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| Relationship vs Pick up https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=126718 |
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| Author: | Eyrie [ Mon Jan 23, 2012 11:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Relationship vs Pick up |
I'm really struggling to make a decision, there is this girl I have liked for a while she is not amazingly attractive 6/7. There is extreme social awkwardness between us, but I think that is just tension because we are both aware that we find each other attractive( I tried to pick up her in the summer when I was a AFC she rejected me but ever since then she has given me a lot of non-verbal IOI's especially in recent weeks). On the other hand I have spent the last 2 months reading and watching tonnes of content and at my first attempt at sarging I k-closed and n-closed. I'm extremely confident and motivated to get really into pick up and improve my game, I also plan on righting a journal of my progress. I have never been in a relationship before and still a virgin had a bit experience with girls. The girl was very clingy in her previous relationship, highly intelligent and the type of girl that believes rules aren't supposed to be broken, It would be practical to get out with her because were in the same school and she is in the same year as me(I'm 18 btw). So my question really is if you were in my shoes what option would you choose and why because they obviously can't go hand in hand. |
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| Author: | 7000 [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Well, before I offer my answer to your question, I'll just comment on the first line you put - extreme social awkwardness between you probably isn't because you find each other attractive. That might be to do with some of it, yes. But in a few months time you'll probably realise it's just because you wouldn't make a relationship work. I tend to find that when you "fall" for someone, you see what you want to see, and the awkwardness being because of attraction is PROBABLY just because you've implanted in your head that you want to be in a relationship with this girl. And therefore, when something in real life goes against that image - ie; the fact that you don't actually get on - you make up excuses that suit your idea (oh we are just attracted to each other and that's why it's awkward), rather than the more rational reason - you just don't have much in common, aren't the right sorts of personalities to make a relationship work! On a wider note, I don't agree that pick up and relationships don't go hand in hand. To me, you seem to have an idea of relationships that is far from reality. As you say, you've not been in a relationship before, and I think a lot of us guys have been in a position where, before we have ever had a serious relationship, we think they're going to be something or other that they turn out not to be. For me, pick up and being in a relationship aren't the SAME THING, but there are a lot of things that cross over. You can go out, turn on the attraction with a girl, take her back to your place, do the deed, then ring her the next day, continue the chat, really get on with her well, meet up, and a blossoming relationship begins! Even a lot of the basic principles are the same - pick up is about creating comfort. Now a relationship is massively about comfort. A relationship is where you're so comfortable in her company that you want to be with her more seriously than just having sex. So why not use the same techniques you learn in pick up to begin that comfort? Ok, after a while, you're going to have to have a bit more substance to a relationship than purely what you learn on here, but a lot of the stuff does go hand in hand. I mean, to get into a relationship, you've got to be able to start that off, you've got to be able to approach a girl, talk to her, make her feel comfortable, get on a date, feel even more comfortable, and then make it more serious from then on in. How are you going to do that if you lack the social pick up skills to approach her in the first place, and then make her comfortable around your presence? Not sure about "it would be practical to get out with her". Practicality isn't really a foundation for a relationship. However, practicality often does lead to that sort of head-creation I was talking about earlier. I had a thing for one of my housemates when I was in my first year at uni. We hooked up casually, but I got it into my head that I wanted something more and that we were right to be together. All my other housemates said "mate, you've got nothing in common with her..." "you don't even really get on"... and they were right. I just didn't see it because I didn't want to. Oneof my other, female, housemates who was probably my best friend at the time, said to me, "I think it's just a case of rose-tinted SEXTACLES" (A phrase I love!). Now I was getting easy sex, it was practical and easy as hell for me to want to be in a relationship with someone close by who I could get sex on tap with. So I created that image of us being together. But it never happened, and now I'm not living with her, and everything my friends said was right - we haven't got anything in common, we don't get on, we barely even string a conversation together when we're in a group setting. But because I had that practical easy reason to get lots of sex with her when I wanted, and therefore created that image in my mind of being with her - basically what on here would be called oneitis - then I wasted 6 months of my life trying to make it more serious. In your situation, before anyone on here can help you, you need to decide what you want. Now, if you come on here and say "hey guys, there's this girl who I really want to get in a relationship with", then we'll be able to give you some tips on how to start that off. If you come on here and say "hey guys, there's this girl I like, don't really want to be in a relationship with, I'd just like something casual with her", someone will be able to help you with that. If you come on here and say "hey guys, there's this girl I like, but to be honest, we haven't got much in common and I'm thinking I'd rather game a few girls and experience that", then, you got it, we'll be able to help you with that too! But we can't tell you if you want to be in a relationship with someone or not. I hope my rambling at the top has helped you - I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. To me, the social awkwardness thing you mention, and your own admittance that you've not had much experience of relationships, suggests that she probably isn't the girl for you, and you're just wanting her to be because you've created that image in your head rather than what is reality. If you wanted my opinion based on that, I'd say forget her, go out there, talk to girls. You'll find some who you aren't socially awkward with. Then if you want to just pick them up, have a one night fling with them and chuck them out, do that! If you find one who you get on really well with and want a relationship with, go for that! You see, we've come round full circle again to the pick up VS relationship thing - for me, the best way to find the right girl for a relationship with you is to pick up loads, and the one who you like a lot, go for! Sorry for the length of that, I started rambling a bit!! |
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| Author: | Eyrie [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks a lot for the post, you have finally helped me make my mind up. I'm going to go for the relationship which you might be surprised about. I have read many books on body language and hers is pretty much screaming attraction, which is a bonus . The social awkwardness I mentioned is because I have been too much of a coward to go over to her and start a conversation (not awkward pauses in conversations just no conversations). 2 reasons for this 1: I was worrying about what over people may think. 2: If I start a conversation with her she will know what my intentions are. If have come to the conclusion not to care about other peoples opinion of me and if she knows what my intentions does it matter? no. I'm going bare in mind what you said after I have had conversations with her and if there is any noticeable awkwardness I shall go down the pick up route. Cheers for the advice |
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| Author: | Ezo [ Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Try having a relationship. If it doesnt work out, you are gonna be going into pickup anyway. |
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