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What went wrong here?
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=129254		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Tjeut [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:03 pm ]
Post subject:  What went wrong here?
Alright, I've met this HB8 (19yo) on new years eve, but than she was still in a relationship but I remember having a good chat with her and she was certainly attracted.

A few weeks later she was single and reinitated convo on facebook. She asked me several times to hang out with her. (big IOI's). This weekend we met at the same bar where we both were. When I saw her she instantly hugged me.

We had a few mins quick-chat but I was very direct, saying she was cute and why i like her because I knew she was already attracted to me. I danced with her, caressed her ass. A few minutes later I took her hand and said let's get a drink.

I payed. We had some quick-talk and I tried to escalate and tried a K-close.
Saying: "Would you like to kiss me". She hesitated and looked away, saying her ex boyfriend was here and he was checking her out. (Probably an excuse) . So I didn't have the balls to go for it.

After that our ways seperated.

I texted her the day after saying it was nice to see her again and did some flirty sms and asked. "Would you like to go for a drink, tomorrow?". She said she didn't know yet.. and since than she acted cold.

Why does she have such behaviour and can I still win her back?

My take on the view: Because I was very direct, I didn't make her qualify for me and didn't built enough comfort. Could this be right?

Thanks in advance
Author:  EddieFews [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sounds like she was trying to make the guy jealous and or still not over him and just wanted someone to take her focus off him for a bit.. She used you for the attention, she'll go back with him soon.. Move aalong
Author:  betanomore [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tjeut could be on to something with making the ex jealous, I agree those could be her motives at least on that evening. With regards to her sms Many people have miscommunication with texting as their is little emotions and no body language other than the emoticons to get the message across correctly. I can say I get into an over-analytical mode when texting. Is she being flirty?, is she pissed off?, is she losing interest, why did it take a day to get back to me, etc.

my point...set up a fun date (think hard about her version of a fun date and choose that) and see where it takes you.
In person will give you an opportunity to build comfort, get some kino going and read her body language...on the date, keep your confidence high, and guage how much direct you should go.

good luck!
Author:  Tjeut [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks guys bt I'm not sure if that's 100% the case, because she has invited me to places before where her ex wasn't around.
Author:  Snarg [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Your actions are good, but your wording is poor.

Never ask a girl if she wants to kiss. I know it would be easier that way, but that's a huge sign of low confidence. Look at her lips then back into her eyes, and slowly close in. If she wants the kiss, you'll see it in her eyes and she won't back away. It's really obvious, but you'll still have a little fear. Fuck that fear. Kiss her.

Don't directly ask her to go on a date with you. Re-word it so that it's a statement, something like "I'm heading out for some drinks tomorrow night, you should join me".

Unfortunately, she still has attraction for her ex, so you're in a bad situation here. She is probably going to end up using you as her "gay friend" and she'll keep showing subtle signs of interest to keep you hooked. Believe me, that literally just happened to me a few weeks ago and I wish I had opened my eyes beforehand to notice all of this was happening.
Author:  Tjeut [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'll use the K-close you suggest in the future, it makes sense.

One more thing: Wasn't it AFC from me to pay a HB in general a drink and give her a cigarette even though I didn't push/pull her,qualify her or teased her.

I know escalating is attractive, but I ignored cat-string theory..

Makes sense?

Thanks
Author:  needlz [ Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'll use the K-close you suggest in the future, it makes sense.

One more thing: Wasn't it AFC from me to pay a HB in general a drink and give her a cigarette even though I didn't push/pull her,qualify her or teased her.

I know escalating is attractive, but I ignored cat-string theory..

Makes sense?

Thanks
She was giving you tons of IOI's so there's nothing wrong with giving a little affection back.
I agree she has ex issues, but I would try again in a few days. You never know if you don't try.
Author:  *FlaiR* [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
In my opinion the girl did not try to use you for making her boyfriend jealous at all. It seems to me from the way you're speaking that she was interested in you. Now did you escalate properly? A lot of times rejection for a kiss is just because a lack of escalation skills. I disagree and agree with the guy above me though. You can ask a girl "Do you want to kiss me?" or "I know you would like to kiss me right now"..that doesnt show you lack confidence. On the contrary..it shows you got confidence. What other guy just says it out loud like it's not a big deal? But that's the thing though..say it like it doesnt mean shit to you..poker face. That way if she says no...you can just say: "Well you just looked like you had something on your mind anyway". Also a rejection of a kiss is not bad at all. It's your reaction to it that makes you lose the girl or not. Did you made a sad face or did you react to her behavior of rejecting the kiss? If you did..now that was a mistake. If you dont give a shit after she rejects you and go once again for the kiss later on..she will say to her self that you're a real man and you go after what you want. The odds of you kissing the 2nd time are much higher. Never react to any bad behavior a girl is sending you. Dominant men do not seek approval of others.
Author:  Midrange [ Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:33 am ]
Post subject: 
sounds like the above poster might've watched Beyond Words... same concepts mostly. If you feel like you need to say something for a kiss, do not ask her if she wants one. One line they mentioned in the video is "you look like you want to kiss me". She'll either say yes, do it, or say no, which is fine as well since you weren't asking for one. Like above said, it's only bad if you react poorly.
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