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| Depressed girlfriend in LDR https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=146792 |
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| Author: | Minesweeper [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 8:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Depressed girlfriend in LDR |
Hello guys! First of all I apologize for not posting this in the ‘relationships’ section but it seems I need 20 posts to be able to start a thread there. If a moderator would like to move it please go ahead. I am posting this on a PUA forum instead of a mental health forum because I have the impression I can get more practical and down-to-earth advice here. TLDR version: - 1 year relationship with 4-year older women - She has moved back to her country (for financial reasons) to find a job (anywhere in Europe, preferably in my country) - She has been looking for a while and is getting *very* depressed about not having found something, as well as concerned that she doesn’t know which direction her life will be heading. - How can I help her? Long version: Here’s my situation: I’ve been in a relationship with girl around 4 years older than me for around a year. We get along great, and the age difference hasn’t been a huge issue for either of us, accept for a few road bumps around the beginning of the relationship, where she felt her bio-clock was ticking and had a few doubts about whether a relationship with a younger person was a good idea. We moved passed that stage and we generally been very happy together. She had some difficulties while growing up, and I think that it’s left her with some emotional scarring that still affects her to this day. She grew up in Latvia in a poor family where she was driven very hard to succeed, with a lot of pressure from her parents. Having met her parents, and I hate to say this, but it would seem they are borderline mentally instable. A very authoritative father and a mother who can’t deal with it at all, with lots of fighting and abuse between the parents. That being said she’s a very smart girl who got into university in her country based on her grades, and was then invited for internships in the U.S. and Germany, which she did for 2 years. After that she did a masters program in my country (where I met her) and has since finished it and has now moved back to her country (for financial reasons) to look for a job (preferably in my country or close by). She moved away a month ago and it seems to me that she is getting very depressed about not finding a job in time and not knowing the direction her life will take. A few days ago we SPAM and she even gave away subtle hints that she wanted to harm herself. Of course I am fully supportive of her and try to be a stable factor in her life, but it seems to me that she doesn’t want any reassuring and she gets irritated by it (a classic symptom of depression I believe). She has always had very strong mood swings, 3-4 days a month which I guess many of the guys in relationships here will have noticed. I am starting to think that she might have clinical depression that that this has been going on for some time, possibly even before we met each other. She seems to idolize more successful people and compares herself to them. And while she has every reason in the world to be proud of what she has accomplished so far, she brings herself down all the time. I love this girl and I’m trying to be a rock for her. That being said I’m seeing clear signs of clinical depression and to be honest I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I would be very grateful if anyone has some insight or experience with this to help her out a little. Thanks! |
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| Author: | Minesweeper [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:36 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Just bumping this in case anyone is able to provide some insight. Thanks. |
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| Author: | Czech. [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I'm not a psychiatrist, so I really don't know what to say. If she's borderline cutting harming herself, she needs professional help. Contact her family members if you can. That's all I can recommend. |
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| Author: | Minesweeper [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for your reply Czech. I do think it would be great for her to seek some professional help. In her country doing this is still seen as a stigma so I will need to bring it up gently. I know that in the end it's not up to me to get her out of this depression but I love her so I try anyways. TBH I don't know how long this relationship can survive like this but I couldn't leave her when she's already feeling this way after everything we've shared during our relationship. |
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| Author: | Bullet01 [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 8:03 pm ] |
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You should keep supporting her and be nice to her. never tell her to "snap out of it". You can also remember with her some of the great memories you had with her to give her a positive outlook (but this can back fire and make her more depressed) |
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