PUA Forum :: At work, mental recovery after painful infatuation

Hey guys,

So I've been working at this new office for 3 months now, and there is this really cute girl who sits 2 seats away. She was definitely interested in me at the beginning, but I wasn't at a point where I was ready. Then we started hanging out more in groups, and I started really liking her, to the point where I was thinking about her all the time and I actually let it slip to some other people how much I liked her.

I've tried to do a couple of things with her, but I think she's definitely cooled towards me. There are some impending things we talked about doing, but at this point my infatuation has been like a hot frying pan dropped into a bucket of ice water. All I want to do is recover to a nice office relationship, if not just a normal friendship. I'm not sure if she knows about my infatuation or not, and if she doesn't I guess its not that big of a deal. But if she does, and doesn't have any attraction any more, that makes everything kind of weird. I think I've already given off a needy of a vibe, which I don't like and of course she probably doesn't like, which might be in part why she's cooled. I was also trying to not go into scarcity, so I was pretty open about how I was meeting lots of girls, which may have helped short term, but killed it long term.

So I think I'm too much in my head and have taken this thing way to seriously. I guess my question is what sort of attitude or friendship should I try to pursue here. What frame should I have in my head, because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and I don't want to lower my value any more than it is. Somehow I would like our relationship to be understood as a friendship and with no deeper intentions.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

Author:	River_ [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 2:40 am ]
Post subject:	At work, mental recovery after painful infatuation
Hey guys, So I've been working at this new office for 3 months now, and there is this really cute girl who sits 2 seats away. She was definitely interested in me at the beginning, but I wasn't at a point where I was ready. Then we started hanging out more in groups, and I started really liking her, to the point where I was thinking about her all the time and I actually let it slip to some other people how much I liked her. I've tried to do a couple of things with her, but I think she's definitely cooled towards me. There are some impending things we talked about doing, but at this point my infatuation has been like a hot frying pan dropped into a bucket of ice water. All I want to do is recover to a nice office relationship, if not just a normal friendship. I'm not sure if she knows about my infatuation or not, and if she doesn't I guess its not that big of a deal. But if she does, and doesn't have any attraction any more, that makes everything kind of weird. I think I've already given off a needy of a vibe, which I don't like and of course she probably doesn't like, which might be in part why she's cooled. I was also trying to not go into scarcity, so I was pretty open about how I was meeting lots of girls, which may have helped short term, but killed it long term. So I think I'm too much in my head and have taken this thing way to seriously. I guess my question is what sort of attitude or friendship should I try to pursue here. What frame should I have in my head, because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and I don't want to lower my value any more than it is. Somehow I would like our relationship to be understood as a friendship and with no deeper intentions. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

Author:	detox75 [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 3:17 am ]
Post subject:
my advice is dont attempt a friendship with her because you cant handle it right now, and you will quickly become creepy to her and make everything worse then it already is. Best bet is to ignore her and act aloof as if you are too good for her until you dont give 2 shits about her, then regame when your leading with your value and not your emotion.

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 3:27 am ]
Post subject:
Your not solid mentally very-important-how-to-overcome-aa-fear- ... 37103.html

Author:	River_ [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 6:39 am ]
Post subject:
Okay thanks, both those comments definitely help me. I'm only at this office location for a little while longer, so I was kind of like just screw it and go for it. But now it feels just kind of weird. I guess those impending get-togethers I pushed for next week I should just cancel? There was no specific date or activity put down (though we talked about some), and it would be kind of nice to get out of it without losing face.

Author:	mikey2012 [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 9:21 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Okay thanks, both those comments definitely help me. I'm only at this office location for a little while longer, so I was kind of like just screw it and go for it. But now it feels just kind of weird. I guess those impending get-togethers I pushed for next week I should just cancel? There was no specific date or activity put down (though we talked about some), and it would be kind of nice to get out of it without losing face. Dude back OFF now, you have showed too much interest. It's good to show interest to get them going but too much and they lose interest. Ignore the biatch and she may come back. If you try and press it now you will not get her. Women like something hard to get and if she is cooling towards you, cool towards her. The unpredicatability will make them nuts. Even now if she has changed her mind, if you ignore her it might bring her attraction back to you again.

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Author:	River_ [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 2:05 pm ]
Post subject:
Alright thanks mikey, I think you make a lot of sense. Intellectually I completely understand and agree, the hard part for me is going to be shutting off my receptors or somehow moving beyond. Because she sits two seats away, I have to listen to her laugh, etc. and that makes it harder. But seeing how badly things might go if I don't change it up, that provides a lot of motivation to move on.

Author:	wingintyme [ Mon Jul 09, 2012 3:49 am ]
Post subject:
A good rule of thumb is don't let yourself ever get infatuated with anyone from work. Women by nature tend to be attracted to men they work with more so than some guy on the street or in the club. But the trick is, they have to wonder if you are interested in them. If you make it obvious you like her, you won't get her. I learned the hard way about 10 years ago. I was fired. Since then, all women at work I am part-time friends, part time just ignore and avoid them but never flirtatious. If anything is going to happen with a work girl she'll eventually send clues. And don't tell anyone in the office you like a girl. About 5 years ago this hb 9 got hired at my office of about 25 people. I thought she was hot as hell. I pretty much just ignored her until I had to speak. I learned through others some hang-ups she had, and in my mind I created an image of her that turned me off. the hang ups were that she had been married twice, and the most recent was an alcoholic who pissed the bed all the time. I thought, what kind of a loser woman marries people like this. I also came to the conclusion early on, she's not tan enough for me and I don't like the kind of car she drives. Well, within 2 months of her hire, she was pursuing me and inviting me over to her house, but by that time I had such a negative attitude about her just b/c of her previous choices, I had no interest in her. Of course, it's a real tricky situation to be involved with someone at work anyway b/c if it doesn't work out, it creates an awkward work environment so that was foremost on my mind.

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Mon Jul 09, 2012 4:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: At work, mental recovery after painful infatuation
Quote: Hey guys, So I've been working at this new office for 3 months now, and there is this really cute girl who sits 2 seats away. She was definitely interested in me at the beginning, but I wasn't at a point where I was ready. Then we started hanging out more in groups, and I started really liking her, to the point where I was thinking about her all the time and I actually let it slip to some other people how much I liked her. I've tried to do a couple of things with her, but I think she's definitely cooled towards me. There are some impending things we talked about doing, but at this point my infatuation has been like a hot frying pan dropped into a bucket of ice water. All I want to do is recover to a nice office relationship, if not just a normal friendship. I'm not sure if she knows about my infatuation or not, and if she doesn't I guess its not that big of a deal. But if she does, and doesn't have any attraction any more, that makes everything kind of weird. I think I've already given off a needy of a vibe, which I don't like and of course she probably doesn't like, which might be in part why she's cooled. I was also trying to not go into scarcity, so I was pretty open about how I was meeting lots of girls, which may have helped short term, but killed it long term. So I think I'm too much in my head and have taken this thing way to seriously. I guess my question is what sort of attitude or friendship should I try to pursue here. What frame should I have in my head, because I don't want to make her uncomfortable and I don't want to lower my value any more than it is. Somehow I would like our relationship to be understood as a friendship and with no deeper intentions. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks! Anytime when you can talk to a woman for extended periods of time you are at an advantage. Your mouthpiece, your persuasion skills should be so powerful that you could change her mind on anything. You should be able to sell a girl on infatuation..."i'm crazy about you. I'll do anything for you. I'm really into you, but don't feel any pressure. Just be happy talk to who you won't. Ill be a man about how I feel and I will be fine. I just want to you to know if your looking for a guy that will not let you down and whose interest is true, whose feelings are genuine. I am your man." Once again the goal to pulling a woman is to make things seem so pleasant that she can't help but want you. However, this open heart method puts you at a disadvantage because it puts all your cards on the table.... The game is all about the womans feelings. Everytime you talk to her make her feel really good and she'll want you. Its that simple.

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