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Verbal Abilty is KEY - Question to everyone
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Author:  Mike [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 4:43 am ]
Post subject:  Verbal Abilty is KEY - Question to everyone
I realized the ultimate tool I need to harness in order to become confident enough to go out and talk to random people, is the use of words, and connective thinking.

It's something most people take for granted. I grew up completely introverted, very few friends (usually one close one at a time), and I only really knew how to talk about a narrow list of topics. Music and art are my talents (I'm a composer), so I think more abstractly than most people. I've gotten much better over time, but to convey the type of confidence I know I have in me, I need to master getting my abstract ideas to come out of my mouth effortlessly, so I can focus on the more subtle aspects on communication. And most importantly, HUMOR! The reason that funny people are funny is because they can exaggerate, tell stories about, or draw comparisons between any subject they want, through their use of words. I know I have wit in me, I've said things in class that cracked everyone up, but the problem is, I have to think it through and construct it first. I want to know what to say without having to think. Forget about hitting on girls, I just mean in general.

I used to browse these forums for a while, looking for some magic piece of advice that would turn things around for me, then gave up, because I felt I was just too different from everyone here who found success. I have a good deal of flaws, but through meditation I've realized that my brain carries a lot more potential and flexibility than I previously believed. I've also realized that I've been justifying my negativity for so long, I was just downright angry at anyone who seemed confident or happy.

So I'm wondering, did anyone else start out like me, and if so, what did you do to make yourself confident enough to talk to random people without your mind going blank?
Author:  Darth Skater [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 7:50 am ]
Post subject: 
You sound a lot like me. I can't really offer much advice as I'm still very much in the learning phase too. One thing though from where I can draw humor is watching plenty of good sitcoms. Also observing funny people around you and analyzing what they're doing is helpful. Remember though that ultimately it's not what you say to people but how you say it that makes them laugh. I see it all the time, confident alpha males tell sub-par jokes and everyone is laughing. It's just the way the world is.
Author:  Mike [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
True, most of the cocky & "funny" stuff doesn't seem that funny to me at all. Neither do most sitcoms. I'm into comics like Louis CK, Mitch Hedberg, and Demetri Martin. I find self deprecation hilarious, and I can picture myself being like them, but not someone like Dane Cook.
Author:  Snarg [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
I consider myself to be naturally humorous by nature, but I will say that two people in particular have helped me take things to the next level: Louis CK, and more importantly, Daniel Tosh. They both have a way of crossing the line while still being able to make everyone laugh just because some of the things they say are so shocking. You need to be careful when it comes to using humor in that way, as if you aren't very good at it you'll end up making enemies and not getting the response you want.
Author:  Mike [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, feeling comfortable "crossing the line" is step 2 for me. I just need to figure how to say things on the spot that sound like the type of things that take me like a minute to think of now.
Author:  kisserofsinners [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
True, most of the cocky & "funny" stuff doesn't seem that funny to me at all. Neither do most sitcoms. I'm into comics like Louis CK, Mitch Hedberg, and Demetri Martin. I find self deprecation hilarious, and I can picture myself being like them, but not someone like Dane Cook.
It's possible to pull off self deprecation...but i wouldn't want to.

You've already stated originally that you've learned that your brain is flexible. I would urge you to stay positive. It just takes practice to make this as natural as being negative and people really like being around folks that are positive. I would even bet that you'll like the people it attracts, too. :)

I'd bet there are places either online or with your local musical community to find venues to explore clear, word smith like ways to express your abstract thoughts and get to know more people that have similar brain processes.

If it doesn't exist, make one. Start a composers club or something... You'll get first access to anyone who joins. This will force some social skill progress. You're also in charge of something interesting. That makes you interesting! Milk it!!!!

It's hard to find regular people to handle deep abstracts. Your average chick in a bar isn't likely to follow an analyzed view of music theory, but the average chick in your local community collage orchestra just might. :)

Peace
Kisser
Author:  Tr@veler [ Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes Skater is right. Alpha males can get by with sub-par jokes. Very true. If someone likes you, they will like what you have to say. That goes for girls, too. You don't always need to crack her up.
As for cocky and funny. That shit works. Sorry, it does.

Now how to be in the moment? Hmm...I studied acting so i should know. Guess what, it's still quite a mystery, but having fun has a lot to do with it. Also, you may think you have to be fast and witty, but in the past few times I've been out I took things slow...as in I escalated fast, but I took my time coming up with responses. I could actually THINK about what to say if I didn't have something on my mind already. Free association is something you should look into too. I'm no way a master at this. I still have hiccups man, but let me tell you, after 1 and a half months you will be asking different questions. Go out and do it. Get what's yours.
Author:  Mike [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:01 am ]
Post subject: 
I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I really feel different than most people who have experience hanging out with groups of friends, since I pretty much grew up a loner. And I can't trick myself into being cocky, I have to feel like earned whatever confidence I have. So is there any way to improve on my thinking on-the-spot skills at home? One thing that seemed to help a little is to just look around and try to think of something witty to say about various objects in the room.
Author:  chase12 [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:16 am ]
Post subject:  self-help books help a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pick up a 'how to be funny' book as well as a book on confidence. Trust me, its gonna change ur life. Seriously! Just search for them on amazon or go to a bookstore. Get them books dude! I was like u as well. trust me books help!

My advice on becoming natural at humour is to practice by always thinking about humorous/funny situations and things in your day to day life. Practice makes perfect.

Think about it. If ur always thinking funny and positive full of energy then you will be funny and positive full of energy. If ur always angry and negative then ur gonna be angry and negative...not good for ur health or ur self-esteem.

Also, from time-to-time do some self evaluation. How well do you know yourself? thats a very difficult question to answer. Figure yourself out and figure out the changes that need to be made. Then make make those changes accordingly and with unshakable confidence!!!

Good luck buddy. And try and get some of those books. they will really help & change u for the better..thats y they are called 'self-help' books
--Chase12 (over and out)
Author:  TheGillz [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:42 am ]
Post subject: 
Well look not every method is for suitable for everyone out there. If you feel like you're someone who doesn't have the proper skills in diction for something like cocky funny, I would strongly recommend looking into 60 years of challenge. Chris A (Sixty) focuses on seduction while listening, you still direct the conversation but most of your game is based on your ability to escalate and as sixty calls it "seductive listening".

As for the confidence issue, I never really had a serious problem with low self-esteem so I can't speak from experience, but my advice to be think about what you're really self conscious about and change that to what you would like it to be. There may be some physical features of yourself that you simply can't change, for example I have a "large" boxers nose and the way I got over this was by thinking about how I looked at other people.

Sure when I meet a new person I might notice a lazy eye, large nose, or other imperfections but after a while of interacting with the person it no longer lingers in my mind. When someone meets me for the first time they may notice my nose but after hearing me speak and getting to know me on a more personal level they no longer pay attention to my physical imperfections.

Hope this helped you out man
Author:  Mike [ Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Well look not every method is for suitable for everyone out there. If you feel like you're someone who doesn't have the proper skills in diction for something like cocky funny, I would strongly recommend looking into 60 years of challenge. Chris A (Sixty) focuses on seduction while listening, you still direct the conversation but most of your game is based on your ability to escalate and as sixty calls it "seductive listening".

As for the confidence issue, I never really had a serious problem with low self-esteem so I can't speak from experience, but my advice to be think about what you're really self conscious about and change that to what you would like it to be. There may be some physical features of yourself that you simply can't change, for example I have a "large" boxers nose and the way I got over this was by thinking about how I looked at other people.

Sure when I meet a new person I might notice a lazy eye, large nose, or other imperfections but after a while of interacting with the person it no longer lingers in my mind. When someone meets me for the first time they may notice my nose but after hearing me speak and getting to know me on a more personal level they no longer pay attention to my physical imperfections.

Hope this helped you out man
Thanks man, it did.

Yeah, I don't have the money to buy PUA DVDs/books (still in college, living at home), but I appreciate everyone's advice. I'm going to try to create my own games for myself to get better at free association, then maybe try out joining an improv group. Once I know I'm capable of it in my own head, I'll know it's just a matter of slowly shedding the anxiety once I'm on the spot.
Author:  Chris2k10 [ Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:33 am ]
Post subject: 
Everything YOU are doing is preventing you from getting pussy! You are constantly decreasing sexual tension by trying to be funny, trying to be clever, trying to be interesting. Stop thinking, stop looking for IOIs. Just imagine fucking her and escalate. You are selling YOURSELF before you're selling the pleasure/sex! No body cares how cool you are, how funny you are, how interesting you are. They simply don't give a shit man. You're basically trying to trick them into having sex with you, that's basically the real reason why you're even on these forums trying to become better at pick-up. Just be direct, sexual, and escalate no matter what. Work WITH nature, not against it.
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