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Proper Eye Contact
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Author:  axbuce [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 6:50 am ]
Post subject:  Proper Eye Contact
What is the proper way to make eye contact?
Some say to focus on one eye only and look into it but others say to gaze at the bridge of the nose.
So which is it? And are you supposed to use the same eye contact for everyone you meet (job interview vs a girl)?
Author:  LD [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 9:03 am ]
Post subject: 
yo dude.

i like 'dead in the eye' -contact. So i usually pick one eye and look into that one. It gives me the feeling that it is more intense, but i dont really that its being perceived as more intense. As long as they have the feeling that you are looking them into the eye.

Eye contact in general is important. It is considered a subtle sign of confidence. But beware though, although you might get a more confident first impression, its not because you make eyecontact that you have confidence :).

cheers!
Author:  lolaskate [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 9:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Bridge of the nose is between her eyes. Doing this is supposed to make her have a tunnel vision gaze, so there won't be any distractions and you are the centre of her world.
Author:  7000 [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 11:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Doesn't bridge of the nose feel a bit weird for you though? Like personally I would feel weird talking to someone and not looking in their eyes for long periods of time.
Author:  axbuce [ Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:32 am ]
Post subject: 
I see there's differing opinions on this. I heard about the bridge-of-the-nose gaze a few days ago from an episode of Deception with Keith Barry. However I think locking onto one eye would create a more personal connection. So can maybe someone with more experience voice their opinion?

Also can someone shed some light onto what kind of eye contact would be considered normal for friends and professional contacts? I would very much like to escape this shell of social ineptness as part of my journey.
Author:  Barldd [ Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:42 am ]
Post subject: 
How long do you do this for though?? I have experimented, and I remember back in the day before I knew of "game", I would always sheepishly look away from an attractive girl.

Sometimes with a girl, I'll hold their gaze in conversation until they look away. Recently I had a girl who kept my gaze while we were talking, it felt like forever and I had to look at the wall for a second, before returning the gaze.

I seem to look at the bridge of the nose, then to one eye, then to the other, but always one of the three.
Author:  7000 [ Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Axbuce - for your second question... I used to have rubbish eye contact with pretty much everyone. I wasn't shy but it was like a reflex that as soon as I made eye contact, I'd flick somewhere else.

What I did at first was to play a game where I wanted the other person to back down first. This doesn't always lead to "natural" confident eye contact that works well, but it is the best place to start. It does two things - firstly it shows you how other people hold eye contact, so you can bring that into your stuff at a later time. How many people flick away quickly? What sort of person holds your eye contact the longest? How do the really confident ones break your gaze/do they break it? Etc. The second thing it does is just make you full comfortable in making eye contact. Once you can "out eye contact" anyone, then you can start to make more natural eye contact. But even now I usually have to make a conscious effort to remain locked on at first. Then it's easy.

Barldd, no experience of this one, but I imagine you've seen the triangle one (one eye, other eye, lips, repeat). I do this quite a lot with women, I'm not going to say "it works", because it's just one thing out of everything. But this allows you pretty much to do it throughout the entirety of a conversation. For me, if you were just looking at the bridge of her nose all the way through, it could become quite intense. I'd also feel pretty weird not looking directly into their eyes (as that, for me, is where you get a good feel for the situation you're in, what she's thinking etc). But also, as you say, how long can you do that for? It's alright keeping eye contact until someone looks away, but if you were just looking at the one same place all the way through (ie; just the bridge of her nose), then it's going to get a bit weird in a ten minute conversation (or longer!). Not sure how that would pan out. The triangle on though brings in some movement and is slightly less stalkerishly weird and "starey", in my opinion.

But would be interesting to see what others who have used the bridge of the nose thing more than me have to say about it all.
Author:  LD [ Tue Dec 20, 2011 12:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dudes,

common, lets be serieus here.

Do the test, let somebody from at conversation range look you dead in one eye and then switch to nose-bridge. As 'victem' you dont see the difference!

the way you do it doesnt really matter, as long as the 'victem' has the idea that you are making eye-contact. What did you call it? Tunnel-vision-gaze? That sounds more like a 2 fast 2 furious car on nitro.

eye contact is important, the way you do it really isnt that important. She will not fall more in love with you because you look at the bridge of her nose, she will not be thrown into another parallel experience because you look her dead in one eye.

Eye contact is important, and that is all there should be to it.

cheers
Author:  Barldd [ Tue Dec 20, 2011 12:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:

Barldd, no experience of this one, but I imagine you've seen the triangle one (one eye, other eye, lips, repeat). I do this quite a lot with women, I'm not going to say "it works", because it's just one thing out of everything. But this allows you pretty much to do it throughout the entirety of a conversation. For me, if you were just looking at the bridge of her nose all the way through, it could become quite intense. I'd also feel pretty weird not looking directly into their eyes (as that, for me, is where you get a good feel for the situation you're in, what she's thinking etc). But also, as you say, how long can you do that for? It's alright keeping eye contact until someone looks away, but if you were just looking at the one same place all the way through (ie; just the bridge of her nose), then it's going to get a bit weird in a ten minute conversation (or longer!). Not sure how that would pan out. The triangle on though brings in some movement and is slightly less stalkerishly weird and "starey", in my opinion.
Yes I have heard of the Triangle, it's supposed to raise sexual tension isn't it? I wasn't sure if you should do that in a normal conversation with a girl (Say if you've just met her for the first time) but I guess I do something similar to that.
Quote:
Dudes,
Eye contact is important, and that is all there should be to it.
Yes it's important, but it's HOW you do it that matters. If you stare into her eyes full on until she gets so uncomfortable that she has to look away, you're not winning at all.
Author:  LD [ Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Yes it's important, but it's HOW you do it that matters. If you stare into her eyes full on until she gets so uncomfortable that she has to look away, you're not winning at all.
At some point you are right. You can make anybody feel uncomfortable by a never ending stare. But a never-ending stare has not much to do with looking into one eye or looking at her nosebridge or trying to get her into a tunnel-vision of startling emotions such as an insatiable lust or any other fairy tale peole have invented. All i am trying to say is that there are some eye-contact myths out there that even my lill sister wouldnt believe. Eye contact is powerful, but its not the hand of god. You cant give orgasms with eye contact.

Eye contact is eye contact. you dont notice when somebody is either looking at your nose bridge or looking in your eye. You do notice when somebody switches eye they are looking into.

cheerios!
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