I understand that you don't compliment a woman about her looks but what do you give her a compliment about. And how do you do it without sounding AFC-y?
And Merry Christmas guys
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| Author: | Phoenix_ [ Sun Dec 25, 2011 12:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | the right kind of complimenting? |
I understand that you don't compliment a woman about her looks but what do you give her a compliment about. And how do you do it without sounding AFC-y? And Merry Christmas guys
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| Author: | Holden [ Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:17 am ] |
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Something that you genuinely appreciate or believe is great about her personality. If she's funny, say "you know, you're kinda funny" or "wow I never looked at ______ like that before". Personally, I think NEGS and backhanded compliments are stupid in this age of the game as they're too suspicious and transparent/desperate when done incorrectly. My only other point is to monitor her reaction, if she smiles and accepts it then congratulations you've just built rapport together. If she gets a swelled head or gets sassy about being so great then take her down a couple notches by saying "...hmmm maybe I was wrong" or "Although I can now see Humble isn't your strong suit" in a low speaking to yourself tone (Because you're in control, and you DO NOT approve of childish behaviour). |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:23 am ] |
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an important point to remember besides just the frequency of compliments is the frame you are saying the compliment. When I give a compliment I always say it like: here is something I'm noticing about you that I'm going to tell you as a matter of fact as it's an added bonus as I'm hanging out with you, and I don't care how you react to it. not as most AFC's compliment like: here is something I'm telling you in the hopes you will like it, and I'm trading status for approval as in fact these compliments help build affection and friendship NOT attraction. So its more in the tone, delivery, and frame of the compliment then the timing, frequency, or content.[/b] |
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| Author: | SexAddict911 [ Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:31 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: the right kind of complimenting? |
Quote: I understand that you don't compliment a woman about her looks but what do you give her a compliment about. And how do you do it without sounding AFC-y?
I am not sure where you got " I understand that you don't compliment women about her looks" but that is way off. especially if she has made an effort to look good that day. If you can tell she has spent a lot of time on looking good, be sure to compliment her on that. But rather then just say " you're beautiful" focus on a particular segment of them. And Merry Christmas guys As far as a Neg or whatever that is, I personally do not use this nor would i advocate doing it. Sure it may have a some sort of a reverse pyschological affect, but! it has too many variables, and has the possibility of a negative reaction. Women love to be complimented, they put a lot of effort into looking good so compliment them on it. Save the mind games and the witty banter for after you have broken the ice and established a level of comfort. |
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| Author: | Phoenix_ [ Sun Dec 25, 2011 2:34 am ] |
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Thanks a lot for the advice. I agree with you SexAddict a woman should be complimented on her looks when she has taken extra time out of her day to look nice. What I was referring to was compliments not about her body or her physical features |
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| Author: | SexAddict911 [ Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:40 am ] |
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Quote: Thanks a lot for the advice. I agree with you SexAddict a woman should be complimented on her looks when she has taken extra time out of her day to look nice. What I was referring to was compliments not about her body or her physical features
The best type of compliment you can give an attractive woman is that you can see they are much more then just a pretty face. Pointing out a talent, sharp wit or great taste /style is sure to garner you a smile and her attention.
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| Author: | OptionX [ Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:54 am ] |
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Holden and detox gave great advice. I would also like to say that you should use hamburger method when giving the compliment. Do it with a subtle tone though. Hamburger method is saying something positive, something negative, then something positive again. This works well if the negative things are small things that don't personally offend her; it's something similar to a neg. Use this only once or twice to show that you're not so keen about getting with her, yet playfully so that she becomes intrigued. It works well as a push-pull. |
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| Author: | lolaskate [ Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:23 am ] |
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According to Chris Rock, "Women need three things. Food, Water and Compliments". There isn't anything wrong or AFC-ish about complimenting a women about her looks. In general, I follow what a structure I heard from an Allan Pease video. The way to compliment is. 1. Say her name, make sure you her attention. 2. Give her the compliment, something you like about her. 3. Give her the reason why you like it, or whatever it is. This is so she doesn't doubt herself and so that she'll believe it's more than just trying to get into her panties. 4. Then, use a follow up "Open-ended question" about what you just complimented about her. 5. Not necessary but I recommend. Be genuine about the compliment. Say it because you actually think it. It is a real compliment, something you actually like about her. Example : You know what Nikky? I really like your necklace, the jewel really brings out your eyes. What made you want to wear this necklace tonight? And apparently, the more you compliments you give, the better a person(male or female) perceives you. And apparently they will remember you as, taller, fitter, better looking and charming. Good luck
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| Author: | Phoenix_ [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:49 am ] |
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Thanks big time everyone |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 3:55 am ] |
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Quote: And apparently, the more you compliments you give, the better a person(male or female) perceives you. And apparently they will remember you as, taller, fitter, better looking and charming.
Be careful, this is academically correct but wrong in practice. Too many compliments, or mishandled compliments, leads to affection and affinity not attraction (can you say friends zone?). Until you understand how to separate affection and attraction you are going to have mediocre to poor results with woman. Those two feelings work more against each other in a nascent interaction then do they add synergy. As far as males go the statement is almost completely accurate |
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| Author: | Phoenix_ [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:21 am ] |
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So what you saying detox is to use compliments as more as reward? and over use won't build attraction but more of a friendly vibe. So what exactly is the difference between affection and attraction? |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:25 am ] |
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I would rather you didn't use complements at all, unless you are already good with woman. If you do use compliments, you can use the "hamburger" technique as stated here or make them backhanded compliments. Compliments mishandled are pandemic among AFC's and need to be minded. Affection and affinity are feelings of security, comfort, rapport, and friendship. Attraction is peaking sexual interest. Most AFCS do not differentiate between the two and thus are overly supplicating to woman followed by repeated poor results. Let me know if this is still not clear |
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| Author: | Phoenix_ [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:30 am ] |
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Yeah i don't think im gonna use traditional compliments. But one question,doesn't attraction require a level of comfort and rapport? |
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| Author: | detox75 [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:38 am ] |
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no, if you read the MM model the Comfort and rapport are to facilitate closing without buyers remorse (and it always Attraction before CnR). Personally I focus more on attraction then CnR as I dont mind buyers remorse with girls I have no long term interest in. If you read Zach and Rob, they have a more mixed then linear model of CnR with Attraction being applied in doses. I do agree you need some CnR with attraction, However I always advise guys coming from a AFC background such as myself at one time, don't worry about CnR you are going to overdo it anyway, its your nature, focus on attraction. David De'angelo whom I like the best, spends very little time with CnR and a shitload with attraction, I believe he does it for the exact reasons I specify. I will say you are asking all the right questions, you are obviously a smart logical guy, which is going to make this game a lot harder for you, but you can get really good if you apply yourself. |
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| Author: | Phoenix_ [ Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:46 am ] |
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Thanks alot for the advice detox, i think i need to restructure my game a bit. Oh yeah and thanks, my overthinking has messed me up in the past lol. I have other questions that i can't think of right now. I would love to pm you i think of them |
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