PUA Forum :: Attempting to break out of the friendzone! Need help!

Met this girl a few months ago but I didn't push things fast enough, even when she was basically asking for it. As a result, she ended up losing attraction and basically put me in the friend/orbiter zone. She never actually gave me the ljbf speech and we still hung out together, but when I tried to escalate, she rejected my advancements. I also had the feeling that she had a new guy in her life.

So rather than becoming clingy/needy, I followed the guide to 'breaking out of the friendzone'. I cut contact with her for about 2 weeks. During this time, she would write to me on facebook, and text me 'i miss you', etc. I didn't cave and just told her that I was busy with work, etc.

So anyway last weekend, after about 2 weeks with very minimal contact and about 1 month since last seeing her, we met up for drinks. When we met up, I made sure to apply kino right away. I would hug her, put my hand around her waist, play with her hair, even touch her lips...and she accepted it all with no resistance. Unfortunately, her friends showed up later in the night, so there was no way I could push things further. However, when I was leaving I gave her a big hug and picked her up off the ground..she then continued to wrap her legs around me, which I took as a huge IOI.

So here I am thinking that I did pretty well. She even called me the next day to chat and invite me to hang out with her this week, telling me her schedule and what not. However, I'm super busy this week and didn't commit to a date.

How should I play this from here? I've been so used to playing it cool with her over the past few weeks, that i'm not sure whether I should keep playing it cool or start to show some interest. I'm worried that showing too much interested may land me back into the friendzone again but on the other hand, I want her to know i'm interested in her more than a friend.

I also think that she's still dating/seeing that other guy from before. Although she's definitely not 'officially' in a relationship with him, they definitely still hang out (proof: she just changed her profile picture to photo with him in it). However, I should also note that not once has she ever mentioned this other guy. So if it wasn't for my facebook creeping (which i'm trying to stop doing), I wouldn't even know this guy existed.

What's my game plan here? Should I wait for her to invite me out? Or should I be more aggressive and try to f-close her asap? What about this other guy she's seeing? Just ignore him and keep gaming?

I feel like i'm on the cusp of breaking out of the friendzone, I just need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes as last time.

Author:	wonder10 [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Attempting to break out of the friendzone! Need help!
Met this girl a few months ago but I didn't push things fast enough, even when she was basically asking for it. As a result, she ended up losing attraction and basically put me in the friend/orbiter zone. She never actually gave me the ljbf speech and we still hung out together, but when I tried to escalate, she rejected my advancements. I also had the feeling that she had a new guy in her life. So rather than becoming clingy/needy, I followed the guide to 'breaking out of the friendzone'. I cut contact with her for about 2 weeks. During this time, she would write to me on facebook, and text me 'i miss you', etc. I didn't cave and just told her that I was busy with work, etc. So anyway last weekend, after about 2 weeks with very minimal contact and about 1 month since last seeing her, we met up for drinks. When we met up, I made sure to apply kino right away. I would hug her, put my hand around her waist, play with her hair, even touch her lips...and she accepted it all with no resistance. Unfortunately, her friends showed up later in the night, so there was no way I could push things further. However, when I was leaving I gave her a big hug and picked her up off the ground..she then continued to wrap her legs around me, which I took as a huge IOI. So here I am thinking that I did pretty well. She even called me the next day to chat and invite me to hang out with her this week, telling me her schedule and what not. However, I'm super busy this week and didn't commit to a date. How should I play this from here? I've been so used to playing it cool with her over the past few weeks, that i'm not sure whether I should keep playing it cool or start to show some interest. I'm worried that showing too much interested may land me back into the friendzone again but on the other hand, I want her to know i'm interested in her more than a friend. I also think that she's still dating/seeing that other guy from before. Although she's definitely not 'officially' in a relationship with him, they definitely still hang out (proof: she just changed her profile picture to photo with him in it). However, I should also note that not once has she ever mentioned this other guy. So if it wasn't for my facebook creeping (which i'm trying to stop doing), I wouldn't even know this guy existed. What's my game plan here? Should I wait for her to invite me out? Or should I be more aggressive and try to f-close her asap? What about this other guy she's seeing? Just ignore him and keep gaming? I feel like i'm on the cusp of breaking out of the friendzone, I just need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes as last time.

Author:	LordCaine [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Attempting to break out of the friendzone! Need help!
Quote: Met this girl a few months ago but I didn't push things fast enough, even when she was basically asking for it. As a result, she ended up losing attraction and basically put me in the friend/orbiter zone. She never actually gave me the ljbf speech and we still hung out together, but when I tried to escalate, she rejected my advancements. I also had the feeling that she had a new guy in her life. So rather than becoming clingy/needy, I followed the guide to 'breaking out of the friendzone'. I cut contact with her for about 2 weeks. During this time, she would write to me on facebook, and text me 'i miss you', etc. I didn't cave and just told her that I was busy with work, etc. So anyway last weekend, after about 2 weeks with very minimal contact and about 1 month since last seeing her, we met up for drinks. When we met up, I made sure to apply kino right away. I would hug her, put my hand around her waist, play with her hair, even touch her lips...and she accepted it all with no resistance. Unfortunately, her friends showed up later in the night, so there was no way I could push things further. However, when I was leaving I gave her a big hug and picked her up off the ground..she then continued to wrap her legs around me, which I took as a huge IOI. So here I am thinking that I did pretty well. She even called me the next day to chat and invite me to hang out with her this week, telling me her schedule and what not. However, I'm super busy this week and didn't commit to a date. How should I play this from here? I've been so used to playing it cool with her over the past few weeks, that i'm not sure whether I should keep playing it cool or start to show some interest. I'm worried that showing too much interested may land me back into the friendzone again but on the other hand, I want her to know i'm interested in her more than a friend. I also think that she's still dating/seeing that other guy from before. Although she's definitely not 'officially' in a relationship with him, they definitely still hang out (proof: she just changed her profile picture to photo with him in it). However, I should also note that not once has she ever mentioned this other guy. So if it wasn't for my facebook creeping (which i'm trying to stop doing), I wouldn't even know this guy existed. What's my game plan here? Should I wait for her to invite me out? Or should I be more aggressive and try to f-close her asap? What about this other guy she's seeing? Just ignore him and keep gaming? I feel like i'm on the cusp of breaking out of the friendzone, I just need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes as last time. It sounds like you were getting pretty decent responses. As far as the other guy goes, pay it no mind. its YOUR relationship with her that you're concerned with, not his, right? At this point I would recommend taking SMALL steps, cut back your playing it cool JUST A LITTLE, and keep doing your kino escalation when you're together. Use sexual words and phrases in innocent contexts to covertly get her thinking about sex, and as she starts bringing it up on her own, neg a bit, but gradually get more overt about it. That's a very general overview of your strategy. The most important thing is to pay attention to her responses and move forward along with her one step at a time. Make sure she is on the same step as you, and then move forward, taking her with you. Be realistic in your assessment of where she's at, and avoid going too fast.

Author:	wonder10 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:46 pm ]
Post subject:
I got caught by surprise last night. She texted me around midnight while I was out with friends saying that she's at a bar nearby....but then proceeds to ask "Wanna come meet my boyfriend?" Ouch. I'm feeling a pretty confused right now because for a minute I thought I had a second chance at her. I guess not.

Author:	Sharp25 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:
Friend zone is hard to break out of, but not impossible. Easier to work on staying out of it than how to fix it. I've told girls with a sexy smile "I don't want to be friends." At that point she has to make a choice and there is no further wasted time or energy.

Author:	LordCaine [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Friend zone is hard to break out of, but not impossible. Easier to work on staying out of it than how to fix it. I've told girls with a sexy smile "I don't want to be friends." At that point she has to make a choice and there is no further wasted time or energy. Its true that its easier to avoid it in the first place than to maneuver out of it, particularly since the mistakes that land you there don't tend to disappear when you get there. However, there are a lot of advantages to having female friends, you hang out with them, you meet OTHER females and get other chances. You show up with them at places, it DHVs you. And, the advice to avoid it in the first place is of little use to someone who is already there and asking for help. Think about it. In the real world, friends end up in relationships or in the bedroom quite frequently. So it is by no means an inescapable position. Play your cards right, move the relationship a step at a time towards where you want it to be, and you can pull it out.

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Author:	P-Style [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: "Wanna come meet my boyfriend?" Ouch. owned.

Author:	Sharp25 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:25 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Its true that its easier to avoid it in the first place than to maneuver out of it, particularly since the mistakes that land you there don't tend to disappear when you get there. However, there are a lot of advantages to having female friends, you hang out with them, you meet OTHER females and get other chances. You show up with them at places, it DHVs you. And, the advice to avoid it in the first place is of little use to someone who is already there and asking for help. Think about it. In the real world, friends end up in relationships or in the bedroom quite frequently. So it is by no means an inescapable position. Play your cards right, move the relationship a step at a time towards where you want it to be, and you can pull it out. Yup, agree wholeheartedly on the advantages. Initially, he didn't move fast enough. Just want to impress upon him it's better to act and possibly succeed than to later try and change a woman's perspective on you. Wonder you have your work cut out for you after "meet bf" comment. My advice is to go out and nail some other women and keep this on the backburner.

Author:	wonder10 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:35 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Wonder you have your work cut out for you after "meet bf" comment. My advice is to go out and nail some other women and keep this on the backburner. I totally agree. I have no intention of being buddies with her bf or being her emotional tampon. Although, I do still want her in my life in some capacity. But how should I play this? Just cut her off completely and return when she's single? Or continue to be friendly but keep her an arm's length away?

Author:	P-Style [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:
Push it to the limit and see how she responds.

Author:	wonder10 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Push it to the limit and see how she responds. Should I do this right now? I was a little weary to do this since they just recently got together and are still in the 'honeymoon' phase...which is when I think the relationship is at its strongest.

Author:	P-Style [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:53 pm ]
Post subject:
Does she wanna go out with you? If she does, push it on the date. If she doesn't move on.

Author:	Sharp25 [ Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:18 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I totally agree. I have no intention of being buddies with her bf or being her emotional tampon. Although, I do still want her in my life in some capacity. But how should I play this? Just cut her off completely and return when she's single? Or continue to be friendly but keep her an arm's length away? Make your move and you'll have your answer. Single or not, she views you as only a friend. Just know, you're looking at a longshot. Either way it's an experience that you take something from for next time. GL

Author:	LordCaine [ Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:03 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: But how should I play this? Just cut her off completely and return when she's single? Or continue to be friendly but keep her an arm's length away? I reiterate: Take it from where it stands, accept where you are at as perfectly natural and move forward one step at a time.

Author:	Noah E [ Sun Dec 04, 2011 6:15 am ]
Post subject:
I had pretty much the same scenario, this was before I discovered this community and it might have changed things but who knows at this point. I'm about to snooze so I'll give you the short version: -I went on a date with a girl after planning it a little while beforehand -In the time between planning and going she got back some some ex -She didnt cancel the fucking date or tell me, so I went and her exact words were "yeah....so I dont wanna be awkward....but I got back with my ex boyfriend" -I had a small stroke, then left the place. -1 week later they broke up (again, of course) -I wanted nothing to do with her but she kept asking to hang out -After shutting her out for a while she got a new bf and things seemed to be ok -She's gotten bored with him and has pretty much said "Yes, I want to mess around with you" -She's still with him but wants to get with me anyway, but I refuse just because I've met the kid shes dating and he's likable. You're probably wondering why the hell I wrote all this, and I'll tell you now it's not to toot my own horn, or to try to give you advice since I'm not in a position where I think I should be giving advice. But, I see a lot of parallels in this story and mine, so take whatever you can from.

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