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Kinda stuck between friendzone and relationship...
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Author:  jwzz [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Kinda stuck between friendzone and relationship...
Ok so there is this girl called Kyla. She has been in a relationship with Jake which lasted 2 years, and ended somewhere before 2012. We've been friends for a while, but after Kyla broke up we started hanging out more. All pretty good. Been to the movies a couple of times, had some drinks, some laughs. All good. So yesterday we went to a movie and had some drinks afterwards. Kyla dropped me of at my house, gave eachother 3 kisses in the car. I said, just a little kiss more. But instead of a little kiss it was a make out session. First we made out, then after we stopped she grabbed me by my sweater, pulled me towards her and started kissing again. Seems good right? Just what I thought.

So same night, I received this text message:
Quote:
I just wanted to say that I feel bad, I got caught up in the moment which is no excuse but you are just a really good friend and I'd like to keep it that way. Nothing more. Could this stay between us? I'd like that! Sweet dreams!
So I replied
Quote:
Sure thing. Let me know if you go on holiday Saturday, if not then we can hang out on sunday again. We should not let yesterday come between us. I'll be hearing from u
Kyla send:
Quote:
Hey, yeah I think I'll go. I feel sorry about yesterday, I shouldn't have kissed u. My mind was still to much with Jake. And that is what I miss very much, somebody next to me. I'm really sorry and would appreciate if you wouldn't tell anyone about this. And... I don't want to give you the wrong image about us going to the movies etc. Maybe you felt different about it than me.... And I'm sorry if i've been naive, in that case. Sorry. But I feel really fucked up right now, and you probably think: Oh it's just a kiss. But for me it feels like cheating after a 2 year relationship.
OKKKKKKKK so now what. I've done alot of picking up etc. etc., but I'm done with that and want something steady. And that's like a whole new area for me. Now it's not like I LOVE her, but I can see myself building up a future with her. So does anyone have any advice??
Author:  KingOtto [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
I am not that sure on what to say and honestly don't know if it is better to stay close to her as a friend or step back and let her get over her ex but lets see the pros and cons of both sittuations:

1. Stay with her as a friend
Pros
-She will appreciate you
-She will get to know you better and might fall for you
-You will be able to find out if it was more than a kiss rather than asking "what if"
Cons
-She my friendzone you for good
-She might feel pressured and exit the relation you have together
-You might get hurt seeing her chase other guys (this is both good and bad in a way)

2. Leave her to get over her ex
Pros
-She might feel your absence and miss you
-She might feel she got over her ex after a while and want to try something with you
-She might grow feelings for you since sometimes "ignoring" women is what drives them to men
Cons
-She might forget about you
-She might find a new bf while you wait
-She might think you are an ass since you bale after a kiss that she didn't mean

I am not that experienced to chose between the two but the above are just my observations.

Cheers
Author:  jwzz [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for your contribution. The Pro and Con lists are real benefits and make this easier. Much appreciated
Author:  pumpington [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
what you say is not how it works, and it is obvious you have not done alot of picking up or you would know what is going on

1)makeouts and phone numbers mean very very little to girls, making out with a girl does not really matter at all and doesn't mean you are in a relationship, even when girls say they only make out with people that are special and don't kiss on the first date, and blah blah blah, it is just asd and chances are they have easily made out with 10x the amount of guys, that an average guy has made out with girls as long as they are somewhat attractive

2)you are not leading this interaction at all, if it is up to the girl the answer is always friend zone, unless you are precieved as way way above her league, if she chooses sex zone, she feels like a slut

3)sex first then relationship, if you don't do this, you are going to avoid doing what you need to do to get the relationship, you will most likely become needy and in love and you will blow your shot and turn her off, her reciprocation of affection will come after repeated sex, not the promise that you love her and can't live without her


you have to choose what you want and go for it, not what you think she wants, if you want a relationship with this girl, try to have sex with her, if you don't it is friend zone, and if you do and it doesn't work out at least you got a definative answer and you are not left unsure in the dark, thinking you have a chance when you actually don't, the best way to find out is to take a shot at it, but realize you have to be willing to lose her as a friend
Author:  jwzz [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for the reply. Also appreciated. However, I would like to start with point 1. You say a makeout means very little to a female. But this 'problem' started since the makeout. She is not over her ex, and she is sorry for kissing. So I think that it did mean something. Unless she is not sure of what she wants and uses that as an excuse.

Fact: She only made out with 5 guys before me. Just so you know that it might mean something, and her age is 19.

I'd love to see your answer to this.
Author:  pumpington [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thank you for the reply. Also appreciated. However, I would like to start with point 1. You say a makeout means very little to a female. But this 'problem' started since the makeout. She is not over her ex, and she is sorry for kissing. So I think that it did mean something. Unless she is not sure of what she wants and uses that as an excuse.

Fact: She only made out with 5 guys before me. Just so you know that it might mean something, and her age is 19.

I'd love to see your answer to this.
I would have treated that as an asd issue, she wants you to take responsibility and lead, the proper answer is disagreeing with her and asserting your frame, agreeing with her and respecting her blah blah excuse for why she can't be with you, is simply you accepting her frame, it is irrelivant what she wants, you have to go for what you want and remain congruent with it

you can't just half ass it and expect she will be pleased that you don't even care enough about her to actually put some effort into getting her, but don't get confused and start going overboard with neediness, just go for what you want, and don't back down from remaining congruent with the fact that, that is what you want, don't expect anything from her, but express yourself rather then sitting back and allowing her to dictate

as for her making out with 5 guys, that is what she told you, I would not take that at face value at all
Author:  jwzz [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for the reply. It is of big use. It's something I can work with.

Off-topic, before this relation which lasted 2 years, she had another one which lasted 2 years. So it can be 5. Yet I have to agree on you that it still is not to be taking that at face value
Author:  SmoothOp [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think from what I have read you are friendzoned and if you make another move you will be un-friended. Just my thoughts. Don't be too aggresive with her and don't show any direct interest.
Author:  jwzz [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
That is exactly what I was afraid for.... I think I'm lucky she is going to be away for a whole week next week, so there is a pause between us.... If u know what I mean
Author:  SmoothOp [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
I suggest basically show no emotion to what happened. Act like it was nothing. If you want to continue gaming her do it indirectly. Raise her attraction for you by telling real life stories that are DHV, being funny, charming, ect.. Try to use other girls to add a sprinkle of jealousy. Become a tad more "busy", become a little mysterious. Don't go overboard because she will know what you are doing. Read 77 laws of success by David DeAngelo if you haven't. But the main thing here for you to remember if DO NOT fall for this girl. Lot's of girl's stay in love with there ex-boyfriends and have baguage. Sometimes efforts are useless until time passes.

If you show interest and are hung up on the make out, she will leave..
Author:  jwzz [ Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for that post. I think I'll do it that way! :D
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