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How should i react?
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Author:  spaceman99 [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:09 pm ]
Post subject:  How should i react?
Alright men...I need some backup

Stats

Me: 24,single,no kids, never married, in-shape, not a LTR type guy.

Her: 44 (don't let this fool you), never married, no kids, banging body
successful career, well-off, extremely independent, would rate her a 9 out of 10.

Relationship: "Friends" …that fuck twice a week

We were seeing each other regularly for five months, and then out of nowhere there is a three week break. We still communicate but rarely, while she takes off and goes home for vacation. She goes out on several occasions during these three weeks but with her "friends". Every time I come up with plans, working out together, going out to eat…etc she came up with an excuse. This is where I got alarmed. Typical flakiness…I told her to stop texting me because she always complained about texting (typical of a lady her age) .Then I got this…. (try to read past the text messaging part. She is going into stuff that is totally random)

"HI..I am not stressed about texting. I do not mind simple texting but trying to hold an intelligent conversation is hard over text messages. Thats what my neices and nephews do all day long and thats fine for them. But, I dont expect text messages from grown adults. Quick messages are good. And I dont want to meet with you over texting either...I am not doing that anymore because it ends up where we meet and u can only visit a few moments and then it turns into intimacy and then u have to depart right afterwards. Its like that everytime. It gets old quick. Then u send a text back once u get home. I cant do that anymore cause its not fair to me and u. Then I feel like I am hiding from someone cause u cant talk on the phone the rest of the week until we meet up again. Think about it. When I was 25, I was in your shoes. I lived alone and all I did was study hard so I can be succesful. Its what you are suppose to do. MY career was first. So, what i am stating is I am happy you are focused. You are very intelligent, handsome, and career oriented. I want you to continue that path cause that is why i like you. I am older and have different desires and focused on my career, however i am also focused on enjoying life because i have done so much and just kind of like to have that balance. So , dont want you to try and keep up with me. Anyways, I have tried to text as much as i could to be clear."

Boys...how should i react? Let is go or what? I will be opening a can of worms if i get back to it. I don't wanna wuss out here. It will be a kiss of death.
Author:  guruman [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just respond with "I am just interested in spending my time with high quality people. Sounds like you are looking for something else, good luck finding it".

Leave it at that. She will either drift away and look for it, or she will stop trying to take the power away from you and start trying to qualify herself to you again. Both of these are good, and you will have to accept whatever happens.

That's what i'd do anyway
Author:  Sharp25 [ Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sounds like you two were fuck buddies and she met someone else/moved on. My advice would be do the same.
Author:  mi1ooo98 [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:57 am ]
Post subject: 
That is a long text... I would just respond short and sweet, I wouldn't add the "good luck finding it" on the end of what guru said. That will almost always come across bad in a text, a simple "alright, that's fine" would do.

And then maybe see if she's interested in meeting up in 4-5 days when she's made up her mind for real, and if she's still talking the same way. Next her.
Author:  guruman [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:57 am ]
Post subject: 
On the contrary, I think that part is crucial. The point is you are walking away from the relationship because she has made it clear she wants other things. There's nothing wrong with wishing someone luck in life when you talk to them for the last time, ever. That's the vibe you WANT to give her if you ever want any chance of her reconsidering you as more then a friend. That's pretty much all you can do - sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't. Don't sweat it and just let it play out, this will get you more women in the end. Girls come and go, it's always in your best interest to let them.
Author:  spaceman99 [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Damn right...its the longest text i have received. Its full of mixed signals. I have a feeling that she thinks i used her for sex but then again she is the one that wanted to be"friends" and fuck at the same time. What am I trying to get out of this? To find out the mistakes i made so I dont fuck up like this again. (Dont ever be predictable ..thats one mistake i definitely made..and second if you see a "shift in power"...man up immediately..and if you cant man up, let it go...in this situation her two decades of age experience got me)
Author:  snillaheart [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:08 am ]
Post subject: 
i think your reply should be: "OK"
and just let her go

there were no feelings in this relationship, which makes this a little more simple to understand. you were just fuck buddies and since you two are no longer having sex my guess would be that she either 1) found better sex somewhere else, 2) actually found a potential relationship partner 3) went lesbo and is no longer interested in having sex thus making you obsolete to her.

dont buy her bullshit...fuck buddies are suppose to be routine and she doesnt want a relationship trust me

dont be needy about this or youll burn the bridge if she decides she wants more sex from you shell come back as long as you remain cool about it, dont be needy, accept and respect her decision, show her your maturity, reply "OK" get other girls theres sooooo much better poon
Author:  ItsAlwaysOn [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:21 am ]
Post subject: 
im not sure why you kept trying to make plans with her after she kept blowing you off. that just comes off as weak and desperate.

her message to you may or may not be her ending it. just freeze her out and if she comes back to you, fine. if she doesn't, fine. who cares? start seeing other girls.

a freezeout is best here because if she wants to end things, they'll be ended and theres nothing you can do about it. but if youre willing to just stop talking to her she may miss you and reinitiate the conversation again at some point.

so i would just respond to this with something nonchalant like "cool" or even "K" with the intention of never contacting her again unless she contacts you first. dont burn your bridges and dont fight with her or for her, just let it be and hope she gets back to you.
Author:  Ay Bay Bay [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't reply "Good luck finding it" or something to throw a jab. That make it seem like you're butthurt and are trying to bring her down. Just reply something along these lines.

"I appreciate you letting me know. I wish you the best."

And move on, because she obviously did.
Author:  guruman [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:10 am ]
Post subject: 
.."Good luck finding it" isnt a jab. Its wishing her luck finding what she is looking for, showing her you aren't going to waste any of your time trying to change yourself to fit that mold, and nothing more. If it would come off as a jab, then you have never set your frame properly with this girl from the beginning and it doesnt matter anyway
Author:  Ay Bay Bay [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
.."Good luck finding it" isnt a jab. Its wishing her luck finding what she is looking for, showing her you aren't going to waste any of your time trying to change yourself to fit that mold, and nothing more. If it would come off as a jab, then you have never set your frame properly with this girl from the beginning and it doesnt matter anyway
It's over text, it can easily be taken as a jab after her sending that massive text. Will it, who knows? However, can she take it as a jab, there's a possibility.

Now, why not eliminate that possibility and by simply replying, "I appreciate you letting me know. I wish you the best."

There is 0 chance of her taking that as a jab.

But, to the original poster, you should just tell her how you feel if you don't want to move on.
Author:  VietnameseProdigy [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:53 am ]
Post subject: 
First of all, she DIRECTLY implied what your problems were.

Stop texting

CALL HER TO TALK.

Next time you hang out, DON'T FUCK HER.

Mix it up

Be unpredictable.

Don't listen to "good look finding it"
Author:  detox75 [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:14 am ]
Post subject: 
"Good luck finding it" is a jab, it wont be interpreted any other way

As others have said" freeze out--> reengage and regame casually

At least no one chimed in with the EMO shit and "tell her how you fell bullshit, which is ghoulbane to fuck buddies. I'm not sure what good calling is going to do, shes not going to answer the call and she doesn't want to discuss feelings as this relationship has always been casual.
Author:  spaceman99 [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Detox,

I wish i had gotten your message before I made the mistake of calling. You are absolutely right, she never answered. As far as the feelings part, she had sent me a message a while back.

" Once you leave, you will meet other people and have relationships..so we will not be very involved after that . You know....U r still young and I expect u will find someone around your age. I am open minded about it cause I knew your age when we met. Smile. I am just being real. I know u will not throw me aside..u will let me know your intent. Besides we have already said that we would let one another know if we become involved with someone else. Just wanted to share my thoughts..just have to protect my feelings."
Author:  Sharp25 [ Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
FB relationships end like this all the time, one side simply decides I'm out. It should be that simple.If it happens again I'm sure you would handle it nonchalantly and move on. Also, keeps the future open for a possible random lay here and there. Bright side... you had a couple months of great sex with no strings attached.
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