PUA Forum :: paying at dates

One flaw heavy rotation
You just sprung it on her as it happened
I hated my mom when I asked her to go to dinner with me and when I ordered and got the food she said "where's your money?"
I was utterly pissed at that
Try as your messaging the girl to say "eat before you come, I woulnt invest in you financially until you invest in me a little more" or something to that effect (I know that's not the best way to put it)
But to many girls think your a meal ticket, or a cheap drink, save yourself the heartache and money and if they like you they woulnt leave you for 5$ if they think your a guy who's easy to manipulate and can get free food out of they'll skip and you'll save time and money
As gks said I would suggest against dinner dates until you get to know her anyways
Besides when's the last time being "chivalrous and nice" Gotton you laid?

Author:	dmallsick [ Sun Oct 14, 2012 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:	paying at dates
Do you pay for a girl on a date? Should a guy pay? I have an idea to ask girls out on the internet to dates and not pay, just to see what they do.

Author:	dmallsick [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:10 am ]
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No one?

Author:	doubleagent7 [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:27 am ]
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I don't do dinner until we're actually dating regularly and we've been intimate. I stick to coffee dates or drinks ... however I will pick up the tab most of the time (those are cheap dates).

Author:	VietnameseProdigy [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:38 am ]
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Yes pay for them! You need to be chivalrous . And when you pick them up, give them flowers too. Bitches love flowers.

Author:	dmallsick [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:47 am ]
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So if I don't pay I can expect a funny reaction?

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Author:	HeavyRota8tion [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:49 am ]
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The subject of paying for dates came up for me the previous week. In the past I had always thought it to be the gentlemanly thing to do to pay for at least the first date or two. However, for the first time in a while I had decided that my next date I would suggest we split the bill. Last week I put this to the test. My date was a woman in her mid-30s I had met on POF. Now bear in mind this was somebody I had never met before, but nonetheless, I was staying firm to my plan (of not paying for her). Upon meeting the girl I realized I wasn't particularly attracted to her (just one of those not-my-type situations). We drove to this restaurant and the conversation went exceedingly well, never a dull moment. I had in fact noticed that I became increasingly attracted to her throughout the meet/'date'. We were there for several hours, at which point the rstaurant was winding down and the employees getting ready to close. The bill was left on the table and I had asked her if she didn't mind that we split the bill, to which she replied "Sure, ummm yes no problem!". After that moment of awkwardness we had left the establishment, when the waiter had knocked on the passenger window informing my 'date' that she was $10 short on the bill (lol), to which she apologized for and gave him the difference. Long story short as I was driving her home she was for the most part silent. When we'd arrived outside of her building I had motioned to get out my side of the car to open the door for her, she didn't wait and was about to head straight for the door if it weren't for me stopping her to give her a hug. She said "talk to you later?" to which I replied "Of course". I didn't hear from her since, though I think the onus is on me, the man, to make post-date contact. At any rate, I gather it was my not footing the bill that offset her. Throughout the date she was very lively, and would often drop hints at future hang-outs. I'm not overly concerned that I didn't pay because frankly I don't think there's enough of a physical attraction for me to want to continue (I have enough friends really), and quite honestly if she's that petty to not want to see me after having gone dutch on a first date, that's her bad, not mine. At the end of it all, I had asked 3 of my close female friends about paying for dates, here are their takes: Girl 1 (mid 30s): "Shame on you, you don't deserve a 2nd date. It's the chivalrous thing to do to pay for her meal on the first date" Ouch! Girl 2 (25): "She shouldn't have expected you to pay...I like paying for myself the first few dates, that way I don't feel I OWE the guy anything!...However, if I am attracted to him and he pays, I find it sweet" Girl 3 (27): "By not paying for her, you are signaling that you aren't attracted to her. She must have been very hurt you not paying for the bill as it suggests a lack of interest...also, she's 35 and therefore likely more traditional." So, there you have it 3 different perspectives, 3 different girls. Will I offer to pay for the next girl that comes around? Yes. But, I will likely make the first meeting somewhere cheaper such as take her for ice cream and a walk, or coffee, or even just a few drinks. I wouldn't take the first date to a restaurant again, particularly also because its very difficult to kino unless you're in a booth sitting alongside each other.

Author:	GKS [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:06 am ]
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I don't really do fancy dates or dinner til I've already seen her for a few times or had sex with her. I usually do casual date and active date, those are not expensive and I usually pay first round and tell her to pay the second. For ex: I pay for coffee or ticket somewhere casual, she can buy me a drink or pay for ice cream later. I'm not a big fan of splitting the bills because it subconsciously makes both parties aware they're on different team. Quite similar to how you influence someone by keep using the word "we" and avoid "me" or "you". But if I have to take a girl to a fancy date, when the bill comes, I usually keep talking and see if she actually has any intention to offer to split it. If she does, I'll pay for it as she shows me good quality. If she just sits there and wait for me to pay it like it's my obligation to do so, I'll ask for a split bill. Frankly speaking, I dislike it when girls do that. A date is a mutual agreement to meet up and get to know each other from both parties, I have no obligation nor any intention to put her above me and dance around to win her over.

Author:	charblad [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:11 am ]
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One flaw heavy rotation You just sprung it on her as it happened I hated my mom when I asked her to go to dinner with me and when I ordered and got the food she said "where's your money?" I was utterly pissed at that Try as your messaging the girl to say "eat before you come, I woulnt invest in you financially until you invest in me a little more" or something to that effect (I know that's not the best way to put it) But to many girls think your a meal ticket, or a cheap drink, save yourself the heartache and money and if they like you they woulnt leave you for 5$ if they think your a guy who's easy to manipulate and can get free food out of they'll skip and you'll save time and money As gks said I would suggest against dinner dates until you get to know her anyways Besides when's the last time being "chivalrous and nice" Gotton you laid?

Author:	dmallsick [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:24 am ]
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I guess it's not that big of an issue in western countries. I live in an ex-soviet country so even young girls think a guy has to pay for whatever.

Author:	HeavyRota8tion [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:50 am ]
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Quote: One flaw heavy rotation You just sprung it on her as it happened I hated my mom when I asked her to go to dinner with me and when I ordered and got the food she said "where's your money?" I was utterly pissed at that Try as your messaging the girl to say "eat before you come, I woulnt invest in you financially until you invest in me a little more" or something to that effect (I know that's not the best way to put it) But to many girls think your a meal ticket, or a cheap drink, save yourself the heartache and money and if they like you they woulnt leave you for 5$ if they think your a guy who's easy to manipulate and can get free food out of they'll skip and you'll save time and money As gks said I would suggest against dinner dates until you get to know her anyways Besides when's the last time being "chivalrous and nice" Gotton you laid? I know this, was just trying something different. I do agree however, that it lacked in tact. Regardless, it worked to my advantage as I'm not interested in her and it cost me nothing.

Author:	devi4nt [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:12 pm ]
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Quote: You guys are doing it wrong If you're getting in line to buy shit, tell her to go first. Ha I do this. If I bought the drinks at one bar when we go to the next I'll make sure that she's infront of me so she has to offer me unless she's a total bitch. Like has been said though for the first date or two I don't invest too much so I don't mind paying for the coffee of cocktails or whatever we're doing. A recent date I went on this topic came up in the conversation, not so much about our night, but in general who should pay in this day and age. And I mentioned how I like it when a girl offers to pay her share. And I might have accidently mentioned how I dislike it when a girl 'expects' the man to pay as a lot of woman are just looking for a free night out and you won't hear from them again. I did say though how I will invest more when the girl shows interest later on if there's more than one date. Probbaly should have kept that to myself as I didn't hear from her again In summary I think guys should pay on the first date (if it's things like drinks at a bar or something).

Author:	Rough Operator [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:18 pm ]
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I don't do dinner dates unless I've put my winky inside them. But if we're getting coffee or something I don't really mind paying, it's no biggie and hasn't ever ruined things for me.

Author:	JamesWatson31 [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:38 pm ]
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I am totally the opposite of you guys here on this. I invite, I lead, I pay. Simple as that. It also comes down IMHO to finances not just nobility. I do not personally know of a girl who is in my income bracket so I am happy and I also feel like a gentleman to pay. It's my choice and it is the way I was raised. When out on a date of any kind I have never had a girl NOT offer to buy a drink or something similar. I choose my women with care who have manners:) I always decline the offer. OTHO I NEVER take them for dinner and wine and the candles and roses bullshit. I take them to do sport, go to the beach, drinks, etc. The last girl I took for a game of tennis and drinks after. She offered to pay a round and I said 'you can prepare the food for the picnic at the weekend'. She liked it and she felt she was treated well as I happen to know her income is perhaps 10 times less than mine. Lot's of girls willingly contribute something if they can but I feel they do not like the idea of 'splitting money' at the table etc. It seems to affect their feelings of 'romance' whatever the fuck that means:) I date over 30's in general. Be cool guys.

Author:	NorthBoy [ Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:50 pm ]
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Ya I agree with most of you too. Why would you choose an expensive 1st date? Just go for drinks or something simple and I assume that I'm the one to pay. Anyways if you plan on seeing the girl again most of the girls would try to get even on the next bill or drink. If on the first minutes you realise that you are not attracted at all, just split because you don't plan to see her again.

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