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Advice needed with a Rescue Mission
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Author:  lighting [ Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:10 am ]
Post subject:  Advice needed with a Rescue Mission
Situation
About a year ago when my marriage wasn't going so good we went away for a weekend with friends and I met this HB who I couldn't stop thinking about. Didn't see her for 3 months, then over the next 3 months starting hanging out with her and I gamed her to the point where we both admitted to each other that we were crazy about it each other. She admitted she had felt that way since we first met. I wasn't prepared to cheat on my wife, especially as things weren't going well and I wanted to avoid a messy breakup. I told the HB I couldn't really see her till I had tried to give my marriage another go.

Recent Developments
• Saw HB about a month ago and she said she still thought about me all the time.
• About a week later we were at a party and she got with another GIRL (already gay) who is one of my friends - man that was painful for me.
• Then a week later I find out my wife cheated on me - talk about bad timing.
• HB is now telling me she is really happy with this girl and hasn't felt that way in ages.
• HB knows about my wife cheating and has said she is there for me.

I can't see my marriage working now so need an action plan to ensure HB is available and willing in a couple of months time.

Going Forward
Probably not going to have many opportunities to see HB so need to make each one really count. However I'm really vulnerable at the moment and don't want to come across as sad/depressed/desperate.
I should be able to get her to meet me 1-2-1 for a drink, but it might be more difficult convincing her of a reason to meet me again. Some group situations may be easier to come across.
I am completely out of practice with my game but I need to focus on what I am trying to achieve and my best strategy before I start my research again before seeing HB.

Questions
• What strategy should I take for the first 1-2-1 we have?
• Is there anything specific to this situation that I can leverage.
• What can I do to make her doubt her relationship with this new girl? (from what I hear they are head over heels in love with each other).
• How should I portray myself
- strong and funny (show's I don't care about relationships)
- vulnerable (worried about coming across as pathetic and no fun, DLV)
- as able to laugh at myself during a time of adversity?
• Is there any way of getting sympathy from her without DLV?
• Are there other things I can do to re-awaken her feelings for me?

Any advice greatly appreciated - can't afford to f**k this up.
Author:  neyos [ Mon Feb 06, 2012 7:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
it quite likely won't work the way you seem to want to go about it.

forget the HB and your marriage partner.

go all out to have a good time with a stranger and make it stick.

then watch the puzzle pieces fall in place by themselves after a while..

and that, quite likely the way you initially wanted.
Author:  lighting [ Mon Feb 06, 2012 7:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
it quite likely won't work the way you seem to want to go about it.
Can believe that :-)
Quote:
forget the HB and your marriage partner.

go all out to have a good time with a stranger and make it stick.

then watch the puzzle pieces fall in place by themselves after a while..
Yep your right, maybe once she sees she can't have me she'll get keen again.
Quote:
and that, quite likely the way you initially wanted.
Happy to give the above ago but is it worth trying something now as well?
Or do you think I'll only make things worse? I'm seeing her next week for lunch, should I just play it very cool and show no interest in her?
Author:  lighting [ Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:22 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
it quite likely won't work the way you seem to want to go about it.

forget the HB and your marriage partner.

go all out to have a good time with a stranger and make it stick.

then watch the puzzle pieces fall in place by themselves after a while..

and that, quite likely the way you initially wanted.
HB has lots of single friends - is it worth asking her in a few months time to set me up on a blind date? Or will that just mess things up further?
Author:  neyos [ Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
it quite likely won't work the way you seem to want to go about it.

forget the HB and your marriage partner.

go all out to have a good time with a stranger and make it stick.

then watch the puzzle pieces fall in place by themselves after a while..

and that, quite likely the way you initially wanted.
HB has lots of single friends - is it worth asking her in a few months time to set me up on a blind date? Or will that just mess things up further?
messing things up further is the way I'd go..you can ask her to set you up, but I wouldn't ask her for anything and go all out by yourself and get connected and addicted to the new and exciting life(person), eventually let her by accident see how well you're doing..you're "blooming"..life is beautiful! ..without her or them (HB/partner..both)... guess your partner will be back faster than the HB can make the move..
hmm..you said you also wanted to give it another try with your partner.. right?...
Author:  Defy [ Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
lightening,

Man you reek of bad inner game.
Author:  papichulo310 [ Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Move on, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Author:  Paolo Rossel [ Fri Feb 10, 2012 8:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Advice needed with a Rescue Mission
I think this is one of those cases in which you madly desire to take action in order to fix something, but deep down you know that the right thing to do is: "do nothing". And by doing "nothing" of course i mean to avoid any attempt to try to convince her.

In this situation is clear that right now, she is happy with other person. So trying to convince her to be with you instead of her beloved, woud only make things worse.

But i think there is still hope by pretending nothing happens, things are cool and you dont need her, but most important, make the sensation real by continuing your life and perhaps: meeting new girls?. Make her know you are happy with no hard feelings, keep her as a friend under a cocky & funny/ tease & neg base and her attraction to you will remain on. (There is no need to express remorse to her for "being so stupid" when you stopped things at the beginning. She might and probably will have a problem with her partner someday and the chances that she will look for you are not so "farfetched". (and yes, as you know, perhaps by that moment, you wouldnt even have the same"need"for her as now). But try not to wait for her, continue with your life above anything.

On the other hand you must not feel bad for not taking advantage of the situation at the beginning, cause as you said, you didnt want to be responsible for a messy breakup with your wife. Now you can place all the blame on her. Enjoy your good conscience :)


Warm Hug.

Paolo R
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