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Constantly Being Flaked On
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Author:  CaptainKick [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Constantly Being Flaked On
I started my freshman year of college roughly 2 months ago. Since then, I've fucked one girl and hooked up with another 4 or 5 but I've been having trouble recently with getting flaked on. It's gotten to the point where literally 90% of the time that I make plans with a girl that I'm trying to get with, it ends up falling apart. Here's an example of what happened with a girl about a week or two ago:

We had met at a party and she flirted with me a little bit, so I flirted back a little bit. I added her on Facebook and she liked one of my pictures, so I started talking to her. I told her my computer was dying, got her number, and we texted until we fell asleep with her ending the conversation with, "We should totally hang out sometime :)".

So two days after that, I bump into her and she invites me to hang out with her and some people that night because she's cooking food. I accepted and we ended up eating and playing cards with her and some of her friends. I mingled well with them and luckily, I was really good at the card game we picked, so there was a social boost there. We were touching on-and-off and at one point she was shaking her ass because a catchy song was on and I glimpsed back and she chided me with a "I saw that" with a sly grin on her face.

Afterwards, I convinced her to walk me back to my dorm, we touched on-and-off the entire way back and I ended the night by telling her that I was heading to a club and I'd be sure to let her know of all the fun she would miss out on (I invited her earlier, but she had to get up early the next day for work). 2 days later, I invited her to watch a movie with me the following Monday and she accepted.

Then Monday came along, I texted her about it, and she said that she completely forgot that she had to write a paper (lol) and that we should reschedule. I asked when was good for her and she replied with a "Idk, I'll let you know".

Needless to say, she never let me know and we haven't talked since, though oddly enough, she's been liking a bunch of stuff I put on Facebook.



All the other instances have roughly followed this same path and I know it must have something to do with me either not getting enough attraction or getting too eager but I haven't figured out how to circumvent it yet.


If anyone could help me with this, I'd be really happy.


Thank you.
Author:  HardToKill [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think it boils down to attraction having a time limit. Like... you honestly need to make a move soon, strike while the iron is hot, or you get FZed really quickly. Me and my friends rule (and sadly, it's proven 100% correct) is that if there is no kiss-close by D2 then it's over.
Author:  CaptainKick [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, it makes sense once I think about it. At a campus with ~6500 people, there's no point in waiting on one to make a move when there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Wouldn't "striking while the iron is hot" conflict with building attraction? Or lowering social value? It just seems to me that being gung-ho about getting a kiss would be something an AFC would do, while a PUA would be confident enough to know that he's in control and could take his time with it. Maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way...
Author:  charblad [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh so close,
The kclose you are thinking if is a desperate one where you force it, the kclose he's talking about is earned and mutual because of your skill
And think about this
Would you rather a woman quickly approach and game you in "the moment" or would you rather meet her, then tomorrow go out on a date, then the next day kiss, then te next day XX, neither does she she wants to be in the moment and be swept off her feet not givin time to think it over and meet other guys
Author:  Jon12 [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 8:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Im having a similar problem with keeping attraction, I think that you're making yourself too available.

At first she's working for you ( " we should hang out" , inviting you to her friends), everything is fine up till here ..

But then the dynamic changes:
- you invite her to club
- ask her to walk with you
- invite her to watch a movie
- asking when is good for her

The way I see it she's in control now, especially with that last line, why should you ask her when is good for her? she flaked the planned thing (on the same fucking day even), she should be suggesting a new date

I bet if she shot you down another time after this you'd even consider asking another out again (despite her BS behaviour), I can connect to this because I am in the same situation way too often, you lose control of the interaction. You turned AFC somewhere along the way .. maybe the time constraint previous posters brought up is correct, allthough Ive been french kissing with a previous chick and it ended up the same in the end.


just my 2 cents
If you disagree with me thats fair enough, I'm far from an expert but thats the way I see it
Author:  Don Horneone [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Constantly Being Flaked On
Quote:
Afterwards, I convinced her to walk me back to my dorm, we touched on-and-off the entire way back and I ended the night by telling her that I was heading to a club and I'd be sure to let her know of all the fun she would miss out on (I invited her earlier, but she had to get up early the next day for work).
I'm just trying to understand if this was your plan-A. You already had a cute girl BACK AT YOUR DORM, but instead of trying to make that the conclusion of your night, you chose to leave her and go back out to a club? Do you like cheesy music and overpriced beers that much?

Could you maybe not have found an excuse to invite her in, just say you wanted to change shirts or something and then just somehow make that not happen but you just keep hanging around together and almost certainly end up making out or more?

Going for a kiss and THEN leaving her to go to a club would seem a bit wierd to me, I'd have been looking to make that the final destination and see where it went, which would have been nowhere bad from what you're saying...:D
Author:  HardToKill [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 8:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's all about day 2 imo. Kiss close by then or it's done with, game over, move on.

I screwed up myself on this pretty bad with my oneitus and it still gets to me, but I guess you just have to be the bigger man when she starts all the flaky crap and just cut it out there and then. I am about to do the same thing with someone else, so I know how much it hurts to have to do it. Hope it either gets easier with practice or I never make the same mistake again...
Author:  CaptainKick [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Constantly Being Flaked On
Quote:
Quote:
Afterwards, I convinced her to walk me back to my dorm, we touched on-and-off the entire way back and I ended the night by telling her that I was heading to a club and I'd be sure to let her know of all the fun she would miss out on (I invited her earlier, but she had to get up early the next day for work).
I'm just trying to understand if this was your plan-A. You already had a cute girl BACK AT YOUR DORM, but instead of trying to make that the conclusion of your night, you chose to leave her and go back out to a club? Do you like cheesy music and overpriced beers that much?

Could you maybe not have found an excuse to invite her in, just say you wanted to change shirts or something and then just somehow make that not happen but you just keep hanging around together and almost certainly end up making out or more?

Going for a kiss and THEN leaving her to go to a club would seem a bit wierd to me, I'd have been looking to make that the final destination and see where it went, which would have been nowhere bad from what you're saying...:D
The club plans had been set for a few days, so that was plan A. On the walk to my dorm, she kept saying how tired she was and how she had to get up early for work, but I botched it by letting it end there.

Seeing as how I fucked up here, it's best to just learn my lesson and move on to someone else. Thank you all for your input!
Author:  Fvckitimout [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
No Matter how attracted she is to you, it would stil be too hard for her ego to accept she will go through all the trouble just for a guy.

Thats why foreshadowing is important and tell her about the fun or interesting things she would be able to experience when you guys meet again. It will allow her make an excuse for her own ego, her friends, and to you that she is going there not just for you but for the fun experience.
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