PUA Forum :: Recovering from a relapse into beta-ness

So I've had this weird, emotionally unhealthy on/off thing with this girl for several months. She got to me and I fell hard for her and as a result I have acted so beta and like a bitch each time she goes back to her bf. One minute she loves him, then after a while she comes back and flirts with me and we hook up or whatever. I've been so pathetic and I know I should never have gone back there, but I guess I have strong feelings for her and sometimes they can override everything you "know" about dating and relationships from PUA and you end up giving into your emotions and fucking things up.

Now, obviously for want of a better word, I love this girl and I want her so bad. Which is the problem. Though I guess true love is mutual, I think about her a lot and I get a funny feeling in my stomach if I see her suddenly

But I'm not here to get advice on winning her back, because I have fucked up with beta-ness (i have acted so pathetically that I actually feel sick and disgusted with myself thinking about it. No joke)

I need advice on rebuilding my confidence and moving on. Even though I see her regularly.

It's strange to say this, but this place is a good support network to make you feel better about this shit. People are understanding, because we've all been there, but no one sugars the pill.

I've got other girls and I have got some dates coming up and stuff, but I just can't get this girl out of my head! I wish there was some pill that can like, kill feelings you have for someone.

Author:	Rough Operator [ Sun May 06, 2012 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Recovering from a relapse into beta-ness
So I've had this weird, emotionally unhealthy on/off thing with this girl for several months. She got to me and I fell hard for her and as a result I have acted so beta and like a bitch each time she goes back to her bf. One minute she loves him, then after a while she comes back and flirts with me and we hook up or whatever. I've been so pathetic and I know I should never have gone back there, but I guess I have strong feelings for her and sometimes they can override everything you "know" about dating and relationships from PUA and you end up giving into your emotions and fucking things up. Now, obviously for want of a better word, I love this girl and I want her so bad. Which is the problem. Though I guess true love is mutual, I think about her a lot and I get a funny feeling in my stomach if I see her suddenly But I'm not here to get advice on winning her back, because I have fucked up with beta-ness (i have acted so pathetically that I actually feel sick and disgusted with myself thinking about it. No joke) I need advice on rebuilding my confidence and moving on. Even though I see her regularly. It's strange to say this, but this place is a good support network to make you feel better about this shit. People are understanding, because we've all been there, but no one sugars the pill. I've got other girls and I have got some dates coming up and stuff, but I just can't get this girl out of my head! I wish there was some pill that can like, kill feelings you have for someone.

Author:	Snarg [ Sun May 06, 2012 8:21 pm ]
Post subject:
She's a total cunt who has no issue fucking with your mind. What attracts you to that? She's fucking her boyfriend - his dick is scooping the insides out of her vagina every single night, and when the shit hits the fan you get your little piece of heaven for a day, fall in love, and then she drops you like a hot potato all over again. The process repeats itself time and time again - it will never change. You're better than that. Let some other women get a chance with getting to know you and let them show you that you can do so much better. Cut all contact with the other girl right now. Remove her from Facebook, delete her phone number, remove all text messages from your phone. She is no longer a part of your life and never will be, nor should she be.

Author:	Rough Operator [ Sun May 06, 2012 8:42 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: She's a total cunt who has no issue fucking with your mind. What attracts you to that? She's fucking her boyfriend - his dick is scooping the insides out of her vagina every single night, and when the shit hits the fan you get your little piece of heaven for a day, fall in love, and then she drops you like a hot potato all over again. The process repeats itself time and time again - it will never change. You're better than that. Let some other women get a chance with getting to know you and let them show you that you can do so much better. Cut all contact with the other girl right now. Remove her from Facebook, delete her phone number, remove all text messages from your phone. She is no longer a part of your life and never will be, nor should she be. Yeah you're right. The thing is, I'm not sure she is fucking her boyfriend, she seems to have all sorts of hang ups about sex, but that's a story for another day. Basically, she's 18 and they've been together since the age of 14 and she told me they had sex once at that age but wanted to wait until they were both older and more mature. Could be why he cheated on her and would explain her weirdness around sex. Could be bullshit, but I no longer care. She's like some sort of addiction. But I just now paused as I was typing this and deleted her number so I can remove temptation and removed everything from my call log so I can't get her number back from that. The thing is, I know she'll come back because she is majorly fucked up. But I am staying strong.

Author:	Lodo [ Sun May 06, 2012 8:57 pm ]
Post subject:
just out of interest: what did you do that you describe as totally pathetical?

Author:	Rough Operator [ Sun May 06, 2012 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: just out of interest: what did you do that you describe as totally pathetical? Hard to get specific. Just like, caring too much about the outcome, being needy and just general patheticness. I've deleted all my messages, so I can't find examples. But basically I just wasn't alpha, I told her I loved her when I was drunk, I'd feel miserable if I felt something had gone wrong or if she wasn't affectionate and stuff. I'd read into EVERYTHING. I'm not normally like that, she just fucked with my head to the point where I was broken. It was really horrible actually, now I think about it. Why was I even involved? I have to see her regularly and that's what stops me from getting over her really.

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Author:	Lodo [ Sun May 06, 2012 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:
@rough operator- nah, there is a way of getting over her even though you continue seeing her = find someone else that you find really attractive and fun that is interested in you too- that will break the spell most definitely...

Author:	Tr@veler [ Mon May 07, 2012 12:43 am ]
Post subject:
Boy tell me about feelings! I feel for you dude. Feelings are definitely strong with me for girls, too. But Snarg is right here. You must detach yourself. If you see her every day, then you must refrain contact. And talk to as man other girls as you can, and sleep with as many other girls. Desensitize yourself from this situation.

Author:	agentprovocateur [ Mon May 07, 2012 12:56 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Recovering from a relapse into beta-ness
Quote: So I've had this weird, emotionally unhealthy on/off thing with this girl for several months. She got to me and I fell hard for her and as a result I have acted so beta and like a bitch each time she goes back to her bf. One minute she loves him, then after a while she comes back and flirts with me and we hook up or whatever. I've been so pathetic and I know I should never have gone back there, but I guess I have strong feelings for her and sometimes they can override everything you "know" about dating and relationships from PUA and you end up giving into your emotions and fucking things up. Now, obviously for want of a better word, I love this girl and I want her so bad. Which is the problem. Though I guess true love is mutual, I think about her a lot and I get a funny feeling in my stomach if I see her suddenly But I'm not here to get advice on winning her back, because I have fucked up with beta-ness (i have acted so pathetically that I actually feel sick and disgusted with myself thinking about it. No joke) I need advice on rebuilding my confidence and moving on. Even though I see her regularly. It's strange to say this, but this place is a good support network to make you feel better about this shit. People are understanding, because we've all been there, but no one sugars the pill. I've got other girls and I have got some dates coming up and stuff, but I just can't get this girl out of my head! I wish there was some pill that can like, kill feelings you have for someone. Chemical coursing through your veins is like a drug. the dopamine rush you get is akin to the rush one would get from a drug or addictive behavior such as gambling. The thing is you're coming from an emotional place, not a cognitive place; you can rationalize not being around her all you like but at the end of the day you crave for her (particularly the feeling you get when around her, the euphoria...which in reality you can get from thousands of other women - the problem is you aren't getting it from them, you are getting it from HER - she's in effect become your crack). The only remedy for you is complete abstinence (like you'd do from a drug). Meaning cut all contact and get back to caring for yourself.

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