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Quick help on text game
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Author:  Shyler [ Tue Feb 14, 2012 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Quick help on text game
I texted a girl which I had a date with once to meet up again. She had fun on the previous date, and even although we didn't kiss (she was maybe not comfortable enough), I was confident that this would go in the right direction. She said she had fun and that we should meet up again, and she texted me when she got back home to thank me again. 4 days later (didnt have contact those 4 days), that was monday, I tried to call her, but she didn't pick up. Because I remembered her saying that her mobile phone acts weird alot, I decided to text message her a few hours ago just to make sure that there would be no misunderstanding.

I sended her: "hey [insert name]! You haven't been to [bar where we were talking about] yet. Is tomorrow 21:15 at [place] good for you? X"
She replied: "Hey Shyler! Good idea, but I can't. I have vollebal training. X"

My thought here was 'no counter offer. Okay then, I let her do the effort then.'
So I just replied with - "Ok."

In the past I had these situations more often, but I still see them as tricky. Was I right in thinking "okay whatever" and texting "Ok", or was it better to make a counteroffer anyway?
Author:  TylerW [ Tue Feb 14, 2012 11:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
You were right to let her go do her VB training. It is a scheduled thing for her and this way you didnt seem too needy.
Author:  charblad [ Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Yea if she has something like that don't pressure her to skip it for you,
my first question who has V-ball training at 21:00? Like damn that's intense...
Secondly I'd probly not reply at all; if you say "ok" your going to get no response, and that makes you look slightly needy if your the last one to text her everytime; better to make her think she said no and you went and asked the next person in your list than you were Counting on her to come
Author:  Shyler [ Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:36 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm not worrying about the volleybal. She lives in a different town and the last train departs around midnight, so I don't question that.
My underlying thought of sending her "ok." was to make her think "if I don't do anything now he will just move on, so I must do something", which was also kind of what I meant by it.

But as I understand it well, for the future: just leave the "ok" message and just send her nothing is the best solution.

So my next question is: what should I do next? With a counteroffer I meant like asking her for thursday evening, that's the only evening on which I have nothing to do this week. Shall I do nothing for now and wait for her to text me and counteroffer for the coming days?
Author:  charblad [ Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:58 am ]
Post subject: 
Yea the V-ball thing was for you to judge, I was just pointing it out.
Quote:
My underlying thought of sending her "ok." was to make her think "if I don't do anything now he will just move on, so I must do something", which was also kind of what I meant by it
I knew exactly what you meant, it's something I use against women all the time; but it's not something to use to MAKE her like you, it's something you use to GAUGE how much she likes you. It's like telling a girl your going to leave to see if she begs you to stay, it's not going to make her like you more, it's going to help you gauge her interest - In that situation would you just say "ok"? No, that's a needy answer.
What I'm meaning to say is don't even say "ok", you need the mindset of a busy man inviting many girls to the party; if one says no you need to move on and get the next girl to come, not linger on the ones who arn't.
I wouldn't put a $5 bet that she's going to counteroffer without you initiating, if you REALLY want her to do it text her about something random and move the conversation to hint about you wanting to go somewhere; but if you'd rather cut the BS just invite her again "you, me, drinks at [bar] 21:15 thursday" Something along those lines (edit it to be YOUR voice, she will be more likely to flake if it sounds like this (canned))
Author:  Shyler [ Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
but if you'd rather cut the BS just invite her again "you, me, drinks at [bar] 21:15 thursday" Something along those lines (edit it to be YOUR voice, she will be more likely to flake if it sounds like this (canned))
Yeah this is more of my style. I'm not a big fan of texting game. I use my mobile phone with girls only to make dates. If you're texting her, you're qualifying yourself and you have to play more tricky games. I rather cut all the BS and get to the point.

Tomorrow in the afternoon I will give it a last shot, even although it's quite soon after I asked her the last time. I will just text her "Let's meet up tonight at [place]! See you at [time]? x". If she can't, I will just move on, no matter how much she might have liked the date last week.
Author:  Defy [ Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I'm not a big fan of texting game. I use my mobile phone with girls only to make dates. I rather cut all the BS and get to the point.
Sounds about right.
Quote:
I'd probly not reply at all.
I do not agree here, although saying OK is not really a good response. In those situations I just say "Have fun at the volley ball game".

4 days is kinda long period. I also hate text game, but I would have talked to her on a phone.
Quote:
Tomorrow in the afternoon I will give it a last shot, even although it's quite soon after I asked her the last time. I will just text her "Let's meet up tonight at [place]! See you at [time]? x". If she can't, I will just move on, no matter how much she might have liked the date last week.
There is not much more you can do.

Let's hope that everything will go well If this however doesn't go well, I'm not sure what went wrong.
Author:  Shyler [ Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
In those situations I just say "Have fun at the volley ball game".
This looks quite right actualy. Things I don't think off (god I realy hate text game).
Quote:
I also hate text game, but I would have talked to her on a phone.
I tried to call her, but she didn't respond. Because I remember her saying that her phone can act weird from time to time, I decided to text message her the day after. Got an answer 5 minutes later ("nice idea, but I can't because of VB").
Quote:
There is not much more you can do.
Indeed. I assume that if I don't get a positive respond back, that It's the right occasion for not sending her an answer.
Author:  Defy [ Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I assume that if I don't get a positive respond back, that It's the right occasion for not sending her an answer.
Yup. Sometimes in situations like this I wait like a week or so and just call the girl, talk for a bit and say Hey, I know this might be strange a little, but I want to know what happened from your perspective. This can be very useful, cause we have our little model of the world and sometimes we are not aware of her point of view.
Author:  Shyy [ Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:40 am ]
Post subject: 
If she had a game, Don't push it.. And please don't say "Okay whatever" Makes you look like the biggest asshole.
Reschedule, Also i like what you did with the location.. Do that again in a few days. If it's the same thing or she has something else she's doing, ask her when is good for her.

~Goodluck, Nice name btw :)
Author:  Slip n Slide [ Thu Feb 16, 2012 1:58 am ]
Post subject: 
I'd wait about a week then call her to invite her out. If she doesn't answer, don't text her. She'll call you back or text you if she wants to.
Author:  Shyler [ Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
I texted her this afternoon again: "Let's go do something tonight! 9:30pm, can you make that? X".

Got back an answer 15 minutes later (kind of literally translated):

"Shyler ;). I'm in town tonigh for the birthday of a [female] friend. I can go look for you, but I will be in group. Is that ok for you or better an other time? xx"

This was slightly more enthousiastic than I expected, so I decided that I will still give it a shot. I texted back in short that I found it sweet of her to propose [as most girls wouldn't leave their friends behind at a birthday party of their friend for a guy they just date, as I wouldn't for a girl], but that she should enjoy the birthday party and that I'll see her next week instead.


She is a nice girl, but keeping on trying to set up dates starts to bore me a bit. Next week will be my last shot. If no date will be arranged, then I just move on.

Quote:
~Goodluck, Nice name btw
Thanks :)
Author:  Slip n Slide [ Fri Feb 17, 2012 1:17 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
She is a nice girl, but keeping on trying to set up dates starts to bore me a bit. Next week will be my last shot. If no date will be arranged, then I just move on.
I'd say to wait another week. Let her expect your invite this weekend and be disappointed when she doesn't get it. Three weeks in a row is a bit needy.
Author:  ItsAlwaysOn [ Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:19 am ]
Post subject: 
you need to make stuff like this seem like not a big deal. so the first one when she says she cant cuz of volleyball, i would just say something like "thats cool, some other time then". thats really all you need. then you can decide, based on how/if she responds to that, whether or not you wanna continue to pursue her or just let her get back to you.

on the second one, i would tell her you'll meet her there with the intention of not showing up. then see if she brings it up or not at a later date. if so, just be like "im sorry, something came up last minute. did you guys have fun?" or whatever.

based on what you told us it seems like she is kinda into you at this point. but youre not real high priority right now because she doesnt really know you all that well yet. so you need to be cool and persistent but without being needy. which can be kinda hard sometimes.
Author:  Shyler [ Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
based on what you told us it seems like she is kinda into you at this point. but youre not real high priority right now because she doesnt really know you all that well yet. so you need to be cool and persistent but without being needy. which can be kinda hard sometimes.
Exactly my point. It's a thin line between the two, and I should be carefull.

I think I'm acting persistent, because I think I didn't sound too needy. I only text her to meet up, if I have no time to meet I don't text her for 4 days or more.
Also, I always assume she wants to see me in my messages "let's meet! 7 pm at X. Can you make it?"

On the other hand, the frequency of my text messages MIGHT come off as needy, though I can't tell for sure if a girl would see this as needy or rather as persistent. I'm persistent in that sense, that I want to finish what I have started.
Like Slip n Side said:
Quote:
I'd say to wait another week. Let her expect your invite this weekend and be disappointed when she doesn't get it. Three weeks in a row is a bit needy.
This seems true, but you never know. Should I just think "fuck it I want to finish what I started this week", or is it realy beter to wait just an other week? This has always been the tricky part for me in the game of texting and meeting up. I always assume that she will lose interest if the second date is far away of the first date, but maybe that's just something I shouldn't care about.
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