PUA Forum :: Am I too nice?

I think it's important to remember that learning Pick up doesn't mean you have to become a complete arsehole.

It's being weak, bending over backwards for a girl and generally being needy that puts them off. You end up putting girls on a pedestal and clinging on to them because you lack choice and abundance.

I'm a total sweetheart when I'm in a relationship, but it's important to maintain a balance, a girl recently told me this, and I quote: "You're really sweet but so manly, thats why I like you so much : )"

So if you're a nice, pleasant and caring person, that isn't a quality you should be trying to lose. You need to lose the neediness and clinginess that can sometimes develop.

Don't be afraid to sexually escalate for fear of breaking comfort and losing everything you'd built up, that's where friendzoning comes in because you didn't have the balls to go for it in my experience. Girls WILL forgive you for making advances, but they won't forgive you for being a pussy. I have been friend zoned A LOT and I can tell you that it was because I never escalated and by the time I confessed my feelings like the lame AFC I was, the iron had cooled down. Strike while its hot.

As for the advice of "Don't care about someone" I can kind of see where you're coming from. But this doesn't mean you should literally not give a shit about anyone and completely remove empathy from your soul, because I believe that would be detrimental to you as a person. Just don't be that guy that is ALWAYS there for her you know? I used to be that guy because I thought being loving and caring like that would get me the girl, but it doesn't, a gay guy has more chance with a girl than a guy like that.

Be a strong, non-needy, fun guy to be around but you should also be capable of showing tenderness, vulnerability and affection. That's just my opinion on the matter and whilst I lack experience as a PUA, as a nice-guy-in-the-friend-zone I've got years of experience haha

Author:	Darth Skater [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Am I too nice?
Been thinking about this today. I've been pretty successful with people in general after I moved to a new town to study. I've made lots of friends and people are really nice to me and do thoughtful things quite often. The thing is I haven't really had much luck with the women so far. I have several female friends (one who even went so far as to call me her guiding star) but the sexual tension is lacking. Then it hit me, I'm the ultimate nice guy. I dont even think about it but I genuinely care about everyone and I never turn down anyone who needs help. I'm not being used by anyone (I've done that when I was younger and I can spot a user pretty well), I have people do stuff for me too all the time. Do you think this is hurting me with the women? Am I perhaps coming off too wimpy? I asked my good female friend about it and she didn't think so, said I was kinda like a kind teddybear. I'm just a bit unsure if it is this or if I'm just too closed still (I have problems kinoing). Any thoughts?

Author:	P-Style [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:00 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Am I too nice?
Quote: said I was kinda like a kind teddybear. Holy fuck. That's really bad.

Author:	Jacob292 [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Am I too nice?
Quote: Quote: said I was kinda like a kind teddybear. Holy fuck. That's really bad. Very true. Luckily for you Darth Skater, there is no such thing as a point of no return when being the nice guy. Exercise one: don't care about someone. Literally don't care. If someone says something to seek your attention on something entirely personal to themselves, just reply "Cool story bro", and stfu. Tell us how that goes.

Author:	Darth Skater [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Am I too nice?
Quote: Holy fuck. That's really bad. Crap, so that's really bad then? I should clarify that I'm somewhat big and muscular and can look intimidating if you don't know me. So I was hoping she meant that I look like a kind bear, haha.

Author:	kenstheman01 [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:32 pm ]
Post subject:
You should check out adam lyons video on the under 21 conventions youtube page. He basically defines the foundation of pick and what to do in every situation. Ok since you're a nice guy, find a girl that likes "NICE GUYS!!!!!!" just turn up the sexual mumbo jumbo, and don't be a needy little fucker.

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Author:	Darth Skater [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: You should check out adam lyons video on the under 21 conventions youtube page. He basically defines the foundation of pick and what to do in every situation. Ok since you're a nice guy, find a girl that likes "NICE GUYS!!!!!!" just turn up the sexual mumbo jumbo, and don't be a needy little fucker. Thanks, I'll check it out. I know I used to be really needy and I'm not sure how much of it remains but I know I've made progress though. By sexual mumbo jumbo what do you mean exactly? Because I make a lot of sexual innuendo and jokes but it might be that it's seen as jokes only, atleast people comment on my dirty humor.

Author:	Rough Operator [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 7:50 pm ]
Post subject:
I think it's important to remember that learning Pick up doesn't mean you have to become a complete arsehole. It's being weak, bending over backwards for a girl and generally being needy that puts them off. You end up putting girls on a pedestal and clinging on to them because you lack choice and abundance. I'm a total sweetheart when I'm in a relationship, but it's important to maintain a balance, a girl recently told me this, and I quote: "You're really sweet but so manly, thats why I like you so much : )" So if you're a nice, pleasant and caring person, that isn't a quality you should be trying to lose. You need to lose the neediness and clinginess that can sometimes develop. Don't be afraid to sexually escalate for fear of breaking comfort and losing everything you'd built up, that's where friendzoning comes in because you didn't have the balls to go for it in my experience. Girls WILL forgive you for making advances, but they won't forgive you for being a pussy. I have been friend zoned A LOT and I can tell you that it was because I never escalated and by the time I confessed my feelings like the lame AFC I was, the iron had cooled down. Strike while its hot. As for the advice of "Don't care about someone" I can kind of see where you're coming from. But this doesn't mean you should literally not give a shit about anyone and completely remove empathy from your soul, because I believe that would be detrimental to you as a person. Just don't be that guy that is ALWAYS there for her you know? I used to be that guy because I thought being loving and caring like that would get me the girl, but it doesn't, a gay guy has more chance with a girl than a guy like that. Be a strong, non-needy, fun guy to be around but you should also be capable of showing tenderness, vulnerability and affection. That's just my opinion on the matter and whilst I lack experience as a PUA, as a nice-guy-in-the-friend-zone I've got years of experience haha

Author:	Darth Skater [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I think it's important to remember that learning Pick up doesn't mean you have to become a complete arsehole. It's being weak, bending over backwards for a girl and generally being needy that puts them off. You end up putting girls on a pedestal and clinging on to them because you lack choice and abundance. I'm a total sweetheart when I'm in a relationship, but it's important to maintain a balance, a girl recently told me this, and I quote: "You're really sweet but so manly, thats why I like you so much : )" So if you're a nice, pleasant and caring person, that isn't a quality you should be trying to lose. You need to lose the neediness and clinginess that can sometimes develop. Don't be afraid to sexually escalate for fear of breaking comfort and losing everything you'd built up, that's where friendzoning comes in because you didn't have the balls to go for it in my experience. Girls WILL forgive you for making advances, but they won't forgive you for being a pussy. I have been friend zoned A LOT and I can tell you that it was because I never escalated and by the time I confessed my feelings like the lame AFC I was, the iron had cooled down. Strike while its hot. As for the advice of "Don't care about someone" I can kind of see where you're coming from. But this doesn't mean you should literally not give a shit about anyone and completely remove empathy from your soul, because I believe that would be detrimental to you as a person. Just don't be that guy that is ALWAYS there for her you know? I used to be that guy because I thought being loving and caring like that would get me the girl, but it doesn't, a gay guy has more chance with a girl than a guy like that. Be a strong, non-needy, fun guy to be around but you should also be capable of showing tenderness, vulnerability and affection. That's just my opinion on the matter and whilst I lack experience as a PUA, as a nice-guy-in-the-friend-zone I've got years of experience haha Makes a lot of sense. I wouldn't say that I'm always jumping through hoops for everyone. I do have this one girl (which I already mentioned) that I go to great lengths to help but I'm not really after her, I've actually began to see her a bit like the sister I never had. But I do have learned to say no to people when they're just trying to use me. But I realized from your post that it might be just that I don't make a move in time and it's too late. As I said I have trouble kinoing which undoubtedly is a big problem too. I know I've had many chances which I've blown because of that.

Author:	kenstheman01 [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 8:16 pm ]
Post subject:
oh yea, stop focusing on outcome, that can really hold you back. Work on your kino to, it's fun to touch girls...

Author:	bp029 [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 8:43 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: But I realized from your post that it might be just that I don't make a move in time and it's too late. As I said I have trouble kinoing which undoubtedly is a big problem too. I know I've had many chances which I've blown because of that. Bingo!!! Trust me you have to make the move- I've been friendzoned SO MANY TIMES by women that were initially attracted to me but got bored waiting for me to make a move. I was the nice guy building comfort but no sexual tension (I have trouble kinoing too so I know too well). I would work on this as quickly as possible. I just came to this realization recently and I wish I had figured out what the problem was years ago.

Author:	ikosinko [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:50 pm ]
Post subject:
Man, being nice is the best thing ever. You just have to know how to handle it. As the guys before said, nice guys get friend-zoned A LOT. Because they build too much comfort, what leads to losing the attraction. I had exactly the same problem, and I have some really good female friends thanks to that (and a hot, smart and caring wife ). There are more things you can do: (1) You can learn how to not to care by doing the opposite. But not to her or your friends. Meet new people and see what does it mean to not to care. You don't have to care what they're gonna think about you, because you'll unlikely meet them (2) Get used to making the move, even without the comfort zone. Again, you may fail, but you'll get used to making the move (3) Do more than you think that is enough when doing (1) and (2), because your nice personality determines what is OK and what is not. You don't want that. Don't worry that you'll turn to a jerk, your nice personality will take care. This should turn you to a much stronger, more confident and decisive, what turns women on the most. Having that and being nice is the ULTIMATE win. Think of it, a lot of jerks pretend that they are nice guys, but they have balls to escalate and do the move.

Author:	mi1ooo98 [ Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:
Well if they think you're anything like a teddy bear, they're not going to want to fuck you...

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