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Girlfriend and her ex issues.
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Author:  wenzel [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:24 am ]
Post subject:  Girlfriend and her ex issues.
Hey. Me and both my girlfriend are together for 2 months, thanks to the forums I improved myself, I'm no longer insecure needing guy who fucks up every relationship and is afraid to make a step.

I really like this girl, I do not love her but I would like to keep her mine as long as it's possible.

The thing is: she's very attractive and a lot for guys are trying to be with her despite our relationship. She's getting asked for phone number in mall, university, cofee metting with her friends - wherever she is.

I made myself clear that I don't mind her talking with other guys even going out with her on friendly meetings as long as I'm the only one she shares affections with. She said she would never date other guy while being with me because she loves me and I'm everything she ever wanted, but thanked me for not keeping her only to myself, she said that I'm the first guy who didn't feel like "she's mine and nobody touches my stuff". I replied that she's not a thing and I would never keep her only to myself because it would be a waste for world to not see such a beauty.

The only person I'm afraid of is her first boyfriend (he was her first sexual partner and I know she cheated her last bf with him - her last bf was treating her really bad - calling her his bitch etc and she wanted to get away from him).
She asked me right away if I'm OK with her chatting with him. She's cute but clueless, she oftens shows me his texts or facebook messages and it's obvious he wants her in his bed.

Should I ask her to stop chatting with him or just be with her and treat her like no man treated her before? The second option is harder but it would not only save me from this particular guy but from any other. Any suggestions are much appreciated.
I know she won't crawl to his bed, but I'm afraid that when they meet sometime it would lead to kiss/sex. Should I allow her to chat with him, but ask her not to meet him face-to-face? How to say it to her without making me feel insecure?
I know he offered a meeting few times but she refused all the time.

He has brain cancer which is the "strongest asset" because she feels sorry for him and that's why she intends on chatting with him, I'm using his situation to talk about our future plans, having children, having decent work, living together. I know it's dirty but it's the thing that works.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend and her ex issues.
Quote:
She asked me right away if I'm OK with her chatting with him. She's cute but clueless, she oftens shows me his texts or facebook messages and it's obvious he wants her in his bed.
What did you say when she asked you this?
Author:  wenzel [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:49 am ]
Post subject: 
I said to her that I do not want to control her and I trust her despite her past.
Author:  xXcruxXx [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 8:02 am ]
Post subject: 
Alright, so here is my opinion.

You've already gamed her, you approached, DHV'ed, k-closed, f-closed, etc. You are now in a relationship. This is different from gaming because she is now your gf. You might want to look into AMOG'ing but I think that you should let her know how you feel and that you wouldn't like it if they met up. It's not that you don't trust her, it's that you don't trust him. They can keep in touch via fb/text but you just wouldn't feel ok if they met up. (it's good that she has refused to meet up with him, but if his game is solid, he can definitely pull it off) According to Style, keeping a healthy relationship is much more difficult than gaming. I think it would be wise to let her know how you feel but let it be known that you are still comfortable with her hanging out with her other friends.

This is uncharted territory for me given your situation, but this is how I would approach specific problem.
Author:  wenzel [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
I find AMOG'ing kind of stupid, never heard of it before, googled it and watched/readed few tutorials, those things seemed natural for me, and from what I've seen this stuff won't work in my situation as I'm not afraid of random guys hitting on her... just about the X guy she loved and cared for before me. When her other bf cheated on her, made her lose self-respect - X was there for her, she knows him for years when I'm just 2 months old. Yet my best female friend which knows her well says that she never seen her so happy which obviously means that those 2 months are far more better than 2 years with guy X.
Quote:
It's not that you don't trust her, it's that you don't trust him.
I like that idea, it really suits my personality and it fits perfectly into my previous conversation about trust and truth with her.

Any other suggestions? I would love to hear them all ;)
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It's not that you don't trust her, it's that you don't trust him.
If that's true, then you'll let her hang out with him. Because you trust her to say "no" and mean it if he makes an advance.

The truth is yes, you trust her with secrets and feelings and insights you share with her, but you do not trust her to stay faithful if this guy makes a move. It takes two to tango.

She cheated on the last boyfriend she had with this guy. Even though she said he was abusive or whatever, she still justified it. What makes you think she won't justify it when you piss her off?
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
You should've said no from the start. Girlfriends like it if you're confident enough to give them structure and boundaries. If you act like you don't care, she will think it's ok to cheat on you. Then she will blame YOU when she cheats on you, she will say "but you said you were cool with it!".
Author:  wenzel [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 9:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
What makes you think she won't justify it when you piss her off?
I already did few times, and we always tried to discuss it over, not run to our exs.
Also, despite him being more mature/richer/etc (he's 26 old and working in a good company, while I'm just 20 & studying) she seriously thinks about having stable life which makes me a better candidate because of his state, I bet she would regret cheating on me, yet I still think about it and I it would ease my mind to be 100% sure she won't do it.
Author:  gtdave [ Wed Sep 26, 2012 4:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
You can never be 100% sure she wont cheat.

I've never cheated on any gf but I wouldn't even trust myself 100% not to cheat in the future lol.

Getting stuck in a lift with an Jessica Alba would be way to tempting ;)
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