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Lots of excitment, then cold shoulder.......
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Author:  HereToday [ Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Lots of excitment, then cold shoulder.......
So I might like this chick a little too much, but here is my story........


I work with this woman, there is roughly 700 people employed at our building and she is a receptionist. Every day I worked I would go chat her up during lunch, she was very happy and responsive to me. When she saw me from down the hall, she would stop turn around and walk up to me to talk. We did this for about a month before I decided to work up the nerve to ask her out.

The very sentence before I tried to pop the question she started talking about her boyfriend. I now know that my lead into was probably not that good, but basically I started talking about food and tried to make it a lead into asking her out to dinner. But somewhere within the second or third sentence on food she mentions her boyfriend. I was a little shocked, because the last conversation the day before was that we got caught up talking negging each other back and forth to the point where her boss was starring at us, and there was such a smile on her face.

Cut to scene two I decide to back off, because she had a boyfriend. I still said "hi" and tried to be nice with small talk, and keep up a connection for that opportune time. But she is just giving me the coldest shoulder. She will walk past me and not even glance in my direction, I swear she is even squinting as she walks by as if trying extra hard to look at others. She at one point said hi to my boss, my team partner, and skipped me when I said "hi" as if she didn't hear me.

Was I suppose to convince this lady to cheat on her boyfriend? Did she really expect me to disregard him and go after her anyways? Was there some sort of fantasy rolling around in this little ladies head? She is actually the reason I started looking into the pick up, that and the online situation. Since I won't hook up with her while she is seeing someone else, is there a way I can get her to keep a light connection with me? This shit is so unfair, that cold shoulder bullshit just makes me feel shitty, it's like warfare from a chicks perspective. But the attack is constant.
Author:  gtdave [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
You did the right thing by trying not to split up a relationship! You seem to have morals so ask yourself this...Would you really want to be with a girl who was prepared to cheat on her boyfriend?!

Regarding the cold shoulder, just pretend that you've not even noticed her being off with you! Do your normal stuff and don't rise to it. That will piss her off more as her tactic to get attention off you has failed!
Author:  EddieFews [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Why don't you just man up and ask her whats up?

Your asking us, why? You have a direct connection to the source of the problem.
Author:  Kathleen1980 [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
i wouldnt ask her whats up with her behaviour. she will simply say that she never flirted, but was just being friendly to you and everything else was your imagination taking leaps.

she probably just wanted selfvalidation and enjoyed a harmless flirt with a male person who seemingly never got dangerous..did she possibly notice where you were driving at with the food conversation before you actually made the suggestion? it sounds that way, she then brought up her bf as a way of saying "sorry, its not happening". the mere fact that she brought him up and is acting cold doesnt make it sound like a game, it sounds like she simply doesnt want to be approached, because a harmless flirt turned into something "real".
Author:  HereToday [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 8:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Why don't you just man up and ask her whats up?
I have done this before and it has been the worst decision. I have had girls shoot back almost every time, "I don't like you." We are dealing with a girl who I have known for several months now and never once brought up her boyfriend. If I approach her I am relatively positive that if I ask whats up she will deny everything. She seems to be someone that avoids. If I do approach, then I can't tell her I like her, or that I thought we were flirting, it would have to be some sort of indirect game that avoids the subject.

Quote:
i wouldnt ask her whats up with her behaviour. she will simply say that she never flirted, but was just being friendly to you and everything else was your imagination taking leaps.

she probably just wanted selfvalidation and enjoyed a harmless flirt with a male person who seemingly never got dangerous..did she possibly notice where you were driving at with the food conversation before you actually made the suggestion? it sounds that way, she then brought up her bf as a way of saying "sorry, its not happening". the mere fact that she brought him up and is acting cold doesnt make it sound like a game, it sounds like she simply doesn't want to be approached, because a harmless flirt turned into something "real".



Yeah, after she mentioned her boyfriend I got the impression that she was using me to make herself feel pretty. But using me is a game, and I am wondering if I can use the to my advantage. I am thinking that I was somehow being friend zoned and she is mad that I have chosen to step outside that zone. I have a general philosophy that i I want to date you, then I won't be your friend. That little pressure will always be there.

Is that a bad philosophy? Or is there no such thing is being stuck in the friend zone? I am wondering if I just endure this cold shoulder SPAM for a while, then she will start to only look at me as someone to go after if she is ready?
Author:  Monsignor Crisanto [ Wed Mar 14, 2012 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's a shit test brother. And you failed it. Hence, the cold shoulder.

Girls flirt all the time. They are biologically wired that way. The basic idea is that if you fail a girl's qualification criteria during the first 4 minutes of your initial conversation as strangers, you're done.

It appears though that you have passed that 4 minute mark. However, she sensed (or rather read) your body signals that your confidence level dropped.

Girls will go to great lengths to hide the fact that they have husbands or boyfriends just to have sex with you provided that you pass their shit tests. On the other hand, when you fail their shit tests, many will create imaginary boyfriends just to blow you out of the game.

I'm too lazy to link the scientific journals right now, but that's the way it is. It isn't deliberate brother. It's genetic. It isn't the girl's fault. :twisted:
Author:  HereToday [ Sat Mar 24, 2012 12:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Basically I have been ignoring this lady like crazy for the past two weeks, and making friends and talking up all her girlfriends at work. Not mentioning her name at all, just chatting up and flirting with her friends. I am constantly ignoring her.


And what do you know, yesterday she walks up to me and says, "Hi" like nothing ever happened. Sounds like I won a round somewhere in ShitTest land. I am certainly happy I didn't outright ask her why she has been so distant lately, this greeting confirms for me that she would have pretended nothing ever happened.


I don't know what the next move should be, but I'm fine with the status quo for now.
Author:  HereToday [ Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
Update:


She is still talking to me more now. I got her to laugh a little by disqualifying myself. It was the only thing I could think to do. So now I am back in the loop, and have disqualified myself, which I hope will allow me to exist in this semi neutral state.


Is there anyone who has some tips on strategy?
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