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Fast advice please! Date with girl with bf went amazing..
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Author:  LeSuede [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Fast advice please! Date with girl with bf went amazing..
Ok, here's the situation. I met this girl randomly a long time ago, we've texted back and forth for a few weeks but I've been busy so couldn't meet til last night. She has a bf anyway so wasn't that keen on it.

Date goes amazingly well, she's in my book damn close to a 10 on looks, great sense of humour bla bla lots of great stuff bla bla.

At the end I actually half heartedly tried to drop her off at her bus stop (she does have a bf after all, I'm not into going in hard on that stuff) but we end up at mine and things get hot and heavy. She stops it all just before her little panties are about to come off and we gather our senses, I don't try anything further. We cuddle up for another hour and she leaves.

Now the problem: She just texted me saying she feels bad about it all and don't think it's wise to see each other again.

How can I turn this around? I'm thinking I should suggest us being nothing but friends and that way sneakily turn her around. I never asked straight up but don't think her and her bf are that great together, and this girl is the only one I've met in years that I can consider turning into a girlfriend.

Oh, and another thing.. she's 22 and I'm 36, if that matters.

Can't shake this one, and don't want to. Feck. This exact thing has happened before at least three times as far as I was aware, the two times I wanted the girl it worked out but they were both in my social circle. Other times I've just been 'ya makes sense, have a good one'.. but this girl is the shit!

I was thinking me not going for the f-close would've helped long term.. but maybe I should've. I really didn't care about that too much (ok when she was in my bed it was tough to not go there but you know what I mean).
Author:  JacquesMaurice [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Option 1) It isn't your boyfriend, why should you give a shit? You're straight up competing with this guy for a beautiful girl. If he is failing and you can offer her so much more then it sucks to be him. Take the lead and bring her around to your side.

Option 2) Imagine this girl was yours and another dude swooped in to take her. Don't you feel that a common courtesy amongst men is in the "bro code"? Sweet talking a guy's chick could be considered questionable.

It all depends on where your moral compass is pointed, of course I played devil's advocate here because only you will know what is in your head and what you are prepared to do.

An important thing to take note of is *This chick is cheating on her guy with you, this means that she will easily be capable of doing the same to you down the road*
Author:  LeSuede [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the help!

I do largely agree with both options actually (I'm schizo that way). It's slightly different taking someone's girl if you're at least fairly sure it will go serious down the road. The two times this has happened before and I pursued it both went on to become LTR's, 3 and 6 years each. She does seem to look for something else though which makes this less of a question, but I'm heavily biased here.

You raise something I discussed with my mate in your last point. Not quite sure how to deal with that. In the other two cases the girls broke it off with their bf's the morning after or we actually didn't even kiss properly until she was single, but if she considers hiding it from him that's of course a problem.

Feck. I'm still confused. I think I'm going to take one small step back today to make her relax a bit then push to see her again.
Author:  JacquesMaurice [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 7:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
I have a feeling your nickname should be "Vulture" :lol:
Author:  LeSuede [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 7:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I have a feeling your nickname should be "Vulture" :lol:
Ouch. That hurt! ;)

I'm usually just a nice polyamorist but when you come across something special - all bets are off.. :)

We'll see, I'll talk to her and if she seems to love the guy I'll try to forget her. :(




Or not.
Author:  juvx [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 9:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Bro code? wtf... it ONLY applies to your friends and family not some random dude you don't know.... Also if it got Hot and Heavy then she obviously isnt that happy with him. I say its fair game. And it sounds more like a mutual thing than you STEALING her.

I would say the friends thing. Then ask to hang out. Then escalate again and f-close this time. Once you f-close she'll want to make a choice to leave her b/f out of guilt and if you set things up right choose you.
Author:  juvx [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 9:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Btw next time you think about Bro code.. I don't care who the girl is, if she can be STOLEN then hes better off without her because some other guy will do it eventually if you don't.


Just one warning however. A girl that can be stolen from her B/F can be stolen from you if she finds a stronger connection. Just keep that in mind if you date her.
Author:  Curiouscat [ Wed Aug 01, 2012 9:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Had exactly the same situation. Unfortunately she's unlikely to leave her boyfriend even if you have been hot and heavy with her. The more contact you have with her the more likely you are to get her into bed but be prepared for her to dump you out of guilt afterwards.

Dont get too attached...
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