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Best way to win her back?
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Author:  2young2bcaring [ Sun Apr 29, 2012 8:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Best way to win her back?
My ex-gf dumped me on Friday. She had been trying to dump me since Tuesday because I swallowed a bunch of pills and ended up in the ER. She said she didn't want to be with someone that irresponsible. But when I asked are you breaking up with me she wouldn't out and out say it. She said "can't we call it a mutual decision?" And she gave me one more chance but on the next date my car broke down because I didn't put gas in it. And she said I'm just too irresponsible and not ready for a relationship. Also I had grown clingy and become a yes man. She would even yell at me and say why don't you fight back? Anyways she dumped me on Thursday saying she's done, but then calls back a few hours later saying that I didn't get to finish talking so she called me back. She agreed to go on a break not a break up. Then Friday morning she calls me cussing me out saying she never wants to hear or see from me ever again. Then I see her that night and take her to a dance. But she says we're just friends. I say don't let this be the end. She says she'll think about it and expects me to cheer up. I'm not in any mood to cheer up so she said she doesn't want me there. She continues to argue with me saying my priorities are all out of whack and that I shouldn't be her number one priority and that I screwed up by taking those pills and that we would still be in a relationship had I not done that. She said I need to give her time to miss me and time to forgive me. I asked if I didn't contact her would she contact me and she said only one way to find out. She said we'd talk the next day so I called her and she said that I needed to cry and move on. I said so we're never getting back together and she said I don't know the future. She said maybe in a few months we could be friends and see where it goes but that right now I'm not ready for a relationship and that I need to get my sh*t together and work out my issues. I said I'm working on it and she said talk to her when it's done. She said she was sick of feeling like my mother or baby sitter. I said give me 3 weeks and she said fine in 3 weeks we'd go for coffee as friends but she'd keep an open mind. Right now, I'm focused on getting back into shape, finding a second job, enrolling in school full time and staying clean off those pills. What can I do/say to show her that I have gotten my stuff together? How can I turn this around and fix it? I assume NC until the 3 weeks is up. What are the odds she contacts me? She has a habit of getting really pissed off, then coming back to me and recanting, but this is the first time she broke up broke up with me. If it helps my chances, I was her first. I don't know if that endears her to me. Please help, I know it's my fault and I screwed up but I want to fix it. Badly.
Author:  Snarg [ Sun Apr 29, 2012 9:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
You really don't have much of a chance for the time being. Maybe in several months...and by several, I mean possibly years, you could come back and she'll see you in a different light. But by that time, both of you will probably have moved on.

You have done virtually everything in the book to kill attraction. Neediness and clinginess aren't even the start of the issues here. She's right; at the moment, you aren't relationship material. Take a step back and find time for yourself. You need to clean your act up and get your life together. Get some independent hobbies, go to the gym, read some self-improvements books, get that second job you were talking about, etc.

Also, next time, please try to use paragraphs since that was a huge chore for me to read.
Author:  crowdude [ Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
"best way to win her back?"
You should never be asking this question. Move on, find someone else.
Pretend you've forgotten about the meeting. She'll come back on her own.

I know how 'special' she seems and how she's not like the other girls etc. But one thing you learn after a while is that no girl is truly irreplaceable. If you put your mind to it, that girl will be long gone from your desires.
Author:  nnguy625 [ Mon May 14, 2012 9:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey man,

I've been noticing that all of your posts are pretty depressing. Talking about suicides, giving up, od-ing on drugs, etc.

Well here is my thought on everything that I've seen: Don't worry about getting your ex back right now, focus on getting your life together. The reason why your girl left you is because you don't love yourself, you don't take care of yourself, and you made a bunch of mistakes and you did nothing to change it until shit hits the fan. If you ever want to get her back, you better give her some space and learn how to be independent instead of becoming dependent to her. Honestly, if you were to look at yourself and your life from another person's point of view, how would you see yourself? You've already know what to do to turn your life around and fix everything, are you going to do it or are you going to make excuses about how hard it is to change? If you were a "girl" would you want to date yourself? Learn to love yourself, respect yourself, take care of yourself, love your life, find something that matters, fucking do it, stop making excuses of why you can't, start making excuses of why you can, live life, go out, have fun, relax, spend time with friends, catch up with family, keep in touch with your ex, SEE HOW'S SHE'S DOING, let her know you're doing good, make her feel at ease, talk things out, don't try to get her back, just let things happen, and if she gets back with you great, and if she doesn't, it's also fine because there are many more opportunities for you to get her back OR there are many great women out there for you to meet. What's important is not getting her back, but to learn to love your life and love yourself and take actions so that you'll actually LOVE your life and yourself. I hope this helps.


Take care
Author:  agentprovocateur [ Mon May 14, 2012 10:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Your best chance of winning her back ironically is to move on.
Author:  2young2bcaring [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:36 am ]
Post subject: 
So it's been a while. I've been working on me semi successfully. I've been working a 12 step program and got a new phone and a second job and got religious. I signed up for school. I sent her a birthday card and she said thank you but that was it. I still cyber stalk her and know she's been havin a hard time over the breakup as well. I wrote her a letter simply saying thank you for saving my life because honestly if she hadn't o broken up with me I might have killed myself. I gave her my new number and said to call if she wanted but I wouldn't contact her. She wanted space and I'll continue to give it. Idk if that was DLV or not but I thanked her for the time we had and told her I was doing well. Was this a dumb move?
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So it's been a while. I've been working on me semi successfully. I've been working a 12 step program and got a new phone and a second job and got religious. I signed up for school. I sent her a birthday card and she said thank you but that was it. I still cyber stalk her and know she's been havin a hard time over the breakup as well. I wrote her a letter simply saying thank you for saving my life because honestly if she hadn't o broken up with me I might have killed myself. I gave her my new number and said to call if she wanted but I wouldn't contact her. She wanted space and I'll continue to give it. Idk if that was DLV or not but I thanked her for the time we had and told her I was doing well. Was this a dumb move?
Yes.

No contact means no contact. Try and move on and I actually mean try. It's easy to be kid yourself that you're moving on as part of a ruse to win her back. When you genuinely don't give a shit is when you'll have more of a chance.
Author:  Heartnet [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:47 am ]
Post subject: 


Watch it, and start going out.
Author:  2young2bcaring [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:08 am ]
Post subject: 
You sure she took it as DLv? And if I go complete no contact will she contact me?
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
You sure she took it as DLv? And if I go complete no contact will she contact me?
You're still being needy by giving her your new number and asking her to contact you and pretending you won't care if she doesn't. She can see through that.

There are no guarantees, you need to go into no contact and be well aware that you might not ever hear from her again and be ok with that. There are other girls out there. The chances are that she will contact you if she felt anything for you, but it can take a while and if you're moping around and not being pro-active in the interrim period then you will crack.
Author:  2young2bcaring [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:28 am ]
Post subject: 
I know she felt something for me. I was her first love both emotionally and physically. She and I were engaged briefly with her sending me pictures f engagement rings on an almost daily basis. Also she still adds songs to her break up playlist however dramatic that may be. So I know she did and does feel something for me. When you say she can see through that does that mean she's going to be like laughing at me oh what a loser I see what he's trying to do or just no I see that and I'm not ready to contact you? I'm working on myself and trying to better myself. She did actually save my life. I am indebted to her. But I won't contact her again. I've been staying off Facebook too but maybe I should start posting whatever I want to and show pics of me with other girls? Idk
Author:  Heartnet [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Dude, no buddy can help you if you dont even want to hear. The only way out, its to let you crash and burn. Once you hit rock bottom, you will see what we been talking.

I had the same experience before, once you hit there, then you can game properly.

Just watch the RSD video.
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:37 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I know she felt something for me. I was her first love both emotionally and physically. She and I were engaged briefly with her sending me pictures f engagement rings on an almost daily basis. Also she still adds songs to her break up playlist however dramatic that may be. So I know she did and does feel something for me. When you say she can see through that does that mean she's going to be like laughing at me oh what a loser I see what he's trying to do or just no I see that and I'm not ready to contact you? I'm working on myself and trying to better myself. She did actually save my life. I am indebted to her. But I won't contact her again. I've been staying off Facebook too but maybe I should start posting whatever I want to and show pics of me with other girls? Idk
She'll see through your incongruence. Just move on and get on with life without even mentioning it to her.

She's just a girl, just a regular person. She's not this wonderful, life giving, heavenly angel capable of plucking you from the precipice of your own self destruction. You've assigned that status to her and in doing so you've placed her on a pedestal and in a position with which she can't relate. You need to see her as just another regular person, not your special snowflake.

In fact, saying you're indebted to her and she saved your life could potentially make her feel emotionally trapped, like you're a dependent child rather than an independent, exciting and sexy guy she has fun with.

All that soul mate, true love stuff was invented by Hollywood to sell movie tickets to thick women.
Author:  2young2bcaring [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:44 am ]
Post subject: 
I definitely can't have her see me like that. One of the reasons she didn't want to be with me was she felt like my babysitter more than my girlfriend. Is that really the image the letter sent? I just said thank you for saving my life. I didn't say I was indebted to her. I did not say I loved her.
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Jul 12, 2012 1:51 am ]
Post subject: 
I can't say for definite if the letter said that to her, because people can interpret things in different ways depending on their personality.

It's all a bit dramatic though, letters and whatnot. She broke up with you, it sucks and it hurts, but that's life and she probably won't be the last girl to break up with you. It happens to everyone from time to time and no one is immune to it if you have feelings for someone.

But in a situation like this when your emotions are kind of reeling and fluctuating, the things you WANT to do to make it right are the exact things that will make it worse. You've gotta suck it up and move on, as hard is it is. She could be fucking someone and not have the heart to tell you, sorry to say it, but it's a possibility. Get her off that pedestal.
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