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Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
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Author:  watusippin? [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
So I recently started dating this girl who is still a virgin. We met at a bar and ended up hooking up all night and doing everything but have sex. The next morning when I was actually getting to know her I found myself really liking this girl.

After our first day earlier this week we were both really into each other. She has only had 3 BF's and two of them cheated on her and the other bailed for whatever reason he may have had. So she is obviously pretty afraid of committing to a relationship.

Our third date, which seemed to have gone well, had a confusing turn for me. At first she was talking about me meeting her best friend and family, me taking her to see a new movie, ect.. and we also made out on my bed for a solid hour. So I thought it was all solid.

But then after she left I got a few text messages about how shes doesnt know if she is ready for a relationship right now, that shes had "traumatic" relationships in the past and that she is afraid to hurt me and afraid to get hurt herself. She said that she needed "time to think about things" and that "things have been moving to quickly".

I really like this girl so I want to do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable in pursuing a relationship with me. IDK if this is just a nice way to say that she isnt into me, or if she is REALLY into me and is just afraid to get hurt again.

Id appreciate any advice!
Author:  watusippin? [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'll add that I want to send her a text that pretty much says that I know she has strong feelings for me, and that I know she's been hurt and blah blah im a good guy blah blah ect...

I wanna know if I would seem to needy in this case or not. I have never dated a virgin before, or anyone near a virgin, so I feel like my usual PUA knowledge may hurt me in this instance. Maybe she wants someone who seems more needy than I usually am?
Author:  TheSeagull [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
Quote:
that she is afraid to hurt me and afraid to get hurt herself
I have heard pretty much the exact same words from my GF. we had been on 2 or 3 dates, already had sex, ..., and that night we were in her bed, after sex, and the conversation shifted to expectations about our situation. she said what you have above. needless to say, she did not become my GF that night.
fast forward about 3 weeks, and a bunch of drama. none of that mattered and girlfriend she was.

in a girl's lingo the above means: I like you but I am not ready to commit to you at the moment. let's keep dating one day at a time.
Author:  watusippin? [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
Quote:
Quote:
that she is afraid to hurt me and afraid to get hurt herself
I have heard pretty much the exact same words from my GF. we had been on 2 or 3 dates, already had sex, ..., and that night we were in her bed, after sex, and the conversation shifted to expectations about our situation. she said what you have above. needless to say, she did not become my GF that night.
fast forward about 3 weeks, and a bunch of drama. none of that mattered and girlfriend she was.

in a girl's lingo the above means: I like you but I am not ready to commit to you at the moment. let's keep dating one day at a time.
Thanks for the reply. It was just a shocker when I read all the text cause when we were together she was talking like she wanted and was ready for a relationship with me. We came very close to have sex when we were both drunk so I think that kinda scared her.

So should I approach her with "hey lets take this slow and try it one date at a time"?
Author:  TheSeagull [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
Quote:
So should I approach her with "hey lets take this slow and try it one date at a time"?
sounds a legit approach.
she will initiate the relationship talk when/if she feels ready to commit.
you keep dating her, and escalating as much as you can. if she wants it, you bang her. if she wants a relationship before banging, you only agree if you want the relationship regardless of banging.

in the time frame between "one day at a time" and "where are we headed with this?", if you want a relationship you treat this girl as if she already were your GF, without ever voicing it. you hang out more than once a week, two or three times are fine, you introduce her to your social circle, you share your life with her, ...
the rest will follow.
Author:  Tr@veler [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think in this case you could use the danger of her losing you. You state of mind should be "I don't need this girl. I want her, but don't need her." She is into you, and you into her, but you MUST be willing to walk away.

Don't do all the "I know you have feelings and you need time, I'll be there...blah blah." No. Just be super fine with it. Talk to other girls in the meantime. You two are not together so you are definitely not cheating even if you fuck another girl. Just have the attitude that you have options. How? Create other options. Go out, talk to other girls.

She must get the feeling that she may lose you. Don't become cold. Be fun and uplifting.

You could actually not reply at all, and start a new thread tomorrow or something.

But if you want to reply, don't try to reel her in. That is needy screaming "I really really want you and I'll do anything to get you! Cause you're the only girl who's into me..."

Don't push for anything. Let things flow naturally. Be willing to walk away smiling.
Author:  TheSeagull [ Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You two are not together so you are definitely not cheating even if you fuck another girl. Just have the attitude that you have options. How? Create other options. Go out, talk to other girls.

She must get the feeling that she may lose you. Don't become cold. Be fun and uplifting.
this approach works wonders. especially if you make sure she finds out. and believes that some other girl is developing a deep mutual emotional connection to you.
BUT, if you do this, make sure the other girls do not end up expecting a commitment from you. I mismanaged that aspect of the jealousy plotline, and ended up breaking the heart of a poor girl who had nothing to do with J's commitment issues.
Author:  watusippin? [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks guys!

Ive been talking to her off and on today.. She kept up with the whole shes confused and not sure if she is ready thing. So I just told her that we will take it day by day and keep it simple. I am going to pull back a bit and not seem as interested. I have a "date" with her on Sunday. I am going to treat her like my GF on the dates but the days in between pull back.

Shes a tough nut to crack but IDK what to say, something about her drives me crazy
Author:  Tr@veler [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 10:37 am ]
Post subject: 
It's important that you talk to other girls. If you build a connection with another girl you will suddenly realize this one isn't all that special.
Author:  watusippin? [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It's important that you talk to other girls. If you build a connection with another girl you will suddenly realize this one isn't all that special.
I talk to other girls. Since I joined this forum I have hooked up with dozens of girls, and I have a phone full of numbers that I can call. But out of all of the girls I have met, hooked up with or had sex with this one is different. So thats why I think she is so special.

I have learned a lot since joining this forum, one lesson being that a girl like this doesn't come along too often. Im getting kinda tired of the bar skanks.
Author:  Psychotic [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
Quote:
So I recently started dating this girl who is still a virgin. We met at a bar and ended up hooking up all night and doing everything but have sex. The next morning when I was actually getting to know her I found myself really liking this girl.

After our first day earlier this week we were both really into each other. She has only had 3 BF's and two of them cheated on her and the other bailed for whatever reason he may have had. So she is obviously pretty afraid of committing to a relationship.

Our third date, which seemed to have gone well, had a confusing turn for me. At first she was talking about me meeting her best friend and family, me taking her to see a new movie, ect.. and we also made out on my bed for a solid hour. So I thought it was all solid.

But then after she left I got a few text messages about how shes doesnt know if she is ready for a relationship right now, that shes had "traumatic" relationships in the past and that she is afraid to hurt me and afraid to get hurt herself. She said that she needed "time to think about things" and that "things have been moving to quickly".

I really like this girl so I want to do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable in pursuing a relationship with me. IDK if this is just a nice way to say that she isnt into me, or if she is REALLY into me and is just afraid to get hurt again.

Id appreciate any advice!
It sounds like you have oneitis for this girl. If I were you I wouldn't focus on seeking a relationship with her because it sounds like it would be full of drama
Author:  watusippin? [ Sat Aug 04, 2012 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating a Virgin Whose Been "Hurt"
Quote:
Quote:
So I recently started dating this girl who is still a virgin. We met at a bar and ended up hooking up all night and doing everything but have sex. The next morning when I was actually getting to know her I found myself really liking this girl.

After our first day earlier this week we were both really into each other. She has only had 3 BF's and two of them cheated on her and the other bailed for whatever reason he may have had. So she is obviously pretty afraid of committing to a relationship.

Our third date, which seemed to have gone well, had a confusing turn for me. At first she was talking about me meeting her best friend and family, me taking her to see a new movie, ect.. and we also made out on my bed for a solid hour. So I thought it was all solid.

But then after she left I got a few text messages about how shes doesnt know if she is ready for a relationship right now, that shes had "traumatic" relationships in the past and that she is afraid to hurt me and afraid to get hurt herself. She said that she needed "time to think about things" and that "things have been moving to quickly".

I really like this girl so I want to do whatever I can to make her feel comfortable in pursuing a relationship with me. IDK if this is just a nice way to say that she isnt into me, or if she is REALLY into me and is just afraid to get hurt again.

Id appreciate any advice!
It sounds like you have oneitis for this girl. If I were you I wouldn't focus on seeking a relationship with her because it sounds like it would be full of drama
I prob do, but like I said in my post above im getting tired of these skanky bar chicks. Where I live finding a girl with morals and standards is like finding a fat chick not into cupcakes.

Id like to pursue a relationship with her, but she is just obviously afraid because of her past relationships. So I am just going to take it "date by date" and slowly make her feel more comfortable with me. Hopefully in a month tops I can break through her wall
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