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Managing Frustration
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Author:  fiacaid [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Managing Frustration
Anyone have tips on managing frustration at slow progress?

I've made a lot of progress in many area of pickup, but I'm still almost incompetent at sexual tension, kino escalation, etc. Finding friends has become relatively easy but that isn't what I'm looking for. I probably am making progress, but if so it is almost impossible to see. It gets frustrating.

Any tips on managing this?
Author:  Crypto [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
First I recommend not thinking so much. What kind of things are you doing to Kino? Sexual tension is really just a little "discomfort" which can be achieved by getting in close proximity with a girl who is interested in you. Make body contact, whisper into her ear, grab her hand and lead her somewhere while hanging out, etc...She become submissive which increases her sexual tension somewhere deep inside her instincts.

Kino is used to get her comfortable with the close proximity and body contact. Do things with her that require you to touch. Put you hand on the small of her back as you guide her to the table at a restaraunt, ask to see a ring she is wearing, when she puts her hand out, just take it into your hand and pull her a little closer to you as you look at the ring. Talk about how small her hands are, place your hand out as if to high-five her, then have her put her hand on yours so you can see how much bigger your hand is, while there, interlock your fingers in hers, look into her eyes, and then slowly let her hand go. Smile! That kind of stuff will get her used to you touching her and increase her interest in you as well.

Peace...
Author:  HeavyRota8tion [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
That frustration is a good thing, provided u do something positive with it. Use it as impetus to escalate with women.
Author:  fiacaid [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 4:47 am ]
Post subject: 
@HeavyRota8tion
Not exactly useful advice you have there and nothing I don't already know. If thats all it took I'd have it made by now.

@Crypto
I've lately tried 60 Years of Challenge method, trying to alter it as best I can for day game as bars and nightclubs are really not my thing. I've tried Vin DiCarlo's Escalation Ladder. All this has gotten me absolutely nowhere. No flat out rejections but no escalation happening either. I can get great connections. I've gotten life stories. I've gotten details of her past that her best friend doesn't know. But any sign of physical interest? A return to the kino I use? Getting a kiss? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I thought I had inner game sorted out and down solid. But the frustration at this is chipping away at me and I'm no longer even certain of that any more. I meditate daily, and have done so for many years, but lately it doesn't seem to help all that much.

Yes I am approaching. I'm traveling the world and meet lots of new people every day. I do at least one approach a day, frequently more.

Or perhaps I am succeeding but I'm so incompetent and blind to everything I can't even see it and so mess everything up before it goes anywhere.

I must be doing something to sabotage myself. Given enough time I'll figure it out. Eventually. But in the meantime I need to figure something out to get the frustration under control or it will kill everything.

Perhaps I should just give up entirely and become a hermit again like I had done before. At least back then I was happily delusional.

Advice? Anyone?
Author:  mmo73 [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 4:58 am ]
Post subject: 
The problem is you're trying all these different methods.....find somthing that suits your personality...somthing that feels natural. Run with that.
Author:  Crypto [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
You are getting them to laugh and making it Fun? The #1 thing you need to do to get girls attracted is to get them to Smile/Laugh (I dont care what anyone says) this is the key! If you are fun to be around there will be an opportunity to get the kiss, once that is out of the way the world is your onion!

Stop being so "Goal Oriented" but keep socializing and pushing yourself. Don't think of these girls as someone you want to fuck, think of yourself as someone these girls want to fuck! You are the Prize!


Peace...
Author:  _Kangaroo [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
I would first question why you feel it is neccessary to make fast progress. Progress is progress. I feel your frustration may stem from a little insecurity. You may still need a little more work with your Inner Game. As for the slow progress element, my take on it is that you're not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.


Quote:
I've tried Vin DiCarlo's Escalation Ladder. All this has gotten me absolutely nowhere. No flat out rejections but no escalation happening either. I can get great connections.
Does she know what your intentions are? If your intentions are unclear the woman will be left pondering where the interaction is heading. This with Kino will only confuse her more. Make your intentions very clear from the start. It doesn't have to be "I want to fuck you tonight", more along the lines of showing her your interesting in her more than a friend.

The trick with the ladder is to see how far you can get before it feels unnatural. Once you hit that point, you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and continue. If she is not stopping you escalation, you are playing it too safe.

Try this. Every interaction you have with woman, try and get her to say no. Go in for a kiss with the intention of being rejected. You'll be surprised how hard it is.

You never know how far a woman will let you take things with her. Always push things as far as they can until she firmly says no. Key word: firmly. Many will say no in a playful manner but will allow you to continue.

Chances are at first it will feel unnatural/awkard, it did for me. You may feel frustrated that you can't get it right. This is normal. You are still not 100% comfortable doing it yet.

Keep practicing and sooner than later you will reliase that it was no big deal in the first place. This can only happen if you push yourself out of your comfort zone and try. If you fail, it doesn't matter.

- Kang
Author:  Body Language [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
I love that style Kangaroo, its something I like to do from time to time. Pushing the interaction as far as it can go is the only way to fail and as we know failure is the only way to glory!

fiacaid this kind of frustration is normal, everybody gets annoyed when they aren't hitting targets but all you can do is keep shooting. Hate to go with the obvious but do try to use that feeling as a force for good. Also maybe slow it down with the sarging, if something is wrong (obviously is here) then take some time out to evaluate what it is. There is no point practicing bad habits. People at the top of their game (sports) scrutinize themselves after every performance, obviously that is unrealistic with gaming but take a day off the sarging and write down your last interaction(s) and where it went wrong. Chances are you are'nt pushing the boundary into seduction in which case you know what you need to do.

Best of luck brudaaa!!

Body Language
Author:  fiacaid [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The problem is you're trying all these different methods.....find somthing that suits your personality...somthing that feels natural. Run with that.
That is definitely a concern and one I have spent time considering. I even spent a lot more time thinking on it after you pointed this out. I am very familiar with how to teach myself and how I learn best. My biggest challenge in pickup is a combination of it being such a big subject and the extremely low point at which I started. Without a mentor to guide me it means I sometimes flail around a bit in the wrong direction. That is not the fault of using too many different methods, it is lack of knowledge of what I need to focus on, not realizing how hard I should push the new skill, and sometimes thinking I've done better at a previous step than I actually have. I've experienced the same thing even when using just a single source when I was learning to play guitar.

I have not found any one method that seems to directly suit my personality and feels natural. Part of it is that none of this seems natural, but another part is that I haven't found what I'm looking for in one place. So instead I'm working on picking the correct pieces for me from different locations. Discarding stuff that is not appropriate, sorting through places where they conflict, and finding an end result that fits together with who I am and who I am striving to become. I've done this very successfully with other skills I've learned in the past.
Quote:
I would first question why you feel it is neccessary to make fast progress. Progress is progress. I feel your frustration may stem from a little insecurity. You may still need a little more work with your Inner Game. As for the slow progress element, my take on it is that you're not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
Kangaroo, thank you. I think you nailed the problem on the head with these statements. You've reminded me of what I consider one of the best books ever written, Mastery by George Leonard. Its a book I recommend everyone read, and one I need to go over again apparently. Lots of good tips you have too on what I should be doing!
Author:  Beast 45 [ Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is an interesting one, I think it is definitely a confidence thing. Look at what you said:
Quote:
I can get great connections. I've gotten life stories. I've gotten details of her past that her best friend doesn't know. But any sign of physical interest? A return to the kino I use? Getting a kiss? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
You are definitely getting results, if you can get these emotional connections with girls then transferring to a physical one shouldn't be all that hard. My theory here is that you are being too passive. Like a battle in order to win you need to be the aggressor. I don't know enough details about how you operate (maybe you can fill me in) but you need to be the MAN. Get the testosterone flowing, go to the gym, lift some weights, listen to angry music, walk around the house naked, etc.

This quote also caught my eye.
Quote:
I've tried Vin DiCarlo's Escalation Ladder. All this has gotten me absolutely nowhere. No flat out rejections but no escalation happening either. I can get great connections.
No rejections? I've been rejected tons of times. If you are willing to give up without a rejection then you must be doing something wrong. You need to push harder. Next time you feel like its going nowhere with a girl just push your advance to 100%. What if she rejects you? Who cares, it wasn't going to happen anyway. The only mistake that you can ever make is doing nothing.

I noticed you almost religiously follow routines. I never use them, partly because I found they often don't work and also because I haven't bothered learning any. You can't use someone else's tactics for your own game, it's impossible, MAKE YOUR OWN!

If what you are doing still fails then you've got to change. I'll tell you a little story about what happened me last night. There was this girl in college that I liked, It was the classic will I, won't I situation. Does she like me? Am I good enough? blah blah blah. Last night I was in the bar, it was 1.30 and packed. I was having a great night and was buzzing. Next thing I see the girl. I say "HI!!" and hug her. Instead of releasing her I held on. Some switch flicked in my head, instead of trying to chat her up again I just kissed her, and it worked. 30 seconds, that's all it took baby.

Lastly, I found another good way of building confidence is to make female friends. It will also give you access to their friends, a nice bonus. In my college I have maybe 3 close male friends, I have dozens of female ones with whom I am totally platonic and let me tell you, I don't do half bad.
Author:  fiacaid [ Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:11 am ]
Post subject: 
That gives me some things to think about Beast, thanks.

Routines. I do not actually use any routines and never have. I don't see either 60yoc or Vin DiCarlo's material as a routines I use, rather a roadmap that helps me get pointed in the correct general direction. I'd probably make better short-term progress if I did use routines, but it just isn't the way I like to go through life.
Author:  HeavyRota8tion [ Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
That gives me some things to think about Beast, thanks.

Routines. I do not actually use any routines and never have. I don't see either 60yoc or Vin DiCarlo's material as a routines I use, rather a roadmap that helps me get pointed in the correct general direction. I'd probably make better short-term progress if I did use routines, but it just isn't the way I like to go through life.
Routines are for (social) retards.
Author:  fiacaid [ Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:52 am ]
Post subject: 
I took all your advice. With the help of a friend and a bit too much alcohol I went way beyond my comfort level tonight. Some (very) minor successes. One missed opportunity. Many flat-out rejections. Not even a single success at significant escalation. I realize excessive alcohol is not a good way to do this, but I still count this a success as a step in the right direction. Perhaps I do just need to push myself harder. Push the edge, as George Leonard would say. I don't think it is actually a lack of confidence, rather I have spent many years conditioning myself to failure and am not prepared to accept success. Perhaps I even fear success? It is something to think on. Something to act on. I do not intend to rely on alcohol, but perhaps I can use it in the short term as a learning tool?

Comments?

I have deliberately written this tonight when I am still not fully rational. I need to get this out there for comment wile I'm still baffled and bewildered and not yet thinking too much about the down side of what happened....not analyzing it in too much detail....not thinking too much as has been noted (accurately) that I tend to do. Please be kind in the most brutally honest way possible....
Author:  charblad [ Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Here's my 2 cents, mind you I didn't read all the comments
Ask yourself this, personally, in your mind, don't write it down or reply, just think
Regarding pua/women
What do you want?
I think the problem isn't success, it's what success IS.
Do you just want a one night stand? A fuckbuddy? A girlfriend? A wife?
You can't make your intentions clear, until your intentions, are clear
You can't attract the right women, unless there IS a right woman, you can't go fishing without any bait and expect just the hook to catch anything
Find out what you want, you can't make progress unless you have something to progress to
Its blunt and very bad language wise (all those you cants' jeez) but its honest
Author:  fiacaid [ Sat Sep 29, 2012 11:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Here's my 2 cents, mind you I didn't read all the comments
Ask yourself this, personally, in your mind, don't write it down or reply, just think
Regarding pua/women
What do you want?
I think the problem isn't success, it's what success IS.
Do you just want a one night stand? A fuckbuddy? A girlfriend? A wife?
You can't make your intentions clear, until your intentions, are clear
You can't attract the right women, unless there IS a right woman, you can't go fishing without any bait and expect just the hook to catch anything
Find out what you want, you can't make progress unless you have something to progress to
Its blunt and very bad language wise (all those you cants' jeez) but its honest
Very insightful Charblad. I do know precisely what I want. I even have it written down on my list of goals in life. I just keep using the bait completely wrong for a variety of reasons.
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