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I really dislike not having closure on these things...
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Author:  cmdash [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:43 pm ]
Post subject:  I really dislike not having closure on these things...
It would be so much better if a girl could just tell how she feels about you straight up.

Anyway guys I hope you can give me some advice on this.

I met this chick at a concert, totally by chance. We were both waiting in line, and I could tell she was alone. The only reason I sparked up a convo was because I was bored as hell. During the wait+concert I managed to form some level of attraction without even really trying. She was initiating kino, body language, lots of different IOI, I number closed her. She also wasn't that attractive, BUT she did have an AWESOME personality, like one of the best I've seen.

Couple days after I fucked up my mind (like I usually do) and I started to put her on a pedestal in my head. I started to like her! So I went for the phone, and asked her out for a drink. She said yes. I suggested friday, she said she's busy that night, but suggested a different day. So far so good.

We met up, and everything was kinda ok, I was doing kino, she was touching me back, but I could tell she was way more distant than the first time we met. We basically spent 4 hours together in that last concert, and she was on an emotional high.
This date seemed kinda low energy, I did try to do my best with living it up.

KEY POINTS:

There was mutual kino.
No kiss close.
No sexual touching or anything.
Eye contact
There was some awkwardness.
Whole thing lasted around 4 hours.

At one point I got my arm around her (I was showing a bar trick) and tried kiss closing, but you could tell she got uncofortable, so I pulled back.
At the end I asked her what she's up to next week or so, she said that shes not sure when shes free, but we can meet up if im in London again.
I gave her a hug, and she was like "so I'm not sure when were gonna meet up again, but someday :D" and she walked away.

So yeah, I probably freaked her out with too much escalation, she didn't want to go for the kiss close. Probably some other things as well.

I really don't know what to do next, I'm not sure how she feels about me, but I kinda think it's over. I assume there had to be some attraction, because hell, she did come all this way to meet me. What are my next steps, and any opinions would be appreciated. :[
Author:  Snarg [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Like you said, high-energy events like a concert tend to cause severe emotional highs. Whatever you did to attract her at the concert needed to be even more potent on the date, since you no longer have that artificial power on your side.

It sounds like you guys really didn't have that much chemistry. What do you mean by "awkward moments"? How awkward was it, exactly? How often? What did you guys talk about? How was her body language during the date?

You said you tried to ramp up the kino a little. Are you sure you didn't take it too fast? It's important to gradually move from light, to moderate, to heavy - not light to heavy or any other variant that goes way too quickly. Similarly, it's just as important not to go too slowly or refrain from doing anything at all. With that said, did you do that properly?

The way she ended the date isn't very good. She more or less politely told you that she doesn't want to see you anytime soon. I would suggest cutting contact for a couple weeks, and then re-initiate communication with her and see what's up.
Author:  cmdash [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Like you said, high-energy events like a concert tend to cause severe emotional highs. Whatever you did to attract her at the concert needed to be even more potent on the date, since you no longer have that artificial power on your side.

It sounds like you guys really didn't have that much chemistry. What do you mean by "awkward moments"? How awkward was it, exactly? How often? What did you guys talk about? How was her body language during the date?

You said you tried to ramp up the kino a little. Are you sure you didn't take it too fast? It's important to gradually move from light, to moderate, to heavy - not light to heavy or any other variant that goes way too quickly. Similarly, it's just as important not to go too slowly or refrain from doing anything at all. With that said, did you do that properly?

The way she ended the date isn't very good. She more or less politely told you that she doesn't want to see you anytime soon. I would suggest cutting contact for a couple weeks, and then re-initiate communication with her and see what's up.
Thanks for the reply! Here's what I figured out so far. I think she associated the concert high with my presence. I'm no "one man" rockband so I can't compete with that kind of emotional energy once you've witnessed your fav band, front row. As you said.

Awkward as there were some awkward silences (not really that awkward, but still). We started talking about the concert, that was a good start. Then just random stuff about music, movies. A lot of our preferences didn't match. I dunno maybe she didn't like the fact that I was disagreeing with her a lot on stuff like which band sucks, which artist sucks. I just had my opinion, and I didn't wanna be all like "OHH THATS MY FAV BAND TOO" even though it's not. Most of the converstion was general stuff, I did add a bit of negging, cocky and funny stuff in the convo.

I don't think I dhv'd enough, she was doing a lot of the talking, but she really wasn't asking that many questions. Tbh I wasn't asking interview questions as well.

She had some crazy hobbies for a girl (guns,martial arts,rock climbing) I was schocked, because you couldn't tell.

As far as kino I started out with touching her arms during the convo, kinda touching her back when we were walking as to guide her along. At one point she was telling a story, took my hand and showed me different nerve spots that she used on some guy in a training match. I didn't really progress with the kino that smoothly, but it was there.

And again, she was all over me after the last concert initiating hugs, contsantly touching me, but at that point I wasn't interested lol

I know she must have been attracted at some point. Do you think this situation can still be saved? I should break off all contact for a couple of weeks, no texting, fb at all? And what then? Try to ask her out again?

Random fact: She's older than me I'm 20, shes 22... I don't get whats with me and older women lol And maybe... just maybe that concert was the only thing we had in common...
Author:  Snarg [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
It really does sound like you guys are just two totally different people. That's not a bad thing at all; opposites definitely attract, but maybe she doesn't think so. What concert was it? Just curious, I'm a huge rock/metal fan myself.

Anyway, what makes you want to keep going on and on with her? It doesn't sound like you guys had that much fun on your date, and if you can't find very many commonalities it will be more difficult to build rapport at this point. Is it a scarcity issue? Believe me, you can find other women out there that share the same interests as yourself and the chemistry will probably be a lot better. Personally, I'd just let this one go. At least you gained some experience, and for that, you should be happy.
Author:  cmdash [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
And also my whole mentality going in this whole thing was to kino a lot.

I've heard that it's better to be more aggressive, than less. I didn't want to fall into the LJBF zone, so maybe I pushed it too hard.

This is the trick that I showed her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_788WopydAI&t=9m17s

I showed it once normally, and then asked her whether she would like to see it from my perspective she said "Yes". It got a great reaction. She started asking "How did you do it??" I kept saying "do you really wanna know? :D" Since I was in that close of a position I started coming in for the kiss, ,but she just kinda kept looking straight forward, looked scared, and fidgety. We left the bar after that.

Also my bad for not controlling the frame on when the date's supposed to end. She basically told me that she wants to get home before it's too late cause she lives in a shady neighborhoud or something lol

What a fail looking back at it.
Author:  cmdash [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It really does sound like you guys are just two totally different people. That's not a bad thing at all; opposites definitely attract, but maybe she doesn't think so. What concert was it? Just curious, I'm a huge rock/metal fan myself.

Anyway, what makes you want to keep going on and on with her? It doesn't sound like you guys had that much fun on your date, and if you can't find very many commonalities it will be more difficult to build rapport at this point. Is it a scarcity issue? Believe me, you can find other women out there that share the same interests as yourself and the chemistry will probably be a lot better. Personally, I'd just let this one go. At least you gained some experience, and for that, you should be happy.
It was Rammstein. Seriously, that show was the most amazing thing ever... lol

Yes we didn't have that much fun on the date. It's definetely a scarcity issue, because even though I know some game, I don't use it that much, and this was an exception. I wasn't even planning on opening anyone that night, but it just so happened.

I get infatuated+oneitis veeeery easily. Not to mention this is my 5th fail in a row now, my confidence gets worse, and I'm getting more bitter every time.
Author:  Snarg [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Trust me, I know how you feel. For all we know, you'll have 10 more failures before you succeed. But when you do succeed, it'll all be worth it. Don't give up, and try as hard as you can not to get frustrated because it will only work against you.

Focus on what you learned from all of this. Keep typing out every single detail you remember from your date in this topic so you can visualize what you did right and what you did wrong. This will help out tremendously for next time when you meet someone else.
Author:  cmdash [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Trust me, I know how you feel. For all we know, you'll have 10 more failures before you succeed. But when you do succeed, it'll all be worth it. Don't give up, and try as hard as you can not to get frustrated because it will only work against you.

Focus on what you learned from all of this. Keep typing out every single detail you remember from your date in this topic so you can visualize what you did right and what you did wrong. This will help out tremendously for next time when you meet someone else.
Thanks bro. I know what you're saying is true, I just have to convince myself (which is the hard part). I give myself props for actually going for it. Take risks right? Maybe the next one will click better.

I should start doing some day game approaches, maybe I'll get lucky lol.

I'm going to wait for a week or two before I contact her again, and see if she's down for day 2. Though I probably won't care by then! The fact that you pointed out that we really didn't have that much chemistry together kind of sobered me up a bit.
Author:  cmdash [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
loool Ok so here's an update:

I reinitiated contact few days later, and she responded. Now from past experience I knew that if she's not into you it's most likely she won't pick up the phone when you call.
I thought to myself that in order to get over this, and just fucking call her for a day 2 if she picks up then she picks up, if not then well... fuck it.

Ring, ring... She picks up. In my head I was like "whoah wtf... I didn't expect that o__o"

And honestly let the most awkward 5 minutes ensue. We really don't have any chemistry at all. I just can't talk to her. I dunno why... Nothing in common any more.
Ok fuck it I asked her when she's free next week (I know, I know not the point here...) she said she's not sure (to be fair she is busy). I said "well I'm a busy guy you gotta let me know what's looking best for you" she's like "ok I think wednesday afternoon would work" At this point I thought in my head "you know what you obviously don't want it that much"
and said "ah fuck wednesdays don't work for me", and then she's "oh ok maybe next week then" I'm like "yeah we'll see what happens".

Pretty much ended the call there. Fuck this. From what I can tell the possible outcomes would have been:

1. Flake (most likely)
2. "Pitty date"
3. Profit???

But yeah bonus points for her actually picking up the phone, after this she probably think twice lol

Ok now phone game sucks, I did come off somewhat needy. But in this situation I feel like I dodged a bullet cause quite frankly there's just no mutual connection at this point, and I don't feel like I should push any more with this gal.
Author:  Snarg [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, good call on saying "fuck it". Just be proud that you had the balls to pick up the phone again and give it one more shot. Now find someone who you actually have chemistry with, and you'll see that it's a lot easier to talk to them.
Author:  seph89 [ Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
Very good exchanges here.

OP, definitely listen to Snarg, he knows what's he's talking about.

I would just add to it, since I've been there as well, by saying that sometimes we want a girl so badly that we fail to look at the bigger picture of things such as the ACTUAL rapport/chemistry going on.

Do you legit enjoy her personality and being with her or do you have to TRY to carry on the conversation. Is it more of a chore to hang out with her or do you LOVE talking with her without future expectations of sex?

I mean sure we men seek the replication value (face, ass, tits, legs, etc.), but is that the ONLY reason why you're talking to them. If so then ultimately she isn't worth your time. Done.

Not every girl will be your type and that's FINE. In the end you gotta ask yourself, "What am I looking for in a girl assuming the physical attributes are perfect." And seek out THAT kind of girl.

With this mentality you not only set the intent on what you want but you come off more Alpha in that you aren't just settling for any girl. You need girls that QUALIFY and meet your standards. You have options and are picky. THEY need to impress YOU to have the opportunity of receiving your value.

Move on and learn from this brother, as it looks like you are. This is all good experience. Just don't linger on past events, that didn't go the way you planned, as defeat...The battle may be lost but YOU will win the war. Guaranteed.

Wish you all the best.
Author:  cmdash [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 12:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Very good exchanges here.

OP, definitely listen to Snarg, he knows what's he's talking about.

I would just add to it, since I've been there as well, by saying that sometimes we want a girl so badly that we fail to look at the bigger picture of things such as the ACTUAL rapport/chemistry going on.

Do you legit enjoy her personality and being with her or do you have to TRY to carry on the conversation. Is it more of a chore to hang out with her or do you LOVE talking with her without future expectations of sex?

I mean sure we men seek the replication value (face, ass, tits, legs, etc.), but is that the ONLY reason why you're talking to them. If so then ultimately she isn't worth your time. Done.

Not every girl will be your type and that's FINE. In the end you gotta ask yourself, "What am I looking for in a girl assuming the physical attributes are perfect." And seek out THAT kind of girl.

With this mentality you not only set the intent on what you want but you come off more Alpha in that you aren't just settling for any girl. You need girls that QUALIFY and meet your standards. You have options and are picky. THEY need to impress YOU to have the opportunity of receiving your value.

Move on and learn from this brother, as it looks like you are. This is all good experience. Just don't linger on past events, that didn't go the way you planned, as defeat...The battle may be lost but YOU will win the war. Guaranteed.

Wish you all the best.
The funny thing is, she's not even THAT hot. I wouldn't have opened her at all if I saw her in the club or whatever. It's just... You know how some women, even though they're not HB10 have this awesome personality, energy, kind of... unexplainable womenly charm? Some kind of innate ability to seduce men? I dunno... Besides she has some of the hottest hobbies ever (martial arts, guns, rock climbing omgg o___O)

*brain* *putting her on a pedestal much?* *brain* lol

Well for me that DID it. I asked her out, we didn't really mesh. I can't blame her 100%, I could've tried to run more routines or whatever, but the whole thing didn't feel natural... Not so much from my end, but from hers.

She's the kind of girl I'd like to persue further, and prove myself wrong, but I just don't know if it's worth the trouble anymore. I don't want to FORCE her, and I'm not 100% how she feels about me or whatever. All I know is that she's not showing any interest at the moment, though she's not saying "NO", and she's not totally ignoring me.

In my opinion she's either:

Not attracted to me anymore.
Never was THAT attracted to me in the first place.
She's unsure of me.
I'm LJBF'D

At this point she's cold. When I asked if she'd like to join me for bowling/pool whatever, she's like "Nah, maybe just a drink or something?"
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