PUA Forum :: I hook up a ton but cannot date

First post... Thanks for the great forum.

Here's the deal, I'm two years out of a 13 year relationship (yes, was married)...

Through the community I learned game but would not consider myself a PUA. I would say that I've learned about attraction and have used it to create opportunities within a large social circle. I don't sarge, I don't run routines, etc. I would say that I have developed good natural game and inner game.

I'm in my late 30's and hook up with a lot of young, twenty somethings. Thankfully, very attractive women.

I don't seem to have a rotation. I hook up with a lot of new girls and from time to time have a re-visitor. I would guess I subconsciously do things to prevent attachment.

But I will also freely admit, that a lot of my hookups come from a party community, nightclub community. There is rarely any cold opens. I'm a familiar face in an established scene.

And while I shouldn't be complaining about having a new crew of young, attractive women with whom I hook up with pretty regularly, I am constantly the victim of flakes. Flakes, flakes, flakes.... I get so fucking irritated...

If I make plans one on one with a girl, 90% of the time they flake. And when they flake, they don't offer an alternative... "I can't tonight, let's do Wednesday" it's almost always ambiguous. "Let's get together later this week"...

I hate chasing women.... And I hate it when they try to get me to chase them. It's my opinion that the more you chase them, the less they want you. One of the key things I learned in my development was PATIENCE and not putting up with bullshit.

But it's also said, if you are getting the same reaction from all most all the people, it's probably not them, it's you.... So what's going on here? Why do I hook up with 2-3 different women a week but can't get one to come over on a Wednesday night for some fireplace and a movie?

I should probably add, I'm educated, successful, dress well and take care of myself. I'm the type of guy a lot of girls want have as a boyfriend but they know I'm not looking. I try not to ever be a provider.

How can I improve?

First off don't hook up with 20 something girls. Game girls that are in their 30's. Secondly trying to find a girl to date in the party community isn't really going to happen. Change where you pick up girls, game girls during the day and outside of the party scene and I bet you will get far less flakes. As I bet a lot of your flaking is due to the nature of the party community where people want to hook up and not date.

If I make plans one on one with a girl, 90% of the time they flake. And when they flake, they don't offer an alternative... "I can't tonight, let's do Wednesday" it's almost always ambiguous. "Let's get together later this week"

the common denominator is the pond you are fishing in.

in every way.

- the age
- the area
- the scene
- the type

you are getting similar reactions/experiences/redundancies because you are fishing in a pond that houses a very narrow band of women consisting of about 10% of the population.

your game sounds solid, but you are frustrated with the results. i would be too. i'm about your age. similar LTR for over ten years as well. similar aversion to attachment or being a provider. honestly your original post could have been written by me (in a lot of ways).

fish elsewhere.

Author:	TheLoneWolf [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:37 am ]
Post subject:	I hook up a ton but cannot date
First post... Thanks for the great forum. Here's the deal, I'm two years out of a 13 year relationship (yes, was married)... Through the community I learned game but would not consider myself a PUA. I would say that I've learned about attraction and have used it to create opportunities within a large social circle. I don't sarge, I don't run routines, etc. I would say that I have developed good natural game and inner game. I'm in my late 30's and hook up with a lot of young, twenty somethings. Thankfully, very attractive women. I don't seem to have a rotation. I hook up with a lot of new girls and from time to time have a re-visitor. I would guess I subconsciously do things to prevent attachment. But I will also freely admit, that a lot of my hookups come from a party community, nightclub community. There is rarely any cold opens. I'm a familiar face in an established scene. And while I shouldn't be complaining about having a new crew of young, attractive women with whom I hook up with pretty regularly, I am constantly the victim of flakes. Flakes, flakes, flakes.... I get so fucking irritated... If I make plans one on one with a girl, 90% of the time they flake. And when they flake, they don't offer an alternative... "I can't tonight, let's do Wednesday" it's almost always ambiguous. "Let's get together later this week"... I hate chasing women.... And I hate it when they try to get me to chase them. It's my opinion that the more you chase them, the less they want you. One of the key things I learned in my development was PATIENCE and not putting up with bullshit. But it's also said, if you are getting the same reaction from all most all the people, it's probably not them, it's you.... So what's going on here? Why do I hook up with 2-3 different women a week but can't get one to come over on a Wednesday night for some fireplace and a movie? I should probably add, I'm educated, successful, dress well and take care of myself. I'm the type of guy a lot of girls want have as a boyfriend but they know I'm not looking. I try not to ever be a provider. How can I improve?

Author:	LordCaine [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: I hook up a ton but cannot date
Quote: First post... Thanks for the great forum. Here's the deal, I'm two years out of a 13 year relationship (yes, was married)... Through the community I learned game but would not consider myself a PUA. I would say that I've learned about attraction and have used it to create opportunities within a large social circle. I don't sarge, I don't run routines, etc. I would say that I have developed good natural game and inner game. I'm in my late 30's and hook up with a lot of young, twenty somethings. Thankfully, very attractive women. I don't seem to have a rotation. I hook up with a lot of new girls and from time to time have a re-visitor. I would guess I subconsciously do things to prevent attachment. But I will also freely admit, that a lot of my hookups come from a party community, nightclub community. There is rarely any cold opens. I'm a familiar face in an established scene. And while I shouldn't be complaining about having a new crew of young, attractive women with whom I hook up with pretty regularly, I am constantly the victim of flakes. Flakes, flakes, flakes.... I get so fucking irritated... If I make plans one on one with a girl, 90% of the time they flake. And when they flake, they don't offer an alternative... "I can't tonight, let's do Wednesday" it's almost always ambiguous. "Let's get together later this week"... I hate chasing women.... And I hate it when they try to get me to chase them. It's my opinion that the more you chase them, the less they want you. One of the key things I learned in my development was PATIENCE and not putting up with bullshit. But it's also said, if you are getting the same reaction from all most all the people, it's probably not them, it's you.... So what's going on here? Why do I hook up with 2-3 different women a week but can't get one to come over on a Wednesday night for some fireplace and a movie? I should probably add, I'm educated, successful, dress well and take care of myself. I'm the type of guy a lot of girls want have as a boyfriend but they know I'm not looking. I try not to ever be a provider. How can I improve? are the girls you're hooking up with the same ones who are flaking, or is it two different sets of women?

Author:	jurupa [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: I hook up a ton but cannot date
First off don't hook up with 20 something girls. Game girls that are in their 30's. Secondly trying to find a girl to date in the party community isn't really going to happen. Change where you pick up girls, game girls during the day and outside of the party scene and I bet you will get far less flakes. As I bet a lot of your flaking is due to the nature of the party community where people want to hook up and not date.

Author:	TheLoneWolf [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:34 am ]
Post subject:
Good question... For some reason, I don't know the answer. I would say, both. Maybe it's just completely typical of the LA scene? Girls say they are gonna show up and then they don't. Then you see them and they jump all over you and then they flake for plans or are really aloof. I've literally had girls tell me they love me but then practically refuse to make a date with me. And it's not that they're putting me in the friend zone. Yes, sometimes that happens (but I put girls in the friend zone all the time too...) But it's like, out of sight, out of mind.

Author:	TheLoneWolf [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: I hook up a ton but cannot date
Quote: First off don't hook up with 20 something girls. Game girls that are in their 30's. Secondly trying to find a girl to date in the party community isn't really going to happen. Change where you pick up girls, game girls during the day and outside of the party scene and I bet you will get far less flakes. As I bet a lot of your flaking is due to the nature of the party community where people want to hook up and not date. This is good advice, the problem is, I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for girls in their 30's. Single people go to clubs in this town, even the 30 year olds who are just as dating irresponsible as the 20 year olds, but with more baggage and mileage. Online dating doesn't work for me and I don't sarge. This is LA... Everyone who is single is in party mode.

PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

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Author:	skills360 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:51 am ]
Post subject:	Re: I hook up a ton but cannot date
Quote: First post... Thanks for the great forum. Here's the deal, I'm two years out of a 13 year relationship (yes, was married)... Through the community I learned game but would not consider myself a PUA. I would say that I've learned about attraction and have used it to create opportunities within a large social circle. I don't sarge, I don't run routines, etc. I would say that I have developed good natural game and inner game. I'm in my late 30's and hook up with a lot of young, twenty somethings. Thankfully, very attractive women. I don't seem to have a rotation. I hook up with a lot of new girls and from time to time have a re-visitor. I would guess I subconsciously do things to prevent attachment. But I will also freely admit, that a lot of my hookups come from a party community, nightclub community. There is rarely any cold opens. I'm a familiar face in an established scene. And while I shouldn't be complaining about having a new crew of young, attractive women with whom I hook up with pretty regularly, I am constantly the victim of flakes. Flakes, flakes, flakes.... I get so fucking irritated... If I make plans one on one with a girl, 90% of the time they flake. And when they flake, they don't offer an alternative... "I can't tonight, let's do Wednesday" it's almost always ambiguous. "Let's get together later this week"... I hate chasing women.... And I hate it when they try to get me to chase them. It's my opinion that the more you chase them, the less they want you. One of the key things I learned in my development was PATIENCE and not putting up with bullshit. But it's also said, if you are getting the same reaction from all most all the people, it's probably not them, it's you.... So what's going on here? Why do I hook up with 2-3 different women a week but can't get one to come over on a Wednesday night for some fireplace and a movie? I should probably add, I'm educated, successful, dress well and take care of myself. I'm the type of guy a lot of girls want have as a boyfriend but they know I'm not looking. I try not to ever be a provider. How can I improve? i am 35 something you are doing something wrong in you mid game, which is phone and text game you are coming across needy or boring, no fun, no mystery another joe blow, and as a lack of challenge, you are pushing too much for dates(dates are weak), something you are doing wrong..your target age should be 24 to 28, do not go younger, and you need to learn game! Since you are lacking skills, i would recommend david d double your dating, then i would also recommend 60 yoc, and learn text game...I do club game, are you making out with the girls???????go from a to z, on what happens i need more info. http://www.puaforums.com/how-text-girl/ ... guide.html

Author:	TheLoneWolf [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:07 am ]
Post subject:	Re: I hook up a ton but cannot date
^ nope, that's not it. I have tons of game. I've read double your d. Good stuff. But I'm well beyond that. If I didn't have game, I wouldn't be hooking up with all the girls that I hook up with. I just need to recalibrate a different aspect of my game. My previous answer to this problem was, "don't ask women out." "Don't ask them to come over." Eventually they end up in my arms and we hook up. But it's a patience game. Women don't seem to like it when I'm aggressive. Everyone's game is different but girls like it when I'm a dick and don't show them interest. But when I do show them interest, they flake. So I really have to wait for them to come to me. That is my current game. It's not fools mate. I have literally tons of hot girls in the mix. But they get scared off. And funny enough, one's that I write off, often come back around but only after I have cut them out. I make fun of them. I use cocky and funny, I'm aloof, I push them away, etc. Guys come up to me all the time and say "teach me"... (and I do teach them..) But I have an area I want to improve on. I want less flaking from girls who clearly are attracted to me. And I'll wait hours or days to text them back.. I give them nicknames, etc. But when it comes to finalizing the logistics, it goes south.

Author:	Mack 2.0 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:33 am ]
Post subject:
the common denominator is the pond you are fishing in. in every way. - the age - the area - the scene - the type you are getting similar reactions/experiences/redundancies because you are fishing in a pond that houses a very narrow band of women consisting of about 10% of the population. your game sounds solid, but you are frustrated with the results. i would be too. i'm about your age. similar LTR for over ten years as well. similar aversion to attachment or being a provider. honestly your original post could have been written by me (in a lot of ways). fish elsewhere.

Author:	mi1ooo98 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:52 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: If I make plans one on one with a girl, 90% of the time they flake. And when they flake, they don't offer an alternative... "I can't tonight, let's do Wednesday" it's almost always ambiguous. "Let's get together later this week" I feel your frustration here, I'm a fair bit younger (20). So i haven't had as much experience as you guys, but I've been having this problem alot. I think a good way to break free of this so you have a lower flake rate, is to be direct with them in your first interactions, so they know you're interested. Be physical, etc. This is not something I've proved to always work yet, but i'm in the process of achieving results.

Author:	Ruggedized [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:06 am ]
Post subject:
LA is one of those cities that never stops. I know tons of people your age who are still acting like a young 20 something. If you want to find something long term, you gotta get out of the party scene. Go places that you actually have an interest in that a woman would also, such as a bookstore if you like to read, or a museum if you're into art. This will lay a foundation of common interests and won't instigate a casual hookup if you meet like that. -Ruggedized

Author:	TheLoneWolf [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:09 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: the common denominator is the pond you are fishing in. in every way. - the age - the area - the scene - the type you are getting similar reactions/experiences/redundancies because you are fishing in a pond that houses a very narrow band of women consisting of about 10% of the population. your game sounds solid, but you are frustrated with the results. i would be too. i'm about your age. similar LTR for over ten years as well. similar aversion to attachment or being a provider. honestly your original post could have been written by me (in a lot of ways). fish elsewhere. Good advice... I'm not frustrated on nights when I go out and bring girls home for after hours and hook up... But why should I have to go out to get some? Wish I could just call it in. I have a few girls that I've been trying to work into a regular rotation, bootie calls or friends with benefits but it's hard to keep those consistent. I'm just thankful for how far I've come. Literally it took me six months after my separation to have sex. In the 1.5 years since, I've slept with 21 girls and have fooled around with soooo many countless more I lost track a long, long, time ago. Guess I shouldn't kick a gift horse in the mouth. But when I get flaked on two nights in a row by two different girls, it starts to make me question my skills and or process. And unfortunately, I haven't really found another viable place to fish in this town.

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