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Girl on Facebook talks me ALL the time: friend zone?
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Author:  Apocalyptica [ Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Girl on Facebook talks me ALL the time: friend zone?

Hi all

To summarize the story: I posted a message on Facebook to offer my couch to students who are looking for a room in my city. Many people wrote me, including this girl. She just asked me some stuff, i responded, she responded, etc. Messages got longer and longer, talking about everything. Later we started to chat, up to the point we are talking about every day, often more than hours. I tried to have very playful conversations all the time. I often turn the converstaion sexual. I asked her what is her favourite position, etc. She seems very interested, asking me a lot of stuff, chatting me up all the time, sending me messages, calls me by a nickname, etc. She is arriving in my city in about 2 weeks and is foreign.

I have two questions:
1) Where is this leading to? I never had the experience of a girl chatting me up on facebook all the time before we actually met once in real life
2) Shouldn't i be worried about the friend zone? I try to create an emotional connection by asking stuff as "what is your biggest dream", etc. We talked about past relationships as well, but as soon as she starts to talk about ex-bf i change subjects. How to keep the balance between building emotional connection and friend zone?

Thanks a lot for all help
Best,
A.

Author:  vcwriter [ Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:11 pm ]
Post subject: 

Despite being called the "friend zone", the friend zone isn't caused by two people getting too friendly, too personal, too intimate.

The "friend zone" is when you come across as afraid/shy/awkward about sex. Guys who are desperate for sex and desperate for a relationship end up in the friend zone. They're the type of guy who kisses the girl's ass over and over, so the girl can never outright say "get away from me". So she has to say "you're a nice guy but..."

Most guys who end up in the friend zone aren't even real friends with the girl.

A few guys truly end up becoming friends with a girl, and it's because they kill whatever attraction the girl had towards them by just being generally silent and afraid. The girl meets him and he seems cute enough, funny enough, and she's interested enough to date him. But when she goes on a date, he only wants to ask her questions. He seems awkward about touching her. He never pushes things forward. He avoids anything that might suggest he's interested in the opposite sex. Eventually the attraction dies out.

You're already doing good. You've been turning the conversation sexual and she's been receptive. There's a huge part of her that's receptive. You're escalating because you're going to meet her. There's probably some anticipation on her part. So there's literally nothing you could do to put yourself in the friend zone *until you meet her*.

You would end up in the friend zone if when you meet her, you're completely different from how you are on facebook. No more sexual overtones. (Or the sexual overtones are really forced and awkward.) That you never so much as touch her. Your interaction with her is no longer becoming more intimate and sexual, so yeah, you end up in the friend zone.

Just keep going.

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