PUA Forum :: Help Ive really messed up!

I prob shouldnt be going but i have paid for everything now. I really like this girl and dont know why (apart from the day or so I was needy) that she has done a U Turn. As she dumped her ex and she tells me they have spoken but he agrees they should not get back together she probably has fallen for him again although when I asked her she said there was no other guy or her ex she just enjoyed running around with her girls and didnt want the constraints of a relationship.

So its just a week till I go. I decided to stop calling + texting her. As she never iniates texts I doubt i will hear from her. she had offered to collect me from the airport but I dont even know if thats a good idea.

Do I text her before I go? Shoudl i start up some friendly banter by text. When I get there how should I act. Im obv angry but have played it very cool on the phone and just said i was happy either way.

Any advice please?

Author:	hotcold [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 10:53 pm ]
Post subject:	Help Ive really messed up!
I met this girl three months ago in London. We hit it off immediately and saw each other every day. Within two weeks we were sleeping together and she spent nearly every night at my place. This went on for about two months. She then had to leave to go back home to America and not be back for two or three months. We agreed that we would keep in contact. We did and sent each other texts everyday and spoke every three days. All was going fine. Then i suggested that i would come out for Christmas and New Year to see her and maybe spend a month out in the states. I asked her what she thought of this and she was excited. She helped me find an apartment to rent and Im suppose to go out and see her in just a weeks time. A few days ago I sent her a BBM which she read but did not reply too. I was feeling obv needy and replied an hour later again asking whats up? Still no reply. So I called her and she said she was out with friends and we should spk tomorrow. She then sent me a sweet message good night. Feeling a bit horny I replied with a very forward message saying exactly what I felt like doing to her. I got no response. The next day her messages were one word answers. So I asked her what was up. Again no response. Just saying she was busy. I called her and we had a 20 min chat but she was very cold. That night I got a long email from her explaining that she wanted to apologise for being rude but had to tell me a few things. Essentially - She really had expected after she had left that we would have kept in touch so much. She hated long distance relationships and essentially had broken off from her last guy because he was wanting to speak every day on the phone and she couldnt take it. She said she was still suffering from her last break up and just wasnt ready for another relationship with anyone as relationships freak her out. She said when I told her I was coming out to USA to see her she was surprisesed as we had only been together for two months and she didnt really think we were dating. But she loved being with me so wanted me to come. She said however as she is only back in the USA for two or three months her main concentration must be her friends and she really enjoys my company but i must understand that. She then asked if when I come to the USA "We can just see how things go, instead of going straight back into it. She then also said she didnt know if she felt like doing it in a romantic way and lets just see how things go" So I spoke to her on the phone and told her that she had got it all wrong and that I was very chilled about the relationship and whatever happened happened. I told her i loved hanging with her and was happy to see what happened. I asked her if she was planning to stay with me in USA and she said she wouldnt move in but we would see each other loads. Ia sked her to at least stay with me the first few days so we could catch up again. I prob shouldnt be going but i have paid for everything now. I really like this girl and dont know why (apart from the day or so I was needy) that she has done a U Turn. As she dumped her ex and she tells me they have spoken but he agrees they should not get back together she probably has fallen for him again although when I asked her she said there was no other guy or her ex she just enjoyed running around with her girls and didnt want the constraints of a relationship. So its just a week till I go. I decided to stop calling + texting her. As she never iniates texts I doubt i will hear from her. she had offered to collect me from the airport but I dont even know if thats a good idea. Do I text her before I go? Shoudl i start up some friendly banter by text. When I get there how should I act. Im obv angry but have played it very cool on the phone and just said i was happy either way. Any advice please?

Author:	hotcold [ Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:51 am ]
Post subject:
I meant to say she DID NOT think we would be in touch so much and was finding it all very intense. I thought it was fine just daily small talk jokes and catch up. She however never initated it was always me. Which now I realise was a mistake

Author:	hotcold [ Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:40 pm ]
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Hey. So i havnt contacted her or she me in 3 days now. Im supposed to be getting on a plane in 48 Hours to go see her. Do I make contact? Should I delay the trip a day or so? Need advice please!

Author:	Juvv [ Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Help Ive really messed up!
Quote: I prob shouldnt be going but i have paid for everything now. I really like this girl and dont know why (apart from the day or so I was needy) that she has done a U Turn. As she dumped her ex and she tells me they have spoken but he agrees they should not get back together she probably has fallen for him again although when I asked her she said there was no other guy or her ex she just enjoyed running around with her girls and didnt want the constraints of a relationship. So its just a week till I go. I decided to stop calling + texting her. As she never iniates texts I doubt i will hear from her. she had offered to collect me from the airport but I dont even know if thats a good idea. Do I text her before I go? Shoudl i start up some friendly banter by text. When I get there how should I act. Im obv angry but have played it very cool on the phone and just said i was happy either way. Any advice please? She never initiated, possibly due to it dying out because of the long distance. If you think about it - when she left, she had an image of how you were, probably some great memories, (same for you) , but she didn't know if you were coming to USA, is it going to happen? She probably views that when you do go this Christmas, you are ONLY going for her, and she enjoys her time with her girlfriends who I am positive could be active most days of the week together. I want to ask you where in USA will you be going? New York City? I say now that everything is paid for, come and enjoy USA. If it is in fact NYC, Christmas, New Years is a great and busy time. People from all over come around this time of the year. Have back up plans, go online and see what the city has to offer, take a tour, go to museums, go to events, it's a busy time of the year. Also, do you know anyone else in the area you are coming to USA? If not, I know for a fact, alot of the guys here, atleast in the city have got together and started to sarge on the weekends, there is a thread in the "MEET UP AND WING" message the guys. As far as the Airport situation, it felt, by the way she asked if you wanted her to pick you up at the airport, she was sympathizing? that you were coming all the way and it would be rude for her not to say that. But again, she did she let's take it slowly, not from how it was in London. I say bro, you be in charge, don't fall for the emotions but do understand them. You take charge, don't force the situation, lead it. If you do want her to come pick you up something like "Fine Fine you will pick me up, and ofcourse drive me to my cool ass apartment and feed me a nice dinner! you owe me that bit of me letting you pick me up straight from the airport" Perhaps something like that would work, but make sure she pops the airport line again or brings it up, or if you havent responded to it, then you can try something similar like that. If you are in the city or wherever, you can definitely sarge with the guys from our forum, not just for sarge sakes, but you can make some cool friends! Weigh the ups and downs of coming/not coming and make your decision brotha!

Author:	mi1ooo98 [ Fri Dec 02, 2011 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:
I wouldn't rely on her to initiate, just call her, i think texting could only make it worse in these situations.

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Author:	hotcold [ Fri Dec 02, 2011 10:00 pm ]
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Re the pick up from the airport. I told her she had to wear this sexy underwear i had bought her in return for getting her something she needed in London. And she agreed to it. Re the texting she has alreday made it clear she hates being on the phone so I think a call would just annoy her. Want to send some friendly texts and break back into it so there is no akwardness when i arrive. I men only a month ago we were havinh sex ....

Author:	hotcold [ Sat Dec 03, 2011 3:28 pm ]
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Im just acting like all is still good.....

Author:	Mack 2.0 [ Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:04 pm ]
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wow, dude, your intensity level is off the freaking charts no wonder she fruited on you

Author:	Mr. Love [ Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:34 pm ]
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Quote: wow, dude, your intensity level is off the freaking charts no wonder she fruited on you ^ ^ LOL I think whatever town your in you need to find some people to hang with. First of all i wouldnt had planned to visit one girl that id been seening for a few months. Esp over Christmas. You need some back up plans bro. I know if i was going to another country id would find every girl i could to hang with. Pull the "im not from here and dont know anyone" card. Hell thats easy. Or find some guys on here to wing with. A flake is a flake. Find new.

Author:	hotcold [ Sun Dec 04, 2011 9:54 pm ]
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Look I like this girl and up to a week ago we were very close. I cant believe its all changed....

Author:	hotcold [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 12:25 am ]
Post subject:
Do i ask her for just the two of us to have dinner first night to catch up?

Author:	Juvv [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:35 am ]
Post subject:
@hotcold No don't ask her about dinner yet, I think the vibe she is giving out from what you wrote is she doesn't want to move into it like that, I think best idea would be to do it when you do see her in person, because remember she said she is enjoying time with her girlfriends, command her in person when you do see her for dinner based on the situation - by command I mean lead, not force. Give her an answer/reply of something like what I texted you, play around/enjoy yourself with her bro, don't get caught up in the "seriousness" -- seriousness is not at all what she's looking for, well at least at this point which is why she does not want to "continue" how you guys left off and instead "move slowly" into whatever it may turn out to be. Just my opinion, weigh it and feel free to use it bro, best of luck, if you are coming out to the city, let us know, quite a few of us from the forum get together!

Author:	hotcold [ Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:39 am ]
Post subject:
Thanks so much. What do you mean you texted me?

Author:	Juvv [ Sat Dec 10, 2011 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Typo there, the example of a text you could send to her in my first post , and by the way how did it go?

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Author:	Entourages [ Sat Dec 10, 2011 6:46 pm ]
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I definitely think you should meet some people go to a bar and sarge, and just meet a group say your new in town, even tell them how you came for a girl and then she just left you and ur in this city with nothing to do... then u got a group of new friends and then ur next best step is say ur out with some friends and she should come to the party with you or the bar. It wont be a date auto cause ur with a group of people and somehow fit in she should bring her friends that way its like a group thing, then work your magic isolate and get back in. Seriously meet new people, no need for AA you are here for a month and will never see them again!!