PUA Forum :: How to build a social life in college from being a loner?

You can start by changing your perception on being social, unless this is something you already understand:

Being social is not an innate ability. While some people are clearly better than it than others, the difference can be attributed to the way each person is brought up. Some guys are raised playing sports, being social with other kids, and often placed in leadership positions since a young age; other guys get caught up in world of warcraft. The point being: Don't THINK "I'm an awkward person," or "I'm an unsocial person." Instead, think "I am BEING awkward right now" or "I am BEING unsocial right now." I know the difference seems to be just an issue of semantics, but it goes much further. In one, your thought PRECEDES your action, and in the other, your action PRECEDES your thought.

If it's a skill, that means you can get BETTER at it through practice and patience. Don't MAKE your goal "I want to have 1,000 friends" or "I want to go to clubs to be social." Then you become outcome dependent and rather than being outgoing in a positive way, you'll get sucked into a life trying to qualify yourself socially. Instead, make your goal "I want to have fun" or "I want to talk to 10 people today and make their day better." Approach people who want to talk, homeless people always have time on their hands. Then work your way up from hobos to HB10s.

Force yourself to go out and talk to people consistently, and be social by exploring your OWN interests. I'm sure your college has clubs and societies dedicated to various hobbies right? Find one that appeals to you.

If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading.

If I meet a girl during the week and then invite her there and then, won't it look like I am trying to ask her out?

College is convenient for meeting women. Everywhere you go, if you see a hot girl, ask her a question. Start conversations, meet people. Every week, start writing down events you can go to that weekend. If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading. Whether or not you have a date, ATTEND EVERY OPPORTUNITY, get yourself out and around people.

Quote:

You said, its convenient to meet women in college. Sometimes, I see a girl and then I see her bf is next to her. Where would I be able to find single women in college? Any ideas? Clubs work, but most of them have bfs.

Quote:

For every girl in college thats in a relationship there are 2 who aren't.

Are you serious or joking? If you are serious, then there is some hope for me here in college. Otherwise, I would have to wait a long time to be with a girl.

He's completely serious. Why do you assume that every time a girl stands next to a guy, its her boyfriend?

I'm still a senior in high school, but when I get to college I'll be touching, rubbing, hugging every girl I know. Only the best ones get to have sex with me, but otherwise I'll look like a boyfriend to everyone.

Stop being scared away by males. The worst that can happen is "This is my boyfriend." "Oh, good for you, bye."

Author:	mapleleaf [ Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:31 pm ]
Post subject:	How to build a social life in college from being a loner?
Right, now my main focus is to build a social life in college. I am a sophomore and I never went to any clubs and parties, never took an effort to talk to people in my class. But, I am changing everything. I am wiling to do anything I can do build a social life in college. Sometimes, I find myself in awkward positition but thats ok. I am learning new things. I would like all of you to help me out and give me tips and ideas on how to build a social life in college. I had been talking to ppl lately in classes and signed up for clubs. Besides telling the cliche and obvious plz tell me any secrets or things that actually work.

Author:	mapleleaf [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:10 am ]
Post subject:
Seriously! No one has a clue to answer or help me out??

Author:	Rough Operator [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:31 am ]
Post subject:
Go to clubs, talk to people, make new friends and hopefully go to some parties. You sort of provided the solution yourself, just be pro-active.

Author:	Hakuna [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:41 am ]
Post subject:
You can start by changing your perception on being social, unless this is something you already understand: Being social is not an innate ability. While some people are clearly better than it than others, the difference can be attributed to the way each person is brought up. Some guys are raised playing sports, being social with other kids, and often placed in leadership positions since a young age; other guys get caught up in world of warcraft. The point being: Don't THINK "I'm an awkward person," or "I'm an unsocial person." Instead, think "I am BEING awkward right now" or "I am BEING unsocial right now." I know the difference seems to be just an issue of semantics, but it goes much further. In one, your thought PRECEDES your action, and in the other, your action PRECEDES your thought. If it's a skill, that means you can get BETTER at it through practice and patience. Don't MAKE your goal "I want to have 1,000 friends" or "I want to go to clubs to be social." Then you become outcome dependent and rather than being outgoing in a positive way, you'll get sucked into a life trying to qualify yourself socially. Instead, make your goal "I want to have fun" or "I want to talk to 10 people today and make their day better." Approach people who want to talk, homeless people always have time on their hands. Then work your way up from hobos to HB10s. Force yourself to go out and talk to people consistently, and be social by exploring your OWN interests. I'm sure your college has clubs and societies dedicated to various hobbies right? Find one that appeals to you.

Author:	Slip n Slide [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:02 am ]
Post subject:
College is convenient for meeting women. Everywhere you go, if you see a hot girl, ask her a question. Start conversations, meet people. Every week, start writing down events you can go to that weekend. If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading. Whether or not you have a date, ATTEND EVERY OPPORTUNITY, get yourself out and around people.

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Author:	GallowGlass [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:08 am ]
Post subject:
Patience, that's what you need. You said you weren't social, but then you said you had started joining clubs and meeting people. Thing is, you're already doing everything you have to do to become more sociable. Unfortunately there are no secrets or magic spells to increase the quality of you're sex life 1000%. Just continue as you are, all things come with time!

Author:	mapleleaf [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:17 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: You can start by changing your perception on being social, unless this is something you already understand: Being social is not an innate ability. While some people are clearly better than it than others, the difference can be attributed to the way each person is brought up. Some guys are raised playing sports, being social with other kids, and often placed in leadership positions since a young age; other guys get caught up in world of warcraft. The point being: Don't THINK "I'm an awkward person," or "I'm an unsocial person." Instead, think "I am BEING awkward right now" or "I am BEING unsocial right now." I know the difference seems to be just an issue of semantics, but it goes much further. In one, your thought PRECEDES your action, and in the other, your action PRECEDES your thought. If it's a skill, that means you can get BETTER at it through practice and patience. Don't MAKE your goal "I want to have 1,000 friends" or "I want to go to clubs to be social." Then you become outcome dependent and rather than being outgoing in a positive way, you'll get sucked into a life trying to qualify yourself socially. Instead, make your goal "I want to have fun" or "I want to talk to 10 people today and make their day better." Approach people who want to talk, homeless people always have time on their hands. Then work your way up from hobos to HB10s. Force yourself to go out and talk to people consistently, and be social by exploring your OWN interests. I'm sure your college has clubs and societies dedicated to various hobbies right? Find one that appeals to you. I do small talks with two old ladies at the cash register they are really old. And I get along with them, I talk to them about various things, sometimes about their lives. But, when it comes for me to talk to a girl, I just get the mindset of picking her up right there and then. Its really creepy and awkward. Anyway, to change that? Also, I am more relaxed talking to girls whom I am not attracted to, or interested in or has a bf. Whenever I see, a girl is single. I feel that there is an empty spot to be filled in and I try to do anything to make my self in that spot. It actually has the opposite effect. But how do I stop thinking this way or try not to pick her up? In other words, how to have a conversation with a girl who is single, without having any outcomes or trying to pick her up?

Author:	mapleleaf [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:18 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading. If I meet a girl during the week and then invite her there and then, won't it look like I am trying to ask her out? Also, how to make things easier to meet girls at the end of the college semester? I only have a month and half left. I havent been socializing at all from the beginning.

Author:	Slip n Slide [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:30 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: If I meet a girl during the week and then invite her there and then, won't it look like I am trying to ask her out? Yeah! Not only will it look like it, you will be asking her out! At some point you're going to have to get over this dishonesty. Don't be afraid to let girls know what you're actually feeling. Don't be scared she'll think you're picking her up, be okay with the fact that she knows you're picking her up, and learn to do it in the most genuine way possible.

Author:	mapleleaf [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:09 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: College is convenient for meeting women. Everywhere you go, if you see a hot girl, ask her a question. Start conversations, meet people. Every week, start writing down events you can go to that weekend. If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading. Whether or not you have a date, ATTEND EVERY OPPORTUNITY, get yourself out and around people. You said, its convenient to meet women in college. Sometimes, I see a girl and then I see her bf is next to her. Where would I be able to find single women in college? Any ideas? Clubs work, but most of them have bfs.

Author:	CanuckEH [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:27 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: College is convenient for meeting women. Everywhere you go, if you see a hot girl, ask her a question. Start conversations, meet people. Every week, start writing down events you can go to that weekend. If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading. Whether or not you have a date, ATTEND EVERY OPPORTUNITY, get yourself out and around people. You said, its convenient to meet women in college. Sometimes, I see a girl and then I see her bf is next to her. Where would I be able to find single women in college? Any ideas? Clubs work, but most of them have bfs. For every girl in college thats in a relationship there are 2 who aren't.

Author:	mapleleaf [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:00 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Quote: College is convenient for meeting women. Everywhere you go, if you see a hot girl, ask her a question. Start conversations, meet people. Every week, start writing down events you can go to that weekend. If you meet a girl during the week, you can invite her to an event that weekend, whether its a party or a poetry reading. Whether or not you have a date, ATTEND EVERY OPPORTUNITY, get yourself out and around people. You said, its convenient to meet women in college. Sometimes, I see a girl and then I see her bf is next to her. Where would I be able to find single women in college? Any ideas? Clubs work, but most of them have bfs. For every girl in college thats in a relationship there are 2 who aren't. Are you serious or joking? If you are serious, then there is some hope for me here in college. Otherwise, I would have to wait a long time to be with a girl.

Author:	Slip n Slide [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Are you serious or joking? If you are serious, then there is some hope for me here in college. Otherwise, I would have to wait a long time to be with a girl. He's completely serious. Why do you assume that every time a girl stands next to a guy, its her boyfriend? I'm still a senior in high school, but when I get to college I'll be touching, rubbing, hugging every girl I know. Only the best ones get to have sex with me, but otherwise I'll look like a boyfriend to everyone. Stop being scared away by males. The worst that can happen is "This is my boyfriend." "Oh, good for you, bye."

Author:	mapleleaf [ Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:52 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: He's completely serious. Why do you assume that every time a girl stands next to a guy, its her boyfriend? I'm still a senior in high school, but when I get to college I'll be touching, rubbing, hugging every girl I know. Only the best ones get to have sex with me, but otherwise I'll look like a boyfriend to everyone. Stop being scared away by males. The worst that can happen is "This is my boyfriend." "Oh, good for you, bye." Mostly, they are kissing. Or, why wouldn't be bf and gfs? I would love to have most of the girls I am attracted to as my gf. I would want to be a ladies man. I don't understand, that how can a guy who is attracted to a girl, can still be her just friend, unless she is a complete bitch or a very shallow person. If a girl is good for me, and I am attracted to her, I am not waiting. I am going for her all the way down.

Author:	titanman [ Wed Apr 04, 2012 12:07 am ]
Post subject:
Read the post I made in one of your other recent threads.

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