PUA Forum :: Should I give her the gift of missing me or is it all over?

I had a two intense month relationship with a girl just hanging with her every day and having sex with her. It was really a fling after she split from her ex. She moved back to London for work for 3 months where her ex of five years lives. Recently went to visit her in London and she told me she just wanted to be friends as was having a hard time with the break up with the ex. (although she had done the break up)

She said if the moment was right again maybe something would happen but now she wanted to be single and not hang in a sexual way and see how things go. Told her dont really do friends but we could hang again in the future and see what happens. Realised I was getting nothing but the odd kiss from her and left and came back to NY. She said she regarded me as someone very close and more than just a friend but just wasnt ready for any relationship with anyone now.

She lives in the UK, I live in NY. Went to a party the other night and she must of known due to Facebook. She sent me a text:

Her: How did your party go?
Me: Too much fun. May have found a girl who could even out do you (Was refering to her partying)
Her: Are you trying to make me jealous?
Me: Haha of course not. everyone was just a bit wild. Was the first time in ages Ive had such a crazy night.
Her: Well whats your point then?
Me: I guess what I was getting at was I actually managed to find someone who can party just as hard as you. Only difference is shes doesnt bite which I must admit is a bit boring. Your cute drunken ass was still missed.
No reply for 24 Hours so I sent her a follow up:
Me: My friends who didnt realise id left, were telling me its a big weekend in London. Still cant believe I never managed to really have one big night out with you. Could have been fun. Hope your having fun & have a drink for me.
HER: Trust me,u shldnt hav left,bin havn th maddest parties since thursday and nt planning on stopping till tuesday,haha!

Do i just leave it now I dont want to appear desperate but also wanna have fun banter with her. She fell for a player and im turning pathetic! ANY HELP???

Guys. Its so difficult to shift the power back to my side especially living abroad. She knows my friends and what i get up to and also knows i have high value in NY. Just when I went to her country I essentially was a puppy dog.

Ive left now and texts are down to a minimum. I know I should probably cut contact unless she iniates which she very very rarely does. Is this a good juncture to end it on or should I send another text?

Author:	hotcold [ Sat Dec 17, 2011 3:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Should I give her the gift of missing me or is it all over?
I had a two intense month relationship with a girl just hanging with her every day and having sex with her. It was really a fling after she split from her ex. She moved back to London for work for 3 months where her ex of five years lives. Recently went to visit her in London and she told me she just wanted to be friends as was having a hard time with the break up with the ex. (although she had done the break up) She said if the moment was right again maybe something would happen but now she wanted to be single and not hang in a sexual way and see how things go. Told her dont really do friends but we could hang again in the future and see what happens. Realised I was getting nothing but the odd kiss from her and left and came back to NY. She said she regarded me as someone very close and more than just a friend but just wasnt ready for any relationship with anyone now. She lives in the UK, I live in NY. Went to a party the other night and she must of known due to Facebook. She sent me a text: Her: How did your party go? Me: Too much fun. May have found a girl who could even out do you (Was refering to her partying) Her: Are you trying to make me jealous? Me: Haha of course not. everyone was just a bit wild. Was the first time in ages Ive had such a crazy night. Her: Well whats your point then? Me: I guess what I was getting at was I actually managed to find someone who can party just as hard as you. Only difference is shes doesnt bite which I must admit is a bit boring. Your cute drunken ass was still missed. No reply for 24 Hours so I sent her a follow up: Me: My friends who didnt realise id left, were telling me its a big weekend in London. Still cant believe I never managed to really have one big night out with you. Could have been fun. Hope your having fun & have a drink for me. HER: Trust me,u shldnt hav left,bin havn th maddest parties since thursday and nt planning on stopping till tuesday,haha! Do i just leave it now I dont want to appear desperate but also wanna have fun banter with her. She fell for a player and im turning pathetic! ANY HELP???

Author:	hotcold [ Sat Dec 17, 2011 4:04 pm ]
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Was thinking of replying...... But havnt yet: Sounds like your having a lot of fun. You know youd be having much more fun if I was there.... or You know youd be having much more fun if I was there.... NY has been non stop, moved into my new loft & getting ready for my house warming party tomorrow.

Author:	hotcold [ Sat Dec 17, 2011 5:40 pm ]
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????

Author:	hotcold [ Sat Dec 17, 2011 10:29 pm ]
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Any advice guys please?

Author:	hotcold [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 12:19 am ]
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Guys. Its so difficult to shift the power back to my side especially living abroad. She knows my friends and what i get up to and also knows i have high value in NY. Just when I went to her country I essentially was a puppy dog. Ive left now and texts are down to a minimum. I know I should probably cut contact unless she iniates which she very very rarely does. Is this a good juncture to end it on or should I send another text?

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Should I give her the gift of missing me or is it all over? https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=123521	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Marc [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:17 am ]
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Unless you or she is planning on visiting each other in the next 2 months thereis no point in this banter. It would fade away soon. But if you want to have fun, do this like once every 2-3 weeks and be the one to end it. Avoid words like sluts, or anything sexual over texts or FB, doesn't turn them on. Don't play the jealous card again, I think you mentioned that she already knows you have good social life (aka. other women like you) My conv with girls over texts or any other medium except for face to face starts and ends with light teasing - I keep this to maintain the rapport and 'good vibe' if I wudnt be seeing them or a month or two for what ever reason. And they are very responsive to it.

Author:	hotcold [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:23 am ]
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When you say I should be the one to end the text you mean she sends the last one and I don't need to reply again. Ie where we are now? She has told me all about her partying and I don't need to respond? Sorry just need clarafication. Ie for now I just don't need to respond any further?

Author:	charblad [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:31 am ]
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Quote: When you say I should be the one to end the text you mean she sends the last one and I don't need to reply again. Yes, you want to end it before it dies down and gets boring

Author:	Marc [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:36 am ]
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Quote: When you say I should be the one to end the text you mean she sends the last one and I don't need to reply again. Ie where we are now? She has told me all about her partying and I don't need to respond? Sorry just need clarafication. Ie for now I just don't need to respond any further? (1) You dont need to reply again - forget this topic and give it a rest for a week and then be C&F on another topic. (2) You dont need to respond unless you have something 'C&F' not wise and interesting to say. depending on your Frame and how you talk normally You could say something teasing like " Yeah, i saw you in partying in the NEWS today they showed a girl climbing on polls drunk it was funny - didnt knwo you were soo much fun !" lol Just dont bother replying to every message. Infact when you dont reply she might be wondering more.

Author:	pumpington [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 9:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Should I give her the gift of missing me or is it all over?
Quote: I had a two intense month relationship with a girl just hanging with her every day and having sex with her. It was really a fling after she split from her ex. She moved back to London for work for 3 months where her ex of five years lives. Recently went to visit her in London and she told me she just wanted to be friends as was having a hard time with the break up with the ex. (although she had done the break up) She said if the moment was right again maybe something would happen but now she wanted to be single and not hang in a sexual way and see how things go. Told her dont really do friends but we could hang again in the future and see what happens. Realised I was getting nothing but the odd kiss from her and left and came back to NY. She said she regarded me as someone very close and more than just a friend but just wasnt ready for any relationship with anyone now. She lives in the UK, I live in NY. Went to a party the other night and she must of known due to Facebook. She sent me a text: Her: How did your party go? Me: Too much fun. May have found a girl who could even out do you (Was refering to her partying) Her: Are you trying to make me jealous? Me: Haha of course not. everyone was just a bit wild. Was the first time in ages Ive had such a crazy night. Her: Well whats your point then? Me: I guess what I was getting at was I actually managed to find someone who can party just as hard as you. Only difference is shes doesnt bite which I must admit is a bit boring. Your cute drunken ass was still missed. No reply for 24 Hours so I sent her a follow up: Me: My friends who didnt realise id left, were telling me its a big weekend in London. Still cant believe I never managed to really have one big night out with you. Could have been fun. Hope your having fun & have a drink for me. HER: Trust me,u shldnt hav left,bin havn th maddest parties since thursday and nt planning on stopping till tuesday,haha! Do i just leave it now I dont want to appear desperate but also wanna have fun banter with her. She fell for a player and im turning pathetic! ANY HELP??? Quote: Guys. Its so difficult to shift the power back to my side especially living abroad. She knows my friends and what i get up to and also knows i have high value in NY. Just when I went to her country I essentially was a puppy dog. Ive left now and texts are down to a minimum. I know I should probably cut contact unless she iniates which she very very rarely does. Is this a good juncture to end it on or should I send another text? here are some ideas for you man, in relation to your situation, first of all, being high value is essentially just being cooler then her (the leader of the pair), now, do you think if you are cooler then her, you are going to just be going around caring so much about everything, cool people don't care, the truth about the whole ''power'' situation, is if you care, you never had the power to begin with, if it actually matters to you what happens, what she does, and how she acts and you are ajusting to please her, then she cared less then you, and the paradox in this situation is once you become aware of this, and ''try'' to actively care less, you will most likely still be caring more and just acting like you care less, the person that is trying less, is the person with more social value, most likely every time, indifference, it is the opposite of needy, if you re-read what you wrote, the girl stated that she was not looking for any sex with you at the current time but hinted that when it was the right time, who knows, instead of needing to get back with her, the person that cares the least, sets the frame, the person that is setting the frame is leading, because they do what they want for themselves, not for others, when you are reacting to others and doing something because you think they want it, you are the one being lead, there fore caring and lower value the way I see it one of two options would have been more usefull to this situation 1) go out and don't try to have sex with her, be her friend for a while and see if the ''time is right again'' just have fun with her and don't try to get anything (and if you don't enjoy that the ''time was not right again'' then simply lose interest in her and the next time she contacts you have a new girl and be ''too busy'' for her) 2)express your intent honestly without neediness, everytime you ignore a ''slow down'' signal from a girl (iod) you are telegraphing neediness, everytime a girl gives you a hard time or some form of non compliance, and you don't withdraw instead of advance, you are telegraphing neediness, saying, ''dont really do friends but we could hang again in the future and see what happens'' this is just accepting her LJBF frame, and telegraphing neediness, if you want to put it in those sort of terms and not be needy it would have to be something more upfront, like you know, when I was with you before, there felt like a real connection, that connection can not be ignored, maybe we shouldn't hang out (this is where she either chases or you forget her for a while and hit her up after some time has passed, but your strong frame of we are not just friends remains) as for the jealousy, most likely a good move, although you were not very subtle about it, and then basicly qualified yourself for her, who cares what she thinks she missed her chance, it is now her turn to chase, you have already telegraphed you care more, you can still contact her and do what ever you want, but cutting contact is probably the best option, it seems you are looking at things from a what can I do to get her to do what I want, but it is not what can you do, it is what does she do, and if she is not doing that then why do I contact her? you re-contact she still does not comply, once again why do you contact her?, no compliance = no point, it is just a waste of time, when you could find a new girl with a situation that doesn't need to be fixed

Author:	hotcold [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 9:52 pm ]
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Thanks that definitely puts things in perspective. its just so tough knowing that shes going out probably pulling other guys. A friend told me she was flirting with guys in a pub last night. I suppose now just no contact is the only chance I have to get her to start to miss me again. I really want to contact her with a witty text but I suppose that just gives her comfort? I really want to send her You know youd be having much more fun if I was there.... Its been two days now. Is just no response better???

Author:	Marc [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 10:21 pm ]
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Mr. Player aka hotcold - you need to understand this - She doesnt miss you, she is not even thinking of you. She is probably 'having fun' with some guy in her city while you are here missing her and sending messages Its ironic for you to ask whether you should give her the 'Gift of ....' when you are the one on the receiving end of this 'Gift'. Get over her. If she writes back just come up with a fun reply. And stop whining.

Author:	hotcold [ Sun Dec 18, 2011 10:25 pm ]
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Well the last text I got was from her but I guess it was in reply to mine. I had for the past month always been the one who iniated texts. I guess I have to let her be the one to contact me. I just thought that one liner would be flirty and fun

Author:	hotcold [ Mon Dec 19, 2011 1:18 am ]
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I just want to try and the flip the attraction switch back. Up until before she left to go back home she was with me everyday and loved hanging with me. I think where I went wrong is that I just paid her too much attention on text and by calling her when she left. So when I went to see her it was dead. Is there anyway of resurrecting this or when it dies it dies?

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Author:	hotcold [ Mon Dec 19, 2011 2:34 am ]
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Any further advice guys. This is really consuming me......