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| Analyzing myself, opinions are welcome. https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=126419 |
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| Author: | Darth Skater [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 1:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | Analyzing myself, opinions are welcome. |
The last half year I've been working hard at getting back on my feet after a 9 year long disasterous relationship. Recently I've gotten back into working out and I've been working hard on my social circle. Now superficially people who I've talked to say I've done great progress but there's still a crucial bit missing, I still have enormous difficulties escalating with women. I've gotten to the point where I have their attention and many seem interested. It just always seem to fall through because of the walls I keep around myself. I don't know how to remedy this. I've tried both therapy and medicine to no avail. Exercise helpes a bit it still isn't enough. I think it's worth mentioning that I have deep scars in my psyche from both my youth (school and parents) and my last relationship which I stayed far too long in because of my extreme neediness. I can generate comfort with ease (I have several friends telling me their deepest fears and stuff) but I can't create enough attraction. The more I get to know someone the more this becomes true. People that I just met seem to be attracted but it quickly vanes. This is probably because it feels damn near impossible to put myself out there and by the time I open up the window will have closed. I basically know what I should do but it feels impossible to do it. Furthermore I live in a really small town with a small social life which adds to fear even more, don't want to fuck up things with people I know when word gets around fast. The nearest mall like thing from here is 70 km so it's not just like that to go there and practice either (don't have a car and public transportation is shit here). I feel like I'm on the cusp of getting there but my inner game is fucking me up bad. I know by now I should have all the qualities needed but I'm hindering myself from success. Don't know what to do at this point except keep on trying to focus on good things, if anyone has any good advice I'd really love to hear it. |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 3:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
as you have predicted you have inner game issues that need to be solved before you need to focus on outer game( technique). Most times I reccomend people go directly to David DeAngelo for Inner game, but yours souns like you may need to start with Mike Pilinski as he address a lot of the issues you talk about. And btw Quote:
I can generate comfort with ease (I have several friends telling me their deepest fears and stuff) but I can't create enough attraction
you are talking about putting comfort and rapport before attraction. Which is what the vast majority of AFC's do, and are very good at. Its no skill at all, but a liability to give comfort before what mystery calls "A2" in the attraction process. This is why I always tell noobs to absolutely forget about comfort and rapport and work on attraction. Your going to overdue comfort and rapport no matter what else you do naturally - trading status for approval. Its only guys who have tight game with attractive woman, or naturals, that really should be focusing on comfort and rapport as an issue.
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| Author: | Darth Skater [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 5:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks I'm gonna check out Mike Pilinski. With attraction I've noticed I usually have it at first but the more I talk the more it goes down. It's hard to see for yourself what you're doing but I draw the conclusion that I either have bad body language or/and am socially awkward in those situations. Personally I believe it's more of the latter, I can feel myself closing up most of the time. I'm beginning to suspect the girls that approach me do it because of my looks but my inner game isn't congruent so it falls apart. Typical scenario in a bar: I meet a girl (they actually open to me pretty often) and she seems interested at first giving IOI's but I either go and say awkward things or become paralyzed. Needless to say it doesn't take long for her to bail. I know the obvious answer is I need to get my head out of my ass and just do more approaches to make me more comfortable but any advice is appreciated lol. For now I'm going to keep up with working out and doing as much social things as I can. |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: With attraction I've noticed I usually have it at first but the more I talk the more it goes down.
well the good news is you obviously are good looking enough or whatever that you get initial attraction, many AFC's don't even have this going for them.I can tell you with some certainty what you are doing wrong just from this. After a girl shows initial interest you return that interest, in eager excess, in misplaced hopes of raising attraction. Big mistake. By talking too much you are being over eager, and thus showing yourself as low status. This is the number one mistake AFC's make , and I made for years and years. Now I talk a lot less, except for saying shit I know raises attraction, and get laid a shit ton more in my old age. DDA called this phenomena trading status for approval. As soon as you learn how to be a non-supplicating, attractive male, your not going to have to work very hard for woman. now you aqsk how do i become attractive and not just talk myself out of getting laid by spewing unattractive non-sense like most afcs. push - pull cocky funny storytelling routines kokology etc etc shit you would even take a step up by occasionally throwing in some caveman 60 YoC when you have nothing better to offer. |
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| Author: | Darth Skater [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Quote: With attraction I've noticed I usually have it at first but the more I talk the more it goes down.
well the good news is you obviously are good looking enough or whatever that you get initial attraction, many AFC's don't even have this going for them.I can tell you with some certainty what you are doing wrong just from this. After a girl shows initial interest you return that interest, in eager excess, in misplaced hopes of raising attraction. Big mistake. By talking too much you are being over eager, and thus showing yourself as low status. This is the number one mistake AFC's make , and I made for years and years. Now I talk a lot less, except for saying shit I know raises attraction, and get laid a shit ton more in my old age. DDA called this phenomena trading status for approval. As soon as you learn how to be a non-supplicating, attractive male, your not going to have to work very hard for woman. now you aqsk how do i become attractive and not just talk myself out of getting laid by spewing unattractive non-sense like most afcs. push - pull cocky funny storytelling routines kokology etc etc shit you would even take a step up by occasionally throwing in some caveman 60 YoC when you have nothing better to offer. Looks like I have some more studying to do I guess but I still can't help feeling that the biggest thing I'm missing is sexual escalation, I'm almost certain many chances have been passed because I couldn't signal interest in a sexual (or confident way). Gonna look into 60YoC too. |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I wasn't even trying hitting on her
this is when you have the best success, and the reason isnt what most guys think. Its because when most guys "hit" on a woman it conveys confidence, which is good, but it is also DLV because you are hitting on her, so the implied frame is pursuit by you. This is why im a huge fan of what mystery calls "a2". Get her chaseing you by being attractive, then qualify her. Very hard but very effective. im not recommending 60 YoC, all that is is motivation for guys to go caveman as a means to PUA, it can be effective, but its not game its gambit. You need to learn game. IM me ill give you some specific recommendations |
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