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PUA'S PLSE HELP! HER: yes, ME: when, HER: I'll let you know
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Author:  Stormfever [ Fri May 11, 2012 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  PUA'S PLSE HELP! HER: yes, ME: when, HER: I'll let you know
Okay PUA's help me figure out where I go from here... There's this girl who works at my local coffee shop and over the past couple of weeks I've been building up rapport with her. We've learned a bit about each other and shared a few jokes and now she always gives me one of those nice smiles whenever she sees me. I told a friend I liked her and unknown to me he told one of her work mates so I'm quite certain she knows I like her and if anything she has become more friendly with me since.
A few days ago she took a work break and came and sat on the table next to me, I moved over to sit next to her and we talked, I found out we had a common interest and was getting a good energy from her and so knowing that she probably knew I liked her I suggested we hook up and go have some fun with our bikes sometime; she agreed so I took her number.
Anyway, I was in there again today and had the usual smiles and chat/joke with her and sensing her positive energy I asked her when does she have some free time coming up so I can take her out. This is the tricky bit, she said she didn't know as she has exams coming up and then added she'll let me know. I've now stupidly given my power away and left the ball in her court and I don't know whether her response was a gentle brush off, whether I've not raised the buying temp enough, whether she's going to make me work for it or whether she just likes the attention. A part of me thinks that if she was keen she would have arranged something with me but then again I don't know how she feels and she might want to get to know me better before she agrees to meet up....If she said no I could forget about it but I feel as though I'm in a limbo now as I've given power away...or even on some kind of weird probation period while she decides. I should probably mention that I've also dated her boss who runs the shop. It was a long time ago when I was in my younger, wilder years so I doubt she'd have much positive to say about dating me, and though I'm cool with her now I've know idea if the girl I'm into now knows anything about this!

Pua's, how to I act from here on? Do I keep the chase up? And how do I now that I've given my power away? I quite like her and she's turning into a bit of a one-its. Any help/advice with this would be most welcome!!
Regards, Stormfever
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri May 11, 2012 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: PUA'S PLSE HELP! HER: yes, ME: when, HER: I'll let you know
Quote:
Do I keep the chase up?
I am not sure why you insist you gave your power away? You only gave it away by thinking that you did!

Let HER stew about it, don't let it bother you, act like NOTHING is different because YOU DON'T CARE!

Don't hang out there for a while, make her wonder what happened to YOU!
Not the other way around!

Pursue other options in the meantime!
Author:  Stormfever [ Fri May 11, 2012 6:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey Heywood Jablowme, thanks for the feedback!
I said I've given my power away because up until today our interactions have been enjoyable and natural but the dynamic has now changed; she knows that if anything is going to come of it then its her choice that will make it happen, not mine, she knows she has that power, which makes it difficult for me to continue to build sexual tension, comfort and more rapport without the underlining fact that she can call the shots. Perhaps Its more true so say I've given my power away too soon yet at the same time I know power is an illusion and so your right to say its all in my head. But then there is still a game that goes on.
You could be right about staying away for a while but at the same time I don't want it to seem like I've been scarred off! How long would you stay away? Bearing in mind you went there most days of the week?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri May 11, 2012 6:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hey Heywood Jablowme, thanks for the feedback!
I said I've given my power away because up until today our interactions have been enjoyable and natural but the dynamic has now changed; she knows that if anything is going to come of it then its her choice that will make it happen, not mine, she knows she has that power, which makes it difficult for me to continue to build sexual tension, comfort and more rapport without the underlining fact that she can call the shots. Perhaps Its more true so say I've given my power away too soon yet at the same time I know power is an illusion and so your right to say its all in my head. But then there is still a game that goes on.
You could be right about staying away for a while but at the same time I don't want it to seem like I've been scarred off! How long would you stay away? Bearing in mind you went there most days of the week?
You have not given up anything, if you do not care what the out come is!

Try like two days, then walk rite up to her station or what ever, just like always, if she asks where or why, you were busy-that's it. Then lock eyes whit her, with your biggest cheesy smile, say "Smile if you think I'm the best looking guy in here" she WILL smile!-human nature- then you say "I knew this" still smiling....walk away!
Author:  agentprovocateur [ Fri May 11, 2012 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Many girls love being pursued, it validates they're of worth and generally makes them feel good (who wouldn't feel good having someone pursue them, provided they aren't a stalker or the pursuer has 0 value to them).

It's tough to say what her motivation is. On the one hand interested girls will offer an alternate time to meet if one you'd presented doesn't fit their schedule, on the other she may very well not have the time to go out between work and school (and whatever commitments she may have). Further, there are some girls who don't want to start hanging out with a guy because they may feel too vulnerable, or quite simply that they are determined to attain a goal without having any distraction (emotional investment in getting involved with someone new). The reasons may be any combination, the point is we don't know.

As the guy above said, you need to be less outcome focused.

You recognizing that you're developing one-nittis is a good thing, as you can now do something about it (e.g., game other women). It's always best to keep one foot in reality rather than jump both feet into fantasy (you don't really even know her apart from idle chit-chat at the coffee shop).

What I'd do is wait a week or so and then contact her again, have a plan. Don't be wishy-washy, rather assert yourself telling her you know of this awesome trial you've been meaning to try for some time and that she must join you, for example. Honestly, I'd probably do something more low-key for the first meet, but that all depends on the type of girl she is. If she's a high energy party girl, then find something high energy (carnival, concert, etc.).

Don't take her not giving you an alternate time to meet as a lack of interest. I'd probably make a point of not going to the coffee shop so much if you are already, that way she'll wonder a bit about your whereabouts. Contact her out-of-the-blue in a week or so with something funny, and/or random (here's some text msg openers if you aren't very creative 1-vt21175.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0).

In the mean time create opportunities with other chicks, but ultimately the best way to GET your one-nittis is to sexually escalate with her but in the mean time you're going to have to slow your roll and work on your frame state (you're too gung ho over her right now, having other girls on the side will help you operate from a frame of confidence rather than one of neediness).

Game on gamer!
Author:  Stormfever [ Fri May 11, 2012 8:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Excellent feedback there 00 provocateur and thanks for the link!
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a woman for the day and get to know exactly what goes on in their heads! I'd love to know what her motivation is, I don't want to start investing emotionally in her if she's not interested but ironically, though I've been clear with my intention her ambiguous response serves only to pique my interest; hence partly why I said she's becoming a one-its!

At the end of the day I guess I don't really know her that well and so she may well have her reservations about meeting up at the moment. I don't want to seem pushy with her so as much as I hate to say it I think I'm going to have to leave it for now and hope that she lets me know through her behaviour if she continues to enjoy our interactions. Then maybe if I feel confident enough from the energy I get off her I'll try again at some point!

I found your response helpful and interesting and have taken on board much of what you said! It certainly appears as though your a man with much experience or at least a deep understanding of psychology? Many thanks!
Author:  RetiredRodeo [ Sat May 12, 2012 1:18 am ]
Post subject: 
Agent and Haywood - great posts gents.

RR
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