didn't you see the green light?
Author:  detox75 [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Like most new guys you are ascribing too much credence to her words rather then just objectively basing your opinions on her actions.

Also you are restating, rationalizing, amending, and spinning your arguments to back validate what you want to believe. Some senior guys are trying to steer you the right way - arguing with them isn't going to help you
Author:  Nescio [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
I got a similar situation going on. Been dating this girl for a month now and yesterday see admitted that she really likes me and is interested blabla. However she is not in love with me.
We did have sex a few times and we are dating so its kinda an open relationship.

Now the thing is. I am starting to like this girl, but she is emotionally messed up lately (she came out of a 3 year relationship about 5 months ago). She lost confidence and she doesn't trust men anymore, you know, the usual. She doesn't know where to go with me (Relationship wise) and she is confused and everything. One day she is very interested and the other day its like she doesn't give a damn.

Anyway what i want to say is, be careful dude. These girls can mess you up mentally. I'm liking this girl a lot but she got all here problems and she is confused etc. It is annoying but i cant help to like her. I hope i wont fall in love with here because that will suck.

Be careful with the situation. And keep us updated. I dont know what to do with mine either so i can use these tips aswell :wink:
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 8:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Like most new guys you are ascribing too much credence to her words rather then just objectively basing your opinions on her actions.

Also you are restating, rationalizing, amending, and spinning your arguments to back validate what you want to believe. Some senior guys are trying to steer you the right way - arguing with them isn't going to help you
Okay i think i have told the story wrong, because for one week a ago she might have told me that she wanted to take things slow. BUT i am basing my opinion on how she act like around me, and i can tell by the way she looks at me, that i am not wrong on this. She wanted to see me again today, and she is coming over in an hour or so, also she told me earlier, that even though i might be kissing with other girls, i am the only one she wants. So i must say that i think the most of you got this wrong, however i am taking the blame for that, it is probably just me who didn't give you enough information or so :)

Yes i am sure she would be ready to sleep with me last night, but i wanted to show that i have self control as well, and that i am not needy which i am not, i don't really care whether or not i am going to fuck her today or next week, so if i think it will help my situation to wait that is what i will do :)

to the last post, please keep me updated on your situation as well!
Author:  puaninja [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
A lot of times they'll try to draw you into their fucked up emotional frame. Since they can wield sex over you then you don't really have a choice but to play along and fall right into their trap. Think about how disrespectful that is to the guy. You are being cool and nice to her, and she's acting like she wants to be with you, but then she lays all this emotional BS on you and lumps you in with other men whom she's FUCKED already, but then makes you suffer for their mistakes and shortcomings. And you just have to be like "I know, I know, but you can trust me...blah blah blah."

It's hard to do sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of girls at your disposal, but the best thing to do is put them in time out and go try to fuck some other girl, and preferably let them know your intentions. I mean, I'll be honest, I don't care about ANY girl's ex-boyfriend or ANYTHING that happened to her in the past that doesn't involve me. She can cry to her best friend on the phone about that at night...after she fucks me of course.
Author:  Nescio [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
@Puaninja

I completely agree with you, however, what if she really likes you but she is also shy and she really lost her self confidence. I noticed that (in my case) the girl responded very bad to my negs, it made her more unconfident. Oh i just found out that she feels like she cant live up to my standards.
Freaking shy girls man, damn trouble. By the way, she is like an 8 but she used to be a little fat. Thats where some of the shyness and stuff is coming from I suppose. Her body is hot already but her mind is still catching up :P
Author:  puaninja [ Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
@Puaninja

I completely agree with you, however, what if she really likes you but she is also shy and she really lost her self confidence. I noticed that (in my case) the girl responded very bad to my negs, it made her more unconfident. Oh i just found out that she feels like she cant live up to my standards.
Freaking shy girls man, damn trouble. By the way, she is like an 8 but she used to be a little fat. Thats where some of the shyness and stuff is coming from I suppose. Her body is hot already but her mind is still catching up :P
Stop negging her. God, that's gone bad for me SOOO many times in the past. Start being really nice instead. Flattery will actually get you far with insecure girls. I used to tell this fat broad how pretty she was all the time, and man she loved that. The thing is that you can ice them without insulting them. Just tell her that you think she's not really feeling you and you are going out with some friends instead. Don't tell her something is wrong with her, but give her the impression that she needs to win your approval in order to get time with you. It's weird, because girls like this, if you buy into their frame and play along, it's almost like they respect you less and continue to punish you for it.
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