PUA Forum :: Told her about fallout with someone and not heard back..

It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this.

yeah I am in two minds about it.. One part of me thinks it was fine still.. throwing something a bit human behind it.. other parts understands it may have been too heavy..

Would you not approach again if you didnt hear?

Quote:

It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this.

You've been brainwashed by the material of self-proclaimed pickup artists.

For what you state is a demonstrator of lower value, I can easily state the opposite. For example, authenticity and his willingness to open himself to somebody he hardly knows demonstrates courage and the ability to make one self vulnerable despite the repercussions. Demonstrating 'lower value' would be him contacting her crying about her ignoring him. A lot of guys are readily jumping to the DLV bandwagon without really understanding what it means.

Quote:

It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this.

Not brainwashed friend, just using a little common sense.

You contact a girl you don't even know and haven't met in person and suddenly are delivering way too much information and appearing emotionally unstable in HER eyes. What do you think would happen?

Please enlighten me...

Cognizant, I respect the fact that your opinion differs from ours, but you're not really doing anyone a favor with the way you're discussing it. Go ahead and work on that, will you?

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Told her about fallout with someone and not heard back..
So I did some online sarging to this girl I saw on FB (apologies as its a bit online but still holds same principle).. and we had some banter back and forth. We have had about 6 emails back and forth over a week. I have never met her in person but we have a number of mutual friends. Her replies were a bit sluggish but after telling her a tiny bit about me, she replied with 'I'm intrigued, how was your day?' I replied by telling her my day hadnt been too good as I had a fallout with a friend who I actually believe to be mentally ill. I wrote about a paragraph saying I was a bit sad about it, but hope it will resolve itself as Im quite positive. I finished by asking her how her week has been. My thought process was that I had done the funny cocky opener and was now showing her a bit of a human side and a bit more depth to my life. She hasnt emailed back since then and its now 4 days. I assume that's it. I am actually genuinely surprised to not hear back but her wall is open so I know she isnt dead. My questions are 1) Was it a mistake to email her that? If so, what would you have said.. 2) I imagine I am going to get a load of 'move on now' comments, which is the easy way out, but if I there was one more message I could send to try something, what would you say?

Author:	Snarg [ Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:46 pm ]
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1) Yes, a huge mistake. You can't lay something that heavy on someone who you haven't even met in person. Instead, you should keep things light, funny and interesting at all times. That message should only be sent to someone you're in a full-fledged relationship with. It does nothing to help your cause. Think about it. 2) Change the subject completely. It's not easy, and almost definitely won't work, but just start talking about something else and see if she replies.

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:26 pm ]
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I thought about something like this.. __________________________ This is the police.. we have you surrounded ...drop your shyness on the floor beside you and come out with some interesting conversation! :S My Saturday night was fun and a bit messy.. what did you get up to (first name)? _______________________________________________

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:36 pm ]
Post subject:
bump

Author:	Cognizant1 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:
You were being real/authentic. If she has a problem with it then its her issue, not yours. I certainly wouldn't listen to this Snarg guy as he is only saying you made a mistake simply because you haven't heard from her in 4 days. You didn't commit any real offense, you didn't cry about your life story, you were simply telling her of an event that transpired, albeit in short detail. Who the f*ck knows what happened, perhaps she's busy with school, talking to some other guys, etc.etc.etc.etc.. Give it time, if she doesn't respond back over a silly little paragraph on how you were a bit hurt over this, move on.

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Author:	cunning_stunt [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:
yeah I am in two minds about it.. One part of me thinks it was fine still.. throwing something a bit human behind it.. other parts understands it may have been too heavy.. Would you not approach again if you didnt hear?

Author:	seph89 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:40 pm ]
Post subject:
It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this.

Author:	Cognizant1 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:52 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this. You've been brainwashed by the material of self-proclaimed pickup artists. For what you state is a demonstrator of lower value, I can easily state the opposite. For example, authenticity and his willingness to open himself to somebody he hardly knows demonstrates courage and the ability to make one self vulnerable despite the repercussions. Demonstrating 'lower value' would be him contacting her crying about her ignoring him. HOWEVER, some people have weak boundaries, and will readily expose every intimate detail of their life, or day in reaction to a trite "Hey, how are you?" --- this is a definite DLV as it infers neediness and most people will react negatively to it (e.g. learn to avoid you when they see you on the street, cut the conversation short, etc.). A lot of guys are readily jumping to the DLV bandwagon without really understanding what it means.

Author:	Cognizant1 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:54 pm ]
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Quote: yeah I am in two minds about it.. One part of me thinks it was fine still.. throwing something a bit human behind it.. other parts understands it may have been too heavy.. Would you not approach again if you didnt hear? If I liked her I'd contact her again at some point in the future (sooner rather than later), while not making any reference to our last conversation. In other words, moving forward. Remember that in life things are only as big as deal as we make them out to be. Keep in mind that this thread is likely going to get out of control with people givng you their 'rendition' of what they think happened. None of it matters, what matters is how YOU chose to frame this; you can focus on all the 'mistakes' keeping yourself living in the past with regret, or simply move forward and create new opportunities for yourself which will, in the long term enrich your life immensely.

Author:	seph89 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this. You've been brainwashed by the material of self-proclaimed pickup artists. For what you state is a demonstrator of lower value, I can easily state the opposite. For example, authenticity and his willingness to open himself to somebody he hardly knows demonstrates courage and the ability to make one self vulnerable despite the repercussions. Demonstrating 'lower value' would be him contacting her crying about her ignoring him. A lot of guys are readily jumping to the DLV bandwagon without really understanding what it means. Not brainwashed friend, just using a little common sense. You contact a girl you don't even know and haven't met in person and suddenly are delivering way too much information and appearing emotionally unstable in HER eyes. What do you think would happen? Please enlighten me...

Author:	seph89 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:00 pm ]
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Perhaps "emotionally unstable" is too harsh and probably even incorrect. But that is just way too much information for someone who have not built any rapport or comfort with.

Author:	Cognizant1 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Quote: It's pretty simple...you demonstrated lower value in your last email. Move on and learn from this. You've been brainwashed by the material of self-proclaimed pickup artists. For what you state is a demonstrator of lower value, I can easily state the opposite. For example, authenticity and his willingness to open himself to somebody he hardly knows demonstrates courage and the ability to make one self vulnerable despite the repercussions. Demonstrating 'lower value' would be him contacting her crying about her ignoring him. A lot of guys are readily jumping to the DLV bandwagon without really understanding what it means. Not brainwashed friend, just using a little common sense. You contact a girl you don't even know and haven't met in person and suddenly are delivering way too much information and appearing emotionally unstable in HER eyes. What do you think would happen? Please enlighten me... Not sure where you're getting "emotionally unstable" from by his reaction. He obviously had some rapport with her for them to be email corresponding to begin with. If you think his response to her question was emotionally unstable, perhaps you've got a misconstrued notion as to what "emotionally unstable" means, or perhaps you're the one being overly sensitive. Ironic huh! Anyway, not interested in a back-n-forth, just helping this guy out.

Author:	seph89 [ Wed Feb 29, 2012 10:10 pm ]
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You jumped the gun there...see my next immediate post. You are right that is NOT being emotionally unstable and I completely took that back upon reading the OP's post more clearly, so I take the fault on that one. To the OP: Let me break it down: You did not build enough comfort with her to give her that much information. Pure and simple. WHAT you said was fine but it's when you said it (see above statement). It was just too early. At the point you were at you should have just kept it simple and casual and all the while playfully building that sexual tension (i.e. negs, teasing, whatever you want to call it) On a broader note...your frame is EVERYTHING and cognizant did touch on that. If you are okay with you then that is all the matters. Done. Don't give this scenario another moments thought. Just learn from it and move on. The deeper side of you comes out when she is ready and that comes much later in your interaction with her PREFERABLY in person.

Author:	Snarg [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:52 am ]
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Cognizant, I respect the fact that your opinion differs from ours, but you're not really doing anyone a favor with the way you're discussing it. Go ahead and work on that, will you?

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Author:	Cognizant1 [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 6:47 am ]
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Quote: Cognizant, I respect the fact that your opinion differs from ours, but you're not really doing anyone a favor with the way you're discussing it. Go ahead and work on that, will you? LOL (at you, not with you). Check your relevancy at the door, son.