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The Friendzone.. am I reading her wrong? Help!
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Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 3:31 pm ]
Post subject:  The Friendzone.. am I reading her wrong? Help!
First of all, I'm new here, I've always browsed over the forum and today decided to create this account and see if you guys can give me some advice. I'm 18, by the way.

I've known this girl for years, me and her have always been relatively close on and off. Recently we re-established contact after about 7-8 months of not really talking.. the problem is I've let myself get far too attached to her, I don't get along with girls like I do her and I've made a big mistake it seems.

Where do I start.. I've always wanted to be involved with her. She just got out of a year long relationship and I saw it as my chance. I actually started by forcing my way back into her life - by getting a job where she works. This way she can see me every weekend, and I can see her. All was going well.. we started to meet up outside of work, getting closer and closer. We started to watch films together at my place, sometimes getting quite cuddled up together. But here is where things go wrong.. at this point I'm really interested in her, like almost crazy about her, she is always on my mind.. I mean christ.. her saying alone that she likes guys with 6 packs has made me completely motivated and fixed on getting one and I've been working out constantly since.

She stayed at mine the other night.. it was like we were together. Completely cuddling up, flirting, just having a laugh.. I could have counted about 30 IOI's, I could have bet my life on that she wanted me. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to go in.. We ended up sleeping next to eachother in a single bed, hugging all night.

So the next day she goes home and I get a text along the lines of "I really had a great time last night, thanks so much" etc. I didn't quite know what to make of it.. but I sort of spilled my feelings a bit.. I told her how I was tempted to kiss her all night, and that I'm annoyed at myself that I didn't do it. To which her reply says "No don't do that! I enjoy being friends! That would have made things weird between us! I like us being all comfy like that, I wouldn't have thought you wanted to?"... seriously?

We text a little more after.. me explaining how I don't understand.. telling her how she was giving me signs all night. She apologized and said that I am over-analysing things? And that she didn't realise she was giving off signs of interest. I asked why she got so close if she wan't interested, and I got the dreaded "I just feel comfortable about you.. like all natural, don't think anything from it, I love spending time with you and being close to you"

I also know that she has another guy on the go, she has got with him once, as she actually told me about it before the night. I figured it was some attempt to get me to be jealous, so I didn't react, she is meeting him again this week. And I'm insanely jealous, what can this guy offer that I can't? She has known me for years and only known this guy a few months.

The thing is we are both on the same wavelength, we both don't want relationships, we just want to mess about (although my intentions are probably a bit more than hers).

So.. what now? Here I am feeling a bit rubbish not knowing what to do. In a way I want to ignore her and show that I am annoyed but I'm weak enough that if she text me right now saying "Want to meet up?" I would do it in a heartbeat.

Any help will be extremely appreciated.
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 4:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
I forgot to mention that she was saying earlier before the night that she likes tanned/toned/skinnyish guys. Basically exactly me.. I just can't read her right!
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 4:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
You, young Man have the all too common dreaded horrible disease ONEITES, almost to the point of stalking:
Quote:
by getting a job where she works. This way she is forced to see me every weekend
You have already been "Friend Zoned" there is little chance for escape!

If you keep up this pace you my friend will be on her Hamster Wheel chasing something you will never find reward! Always destined to follow her and cater to her every whim!

Will she ever release you? Hell No! Why would she? YOU Volunteered!

Only you can break this chain!

Your only chance is to walk away! There is a 50/50 chance she may follow! But then YOU must lead and take control back! And be a MAN.

Everything you do is based on the choices you make, it's not HER, it's not your parents, or your past relationships, your friends, your AGE, or the weather, that's to BLAME! You and only you are responsible for ever decision and choice you make, PERIOD

Find a different girl, MOVE FORWARD! GET OFF THE WHEEL!

Take your new abs, and tan place them in front of the next 10 you see, and say, "HI"!
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 4:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You, young Man have the all too common dreaded horrible disease ONEITES, almost to the point of stalking:
Quote:
by getting a job where she works. This way she is forced to see me every weekend
You have already been "Friend Zoned" there is little chance for escape!

If you keep up this pace you my friend will be on her Hamster Wheel chasing something you will never find reward! Always destined to follow her and cater to her every whim!

Will she ever release you? Hell No! Why would she? YOU Volunteered!

Only you can break this chain!

Your only chance is to walk away! There is a 50/50 chance she may follow! But then YOU must lead and take control back! And be a MAN.

Everything you do is based on the choices you make, it's not HER, it's not your parents, or your past relationships, your friends, your AGE, or the weather, that's to BLAME! You and only you are responsible for ever decision and choice you make, PERIOD

Find a different girl, MOVE FORWARD! GET OFF THE WHEEL!

Take your new abs, and tan place them in front of the next 10 you see, and say, "HI"!
Haha, you're right. It does sound a bit deperate me saying that she is forced to see me every weekend.. but the truth of the matter is I did need a job, and I also wanted to see her more often, to help get into contact again. So what? I just ignore her when she texts me next? I don't meet up with her?

She goes away soon for 3 weeks so I guess I won't be talking then. I don't want to just give up on her if you know what I mean.. I don't look at her as some type of goddess but I do have feelings for her.
Author:  96Firebird [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tell her you thought it over, and completely agree. Then use her as a wing.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

She goes away soon for 3 weeks so I guess I won't be talking then. I don't want to just give up on her if you know what I mean.. I don't look at her as some type of goddess but I do have feelings for her.
Let the 3 weeks ride, relax the fuck out. Smoke a fatty, hit up another girl/many girls, punch the wall, and then vibe to some Metal Tunes on your ipod. Take the time to take a step back to evaluate the reasons why the relationship has so strongly fucked with your soul. She’s not any better than any other girl you were considering, your mind is just more strongly attached to the girl you have already invested so much into. It wants to fix this relationship instead of pursuing a fresh one. But like any intelligent investor will tell you -Turn-arounds never turn around.

DO NOT contact her! If she contacts you, don't be rude but keep it short! your busy off having the time of your life!...gotta go!
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:

She goes away soon for 3 weeks so I guess I won't be talking then. I don't want to just give up on her if you know what I mean.. I don't look at her as some type of goddess but I do have feelings for her.
Let the 3 weeks ride, relax the fuck out. Smoke a fatty, hit up another girl/many girls, punch the wall, and then vibe to some Metal Tunes on your ipod. Take the time to take a step back to evaluate the reasons why the relationship has so strongly fucked with your soul. She’s not any better than any other girl you were considering, your mind is just more strongly attached to the girl you have already invested so much into. It wants to fix this relationship instead of pursuing a fresh one. But like any intelligent investor will tell you -Turn-arounds never turn around.

DO NOT contact her! If she contacts you, don't be rude but keep it short! your busy off having the time of your life!...gotta go!
You are right. I've let it go too far.. but because I've always kind of had a thing for her it's a bit annoying. I mean she showed ridiculous amounts of interest.. why would she do that and then say it would make things weird?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 5:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
why would she do that and then say it would make things weird?
Because:
Quote:
She stayed at mine the other night.. it was like we were together. Completely cuddling up, flirting, just having a laugh.. I could have counted about 30 IOI's, I could have bet my life on that she wanted me. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to go in.
I'm guessing many of your interactions with her went like this!

She didn't have to give anything in return
Quote:
I couldn't bring myself to go in.
She (even young girls have this natural ability) instinctively knows there is no cost, no investment required by her, for her to get the attention she needs to feed her EGO!

IOIs are cheap, she will continue to use them only to get to the point she needs to be at.

YOU didn't escalate the situation ever before, what make her think she should have to give up anything NOW!
Quote:
I told her how I was tempted to kiss her all night, and that I'm annoyed at myself that I didn't do it. To which her reply says "No don't do that! I enjoy being friends! That would have made things weird between us! I like us being all comfy like that, I wouldn't have thought you wanted to?"
You "Wanted too" BUT! You DIDN'T

She was able quickly, to sort you out as "No Challenge" and toss you out into orbit with the rest of the lost souls on their own hamster wheel!

That is a strong orbit pull my friend, YOU are the only one that can get yourself off, JUMP HARD! Or as the above poster says :

Tell her you thought it over, and completely agree. Then use her as a wing.

LJBF's can make excellent wings! BUT, it also risks putting you back into the position to get sucked back into oneites land! Hoping for that one tiny chance that will likely never happen.
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
why would she do that and then say it would make things weird?
Because:
Quote:
She stayed at mine the other night.. it was like we were together. Completely cuddling up, flirting, just having a laugh.. I could have counted about 30 IOI's, I could have bet my life on that she wanted me. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to go in.
I'm guessing many of your interactions with her went like this!

She didn't have to give anything in return
Quote:
I couldn't bring myself to go in.
She (even young girls have this natural ability) instinctively knows there is no cost, no investment required by her, for her to get the attention she needs to feed her EGO!

IOIs are cheap, she will continue to use them only to get to the point she needs to be at.

YOU didn't escalate the situation ever before, what make her think she should have to give up anything NOW!
Quote:
I told her how I was tempted to kiss her all night, and that I'm annoyed at myself that I didn't do it. To which her reply says "No don't do that! I enjoy being friends! That would have made things weird between us! I like us being all comfy like that, I wouldn't have thought you wanted to?"
You "Wanted too" BUT! You DIDN'T

She was able quickly, to sort you out as "No Challenge" and toss you out into orbit with the rest of the lost souls on their own hamster wheel!

That is a strong orbit pull my friend, YOU are the only one that can get yourself off, JUMP HARD! Or as the above poster says :

Tell her you thought it over, and completely agree. Then use her as a wing.

LJBF's can make excellent wings! BUT, it also risks putting you back into the position to get sucked back into oneites land! Hoping for that one tiny chance that will likely never happen.
So I basically just give up all hope now as you put it "jump off"? Okay. Are you also saying that I should have tried to kiss her? And just get rejected?...
Author:  Mago812 [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just go and escalate. If she doesnt run away screaming and she sticks around, thats it.

When she tells you that she just wants to be friends, there is only one thing you shouldnt do.

"i love you too much, i cannot be only friends with you"
Just go with "ok, i'd rather have you as a friend if you say nothing can happen."- this will do two things, she will see that you are not needy, and second, she will stick around and enable you to escalate. Just dont be a pussy. If she knows you like her, and she stays around, there is almost no chance to fuck that friendship up. You can even try to kiss her- if you escalate to that right- and if she refuses, you can just change the subject and try it again later.
If she really likes you as a friend, she will understand this- maybe will even enjoy it- just do it in a playfull way.

Basically: Kino, kino, kino.

And keep in mind: now she knows already that you want to kiss her and she is still replying to you. So you have nothing to loose ;)
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So I basically just give up all hope now as you put it "jump off"? .
Yes, the one that cares the least WINS!
There is at least an 80% chance she will want to know WHY? and a 50% chance SHE will be the one to try to become more invested! BUT you must be willing to take that risk! And not become dependent on the outcome.


Quote:
Are you also saying that I should have tried to kiss her? And just get rejected?...
Yes again! you are the one that decided you would get rejected, NOT her, you didn't take any RISK at all!

Men take the risk, you were imminently dismissed!
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Just go and escalate. If she doesnt run away screaming and she sticks around, thats it.

When she tells you that she just wants to be friends, there is only one thing you shouldnt do.

"i love you too much, i cannot be only friends with you"
Just go with "ok, i'd rather have you as a friend if you say nothing can happen."- this will do two things, she will see that you are not needy, and second, she will stick around and enable you to escalate. Just dont be a pussy. If she knows you like her, and she stays around, there is almost no chance to fuck that friendship up. You can even try to kiss her- if you escalate to that right- and if she refuses, you can just change the subject and try it again later.
If she really likes you as a friend, she will understand this- maybe will even enjoy it- just do it in a playfull way.

Basically: Kino, kino, kino.

And keep in mind: now she knows already that you want to kiss her and she is still replying to you. So you have nothing to loose ;)
Funnily enough, the last text I sent her was "Forget I said anything, I'd much rather just stay friends at the end of the day". She says she values my friendship more than any other.. so I'm guessing I'm pretty damn deep in the friend zone.. Thanks for the comment by the way.
I forgot to mention in the post that on the night I was playing with her hair, and she loved it. She was the one hugging up to me in bed etc.. that is why I was confused when she said the next day that she wasn't interested.
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
So I basically just give up all hope now as you put it "jump off"? .
Yes, the one that cares the least WINS!
There is at least an 80% chance she will want to know WHY? and a 50% chance SHE will be the one to try to become more invested! BUT you must be willing to take that risk! And not become dependent on the outcome.


Quote:
Are you also saying that I should have tried to kiss her? And just get rejected?...
Yes again! you are the one that decided you would get rejected, NOT her, you didn't take any RISK at all!

Men take the risk, you were imminently dismissed!
You are exactly right, I can't exactly blame anyone but myself. So now I'm going to just be cold if she texts me, and soon she goes away for a few weeks. I can get my head together then and hopefully start again when she's back? Or do I just not try again? What should I look to avoid to prevent getting back into this situation?

Thanks for the help so far by the way, it is appreciated.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I forgot to mention in the post that on the night I was playing with her hair, and she loved it. She was the one hugging up to me in bed etc.. that is why I was confused when she said the next day that she wasn't interested.
That is the point where you needed to start making out with her, that was the signal!

You didn't do ANYTHING, so she thought you were not interested in her "that way"!

So she put you in the Friend Zone!

Take the 3 weeks as a hall pass from the friend zone. See what happens.....see how long before she contacts YOU!
Author:  ItsKarma [ Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I forgot to mention in the post that on the night I was playing with her hair, and she loved it. She was the one hugging up to me in bed etc.. that is why I was confused when she said the next day that she wasn't interested.
That is the point where you needed to start making out with her, that was the signal!

You didn't do ANYTHING, so she thought you were not interested in her "that way"!

So she put you in the Friend Zone!

Take the 3 weeks as a hall pass from the friend zone. See what happens.....see how long before she contacts YOU!
Well now she knows that I'm interested in that way. So I've screwed that one up big time ;)
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