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Need help salvaging this situation.
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=147828		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  STH88 [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:43 am ]
Post subject:  Need help salvaging this situation.
Okay so here's the deal:

Met this girl over PoF (definitely not my main medium i like meeting people face to face but it kills time and does some work while i'm at home bored)

Her and I messaged back and forth a few times ending in this and a hour long meet for coffee.

Me:
Hey HB10. Long time no talk. You are weird as fuck but I'm right there with you on that level of strange if not more so. I'm a good dude and i'm smart. Let's get some coffee, or a beer, or whatever. No obligation meet for 30min kick it a bit if you don't like me then we'll fuck off for the rest of our lives lol. Let me know. What do you have to lose?

Her:
Sorry. I am terrible at this thing. It scares me. I guess I don't have anything to loose except my mind and that is already gone, so sure. I am free everyday after 6 during the week. Weekends depend on the weather and my mood.

Long story short. We met, got coffee, went on a walk around the neighborhood and were basically touching the whole time.

Here's the problem. She's extremely aloof and while we DID hit if off i'm getting mixed signals. I called her up and setup a date for this week and she flaked. This is how our last txt exchange went.

Me: What do you have going on Thursday then (she canceled date for Wednesday)
(45minutes go by)
Me: When's the next day you have
Her: I'm not sure, i'll see. It's been crazy since this is my last week at work but hopefully soon?!!
Me: I need a day. I don't want to do this on my own, you need to give me something to work with here.
(no response goes by)
Me: I see how this is going to go. Let me know when you get everything figured out with the crazy work stuff. goodnight

^^ that's a synopsis but it was a bit more detail and she was being really evasive when i pressured her about a future date. i was trying to get her to commit to SOMETHING. Anyway i really like this girl, she's my 10 and we hit it off. I'm not really sure what to do next and I feel like I might have come off as a bit too bothered by the flake-out and kinda pissed off that she wouldn't give me anything else to go off of. So i wrote her number down, and erased it out of my phone and deleted our txt msg history so i wouldn't be tempted to contact her. If I did come off as I described above does anybody think that might have damaged things? how do I salvaget this? I really want to make this work and I need advice, we hit it off great, the attraction was there. I challenged her, negged her a bit, we have a LOT of fun. But now it's cold. what the fuck?
Author:  STH88 [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:52 am ]
Post subject: 
I feel like I did everything right on the first meet. It was short, we got to know eachother a bit, have a lot in common. I probably could have done more kino but I did a lot as is. If I was feeling extra ambitious might have even been able to pull off kiss close.

I know i made some mistakes by txting too much and trying to do rapport that way (just read this was a mistake today). Other then that she seemed REALLY keen to see me again and now I'm getting this weird aloof behavior.

Should I let this cool off and not message her for a week? Should I call her on bullshit (although I don't think that's necessary right now). If I did make an arse out of myself how do i fix that? How can I get her to commit to seeing me again?
Author:  Ravengage [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:20 am ]
Post subject: 
You can't 100% get her to do anything. You can stop bugging her about seeing her again because it makes you appear needy, which you are, but there's no need for her to see it.

If it happens it happens, at this point asking for further dates or "calling her out" will just make her less likely to see you. It'll only serve to momentarily relieve your anxiety.

Wait at least a few days, if no response and you HAVE to talk to her then re-open with something completely unrelated and fun.
Author:  Paul_T [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 8:17 am ]
Post subject: 
Actually, you probably did fuck up the first meeting.

You're first message to her mentioned that you would fuck. It was super direct. I actually quite like it if your goal is to waste as little time as possible :)

Here's the thing: if she was willing to meet you after you told her you wanted sex; then she turned up because she wanted sex.


Statistically, girls who meet up from dating websites are much more likely to have sex onthe first date. Take it from me that if you had already told her you wanted sex, then she was absolutely, definitely, no questions asked interested in fucking you.

The reason she is now flaking, is because you didn't lead her to sex. You weren't aggressive enough in person. You're first message to her was direct and aggressive, but in person you weren't. It was incongruent, and hence the attractive guy in her mind that she was attracted to, didn't turn out to be the same guy she met in person. You didn't need to challenge her or neg her (you literally never need to neg a girl). You needed to lead her.

------------------------------------------------
Second note on text game - DO NOT double text. you have one text to send her, then sit and wait until she texts back. I don't care if you wrote it wrong, if you changed you mind, if you're worried she took it the wrong way, whatever. Do Not text her twice in a row without her replying to your first text.

------------------------------------------------

My advice would be to leave it a few days and try and invite her for drinks in the late evening - say 9.30pm. This tends to spell sex in most girls minds. If she comes, then move things towards sex and physicallity. If she won't come, then move on and learn from the experience. It hurts, but to learn this stuff takes time :) and you'll get there, so don't worry too much. Lots of hot girls in the world!

Good luck[/b]
Author:  STH88 [ Tue Oct 09, 2012 3:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
You're both correct of course. I am being needy, that's not even really my personality... damnit! Thanks for replying. It was more like playful teasing, not actual rote negging crap.

"if you don't like me then we'll fuck off for the rest of our lives" doesn't actually say anything about fucking. If you got confused it's possible she got confused as well. If she thought I meant the same thing you thought I meant then I understand. I'm pretty sure she read it the way I had intended though.

I'm being a total AFC. So give it about a week. Go out do the newb mission or whatever and pick things up next week; I'll keep working on my shit and pickup some books to read. Thx for your words gentlemen.
Author:  Paul_T [ Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Oh excuse me, I did indeed totally misread what you read. Massive fail. Do not pass go, do not collect £200.

However most of my advice still stands, you lost her because you didn't lead strong enough. There is still a chance you can get her though - might as well try, as long as it isn't taking up too much time :)
Author:  STH88 [ Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
What do you mean by that "as long as it isn't taking up too much time" ?
I'll not apologize for anything I've done but should I even acknowledge I was acting like a chode? Even if I was?
Author:  Crypto [ Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
No, do not apologize for anything! You didnt mistreat her or do anything offensive so no apology needed. Leave her alone for a while and then try to reopen her if you see her online in a few weeks. Open her with a "Hey nerd, how's the fishing going? ;)" Then see if she responds. If she does then game on (Do not mention the previous dates). If she brings it up, just be aloof about it...
Author:  Paul_T [ Thu Oct 11, 2012 7:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
What do you mean by that "as long as it isn't taking up too much time" ?
I mean that as long as working on this girl isn't taking too much time, then by all means have another crack at it. But there is a point where it will be easier to go and meet new girls, than to work on a girl like this which you may or may not have already fuck up with. So go with what you want - don't put too much effort in, it may be easier to meet someone new :)
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