PUA Forum :: I can't take eye contact

I have a problem when it comes to pick-up... I find eye contact with someone while not talking to them to be an extremely intense experience.

It's common that I'll go out somewhere and catch a girl looking at me a few times. The problem is that it is extremely difficult for me to maintain eye contact for more than a second or two. It literally can make my heart race (especially if the girl looks at me for 5 or 6 seconds straight). Also, trying to give back a natural smile is really difficult. I know that you're not supposed to be the one to break eye contact first.

I've had a few experiences (while really drunk) where I maintained the eye contact and gave a smile then the girl immediately came right over to me.

Now, if I'm actively talking to someone eye contact is absolutely no problem. It's more the gaze across the room kind of eye contact.

What are some things I could do to improve this?

Aw diddums, it must be so hard being eyed up by girls wherever you go. You should realise how lucky you are to be so tall and goodlooking, then you wouldn't even think about eye contact, you'd just go up to her, say hi, talk about something random, then snog and have sex with her.

Oh how incredibly amazing it must be to be blessed with the automatic tickets to paradise: a sexy face and a tall body...

Quote:

I'm starting to thing you really might be papichulo.

Just desensitize your self. Go do the noobie drill. Basically, go walk around a busy area like your mall, a campus, or your downtown. Every person that pass by you just basically smile, Say hi or a variation of greeting, then hold eye contact... then walk away. Remember your brain requires proofs not promises. You may say to your brain that maintaining eye contact will result to nothing bad happening to you ... but it will still not listening to you. Instead go experience maintaining eye contact with multiple people (doing the noobie drill explained above) ... of course nothing bad will happen to you and your brain will experience this and only see the upside. The more your brain sees the upside the more you desensitize yourself from having shitty eye contact.

Notice how at first you start the noobie drill you half ass the attempt. But, the more you get evidence of nothing bad will happen to you, the more you put more effort to the approach. Therefore, you can't be half a gangster. Meaning make sure you say hi, smile, and maintain eye contact with every person you met with 100% effort, well at least try to attempt 100% effort.

Summary:
1) Your brain requires proofs not promises. Basically, practicing smiling, maintain eye contact, etc etc is like exercising. The more you work it out the stronger it will get.
2) You can't half ass the attempt or be half a gangster. If you half ass the approach the person on the receiving end will feel what you are feeling and reciprocate that feeling. If you feel nervous, they will feel nervous. If you genuinely feel comfy and relax they will feel comfy and relax. This is the law of state transfer ^_^.

Hoped, that helped.

Sincerely,

Donston.

PS: I do the noobie drill on my campus every day of the week. This helps be warm up and build momentum when I game at night!

Quote:

You don't have problem with eye contact, you have problem with accepting who you are.

Can you tell us from which culture you are?

Author:	bp029 [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:	I can't take eye contact
I have a problem when it comes to pick-up... I find eye contact with someone while not talking to them to be an extremely intense experience. It's common that I'll go out somewhere and catch a girl looking at me a few times. The problem is that it is extremely difficult for me to maintain eye contact for more than a second or two. It literally can make my heart race (especially if the girl looks at me for 5 or 6 seconds straight). Also, trying to give back a natural smile is really difficult. I know that you're not supposed to be the one to break eye contact first. I've had a few experiences (while really drunk) where I maintained the eye contact and gave a smile then the girl immediately came right over to me. Now, if I'm actively talking to someone eye contact is absolutely no problem. It's more the gaze across the room kind of eye contact. What are some things I could do to improve this?

Author:	xFierce [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:56 pm ]
Post subject:
When you're talking to someone, focus on the eye contact. As if you're going to do this more you'll get confident with it.

Author:	Defy [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 8:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: I can't take eye contact
Quote: I have a problem when it comes to pick-up... I find eye contact with someone while not talking to them to be an extremely intense experience. It's common that I'll go out somewhere and catch a girl looking at me a few times. The problem is that it is extremely difficult for me to maintain eye contact for more than a second or two. It literally can make my heart race (especially if the girl looks at me for 5 or 6 seconds straight). Also, trying to give back a natural smile is really difficult. I know that you're not supposed to be the one to break eye contact first. I've had a few experiences (while really drunk) where I maintained the eye contact and gave a smile then the girl immediately came right over to me. Now, if I'm actively talking to someone eye contact is absolutely no problem. It's more the gaze across the room kind of eye contact. What are some things I could do to improve this? You don't have problem with eye contact, you have problem with accepting who you are.

Author:	Flex007 [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:
I have had this kind of problem and I would say it was to do with confidence, with value. Breaking eye contact first with a girl you are attracted to is a matter of value, the value you assign to yourself and the value you assign to her. You're assigning her with more value than you give to yourself, treat her or anyone like they have less value than yourself, without being arrogant. People have to earn your respect, don't give her respect because shes hot.

Author:	Donston [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:
Just desensitize your self. Go do the noobie drill. Basically, go walk around a busy area like your mall, a campus, or your downtown. Every person that pass by you just basically smile, Say hi or a variation of greeting, then hold eye contact... then walk away. Remember your brain requires proofs not promises. You may say to your brain that maintaining eye contact will result to nothing bad happening to you ... but it will still not listening to you. Instead go experience maintaining eye contact with multiple people (doing the noobie drill explained above) ... of course nothing bad will happen to you and your brain will experience this and only see the upside. The more your brain sees the upside the more you desensitize yourself from having shitty eye contact. Notice how at first you start the noobie drill you half ass the attempt. But, the more you get evidence of nothing bad will happen to you, the more you put more effort to the approach. Therefore, you can't be half a gangster. Meaning make sure you say hi, smile, and maintain eye contact with every person you met with 100% effort, well at least try to attempt 100% effort. Summary: 1) Your brain requires proofs not promises. Basically, practicing smiling, maintain eye contact, etc etc is like exercising. The more you work it out the stronger it will get. 2) You can't half ass the attempt or be half a gangster. If you half ass the approach the person on the receiving end will feel what you are feeling and reciprocate that feeling. If you feel nervous, they will feel nervous. If you genuinely feel comfy and relax they will feel comfy and relax. This is the law of state transfer ^_^. Hoped, that helped. Sincerely, Donston. PS: I do the noobie drill on my campus every day of the week. This helps be warm up and build momentum when I game at night!

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Author:	Shyler [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:31 pm ]
Post subject:
Can you tell us from which culture you are?

Author:	danthedan [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:46 pm ]
Post subject:
Aw diddums, it must be so hard being eyed up by girls wherever you go. You should realise how lucky you are to be so tall and goodlooking, then you wouldn't even think about eye contact, you'd just go up to her, say hi, talk about something random, then snog and have sex with her. Oh how incredibly amazing it must be to be blessed with the automatic tickets to paradise: a sexy face and a tall body...

Author:	Defy [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:52 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Aw diddums, it must be so hard being eyed up by girls wherever you go. You should realise how lucky you are to be so tall and goodlooking, then you wouldn't even think about eye contact, you'd just go up to her, say hi, talk about something random, then snog and have sex with her. Oh how incredibly amazing it must be to be blessed with the automatic tickets to paradise: a sexy face and a tall body... I'm starting to thing you really might be papichulo.

Author:	Dragon_Blood [ Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:38 am ]
Post subject:
I also have similar issues with eye contact, only for different reasons, more having to do with my past. However, I have learned when having to I've kinda (esp for presentations) not looked directly into someones eyes but maybe at their forehead. I'm not sure exactly if this works with pick-up but it may be worth trying. For me and doing presentations, such as when I did for school, it used to take a lot of the tension away while others still thought I was looking right at them.

Author:	papichulo310 [ Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:53 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Aw diddums, it must be so hard being eyed up by girls wherever you go. You should realise how lucky you are to be so tall and goodlooking, then you wouldn't even think about eye contact, you'd just go up to her, say hi, talk about something random, then snog and have sex with her. Oh how incredibly amazing it must be to be blessed with the automatic tickets to paradise: a sexy face and a tall body... I'm starting to thing you really might be papichulo. I'm starting to think you're dumber than you look.

Author:	bp029 [ Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:29 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Just desensitize your self. Go do the noobie drill. Basically, go walk around a busy area like your mall, a campus, or your downtown. Every person that pass by you just basically smile, Say hi or a variation of greeting, then hold eye contact... then walk away. Remember your brain requires proofs not promises. You may say to your brain that maintaining eye contact will result to nothing bad happening to you ... but it will still not listening to you. Instead go experience maintaining eye contact with multiple people (doing the noobie drill explained above) ... of course nothing bad will happen to you and your brain will experience this and only see the upside. The more your brain sees the upside the more you desensitize yourself from having shitty eye contact. Notice how at first you start the noobie drill you half ass the attempt. But, the more you get evidence of nothing bad will happen to you, the more you put more effort to the approach. Therefore, you can't be half a gangster. Meaning make sure you say hi, smile, and maintain eye contact with every person you met with 100% effort, well at least try to attempt 100% effort. Summary: 1) Your brain requires proofs not promises. Basically, practicing smiling, maintain eye contact, etc etc is like exercising. The more you work it out the stronger it will get. 2) You can't half ass the attempt or be half a gangster. If you half ass the approach the person on the receiving end will feel what you are feeling and reciprocate that feeling. If you feel nervous, they will feel nervous. If you genuinely feel comfy and relax they will feel comfy and relax. This is the law of state transfer ^_^. Hoped, that helped. Sincerely, Donston. PS: I do the noobie drill on my campus every day of the week. This helps be warm up and build momentum when I game at night! I'll go out at lunch today and make myself do this as I work in a highly populated area. Thanks for the advice!

Author:	bp029 [ Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: I can't take eye contact
Quote: Quote: I have a problem when it comes to pick-up... I find eye contact with someone while not talking to them to be an extremely intense experience. It's common that I'll go out somewhere and catch a girl looking at me a few times. The problem is that it is extremely difficult for me to maintain eye contact for more than a second or two. It literally can make my heart race (especially if the girl looks at me for 5 or 6 seconds straight). Also, trying to give back a natural smile is really difficult. I know that you're not supposed to be the one to break eye contact first. I've had a few experiences (while really drunk) where I maintained the eye contact and gave a smile then the girl immediately came right over to me. Now, if I'm actively talking to someone eye contact is absolutely no problem. It's more the gaze across the room kind of eye contact. What are some things I could do to improve this? You don't have problem with eye contact, you have problem with accepting who you are. You are probably correct on this.

Author:	bp029 [ Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Aw diddums, it must be so hard being eyed up by girls wherever you go. You should realise how lucky you are to be so tall and goodlooking, then you wouldn't even think about eye contact, you'd just go up to her, say hi, talk about something random, then snog and have sex with her. Oh how incredibly amazing it must be to be blessed with the automatic tickets to paradise: a sexy face and a tall body... LMAO I don't get eyed up wherever I go- just sometimes out in bars or nightclubs where girls are looking for something. I am actually fairly average looking but I am very tall, dress nice and keep myself in good shape so maybe that helps a bit. I'm guessing I don't get any more attention than the average guy though. I have two friends that get way more attention than me.

Author:	bp029 [ Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:46 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Can you tell us from which culture you are? I grew up near Boston LOL. We can be cold towards strangers but it probably shouldn't effect me this much .

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