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How Often to Date? Am I Being Clingy?
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Author:  Morpheo [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:33 am ]
Post subject:  How Often to Date? Am I Being Clingy?
Let me preface by saying I'm pursuing long-term relationships rather than one-night stands.

So I'm dating this girl, been out with her a few times and we're both into each other. Thing is, she works 60 hours a week and is really busy. I know there's no "standard" number, but what's an healthy range for the number of times you would date per week? I think 2-3 times is a good number, but with this girl I'm having a hard time fitting in 1 time per week and it's driving me nuts... to the point where I'm feeling like I'm being clingy, but on the other hand, I don't think 2-3 dates/week is too much.

Thoughts? Advice? What are your experiences with women who keep busy schedules? I don't like the idea of being on her time, yet I like the girl otherwise.
Author:  DJ_Z [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:51 am ]
Post subject: 
You want a girlfriend, that's cool, honestly 90% of the concepts of pickup can still apply. For instance, you still need abundance. See, you are doing what I used to do before I really understood this stuff. You meet a girl, she seems cool, and she is now the sole focus of your attention. That's bad, because at some point you WILL overinvest in a girl that you honestly don't know that well. She will wonder why you constantly want to hang out and how you seem to ALWAYS be free to hang out. And she won't go "oh, he's making time for me, he cares," she will far more likely think you have no life and are already obsessing.

How do you handle this? By gaming other girls. Yes, you don't want an ONS, but that doesn't mean you should stop meeting other women. At the end of the day this may just not work out due to her professional life and your relationship goals, but if you keep gaming you could find someone who is more compatible. There are no soulmates, no perfect matches, relationships take time and effort. You can date multiple women without sleeping with all of them, and then find someone who's best for you. Don't assume the first woman who agrees to go to dinner is the best match.
Author:  Morpheo [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:04 am ]
Post subject: 
I definitely don't have the abundance mentality that I keep reading about. I know that's the root of my clinginess. Problem is, I have a hard time meeting new girls because I don't know that many good spots to meet them. I'm not big into the bar scene and everyday locations like mall, supermarket, coffee shop -- well, I hear a lot about how it's easy to pick up women there, but I have a hard time even seeing one in a supermarket that's remotely decent-looking/my age range.

Where do the 25ish girls hang out?
Author:  r0cknrolla [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:12 am ]
Post subject: 
The last girl I dated I would pretty much only be available on weekends. I work Mon-Fri and I am pretty dedicated to my workouts after work which take around 1-2 hours so by the time I got out I was pretty worn out and had to wake up early and do it all over again. I liked her but she pretty much hated it and it never worked out. I think it depends on the person some people are just busy and don't want a full out relationship where you see each other all the time lol.
Author:  Morpheo [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:18 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, I hear ya. That's what's driving me nuts. Is the REAL problem that I'm being clingy (I know I have clinginess issues) or simply that we're fundamentally incompatible?

She would see me more often, but her situation is such that she has to work a lot, commute a lot, and that doesn't leave much room for anything else. Is that a compatibility problem or am I expecting too much (that is, 2 dates per week). I'm not sure I can sustain a long-term relationship on 1 date per week. That would drive me crazy because I'd want more.
Author:  DJ_Z [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:22 am ]
Post subject: 
If you can't function without seeing a girl twice a week, and you meet a girl you can't see twice a week...yeah that's not gonna work.

As for where the women go, fuck I don't live next door to you, I don't know what people do there. Just go out, go everywhere. You can go to a bar and have one drink, that's fine. Bowl, play cards, see movies, shop at malls, etc etc. And I don't believe for one second you never see a cute girl walking to your car from the grocery store. You do, but you believe those aren't "appropriate" places to meet women, so you decide she's a bitch, or she's too busy, or a relationships could neeeeeever work with girls you meet randomly. Only way you'll find out what works is to keep going out and trying.
Author:  Morpheo [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 4:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If you can't function without seeing a girl twice a week, and you meet a girl you can't see twice a week...yeah that's not gonna work.
Exactly! But now my question is, am I being unreasonable? Is this something I need to correct? Or is a 2 times per week at minimum expectation reasonable?

I have no problem changing myself if I'm out of whack. But I don't think I am in this case.
Author:  KingOtto [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 6:06 am ]
Post subject: 
In my opinion you should be able to meet up with a girl 3 times or more if you are going for a serious relationship. I wouldn't like it if I saw her only twice a week if I was going seriously. This of course is my personal preference but in my eyes you don't seem unreasonable.
Author:  waty19 [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 6:10 am ]
Post subject: 
Theres no min or max. Some weeks you might not go out with her at all some weeks you might hang out with her 5 times. Since she's works a lot don't try and get her out 3 times a week. If she's tired and just wants to sit at home with a class of wine and watch the greys anatomy let her. Sometimes people just need that alone time. Instead sent her an e-card or next time leave a note at her place that she'll find the next day when she goes to work that tells her to have a great day. You don't have to cram yourself down her throat to let her know you care. Just something to let her know your thinking about her but you have your own life too and you don't need to be huddled with her 24/7 to enjoy it. No body likes a needy person.
Author:  papichulo818 [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 6:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Do whatever feels natural.
Author:  Morpheo [ Wed Feb 01, 2012 6:54 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks guys, good food for thought. I don't need to be with her 24/7. I got work too. But 2-3 times per week, on average, seems like the sweet spot.
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