PUA Forum :: Girl wants to bring friend(s)

hi guys

i've been seeing a girl lately which i quite fancy. I wrote her on facebook and told her i want to practice her language.

For the first meet up she brought a female friend with her. I didn't care to much since it was the first time we met. Things were quite OK with her showing some IOI (touching hair, curling hair)

Second meet up: i asked her to get a beer, she agreed and told me to come over to that bar close to her place. we had some quite good conversations and had a positive feeling about the meet up. again touching hair all the way. She did not brought friends along. Nevertheless, the afternoon before she out of the blue called me if i'm free to go with her in the city centre and some of her friends. I couldn't and told her so.

Third meet up: i asked her to go see some live concert in the city centre. She said "yes ok, but i will conform one of these days". Now she wrotes me a message on Facebook AND on my cell phone to tell me "if it is ok i bring along some female friends of me".

Don't really know what to do. Seems like she isn't interested after all? Any advice how to react her?

on the one hand she agrees to meet up and shows some IOI (sometimes also starts conversations on facebook, also wanted me to help her to go buy some train ticket)
on the other hand she all the time wants to bring friends...

thanks!

thanks

she only shows passive interest.

should i go and meet all her female friends?
should i postpone the date?
should i go and hit on her female friends?
should i simply tell her that i would prefer she doesn't bring her friends?

thanks

Hmm, don't play her game.. Once she is with her best friends and her social circle , she has home advantage. Tell her something around those lines : "Listen, your friends are cool and everything.. but I want to have some time for both of us alone instead." If she says why, tell her you are attracted and you would like to have some time with her alone to get to know her better.

If he plays this right he can still use this situation to his advantage. Depending on how much the OP likes the girl or the challenge and what not. I wouldn't look too much into going to the Live concert thing, it's a social event and her friends were probably genuinely interested in going. She still doesn't know you very well, so she probably feels more comfortable having her friends along. This can go horribly well for you or horribly wrong. You very well could be that guy who gets completely shut out and just following a group of girls around like a puppy waiting for your moment to cut into conversation. Girls are dumb when they flock together. They talk about stupid shit that happened a week ago like they're recalling a memory from their childhood. It's easy to get lost in that. However!

Women want things other women want. I hate holding hands and PDA, but if I ever caught a girl looking at my ex-boyfriend I'd grab his hand subconsciously- he caught onto this pretty quick and called me on it one day. I've had guys who I was kind of "meh" about, but the second my friends would say they liked him or thought he was cute, I'd be all over it again. If you can get her friends to like you, maybe even focus on them more than her you can turn this around and drive her crazy. If you don't think you can do that or be the life of the party in this group then I'd probably say you should back out lest you have a miserable fucking experience. Let her have a night with her friends and try again another day or suit up and tell her you want a 1x1 date with her.

Quote:

Sorry but i completely disagree with your advice.

IMO it is not done to express your feelings verbally. Touch, flirt, etc. YES, but saying that you are attracted to her kills the whole game, and makes her to be in control of the frame.

I won't do this.

Author:	Apocalyptica [ Tue May 22, 2012 9:45 am ]
Post subject:	Girl wants to bring friend(s)
hi guys i've been seeing a girl lately which i quite fancy. I wrote her on facebook and told her i want to practice her language. For the first meet up she brought a female friend with her. I didn't care to much since it was the first time we met. Things were quite OK with her showing some IOI (touching hair, curling hair) Second meet up: i asked her to get a beer, she agreed and told me to come over to that bar close to her place. we had some quite good conversations and had a positive feeling about the meet up. again touching hair all the way. She did not brought friends along. Nevertheless, the afternoon before she out of the blue called me if i'm free to go with her in the city centre and some of her friends. I couldn't and told her so. Third meet up: i asked her to go see some live concert in the city centre. She said "yes ok, but i will conform one of these days". Now she wrotes me a message on Facebook AND on my cell phone to tell me "if it is ok i bring along some female friends of me". Don't really know what to do. Seems like she isn't interested after all? Any advice how to react her? on the one hand she agrees to meet up and shows some IOI (sometimes also starts conversations on facebook, also wanted me to help her to go buy some train ticket) on the other hand she all the time wants to bring friends... thanks!

Author:	pumpington [ Tue May 22, 2012 9:51 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girl wants to bring friend(s)
Quote: hi guys i've been seeing a girl lately which i quite fancy. I wrote her on facebook and told her i want to practice her language. For the first meet up she brought a female friend with her. I didn't care to much since it was the first time we met. Things were quite OK with her showing some IOI (touching hair, curling hair) Second meet up: i asked her to get a beer, she agreed and told me to come over to that bar close to her place. we had some quite good conversations and had a positive feeling about the meet up. again touching hair all the way. She did not brought friends along. Nevertheless, the afternoon before she out of the blue called me if i'm free to go with her in the city centre and some of her friends. I couldn't and told her so. Third meet up: i asked her to go see some live concert in the city centre. She said "yes ok, but i will conform one of these days". Now she wrotes me a message on Facebook AND on my cell phone to tell me "if it is ok i bring along some female friends of me". Don't really know what to do. Seems like she isn't interested after all? Any advice how to react her? on the one hand she agrees to meet up and shows some IOI (sometimes also starts conversations on facebook, also wanted me to help her to go buy some train ticket) on the other hand she all the time wants to bring friends... thanks! pretty simply here, suck it up and show intent, you are obviously lacking in intent, you are being passive and allowing her to lead because you are afraid to express yourself out of the fear of what might happen as a result, this is due to that want for approval, don't try to win her over or do the right thing, instead focus on your own enjoyment it is as simple as saying, don't bring friends this time, lets just hang out the two of us if she asks why just summon up some courage, just tell the truth, don't appologise, and act like you are sure of what you want until you are actually genuinely sure of what you want maybe I am reading into this wrong, but it seems like you are also getting signs of interest and not escalating, this will lead you no where, you push things forward, you set the pace, if you sit back and wait for her to do so, she will set the pace right into you being her new gay best friend that never gets to fuck her, don't let that happen for yourself

Author:	CaptainJackHarkness [ Tue May 22, 2012 10:03 am ]
Post subject:
I never look for IOI's. I used to...a lot...or look at everything as an IOI, IOD. I don't now. It's retarded and you can be too much into your head. Some girls just like flipping their hair and its not attraction whatsoever. Why? Because they 100% don't sleep with you because of that. Lol.

Author:	Apocalyptica [ Tue May 22, 2012 10:13 am ]
Post subject:
thanks she only shows passive interest. should i go and meet all her female friends? should i postpone the date? should i go and hit on her female friends? should i simply tell her that i would prefer she doesn't bring her friends? thanks

Author:	pumpington [ Tue May 22, 2012 10:21 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: thanks she only shows passive interest. should i go and meet all her female friends? should i postpone the date? should i go and hit on her female friends? should i simply tell her that i would prefer she doesn't bring her friends? thanks I know it is nerve wrecking, but you have to go for what you want, even if she is passive she is a girl, you must push and build the compliance, summon up all your courage, if she is not interested that is fine, it is better to know she is not interested and start working on new girls, then to just stay in the unsure zone in the hopes that something will change and it will make the difference that she is interested, if it has been more then a few hours together she is well aware of what she thinks of you, and postponing getting to that yes or that no is simply a waste of time, if it is a no, you will eventually get to that point anyways it will not change because you are more passive, if anything, being passive will kill your chances more then make them I am not saying you have to shove sex down her throat, but be assertive, show her your real self that you have been hiding, you can't let something like this go stagnant before you actually put an effort into it as for the what should you do, that was answered in my previous post, you already know the answer, it is inside yourself, you have to figure out what you want, not what you think she wants, express yourself as a man and lead, don't follow

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Author:	KimPa [ Tue May 22, 2012 12:28 pm ]
Post subject:
Hmm, don't play her game.. Once she is with her best friends and her social circle , she has home advantage. Tell her something around those lines : "Listen, your friends are cool and everything.. but I want to have some time for both of us alone instead." If she says why, tell her you are attracted and you would like to have some time with her alone to get to know her better.

Author:	Apocalyptica [ Tue May 22, 2012 12:55 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Hmm, don't play her game.. Once she is with her best friends and her social circle , she has home advantage. Tell her something around those lines : "Listen, your friends are cool and everything.. but I want to have some time for both of us alone instead." If she says why, tell her you are attracted and you would like to have some time with her alone to get to know her better. Sorry but i completely disagree with your advice. IMO it is not done to express your feelings verbally. Touch, flirt, etc. YES, but saying that you are attracted to her kills the whole game, and makes her to be in control of the frame. I won't do this.

Author:	KimPa [ Tue May 22, 2012 1:13 pm ]
Post subject:
On another thought, you might be right about not telling her verbally that you like her.. Personally, I always come straight up and say what I think.. Maybe it's not the best way to do it, but that is just me.. However, on the first part I still think am correct and you shouldn't be playing in her social circle.

Author:	tareaxtragedy [ Tue May 22, 2012 5:31 pm ]
Post subject:
If he plays this right he can still use this situation to his advantage. Depending on how much the OP likes the girl or the challenge and what not. I wouldn't look too much into going to the Live concert thing, it's a social event and her friends were probably genuinely interested in going. She still doesn't know you very well, so she probably feels more comfortable having her friends along. This can go horribly well for you or horribly wrong. You very well could be that guy who gets completely shut out and just following a group of girls around like a puppy waiting for your moment to cut into conversation. Girls are dumb when they flock together. They talk about stupid shit that happened a week ago like they're recalling a memory from their childhood. It's easy to get lost in that. However! Women want things other women want. I hate holding hands and PDA, but if I ever caught a girl looking at my ex-boyfriend I'd grab his hand subconsciously- he caught onto this pretty quick and called me on it one day. I've had guys who I was kind of "meh" about, but the second my friends would say they liked him or thought he was cute, I'd be all over it again. If you can get her friends to like you, maybe even focus on them more than her you can turn this around and drive her crazy. If you don't think you can do that or be the life of the party in this group then I'd probably say you should back out lest you have a miserable fucking experience. Let her have a night with her friends and try again another day or suit up and tell her you want a 1x1 date with her.

Author:	Apocalyptica [ Tue May 22, 2012 6:52 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: If he plays this right he can still use this situation to his advantage. Depending on how much the OP likes the girl or the challenge and what not. I wouldn't look too much into going to the Live concert thing, it's a social event and her friends were probably genuinely interested in going. She still doesn't know you very well, so she probably feels more comfortable having her friends along. This can go horribly well for you or horribly wrong. You very well could be that guy who gets completely shut out and just following a group of girls around like a puppy waiting for your moment to cut into conversation. Girls are dumb when they flock together. They talk about stupid shit that happened a week ago like they're recalling a memory from their childhood. It's easy to get lost in that. However! Women want things other women want. I hate holding hands and PDA, but if I ever caught a girl looking at my ex-boyfriend I'd grab his hand subconsciously- he caught onto this pretty quick and called me on it one day. I've had guys who I was kind of "meh" about, but the second my friends would say they liked him or thought he was cute, I'd be all over it again. If you can get her friends to like you, maybe even focus on them more than her you can turn this around and drive her crazy. If you don't think you can do that or be the life of the party in this group then I'd probably say you should back out lest you have a miserable fucking experience. Let her have a night with her friends and try again another day or suit up and tell her you want a 1x1 date with her. I like your reply since it was more or less my initial opinion. My "plan" is just to go there and bring a friend of mine who is no competition (not too good looking but a chill and nice to hang out with dude .. and no cockblocker). I will shift most of my attention to her friend girls and have most of the convo's with them - without ignoring the target completely of course. I will also try to neg her from time to time. Generally the goal is to be the "cool" guy. An important remark: Her friends didn't invited themselves. She invited them, after asking to me if i'm fine with that.

Author:	pumpington [ Tue May 22, 2012 7:01 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Hmm, don't play her game.. Once she is with her best friends and her social circle , she has home advantage. Tell her something around those lines : "Listen, your friends are cool and everything.. but I want to have some time for both of us alone instead." If she says why, tell her you are attracted and you would like to have some time with her alone to get to know her better. Sorry but i completely disagree with your advice. IMO it is not done to express your feelings verbally. Touch, flirt, etc. YES, but saying that you are attracted to her kills the whole game, and makes her to be in control of the frame. I won't do this. you should do more reading on frame control until you fully understand it, what you say has little to do with the frame, it is how you say it that dictates the frame (sub-text), the frame is simply the meaning behind the interaction, and saying to a girl ''hey, you seem cute, lets talk'' would infact make the frame under your control if she starts talking to you, and the frame is set to something along the lines of a ~guy with romantic interest talking to a girl~ for her to comply and stay, she is passively accepting your frame there are a few problems with meeting up with a girl and her friends 1)if any of her friends are jealous of her, or just plain don't like you, they can influence her into not sleeping with you 2)she is setting the frame to your interaction, and it is a frame non-conducive to you getting laid, it is more of a ''friendship frame'' 3)at anytime she wants she has her friend to talk to, she can make things more difficult for you to build rapport on a deeper level 4)her having a friend there will make it more difficult to escalate 5)her having a friend there will make it more difficult to isolate

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