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| Emotional Reactivity! https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=117059 |
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| Author: | pumpington [ Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Emotional Reactivity! |
Hello All, Often there are points where emotional reactivity has been really destructive to my progress. My ego gets in the way often. I become an obnoxious asshole, and it kills good leads. So far I have had it suggested that I attempt meditation, I have been practicing meditation and positive affirmations for a while. Is there any more ways to deal with negative emotions besides meditation? I find I always need to have some sort of last say, or to prove people wrong by putting them down or re-framing their opinions when it should not be important to even acknowledge them. If I truly know who I am, and have a strong frame of reality, it should not be important to me, what other peoples opinions are of me. But I still care, it should be important for me to consider their opinions as criticisms and relate my opinion vs their opinion as a chance to improve myself, rather then react and dis-agree/put them down to protect my ego, but I am not sure how to improve this aspect of my personality. Any thoughts and ideas on the subject would be greatly appreciated. thank you all who respond |
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| Author: | khuram [ Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
to be honest, the gaming thing i do only while with girl. Rest of the time, i do whatever i want to do. If there is someone whom i respect, i am ready to bend, i am ready to stay silent but if there is an asshole , then i am also an asshole towards these kind of people and i behave openly regardless of the consequences. Even though i know not reacting is the best way but i also know some people are never gonna stop the shit unless they get their ass kicked |
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| Author: | pumpington [ Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thank you for your response, and for presenting your point of view on the issue. I would also like to point out, that my emotional reactivity, has lead me to at times become needy, when I am focused on making someone approve of me. The situation arises that I really care what they think, they test my reality with conflicting opinions of how I see myself, I emotionally react, eventually strengthening the need to gain their approval. It becomes apparent and the neediness becomes obvious and stronger. The advice I usually get for this is, go find other women, but the problem still seems to exist even when I have another girl or two that actually value my time. It is my opinion that it is the emotional investment that I have placed higher value on certain girls, thus making myself needy/more caring of their opinion of me. Is there any way to detach myself from such reasoning and prevent the need, to have their approval and strengthen my own reality as a result? what sort of path/direction must I take to start on a journey to improve these aspects of my life? Could it all just be an issue of desensitization or is there some sort of UREEKA moment that anyone has experienced where something just ''clicked'' and they realized a process had happened that got them to improve and stop caring so much? |
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| Author: | khuram [ Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
if you are talking about girls its easy then, you dont ever have to prove anything to them. And yeah, i can feel you, females challenge you, they try to shatter your sense of reality and the sad news is almost all girls would try to do it at times, thats just the way females are. But the good news is, we can easily deal with it. They are a kind of shit tests aimed at the core of your personality. Do you crack? Do you react? If so, you fail. Before getting into how to deal with these kinds of situations, lets talk abov, why do you react? We react when 1. We feel we need to prove something. 2. We feel the person has higher value then us. 3. We feel interally weak and try to defend ourselves 4. We feel we do not want to lose someone and to prove them wrong is necessary to make them stay with us because proving them wrong could be a value boost for us. Now lets discuss some solutions. 1. You don't really need to prove. Sometimes proving makes you lose, see this hb,"i think you lie a lot" you,"no way, i never lie, why are you saying this blah blah blah" and here is what hb thinks,"its so easy to tool him. He can be emotionally manipulated so easily" now see this hb,"i think you lie a lot" you,"may be " hb,"so you are a lier?" you,"you think so?" hb,"no" you,"gud so i was talking about.." hb thinks,"hmmm, hard to mess" 2. You are a pua, you know that? Never give any girl higher value. Girls are girls. 3. Never ever let them get to you emotionally. Never ever! They would try, they would try again but never let them succeed. You are a man? Arent you? 4. I would recommend you an excercise for a week. And here it is. When ever a girl says any thing negative about you, agree with her. Hb,"you are a lier" you,"yup, i am. So ?" hb, (often silence but may be, "its so bad" you,"so you wouldnt want to be with me?" hb,"no i mean blah blah" you,"ok" and change the topic. Hope that helps. Feel free to ask any questions |
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| Author: | skills360 [ Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Emotional Reactivity! |
Quote: Hello All,
I recommend you to look into the book: "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnagie...With that being said, it happens to me too, i think is an Alpha trait, I may be wrong.
Often there are points where emotional reactivity has been really destructive to my progress. My ego gets in the way often. I become an obnoxious asshole, and it kills good leads. So far I have had it suggested that I attempt meditation, I have been practicing meditation and positive affirmations for a while. Is there any more ways to deal with negative emotions besides meditation? I find I always need to have some sort of last say, or to prove people wrong by putting them down or re-framing their opinions when it should not be important to even acknowledge them. If I truly know who I am, and have a strong frame of reality, it should not be important to me, what other peoples opinions are of me. But I still care, it should be important for me to consider their opinions as criticisms and relate my opinion vs their opinion as a chance to improve myself, rather then react and dis-agree/put them down to protect my ego, but I am not sure how to improve this aspect of my personality. Any thoughts and ideas on the subject would be greatly appreciated. thank you all who respond |
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| Author: | PlayfuL [ Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:51 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I've been dealing with a similar issue. The feeling like you have to prove yourself and then you say something that makes you qualify to the girl, after you finish the conversation you then realize what you Only way so far i could deal with these situations is to try to be emotionally detached from the conversation as much as possible and just don't let the words get to me, try to think about what you say before you say it. We need to learn to validate our self from the inside so we don't even get affected by anyone from outside. |
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